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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:45 pm
by admin
Told you so.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 25, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/25/t ... xclude=298

Well my detractors are out here again spewing villainous threats and making libelous statements about me (I’m looking at you W Ross and theMattScott). People out there have been claiming that I am devoid of clientele. Well my loyal followers, I have a new client and I can prove it! Here is a letter I received just today from one of our readers!

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Charles Carreon Esq

3214 Lostwood
Nowheretobefound
DI5EPAERDAFTERCLAIMTOWN
California
PP23443

Dear Mr Carreon,

I Wonder if you can possibly find the time in your obvious busy schedule to meet up
with me, for I intend to hire you as my legal representative/counsel for the here under stated affair.
The reason for me wanted to obtain your service is these that you have on first-hand knowledge of
the people involved and it seems to me that you are not deterred by some minor legal
inconveniences.

The case as I see it:

As of lately Mrs Tara Carreon and her daughter(s), when I am correctly informed these persons are
not unfamiliar to you, are stating their believes and viewpoints on an specific court case which
involves her husband/father and an breakfast meal or something. But my sources tell me that you
know which court case they are referring to.

Now there are other people that disagree with these women it is in the heated debates that follow
that lays my problem.

More than once these people refer to the women as being bat crazy, this I find despicable and I want
those people to being sued for the suggestion that they "suffer" from a case of rabies, contracted
due to the contact with bat's or their excrements.

I think we have a strong case here for it is bias, deformative and pure slander to imply such an illness
contracted from bats is present in these women, pure based on the way they express themselves.

The fact that Tara is your wife and her daughter(s) are yours to should present no legal
issue/deterrent for you as I understand from my sources.

So I want to sue all the people on the internet that suggest that my dear bats are responsible for the
crazy language posted by these women, for I have talked to them and they inform me that there is
no way the women have contracted rabies or any other bat related illness from them.

For the bats would rather clean their own droppings when these women come close for they do not
want to be implied in this madness, and stay far far away from these women in pure fear that they
could contract the thing these women carry.

Your sincerely,

Batman

7656 Batcavedrive
Eastern suburb
BATVILLE
P0443323


See that my friends, plenty of people want my services. Like this Bruce Way…. wait I wasn’t supposed to let anyone know that. Oops. Wait… I should have read that letter first… what Tara? I think he wants me to sue my wife. Well we’ll have to amend the complaint to sue anyone who mentions my wife or uses the phrase batshit crazy. That should do. So just a reminder to all readers, please don’t tell anyone I mentioned my clients real name and I am still looking for additional parties for my Class Action Suit.

Also I need to file another subpoena, it’s off to go Doe Hunting!

Censoring Your Detractors Since 2012,

Charles Carreon Esq.

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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:46 pm
by admin
A look back in time.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 26, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/26/a ... xclude=458

I think it is time to share my original business plan with FunnyJunk, so that you all may see how this internet sensation began….

______________________________________________________

To: Bryan Durel
From: Charles Carreon
Subject: Your recent struggles with theoatmeal.com

Hello Bryan,

My name is Chas Carreon and I would like to propose a business plan to right a wrong done to you. I have been informed of your struggles with one Matthew Inman who has accused you of willful copyright infringement. I suggest that we make an example of this person and others through a series of steps outlined below.

1.I send a letter to Matthew Inman in order to extort recover lost profits up to the amount of $20,000.

2.I demand that he censor remove all references to FunnyJunk.com

3.I use the threat of trademark infringement to frighten encourage him.

4.Once Matthew Inman falls we will go after anyone who has spoken out against FunnyJunk in the past and demand further extortion money settlements.

If you agree that this could be a profitable enterprise between two internet savvy individuals such as ourselves, please reply.

Your Thug Friend,

Charles Carreon Esq.

______________________________________________________

There you have it. You know what they say… best laid plans and all.

Charles Carreon Esq.



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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:46 pm
by admin
All of your domains are belong to me.
by Christopher Recouveur
June 26, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/26/a ... ong-to-me/

Step 2 in Operation Dead Bears and Happy Cancer. Remove any references from my name online that don’t directly quote me and support my statements. I submit this evidence to you my readers of how righteous my cause is, and that I will silence my detractors through any claims possible!

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Tara says this should be enough to make even the most hated members of the Pterodactyl Killer gang tremble in their computer chairs. Damn it, I forgot to demand pictures of the person’s face so Tara could draw penises on them. Well, I guess I could amend the complaint in like 3 days later. No big deal. I also need to demand more dinosaurs…

Your Righteous Defender of Silence,

Charles Carreon Esq.

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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:46 pm
by admin
Snakes in the grass.
by Christopher Recouveur
June 26, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/26/s ... the-grass/

Let me warn you all there are devious creatures out there, Tara call them Pisacca (Pishacha but she can’t spell), some call them demons, or pterodactyls, I call them snakes. These snakes feed you logical conclusions and try to make you a true believer in the devil Matthew Inman. So the question is, what do you do when the grass harbors snakes? You cut it down.

Think of the internet as a large field of tall grass, and you and your loved ones are walking through it. Do you want to be envenomed by these snakes? Do you want to give to charity because you are spitefully filled with venom? No you don’t. I know, because only I can tell you what to think.

We must burn the grass to the ground, we must cut it with our teeth and stop these snakes from slithering in and out of the inter tubes. There can be no true freedom when people can make fun of such a righteous man as I. I am freedom, by making fun of me, you are attacking freedom.

Your Ricki Tiki Tavi,

Charles Carreon Esq.



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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:47 pm
by admin
I find myself at a loss for words.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 27, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/27/i ... for-words/

Why can’t I get my $200,000 without such a hassle? I have been vilified by the gestapo press and the Cannibal Kids out there. I have had this Ann lady call me a clothespin eater. I’ve had my peers shoot down my every legal theory. I just… I’m not feeling so high on life right now.

I leave you with some words from Tara:

And these Yellow Journalists say that’s how the “INTERNET” works. That’s not how the “INTERNET” works, it’s how it doesn’t work. These Yellow Journalists want to give the Internet to Loki. This attack against FunnyJunk and Charles Carreon is an attack against law and order. Matt Inman is an Internet anarchist. Fascists always love an anarchist. And the Journalists are part of the conspiracy, egging everyone on with their hate headlines, and advice for everyone to get crazy and ATTACK, ATTACK, ATTACK! There’s something very bad going on here, which greatly benefits the Publishing Industry, and the copyright chicken hawks. And I don’t know why we can’t get a simple yes or no from ANYONE about whether Matt Robert Inman is related to Bobby Ray Inman. Apparently, every journalist in the world doesn’t seem to think that knowing WHO Matt Inman is is important. He’s a man without parents, brothers and sisters, or childhood friends. A man without a past, just like Barack Obama. Sure, there’s lots of famous people like that in the world! Usually, they are children of Intelligence Agents, or Intelligence Agents themselves.

You got that right babe. Damn yellow journalist giving us up to Loki. Haven’t you people seen the Avengers movie?! LOKI IS THE BAD GUY!

Tinfoil Hat On and Ready,

Charles Carreon Esq.

Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:47 pm
by admin
Oh yes she did.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 27, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/27/oh-yes-she-did/

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This week the Internet watched as an attorney tried to halt charitable giving and attack the First Amendment rights of a web comic, because said attorney’s feelings were hurt. What started as an amazing charity, which proved beyond a shadow of doubt the lengths the Internet is willing to go to preserve our rights to freedom of speech and help out great causes in the process, quickly became a legal circus, with the butthurt attorney as the ring leader. As a result of his legal shenanigans two charities that might have received sizable donations, now will not.

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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:48 pm
by admin
I don’t see any f’ing dinosaurs people.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 27, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/27/i ... rs-people/

All right. Enough is enough. People keep going and spouting off my name like it’s okay to run around and infringe my trademark. I tell you what, until I see some fucking Tyrannosaurs running around my back yard you should all just shut your mouth up. Shit just got real. If you don’t stop using my name immediately. You will suffer the below remedies.

1.I will sue you for no less than $1,000,000
2.I will take your domain names and point them at this blog.
3.I will obtain pictures of your face for Tara’s art
4.I will make you watch this video for 10 days nonstop.
5.I will make you clean up dinosaur poop, when I indeed secure dinosaurs.
I am serious people. My name is unspeakable without express written consent. If you write it down, that’s like speaking it forever. So really, I am entitled to infinity damages. Also I am offering a $500 reward to anyone who can link me to someone using my name. I need more lawsuits. More.

Not Going To Take It,

Charles Carreon Esq.

Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:48 pm
by admin
I am big in Asia.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 28, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/28/i-am-big-in-asia/

So I can’t read Chinese but I’m pretty sure this article says how awesome I am. It’s probably full of factual accounts of how I am a champion of freedom. I bet it’s talking about how I am standing up for decency by stopping charities from receiving over $200k because the people donating were angry. You can’t donate angry. You can only donate while riding unicorns that shit skittles. You certainly can’t donate to make me look like a fool. I think 99% of America wants me to stop this Inman character and his Cash Christ mentality. I can’t believe he can just go around bribing bears and cancer patients with no remorse or moral compass. What next? Politicians taking bribes to insert amendments to laws? It’s really only a very vocal minority that keeps slandering me. Calling me all sorts of terrible names, like “Charles Carreon” and “Jack Thompson.” The only thing I don’t get is what the hell does Barbara Streisand have to do with it? Either way it is time to go full Rakofsky.

All I know is that when this is all over, I am going to take my $220,024 plus attorney fees and go to Asia where I can get a little r-e-s-p-e-c-t. I heard they find Tyrannosaurus Rex fossils in Mongolia all the time. Does anyone know how much a live Tyrannosaurus Rex would set me back? I bet China would be a great place to silence your critics…

Hello Hainan,

Charles Carreon Esq.

Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:48 pm
by admin
Carreon Luggage.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 28, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/28/carreon-luggage/

Well since I’ve been inundated with publicity and the likes I thought it was time to capitalize on it and create my very first consumer products line! Today I humbly submit to you my new brand of travel accessories called Carreon Luggage. See I’ve been married to a… special person for many years, so I know all about the hassles of dragging dead weight around. I also am known for filing litigation for just about any reason any where, so my slogan is going to be “We get your shit where it’s going. Carreon Luggage.” I believe that by leveraging my new found fame I will be able to monetize it and then take the money and dinotize(R) it. I have brought this idea to two separate firms so far and they’ve turned me down, which further proves the Mafia CIA Illuminati Luciferist conspiracy against me. So I ask that you all please begin placing funds in a trust that I will manage, and we’ll split profits accordingly. Once we have the initial investment down, I will contact my supporters in Asia to begin production of the Luggage which will be sold at flea markets and by street vendors. If anything goes wrong with the initial strategy, we’ll blame someone else for our failings and sue them to recuperate at least $200,000. If anyone writes a review critical of our prices or quality, we’ll sue them too for lost dinosaur profits. This will work….

Entrepreneur Awesomeness,

Charles Carreon Esq.

Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:48 pm
by admin
What does it take to get in this family?
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 29, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/29/w ... is-family/

Maybe being a Carreon isn’t what it’s cut out to be after all. It seems to me being a Nilan is where the dinosauce(R) is. Take Meredith Nilan for instance, this girl goes around hitting people with her car one night and then doesn’t even stop, what happens to her? Nothing. Yeah that’s right. Clifford J. Nilan, Chief Probation Officer of the Berkshire Superior Court is her pops, her daddy-o, her old man. It pays knowing people in the court, I bet I could subjugate many a blogger for dinosaurs if I had someone like that in my corner. The best part? The only guy blogging about it not only gets ordered to stop, but has to delete all his old posts. I mean these Nilans got dinosaur blood running through their veins.

Nilan’s attorney sought dismissal when court documents from her case mysteriously disappeared.


Imagine if I could just wipe out any court documents I wanted? I COULD SUE ANYONE FOR ANYTHING! If things started going south, dad’s got your back, the case never happened. He’s like a court case assassin. Then when they are like “our court documents are missing” and accuse me, I sue for defamation! I wonder if I could preemptively trademark Charles Nilan… how does Tara Nilan sound? Imagine the power. Bad decisions without culpability? I could repeatedly double-down into a swirling vortex of dinosaur litigious rage…

Contemplative,

Charles Carreon Nilan Esq.

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