charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:41 pm

New Client?
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 19, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/19/new-client-3/

I really need to represent these people. I mean they get it, you can’t just have people going around the internet slandering you and calling your prices unreasonable. That’s like drawing pictures of the President having sex with cabinet members(NSFW). I bet this girl works with the pterodactyl conspiracy from outer space.

Yours Truly,

Charles Carreon Esq.
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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:41 pm

Don’t mess with my mom, or I’ll go Tucson Jack on you.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 19, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/19/d ... xclude=152

So people are trying to convince me that this picture drawn by The Oatmeal:

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Is not directed at me? I mean seriously? I don’t care if the whole blog post / letter / response he referred the word “you” to the owner of FunnyJunk. I don’t care if his anger was directed at FunnyJunk. I still could care less if he even referred to me as “your lawyer” which implies the letter is directed at FunnyJunk. We all know this is about me. I can simply not allow theoatmeal creator Matthew Inman to change those facts. He drew a lewd picture about MY MOM! With her subtle curves and saggy, wrinkled breasts. The way she beckons the bear with her crazy stare and curly hair.

Some people would want to distance their mother and themselves from such a letter and almost pornographic image. No I am not some people. I am going to throw my mom right in there with the saggy breasts, pink bikini, and kodiak bear. To do any less would be un-Carreon. My sweet mother never once molested a bear and the only way to prove that is to insert her into this dispute, making the bear love picture about me and her, and then proving it all false through the court of law. Matthew Inman and his pterodactyl conspirators will rue the day I mistakingly thought that picture was of my mom.

Thank You Readers,

Charles Carreon Esq.
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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:41 pm

My email address is not on the internet.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 19, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/19/m ... -internet/

Seriously. Only the pterodactyl killer clown himself, Matthew Inman could have subverted my name on twitter and given out my email address. How else would these idiots be emailing me pictures of their genitalia. I have NOT POSTED MY EMAIL ANYWHERE! I’ve also not removed it from sites after my original lawsuit being filed, there by destroying evidence of my false statements. To repeat my email address was never on my other blog. This is not a capture of the blog before I removed it, I swear. So stop listening to this guy who I’ve explained will try to use logic and facts to sway your opinion. He is not me, and only I with the mighty sword of the law, can tell you the real truth.

Yours Truly,

Charles Carreon Esq.

P.S. I am not a perjurer.



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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:42 pm

Barre Cleveland vs The Dawg Dish
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 19, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/19/b ... dawg-dish/

I am now wholly convinced that I need to represent Barre Cleveland and Mario Salwan vs The Dawg Dish. I mean this screams Carreonization. Oh yes, I have a word now.

Carreonization – Adjective – To take a side no matter how baseless and turn it into an issue directly related to you.

Not only do we have the poor victim Mr Salwan here, who just tried to have a blogger arrested for claiming she didn’t think his service was worth $25.00. We also have a group of people including that Ken at Popehat.com taking her side. We all know Ken doesn’t know up from down, so this should be an easy case! We know that Ken is just another concubine of The Oatmeal, so it doesn’t surprise me in the least.

Here is what I intend to write:

Mr or Mrs Dawg Dish,

It has come to my attention that you have defamed my client Mario Salwan and Barre Cleveland. The False and Willful accusation that Mr Salwan accused you of a theft that you did not commit is outrageous. This action now covered by social media and theconsumerist.com has lead to great damages to my client and his business. If you do not make out a check for $200,000 by July 3, 2012 I will be forced to file a federal lawsuit against you.

Cordially,

Charles Carreon Esq.


Since I am now so famous online, I can add an extra 0 to the end of my claim of damages. Amazing!

Share your thoughts,

Charles Carreon Esq.

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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:42 pm

I will subpoena the internet now.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 20, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/20/i ... xclude=128

So it looks like there are plenty of people who think they can use my name Charles Carreon(TM) and pretend to be me. Like this guy @charles_carron or this blog here. I want all you impostors to know, you will rue the day. As soon as I have pictures of your real faces, Tara is going to photoshop dicks all over them and put them in pornographic scenes with Rush Limbaugh and Condolezza Rice. Imagine being the meat in that sandwich funny boys.

Today I sent subpoenas to both Twitter and ArsTechnica. I will find you, I will sue you for at least $20,000,000 and I will win no matter what. I have never lost a case and I am going to get their names and make them pay me money. I am then going to take the pictures that Tara photoshops and use their own money to buy billboards next to their homes and offices of their faces with penises all over them. I repeat, I will take your money and spend it on giant pictures of dicks all over your faces. Just delete your fake blogs and accounts now. I do not lose.

Okay Tara is wearing her Chewbacca outfit, I have to go and get the vaseline.

-Charles Carreon Esq.

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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:42 pm

Class Action Suit.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 20, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/20/c ... _exclude=5

Dear Readers,

I am looking for persons to be party to a class action lawsuit against Matthew Inman, IndieGoGo, the National Wildlife Fund and anyone with Cancer. Once party to the suit you will reap many financial benefits, including a share of at least $200,000. Other benefits are a poem written in your honor by my wife Tara, here is a sample of her work:

Well he used to be a pterodactyl up in the sky,
Tearin’ people’s heads off,
and eatin’ their eyes,
But now he’s done a change-up,
Got a new disguise –
All Points Bulletin: Look out for this guy!


Also if you like cartoons or photoshop she can do that too. So you ask, “What do I need to do Charles?” Well it’s really quite simple. Donate using the link below (Click the picture) and then we can say that Mr. Inman is misappropriating your donation. No it doesn’t matter that the donations haven’t ended and he hasn’t done it yet. We all know he’s going to buy himself medical grade cadavers with his proceeds to make brain smoothies.

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Again. Click the link (now above) in the picture. Donate. Then add your name to my class action lawsuit! 3 simple steps to pillaging a $200,000 slush fund.

Soon to be your representative,

Charles Carreon Esq.

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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:43 pm

I don’t care if you’re in Canada. I’ll find you.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 20, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/20/i ... d-you-7-2/

So some of my detractors are based outside the United States of Corruption. That’s fine, I’ll still sue you. Even if I don’t have a license to do so. So as I have said, you can’t run. You can’t hide. I am the law, the internet, and the Buddha all wrapped into an Arizona Kid package. I’ve already got Twitter to back down. I am coming after you. Even if you are in Sweden. I really don’t see why people can’t just let me have the funds for Matthew Inman’s charity. I can be trusted with funds that don’t belong to me, I’m a lawyer. This is all very dehumanizing. I feel like the Japanese when Disney dropped a nuclear bomb on them.

Your Trustworthy Friend,

Charles Carreon Esq.
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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:43 pm

Wasn’t Me
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 20, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/20/wasnt-me/

An original poem at charles-carreon.com

It wasn’t me
They caught me creeping’ in the client’s trust fund
It wasn’t me
I say it was just Tara my hun
It wasn’t me
They promised I’d get paid
It wasn’t me
Without rent money I wasn’t getting laid
It wasn’t me


Remember, I have plans and plans and plans.

Charles Carreon Esq.



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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:43 pm

Copyright and Digital Libraries.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 21, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/21/c ... xclude=195

Nothing I do is illegal. If you do it, it might very well be, but I am exempt for two main reasons. First I am the law. Second, Tara is a librarian. So we can either sue your pie hole shut so fast you won’t even be able to swallow your pie, or we can claim we are fair use non-infringers of your copyright. Now this topic was brought up in the comments section of my last entry, and I need to clarify. My wife and I can draw genitalia all over your pictures and post them to our website. We can call for bankers to be water boarded. We can use other people’s money for our own rent. I can disclose all our emails and letters. We can do anything we want, because I can and will try to bend the law to my needs. I can use a dead man’s name to sell my services. I am above you. I am your transcendent legal god.

You however have many fewer rights than I. You cannot use my name to make fun of me. You cannot draw pictures that I might perceive are my mother. You cannot call me a content thief. You cannot chose how to use your own trademark. You cannot ask for civil debate. You cannot use my tactics against me. You cannot publish my legal letters to you.

Anyone who challenges these rules will learn that my pen is mightier than the sword. One last thing, Tara says your dick is small.

Charles Carreon Esq.
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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:43 pm

F the EFF
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 21, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/21/f-the-eff/

Looks like no one ever learns. In their little press release the EFF uses my name twice. I have a trademark on my name, and therefor I am entitled to damages now 2 fold. What is 2 x infinity? I don’t know, Tara tells me 2 x infinity is the sign of the dinosaur reemergence. I am not so sure. However in the interest of negotiating, I will accept a live TyrannosaurusRex as compensation. I have consulted with my trusted advisor Brett Kimberlin and we have concluded a 4 step response.

1.Further perjure ourselves to the court to obtain a peace order against Matthew Inman and the EFF.

2.Subpoena all social media in order to send Cease and Desist orders to all critics of this litigation.

3.Try to settle with said critics for defamation in the amount of $100,000.

4.Any settlements will be used to create a new TV network called Carrion News. It will only display my political leanings and vilify all that oppose myself or Brett.

Also to those who oppose me in the comments of these (or any) posts, Tara is already drawing dicks on your avatars.

Charles Carreon Esq.

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