PART 1 OF 4Screenplay: In Memory of Joey Ramone, 1951-2001
ROCK 'N' ROLL HIGH SCHOOL
A NEW WORLD PICTURE
© 1979 New World Productions, Inc.
VINCE LOMBARDI HIGH SCHOOL
"winning isn't the most important thing ... It's the only thing."
[Freshman] [Reading board] "YOU ARE HERE"
[Football Players] Freshman! Let's get him!
[Freshman] Help! Help! Seniors!
[Girl Student] Freshman! Freshman! We've got another Freshman!
[Freshman] Please! Put me down! Help! [1ST PLACE SCIENCE AWARD: KATE RAMBEAU
CHEMICAL REACTIONS OF CLONING
FACT OR FICTION]
[Freshman] Please, help me race to my first class!
[Football Player 1] What do we do with him?
[Football Player 2] Stuff him in a locker!
[Freshman] No! Not the locker! Anything but the locker! [Music] "Did We Meet Somewhere Before"
by Paul McCartney
Did we meet somewhere before?
Far behind that half closed door?
Or is this just one small thing that's happening to both of us?
Happening time and time again,
Happening over and over,
Will the king's horses and all the king's men
Ever find out what it's all about?
Did you always look like this,
At the unsuspected kiss?
Of is this just one more thing that's happening to both of us?
[Tom Roberts] [To football players] Hey!
[Football Player] Nice game, Tom -- even though we lost!
[Tom Roberts] Oh, yeah!
[To unidentified person] Hey!
[Boy] How's the old arm?
[Tom Roberts] Still pretty sore!
[Kate Rambeau] [Sits at table with Tom] Hi, Tom.
[Tom Roberts] [Nods at Kate, then picks up his book]
[Kate Rambeau] [Rebuffed by Tom, Kate studies her own books] [VINCE LOMBARDI HIGH SCHOOL, BOARD OF EDUCATION]
[School Board President] Never before has the school board seen a student body such as this.
But starting today, things will be different.
May I present to you an administrator ...
who has promised to carry out her duties ...
with an iron hand!
The new principal of Vince Lombardi High ...
Miss Evelyn Togar.
[School Board] [Clapping]
[Miss Togar] [Snaps her fingers at Fritz Hansel for her speech]
[Snaps them again]
[Clears her throat]
Members of the Board ...
as we stand on the threshold of a new decade ...
we must face harsh realities.
Our educational system has become far too permissive.
As that famous scholar once said ...
[Fritz Hansel] [Hands her the script]
[Miss Togar] "My darling Evelyn ...
how I long for the feel of your luscious thighs ...
wrapped around ...
[Wads up paper and throws it on the floor]
[Fritz Hansel] [Gives her another script]
[Miss Togar] As you all know ...
I am here to replace Professor Web ...
who is unable to continue his duties as the chief administrator of this school.
And now I would like us all to rise and salute Professor Webb for his wonderful, gallant effort.
[School Board Members] [Rise]
[Nurses] [Spoon feed Professor Webb]
[Mr. McGree] Ludwig Van Beethoven ...
whom you will be interested to learn ...
wrote his greatest symphony ...
at a time when he was completely deaf ...
a feat that was practically unheard of at the time.
[Mr. McGree] I know that most of you are used to listening to a very different kind of music ...
but I hope that when you hear the immortal strings of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony ...
you will realize what a work of genius it really is.
[Attempts to put a record on the record player, which isn't there]
I seem to have misplaced the turntable.
[Riff Randell] Hi, everybody.
I'm Riff Randell ...
and this is Rock 'N' Roll High School! [Music] "Sheena Is A Punk Rocker"
by The Ramones
Well the kids are all hopped up and ready to go
They're ready to go now they got their surfboards
And they're going to the discotheque Au Go Go
But she just couldn't stay she had to break away
Well New York City really has it all oh yeah, oh yeah
Sheena is a punk rocker
Sheena is a punk rocker
Sheena is a punk rocker now
Sheena is a punk rocker
Sheena is a punk rocker
Sheena is a punk rocker now
Well she's a punk punk, a punk rocker
Punk punk a punk rocker
Punk punk a punk rocker
Punk punk a punk rocker] [ROCK 'N' ROLL HIGH SCHOOL]
[Mr. McGree] What are you doing? Have you gone crazy? Stop that! Sit down! starring: P.J. SOLES VINCENT VAN PATTEN
[Chemistry Teacher] Please, these are very dangerous chemicals. Don't dance near the chemicals. In fact, don't dance at all. CLINT HOWARD
[French Teacher] Asseyez-vous!
Asseyez-vous! Asseyez-vous! [Google translate: "Sit down!"]DEY YOUNG
[Mr. McGree] Please! Get down off my desk! Get down! [BOARD OF EDUCATION]
[Glass shatters] MARY WORONOV
[Picture on wall falls down]
[School Board President] Aaargh!
[Professor Webb] [Collapses into his bowl] co-starring
ALIX ELIAS with
[Miss Togar] [Frisbee under her foot]
[White frisbee overhead]
[Red frisbee hits Miss Togar on the head] and THE RAMONES director of photography
[Kate Rambeau] [Shaking Riff's leg] Riff! Riff!
[Fritz Hansel] [Gives Miss Togar scissors]
[Miss Togar] [Cuts the electrical cord to the sound system]
[Students] [Stop dancing]
[Riff Randell] Kate, I'm getting some static!
[Kate Rambeau] Not as much as you're going to get.
[Miss Togar] So. This is the type of behavior that I can expect.
The minute there's not a teacher in the room, the entire school erupts into a shameless display of adolescent abandon.
[Miss Togar] If it's discipline that you students need ...
I am the one who can provide it for you.
Well, now ...
I'm not interested in punishing anyone.
[Miss Evelyn Togar] But I think for the good of the whole school ...
the person responsible for this deviation from the schedule ...
should step forward.
[Kate Rambeau] [Steps forward]
[Riff Randell] [To Kate] Kate -- what are you doing?
[Miss Togar] [To Kate] What is your name?
[Kate Rambeau] Kate Rambeau.
[Miss Evelyn Togar] [To Riff] And who are you?
[Riff Randell] [Offers Miss Togar her hand to shake] I'm Riff Randell, rock 'n' roller.
[Miss Togar] Obviously, you do not know who I am.
I am Miss Togar.
And I am the new principal ...
of this school.
[Miss Evelyn Togar] I want you to go to your classes ...
[whispering] now! screenplay by
& RUSS DVONCH
and JOSEPH McBRIDE
& JOE DANTE
[Miss Togar] [To Riff and Kate] This incident is going down ...
on your permanent record ...
a record that's going to follow you ...
throughout your entire life.
You have managed to upset the entire school ...
with this godforsaken noise.
[Riff Randell] Noise? That's the Ramones' best album.
Number 1 with the Bullet.
[Miss Togar] Randell --
I want to see you both in detention center --
before the next bell!
[Turns and walks away]
[Kate Rambeau] Oh, Riff -- detention center.
I've never served a detention before!
[Riff Randell] Oh, don't worry!
I've done more detentions than anyone in the school's history. produced by
Oh, come on, Kate -- loosen up! directed by
[Riff Randell] Oh, come on! It's not the end of the world. Yahoo! Detention!
[Tom Roberts] I don't understand it! I mean, I'm captain of the football team.
My complexion has cleared up.
And soon I'm going to be going to the college of my choice!
Why don't girls go for me?
[Cheryl] Hi, Tom!
[Tom Roberts] [Grabs Cheryl's belt and yanks on it] Hey, Cheryl!
How you doing? [Looking at her chest] Ahhhh!
Nice weather we've been having, huh?
A little dry lately, though.
I hear it's raining cats and dogs in Idaho.
[Cheryl] [Closes her eyes]
[Tom Roberts] [Laughs]
[Cheryl] Sure, Tom.
Be seeing you!
[Tom Roberts] Alright.
What went wrong?
[Snaps his fingers]
Maybe I'm too forward.
[Shawn] Hiya Tom.
[Tom Roberts] Hey, Shawn, baby.
How you doing?
Nice weather we've been having lately, huh?
It's been a little dry, though, huh?
[Shawn] I hear it's been raining cats and dogs in Idaho.
[Tom Roberts] [Touches her chin] Yes!
[Shawn] See you later, Tom.
[Tom Roberts] Yes.
What went wrong?
[Freshman] ... football type ...
[Tom Roberts] [Slams locker door] I've got to get myself together.
I need to improve my self-image
I need to broaden my horizons! [Music] "I Want to be Sedated"
by the Ramones
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
[Riff Randell] [Straightens Tom's tie]
[Tom Roberts] Riff Randell!
[EAGLEBAUER ENTERPRISES: HOT DATES] [Music] "Smokin' In the Boys Room"
by Motley Crue
Checkin' out the halls makin sure the coast is clear
Lookin' in the stalls-nah, there ain't nobody here
My buddies Sixx, Mick & Tom
To get caught would surely be the death of us all
Smokin' in the boys room
Smokin' in the boys room
Teacher don't you fill me up with your rules
Everybody knows that smokin' ain't allowed in school Put me to work the school
Check-out counter and I got bored
Teacher was lookin' for me all around
Two hours later you know where I was found
[Tom Roberts] [Enters Boy's Restroom, site of Eaglebauer Enterprises]
[Freshman] No, not the urinal!
Anything but the urinal!
[Bullies] Watch it! Watch it!
[Student 1] Hey, man, where are you going? Get at the end of the line!
[Students] [Protesting against Tom going to the head of the line]
[Student 2] Get in line like everybody else!
[Tom Roberts] [To Norma] Hi! I need to see Eaglebauer.
[Norma] Oh, I'm sorry, but he's tied up at the moment. Why don't you just take a number and have a seat.
[Tom Roberts] Miss, you don't understand. See, this is an emergency.
[Norma] [Surprised] Animal, vegetable, or mineral?
[Tom Roberts] Uh, sexual.
[Norma] [Into telephone intercom] It's a Code 9!
[To Tom] He'll see you immediately!
[Tom Roberts] [Enters Eaglebauer's office]
[Eaglebauer] Tom, my man!
It's good to see ya. Good to see ya. How are you doing?
Well, have a seat! Have a seat! Geez! Well! So what will it be for the star quarterback of Vince Lombardi High?
Get you liquor in any state?
[Tom Roberts] Uh, no.
[Eaglebauer] Hall pass? Test Answers?
[Tom Roberts] No. That's not going to solve my problem.
[Eaglebauer] [Slams his hand down on his desk]
It's been like this all morning!
Ever since Togar took office. The whole school is in turmoil!
Initiates of the Egyptian Mysteries were sometimes called scarabs; again, lions and panthers. The scarab was the emissary of the sun, symbolizing light, truth, and regeneration. Stone scarabs, called heart scarabs, about three inches long, were placed in the heart cavity of the dead when that organ was removed to be embalmed separately as part of the process of mummifying. Some maintain that the stone beetles were merely wrapped in the winding cloths at the time of preparing the body for eternal preservation. The following passage concerning this appears in the great Egyptian book of initiation, The Book of the Dead: “And behold, thou shalt make a scarab of green stone, which shalt be placed in the breast of a man, and it shall perform for him, ‘the opening of the mouth.'” The funeral rites of many nations bear a striking resemblance to the initiatory ceremonies of their Mysteries.
Ra, the god of the sun, had three important aspects. As the Creator of the universe he was symbolized by the head of a scarab and was called Khepera, which signified the resurrection of the soul and a new life at the end of the mortal span. The mummy cases of the Egyptian dead were nearly always ornamented with scarabs. Usually one of these beetles, with outspread wings, was painted on the mummy case directly over the breast of the dead. The finding of such great numbers of small stone scarabs indicates that they were a favorite article of adornment among the Egyptians. Because of its relationship to the sun, the scarab symbolized the divine part of man’s nature. The fact that its beautiful wings were concealed under its glossy shell typified the winged soul of man hidden within its earthly sheath. The Egyptian soldiers were given the scarab as their special symbol because the ancients believed that these creatures were all of the male sex and consequently appropriate emblems of virility, strength, and courage.
Plutarch noted the fact that the scarab rolled its peculiar ball of dung backwards, while the insect itself faced the opposite direction. This made it an especially fitting symbol for the sun, because this orb (according to Egyptian astronomy) was rolling from west to east, although apparently moving in the opposite direction. An Egyptian allegory states that the sunrise is caused by the scarab unfolding its wings, which stretch out as glorious colors on each side of its body–the solar globe–and that when it folds its wings under its dark shell at sunset, night follows. Khepera, the scarab-headed aspect of Ra, is often symbolized riding through the sea of the sky in a wonderful ship called the Boat of the Sun.
-- Manly P. Hall, “Secret Teachings of All Ages”
Up for grabs is Fourth Prize from Disney's National Treasure 2 Sweepstakes. The sweepstakes had an ARV of $75 for the medallion. The Scottish Rite is currently selling the medallion in their online store for $100. I have seen it selling for less elsewhere online.
The bronze medallion commemorates the 190th Anniversary of the Supreme Council, 33rd Degree, of the Ancient & Accepted Scottish Rite, Southern Jurisdiction, U.S.A., in 1991. It was minted by Medallic Art Co of Danbury, CT. The front of the medallion has a portrait of Albert Pike (1809 - 1891) in high relief. Albert Pike was elected Sovereign Grand Commander of the Scottish Rite's Southern Jurisdiction in 1859 and served the Freemasons in that capacity until his death.
The reverse side of the medallion commemorates the 50th Anniversary of Mount Rushmore by Sculptor Gutzon Borglum, 32nd Degree.
-- National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets, directed by Jon Turteltaub -- Screenplay
Well, look! Look at this!
Fake I.D.s down 50%.
Test answers down 60%.
Hall passes are falling off the board!
Let's get back to you.
Tell me exactly what you want out of life.
[Tom Roberts] I want someone with huge breasts.
[Eaglebauer] [Philosophically] "The sweet, stirring, passionate youth."
[Tom Roberts] I want to get laid before I'm 30.
[Eaglebauer] Are you a virgin?
[Tom Roberts] Uh, do you mean "technically"?
[Eaglebauer] You've come to the right place. Eaglebauer Enterprises is a name that stands for quality.
I'm going to get you a date with the most primo lady in this school: Kate Rambeau!
[Tom Roberts] [Mouthing the name "Kate Rambeau," as if trying to place her.]
[Eaglebauer] Johnny, why don't you tell Tom how happy he'll be with Kate.
[Invisible Johnny] Right you are, Mr. Bauer. Kate Rambeau, age 17, attends Vince Lombardi High ...
where she majors in nuclear physics.
This perky gal on the go's hobbies include splitting protons, and checkers.
Included in your night to remember is a matched set of Travel-Ways luggage.
[Woman's Voices] Oooohhhh! That's Travel-Ways Luggage, the first name in travel for over five years. And now back to you, Mr. Eaglebauer.
[Tom Roberts] [Reluctantly clapping]
[Eaglebauer] Thank you, Johnny.
Well, there she is, Tom!
[Tom Roberts] I had somebody else in mind.
[Eaglebauer] Ah, but Tom -- my files indicate she's perfect for you.
[Tom Roberts] I know, I know. But I was kind of hoping you could set me up with -- with Riff Randell!
[Eaglebauer] [Throws himself backwards and slams his back against the wall] Riff Randell!
How about our cheerleader?
Nice set of pompons!
[Tom Roberts] [Jumps up and grabs the pompons] No!
The only girl I ever dream about at night is Riff.
But I always keep waking up just before the good part.
[Eaglebauer] Well, how are you set for large amounts of hard cash?
[Tom Roberts] Snaps his fingers]
I have a major credit card!
[Eaglebauer] [Takes credit card and punches telephone speaker] Uh, Norma, dear ...
[Norma] Yes, Mr. Eaglebauer.
[Eaglebauer] Yes, would you draw up a contract for a Tom Roberts and Riff Randell?
[Tom Roberts] [Extends his hand to shake Eaglebauer's, but Eaglebauer ignores it. He's got the money.]
[Tom pretends to look at his watch, instead.] [Music] "Rock 'n' Roll"
by Lou Reed
Then one fine morning, she put on a New York station
And she couldn't believe what she heard at all
She started dancing to that fine-fine music
Ahh, her life was saved by rock 'n' roll
Rock 'n' roll
[Coach Steroid] What's that thing in your ear, Randell?
[Kate Rambeau] It's a hearing aid.
Don't [inaudible] She's very sensitive about it.
[Coach Steroid] [Talking loudly] Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Randell.
[Riff Randell] What?
[Coach Steroid] [Yelling into Riff's machine] Sorry to hear that, Randell!
[Riff Randell] Fine! How are you?
[Coach Steroid] [Yelling] Oh, I'm fine. Thank you!
[Riff Randell] Oh, I'd say about a quarter to two.
[Kate Rambeau] C'mon Riff. Let's go!
[Riff Randell] But I just had lunch.
[Coach Steroid] So young!
[Riff Randell] [Laughing]
[Kate Rambeau] That was kind of close. We just got out of trouble. You want to put us back in?
[Riff Randell] Are you kidding?
[Mimicking Coach Steroid] "What's that thing in your ear?"
She doesn't even know the Beatles broke up.
[Miss Togar] [To Fritz Hansel & Gretel] I know something is going on behind my back.
You two are not doing your jobs!
Look at me when I'm talking to you!
You're supposed to be ...
my eyes, my ears ...
[Fritz Hansel] [Sneezing]
[Miss Evelyn Togar] Thank you!
[Wipes her nose with a kleenex]
If this school is going to get back on the winning track ...
we have to start cracking down immediately!
[Picks up the Ramones record]
And I know just ...
where to begin.
You take a note to Mr. McGree ...
and I want you to take the same note to Coach Steroid.
And tell them to meet me immediately in the science lab.
[Fritz Hansel] [Looks at Miss Togar adoringly]
[Miss Evelyn Togar] [Waves him off, dismissively]
[Fritz Gretel] [Climbs over the counter and knocks everything down]
[Fritz Hansel] [Waves goodbye to Miss Togar]
[Miss Togar] [Can't believe it]
[Fritz Gretel] [Lights a cigarette]
[Makes a paper airplane out of the note]
[Sets it flying]
[Mr. McGree] The most famous notes in all the musical literature is about ...
[Paper airplane lands in Mr. McGree's ear]
[Mr. McGree] Earmail!
[Mr. McGree] Class, I have to go to Miss Togar's office.
I'd like you to look over the chapter on Beethoven's Fifth Symphony while I'm gone.
[Mr. McGree] Oh, and class -- as soon as I get back, there's going to be a surprise quiz on this material.
[Fritz Gretel] [Makes a pig face at the students]
[Students] [Throw papers at him]
[Kate Rambeau] [At the top of the rope in gym class]
[Riff Randell] [To Kate] Come on!
[Coach Steroid] Nice work, Rambeau. I knew you could do it.
Okay, now come on down.
[Kate Rambeau] I'm stuck!
[Coach Steroid] Nonsense! There's nothing to it! Just go hand over hand but -- above all -- do not slide!
[Kate Rambeau] [Slides to ground, making a screeching sound]
[Riff Randell] [Gasps]
[To Kate] Are you all right?
[Coach Steroid] All right, girls. She's okay. You're okay, Rambeau. Get up and walk it off! Come on! Come on, girls! Move it!
[Fritz Hansel] [Comes swinging in, like Tarzan, and grabs Cheryl]
[Cheryl] [To Fritz Hansel] Hey!
[Shawn] That creep?!
[Fritz Hansel] [Hands Coach Steroid the note]
[Makes kissy faces at Cheryl]
[Cheryl] [To Fritz] Yech!
[Coach Steroid] [Reading note] Darling, Evelyn, how I long for the feel of your luscious thighs --
[Fritz Hansel] [Grabs the note away] Wrong note!
[Gives her the other note]
[Coach Steroid] [Reads the note]
All right! Class!
[Blows her whistle]
[Riff Randell] [To Kate] Are you okay?
[Kate Rambeau] Yes, thank you.
[Coach Steroid] I'm going to be gone for a few minutes.
While I'm away, I want you to continue with your exercises for the day.
[Turns on music]
[Coach Steroid] Nah! None of that! Let's have a little enthusiasm!
[Blows her whistle again]
[Starts doing jumping jacks as an example]
And a one, and a two, and a jumping up and down. Come on, girls! That's right! Peppy!
[Girls] [Lackadaisacally do jumping jacks]
[Coach Steroid] Now keep that up until I get back.
[Miss Togar] [Enters room and noisily closes door]
Well, you're probably wondering why I called you here.
[Fritz Hansel] [Raises his hand] Hey, I know. I know!
[Fritz Gretel] Me! Me!
[Fritz Hansel] I know! I know!
[Miss Togar] Go and monitor the halls!
[Waves them out dismissively]
[Clears her throat] Since assuming office this morning, I've noticed a couple of peculiar incidents among the members of the student body ...
all having to do with rock and roll music.
[Mr. McGree] Miss Togar, I have no particular love for rock and roll, but it doesn't seem to me that listening to it actually hurts the students.
[Miss Togar] Hah, hah hah! But that's where you're wrong, Mr. McGree.
[Holds a white mice up]
Recently, I have been doing a study of mice subjected to rock and roll music
Here we have a picture of this mouse. A typical member of the genus ratus rodendi ...
as he appeared before the start of my investigation.
Clean, good-natured ...
content to scamper playfully about his cage.
[Changes out the pictures]
This is a picture of the same mouse ...
one week after the introduction of rock and roll music.
[Coach Steroid] I never dreamed!
[Miss Togar] Oh, the results were dramatic! He lost all interest in keeping his cage tidy.
[Mr. McGree] How scientific!
[Miss Togar] He played his electric guitar far into the night, keeping the other test animals awake.
[Coach Steroid] He did?!
[Miss Togar] And he met this female mouse ...
and they have been sharing a cage together out of wedlock.
[Coach Steroid] That's fascinating, Miss Togar!
[Miss Evelyn Togar] Yes. It is.
[Mr. McGree] [To Coach Steroid] Is she crazy?
[Coach Steroid] [Back to Mr. McGree] She's the principal!
[Fritz Hansel] [Mocking Miss Togar] "Monitor the hall! Monitor the hall!" I am sick of monitoring the hall!
Let's go monitor the freshman!
[Fritz Gretel] Good idea!
[Grab the Freshman]
[Fritz Gretel] Alright. What the hell do you think you're doing out here?
[Freshman] Well, I was just getting my books!
[Fritz Gretel] Listen, do you have a hall pass?
[Freshman] Well, no!
[Fritz Hansel & Gretel] No hall pass?
[Fritz Hansel] Hit 'em! Hit 'em!
[Freshman] Hey, guys, I'm allergic to violence. I break out in blood
[Fritz Hansel] Hit him anyway!
[Fritz Gretel] Calm down! Let me see some I.D. Come on, I haven't got all day.
[Freshman] Well, I need it for the sock hop tonight.
[Fritz Gretel] [Hits him] The sock hop! Who would dance with you? All you have is a buck?
[Fritz Hansel] I'll have that!
[Fritz Gretel] [Looking at his I.D.] Is this you?
[Freshman] Well -- I take a bad picture.
[Fritz Gretel] Tell me about it!
[Fritz Hansel] Ooooh!
[Fritz Gretel] Yuk! Listen, I'm going to give you a demerit!
[Freshman] What's a demerit?
[Fritz Hansel] If you get enough of them, you wind up in Miss Togar's office!
[Fritz Hansel & Gretel] Demerit! Demerit!
[Freshman] Well, what for?
[Fritz Hansel & Gretel] Because you're ugly!
[Cover his face with his hat]
[Fritz Hansel] Hit him now. Hit him. Hit him.
[Fritz Gretel] Wait! Let's go monitor the girl's gym.
[Fritz Hansel] All right!
[Freshman] [Making muffled noises]