charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:42 pm

I will subpoena the internet now.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 20, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/20/i ... xclude=128

So it looks like there are plenty of people who think they can use my name Charles Carreon(TM) and pretend to be me. Like this guy @charles_carron or this blog here. I want all you impostors to know, you will rue the day. As soon as I have pictures of your real faces, Tara is going to photoshop dicks all over them and put them in pornographic scenes with Rush Limbaugh and Condolezza Rice. Imagine being the meat in that sandwich funny boys.

Today I sent subpoenas to both Twitter and ArsTechnica. I will find you, I will sue you for at least $20,000,000 and I will win no matter what. I have never lost a case and I am going to get their names and make them pay me money. I am then going to take the pictures that Tara photoshops and use their own money to buy billboards next to their homes and offices of their faces with penises all over them. I repeat, I will take your money and spend it on giant pictures of dicks all over your faces. Just delete your fake blogs and accounts now. I do not lose.

Okay Tara is wearing her Chewbacca outfit, I have to go and get the vaseline.

-Charles Carreon Esq.

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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:42 pm

Class Action Suit.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 20, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/20/c ... _exclude=5

Dear Readers,

I am looking for persons to be party to a class action lawsuit against Matthew Inman, IndieGoGo, the National Wildlife Fund and anyone with Cancer. Once party to the suit you will reap many financial benefits, including a share of at least $200,000. Other benefits are a poem written in your honor by my wife Tara, here is a sample of her work:

Well he used to be a pterodactyl up in the sky,
Tearin’ people’s heads off,
and eatin’ their eyes,
But now he’s done a change-up,
Got a new disguise –
All Points Bulletin: Look out for this guy!


Also if you like cartoons or photoshop she can do that too. So you ask, “What do I need to do Charles?” Well it’s really quite simple. Donate using the link below (Click the picture) and then we can say that Mr. Inman is misappropriating your donation. No it doesn’t matter that the donations haven’t ended and he hasn’t done it yet. We all know he’s going to buy himself medical grade cadavers with his proceeds to make brain smoothies.

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Again. Click the link (now above) in the picture. Donate. Then add your name to my class action lawsuit! 3 simple steps to pillaging a $200,000 slush fund.

Soon to be your representative,

Charles Carreon Esq.

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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:43 pm

I don’t care if you’re in Canada. I’ll find you.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 20, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/20/i ... d-you-7-2/

So some of my detractors are based outside the United States of Corruption. That’s fine, I’ll still sue you. Even if I don’t have a license to do so. So as I have said, you can’t run. You can’t hide. I am the law, the internet, and the Buddha all wrapped into an Arizona Kid package. I’ve already got Twitter to back down. I am coming after you. Even if you are in Sweden. I really don’t see why people can’t just let me have the funds for Matthew Inman’s charity. I can be trusted with funds that don’t belong to me, I’m a lawyer. This is all very dehumanizing. I feel like the Japanese when Disney dropped a nuclear bomb on them.

Your Trustworthy Friend,

Charles Carreon Esq.
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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:43 pm

Wasn’t Me
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 20, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/20/wasnt-me/

An original poem at charles-carreon.com

It wasn’t me
They caught me creeping’ in the client’s trust fund
It wasn’t me
I say it was just Tara my hun
It wasn’t me
They promised I’d get paid
It wasn’t me
Without rent money I wasn’t getting laid
It wasn’t me


Remember, I have plans and plans and plans.

Charles Carreon Esq.



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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:43 pm

Copyright and Digital Libraries.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 21, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/21/c ... xclude=195

Nothing I do is illegal. If you do it, it might very well be, but I am exempt for two main reasons. First I am the law. Second, Tara is a librarian. So we can either sue your pie hole shut so fast you won’t even be able to swallow your pie, or we can claim we are fair use non-infringers of your copyright. Now this topic was brought up in the comments section of my last entry, and I need to clarify. My wife and I can draw genitalia all over your pictures and post them to our website. We can call for bankers to be water boarded. We can use other people’s money for our own rent. I can disclose all our emails and letters. We can do anything we want, because I can and will try to bend the law to my needs. I can use a dead man’s name to sell my services. I am above you. I am your transcendent legal god.

You however have many fewer rights than I. You cannot use my name to make fun of me. You cannot draw pictures that I might perceive are my mother. You cannot call me a content thief. You cannot chose how to use your own trademark. You cannot ask for civil debate. You cannot use my tactics against me. You cannot publish my legal letters to you.

Anyone who challenges these rules will learn that my pen is mightier than the sword. One last thing, Tara says your dick is small.

Charles Carreon Esq.
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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:43 pm

F the EFF
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 21, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/21/f-the-eff/

Looks like no one ever learns. In their little press release the EFF uses my name twice. I have a trademark on my name, and therefor I am entitled to damages now 2 fold. What is 2 x infinity? I don’t know, Tara tells me 2 x infinity is the sign of the dinosaur reemergence. I am not so sure. However in the interest of negotiating, I will accept a live TyrannosaurusRex as compensation. I have consulted with my trusted advisor Brett Kimberlin and we have concluded a 4 step response.

1.Further perjure ourselves to the court to obtain a peace order against Matthew Inman and the EFF.

2.Subpoena all social media in order to send Cease and Desist orders to all critics of this litigation.

3.Try to settle with said critics for defamation in the amount of $100,000.

4.Any settlements will be used to create a new TV network called Carrion News. It will only display my political leanings and vilify all that oppose myself or Brett.

Also to those who oppose me in the comments of these (or any) posts, Tara is already drawing dicks on your avatars.

Charles Carreon Esq.

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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:44 pm

I can’t sue myself.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 21, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/21/i ... exclude=78

Over at the popehat.com they claim that I may have broken attorney client privilege. I ask you Ken, how are they going to do anything about it buddy? I am their lawyer and I won’t sue myself! Take that smart man. Also since you have used my trademark in your blog many times, I am requesting that you shut down popehat.com and point it’s domain to this blog or else I’ll file a federal lawsuit against you. I have warned my detractors many times about this and now Tara has followed through on the threat. As promised, you are now the meat in a Condolezza Rice and Rush Limbaugh sandwich:

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I still await all illegal cybervandal posters on this blog to forward me their pictures for dick drawing. Also I remind you:

“I am not a politician,” he says sternly when asked about the apparent discrepancy. “I have not deceived anyone. I am not able to stand armies. It is entirely distinct. The grounds for engaging in savage satire of people who are murderers [is a] completely different situation. That’s like comparing touch football with warfare.”


Charles Carreon Esq.
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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:44 pm

A break from character.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 21, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/21/a ... character/

Readers,

I am not posting this satirically as I originally intended. I had half of this post drafted and then realized the subject matter would be done a disservice by making it into another joke. As anyone who reads this blog might know, I value free speech. I also can be a world class troll if I need to. Maybe that is why I am such a proponent of the First Amendment. I believe through free speech we are granted the ability to do real journalism based on fact and truth without fear of retribution or intimidation.

That being said, free speech and journalism fails when our journalist become lazy and start taking shortcuts. Shortcuts like just pasting an interview into an article with no analysis of the facts. Journalism where the author of an article becomes a mouthpiece for the subject of his piece. I have seen many easily researchable errors while covering Charles Carreon. I also see something sinister happening where Matthew Inman (under advice) is no longer fixing these errors in interviews because of the legal action taken against him. Journalist are allowing Mr. Carreon to frame the conversation as he sees fit, and not standing up for the truth.

Dave Thier of Forbes – Quotes Charles Carreon that IndieGoGo is going to take 9% of the Bear Love fundraiser. When called out on actual facts he in the comment section repeats 9% then does not respond to figures actually obtained from IndieGoGo.com

Michael Cavna of the Washington Post – Repeats Carreon’s line that the picture Matthew Inman drew was of Carreon’s mother, even though it was of the FunnyJunk admin’s mother.

These are but a few of many examples of letting one person frame a debate with journalist who could, and should, place emphasis on the truth. Without a diligent press our freedom will fail. We cannot as a free people allow shortcuts or lack of analytical thought to take us down a dark path. This is also a reminder to anyone who reads a news article, think critically. Do not assume fact because it is in print. Research it if the subject interests you and be a party to our freedom.

Thank You,

Chris

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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:44 pm

You are not the internet.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 22, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/22/y ... -internet/

Stop it right now with your delusions of grandeur. You are not the internet. The internet loves me. I am practically a God. I find it disingenuous that people claim I am a dick. People love me, they make pictures of me for God’s (or my) sake. I am idolized. On top of that people are calling my ethics into question? All I want is to safely put into trust the funds I donated to. To make sure they get to their rightful owner. All I want is respectful spirited debate. However people keep satirizing me like the true Nazis they are. Don’t they know I’m 1/64th Jewish possibly, according to Tara?

Stop it now, before I break out the Lenham Act on you all and take all your $20,000.

Charles Carreon Esq.
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Re: charles-carreon.com, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:44 pm

Bransom owes me dinosaurs.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 22, 2012
http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/22/b ... dinosaurs/

So another day goes by and I sit here sipping my Starbucks. Then I am rudely notified by Tara (who was dressed up as Carl Jung) ash she came rambling into my inner sanctum of the Carreon cave. What does she have for me? THIS! Serenity of self love shattered. Shattered I say. Some things you accept gracefully, but I am not, and I will never be, a jelly bean accountant. What sort of job is that anyways? Who counts jelly beans all day other then Tara occasionally?

I thought I made it clear before, that I am an Internet Lawyer. I only help the good and good looking, of which I am both, hence I represent myself. I repeat I do not count jelly beans. Even the mention of it is slanderous and opprobrious. I now am quite sure that this lady owes me two Tyrannosaur Rexes, a Stegosaurus, a Platypus, and her domain name. If she does not surrender said dinosaurs and immediately point her domain at this blog, I will take action in the following ways:

1.File a grievance with the United Nations.

2.Sue the Children’s Hospital of Seattle.

3.Rename today Branson owes me dinosaurs day on my personal calendar.

4.Give interview to anyone who will listen on how your blog is improperly setup under California Law.

5.Place a peace order on you so that you may not speak my name.

So how funny do you feel now? Thought so.

Charles Carreon Esq.
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