Factors, by Charles Carreon
> WORK VERY BUSY
> Lama in town
> Weather cold & windy
> Coffee
> Grass
> Cognac
> Christmas food
> War-weariness re work
> Stunted creativity re lawpoets
> Hardcore rock and roll
> Eating pastas and pastries
> Wall outside my office window
> Pizza
> Cops <off-duty>
> Wall Street Journal
> Debt
> Revising one document until it's a psychic shred
> Dreaming of lying at the bottom of a pool
> Grasping at something uncertain
> Beautiful sky and light <can't grasp sky or light or beautifulness ... anxiety>
> Speed ... from one event to another
> Suffering of others ...
my business,
not my business
> Good boy
Bad boy
(repeat)
> Smart-aleck LA Weekly (Weakly?)
> Topic of discussion ... discourse on relative concepts ... clever talkers shut up!
> Muscular efforts to "make it"
> It only works for a while
> All breaks down eventually
(then you build it up again)
> Nihilism
(I made my mind up about nihilism the other day but now I can't remember what I decided)
> Reinvent the wheel
(Why not? Get back to basics.)
> Clever ... doesn't matter if I'm clever, I don't need to hustle girls anymore; nobody listens or cares (or if they do, what does it matter?)
> The boring that folks do stays after they leave; the cleverness is oft forgotten with the slamming of their departure
> Impute, impute, impute
meaning to things ...
oh yes ... this makes a
Difference ... a big, big Difference.
> What makes a difference?
Lying down in a warm bed
Having peaceful vibes in your heart
Treating other people decently
Being able to bear sorrow
Without inflicting it on others.
12/26/88, Los Angeles, California