THE PRISONER OF SAN JOSE: HOW I ESCAPED FROM ROSICRUCIAN MIN

The impulse to believe the absurd when presented with the unknowable is called religion. Whether this is wise or unwise is the domain of doctrine. Once you understand someone's doctrine, you understand their rationale for believing the absurd. At that point, it may no longer seem absurd. You can get to both sides of this conondrum from here.

Re: THE PRISONER OF SAN JOSE: HOW I ESCAPED FROM ROSICRUCIAN

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SEVEN: First Initiation

After the eight Mandamus lessons, the atrium section begins. The atrium is a kind of anteroom, which the neophyte must pass through before he enters the guarded chambers of the temple, reserved for initiates beyond the neophyte level. There are three atrium levels.

Neophyte Section, Atrium 1

In this monograph, AMORC has included "The Rosicrucian Chant."

This monograph carefully cements the foundation for the ultimate spiritual authority of AMORC by instilling in the initiate the belief in the continual presence of the invisible masters. Notwithstanding the invisible masters, it is the visible master of the Rosicrucian order -- that is, the imperator -- and other high officials in the order who are the proper intermediaries between God and Man.

The whole world is reduced to the invisible masters of the Rosicrucians, the visible masters of the Rosicrucians, and the members of AMORC. They are truly the chosen people. Everybody else is an outsider, a second-class galactic citizen. This is the "us vs. them" perspective fostered by the Rosicrucian system.

Even the most complex cult doctrines ultimately reduce into two basic poles: black versus white; good versus evil; spiritual world versus physical world, us versus them.

There is never room for pluralism. The doctrine allows no outside group to be recognized as valid (good, godly, real) because that would threaten the cult's monopoly on truth. There is also no room for interpretation or deviation. If the doctrine doesn't provide an answer directly, then the member must ask a leader. If the leader doesn't have an answer, he can always brush off the question as unimportant or irrelevant.

Pet devils vary from group to group. They can be political ad economic institutions (communist, socialist, or capitalist), mental- health professionals (psychiatrists, deprogrammers), or metaphysical entities such as Satan, spirits, UFO creatures, or just the cruel laws of nature. Devils are certain to take on the bodies of parents, friends, ex-members, reporters, and anyone else who is critical of the group. The "huge conspiracies" working to thwart the group are, of course, proof of its tremendous importance. [1]


When I was on the street, though homeless and without food, I still thought of myself as a specially chosen person in charge of humanity. So, in the middle of my misery, I had to be grateful to AMORC and to its leaders for having chosen me to serve.

Having been continually asked to study the Rosicrucian teachings with "zeal," I gave my all. That is why, in spite of the humiliations of my poverty and disenfranchised lifestyle, I was unable to leave. It was a privilege to be the servant of H. Spencer Lewis and his exalted officers.

The ultimate goal of AMORC is clearly to become "illuminated." Illumination is the moving target that keeps all members hooked, tracking their quarry every day.

The Rosicrucian Initiation Atrium 1 neophyte section begins with a discussion of the ancient pharaoh, Akhenaton, reputed to have initiated monotheism in Egypt. Akhenaton is spoken about often in the monographs.

The Atrium 1 neophyte section affirms that the Rosicrucian organization, "our order," insists on the members' freedom. Still, one cannot help but note the powerful words of identification and indoctrination, "our order." In time, members will learn to make AMORC their order, too. I remember referring to AMORC as "our order," never realizing how significantly that phrase implied an acknowledgment and acceptance of the organization as it portrayed itself.

The neophyte is then told by AMORC that he has crossed the great portal that gives access to the three waiting rooms of the symbolic temple of the Rosicrucian tradition. These three waiting rooms are called "atriums" by AMORC. The fortunate neophyte who can successfully pass through these rooms will eventually be able to access the path of the initiate. AMORC warns that not everyone will make it through the atriums.

Atrium 1 Monograph 1 affirms that as a new neophyte of the order, the member should begin the sanctum period by following the appointed ritual.

The ritual that the monograph refers to is the ceremonial washing of one's hands and drinking of a glass of water before making contact with the celestial sanctum. This reminds me of my experience of going to the park office bathroom to wash my hands, and prepare to make contact with celestial sanctum while I was homeless. It was as if I had accepted my sacred duties, while tightly shutting my eyes to the reality of the world around me.

In AMORC, suggestions morph into mandates. The monographs begin by offering the neophyte the option of burning some incense before making contact with celestial sanctum. Later it will be more of a mandate, something like, "You must burn incense." Then we are told to make the sign of the rosy cross, a series of gestures that resemble, but are different than making a cross in the Catholic church or protestant denominations, as in the brochure The Rosicrucian Initiation: The Guide of the Neophyte.

The ritual supposedly permits you to create a harmonious bonding with the egregore of AMORC and the masters that are watching over the Rosicrucian order. The efficacy of this ritual depends on the sincerity with which you approach the sacred study period in your home sanctum.

In this monograph is the first mention of the term egregore, a word that helped intensify my dependency on AMORC during the last twelve years of my membership. In the monograph, we read what appear to be normal, fraternal statements about the order. Nothing in the initial innocent description of the egregore reveals how the concept can be used to entrap a member, providing the foundations for a powerful phobia about the world outside AMORC.


AMORC then introduces the subject of reincarnation. This concept, along with the concept of spirit, prepares members for the Rosicrucian belief about when life begins and ends. This will eventually lead to the acceptance of abortion.

Although appearing to be very tolerant of members' individuality and freedom, ultimately, as one pursues the Rosicrucian path, AMORC will always be portrayed as being right in its depiction of fundamental issues of science, religion, and economic and social issues. Over a period of time, members are led to accept all of AMORC's beliefs and reject any outside beliefs conflicting with the Rosicrucian canon. Like all destructive cults, AMORC affirms, "We are right, and everyone else is wrong."

At one point in the monograph, AMORC affirms that the world as we know it is nonexistent. It all only exists in our own mind. Our vocabulary and use of words do not convey the real nature of things. This is soon followed by the assertion that "It is possible to modify the manifestation of matter."


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WHEN YOU GO BACK AND BACK
NOT FOR THE FUN OF IT
OR FOR THE POWERS INVOLVED
BUT TO GO BACK TO BE WHO YOU REALLY ARE
WHO YOU ARE TURNS OUT TO BE SPIRIT
TURNS OUT NOT TO BE MATTER AT ALL

NO MATTER
NEVER MIND
NO MIND
NEVER MATTER
EITHER WAY IT WORKS

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


Here AMORC lays the foundation to instill in members the belief that they, the select people of this Earth, can change everything.

Practical Application

Atrium 1, Monograph 2


The concurrence begins with a quotation taken from the work Le Passage de la Matiere a la Vie (The Passage of Matter to Life) by Emmy Guittes, who contends that the Buddha asserted that life began with the emergence of immortalized "spirit units," which essentially serve to build physical bodies. They are careful to say that her writing bears a relationship to the Rosicrucian idea of spirit but is not identical to it.

We are reminded that the terms cohesion, adhesion, attraction, and repulsion bear a relationship to the four forces manifested in matter due to the action of spirit. Spirit manifests through the universe in the form of vibration.

Image

RETURN TO THE ROOTS
YOU LIVE OUT YOUR KARMA
THE BEST I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT KARMA IS:
IF YOU ARE PURE SPIRIT
YOU ARE NOT MATTER! ... YOU ARE THAT
ETERNAL SPIRIT ...
WELL:
IF EACH OF US IS THAT VERY OLD BEING ...
AND NOT THIS YOUNG BODY,
OR THIS BODY THAT IS GOING
THROUGH THIS LIFE ...
WHY DON'T WE
REMEMBER?
WHY DON'T WE REMEMBER IT ALL??
WHY CAN'T WE READ
THE ENTIRE AKASHIC RECORD??
BECAUSE OF OUR ATTACHMENTS TO
THE PHYSICAL PLANE OF REALITY ...
BECAUSE OF THE POWER OF OUR IDENTIFICATION
WITH OUR OWN BODY-SENSES
AND THOUGHTS.

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


Again, the monograph affirms the antiquity of its knowledge. Members soon learn to identify anything good in the world with the Rosicrucian tradition. For example, around 1988,one well-educated frater in Kings Rosy Cross Lodge in Brooklyn told us that Toussaint Louverture (one of the Haitian liberators before 1804)must have been trained by Rosicrucians -- the same ones who landed in Pennsylvanian in the New World. There was absolutely no reason to think this, other than the fact that the man helped liberate Haiti. It was a natural step of logic for someone who believed that Rosicrucianism had a corner on everything real or important.

AMORC details what science says about vibratory frequency, but also states that science does not tell the whole story. Vibration also occurs in the spiritual world, where you need special faculties to perceive it. This will be an essential part of the Rosicrucian teaching.

By hinting at special information to come, AMORC retains its members' interest and allegiance. These promises of future disclosure of secret knowledge entrapped me for many years. For instance, the constant trumpeting of AMORC's divine authority and unimpeachable power suggested to me that my financial problems could very well be the result of AMORC's intentional testing of my loyalty and dedication. Only my loyalty under this extreme stress would prove me worthy of receiving the special information that would change me from being an ordinary man to a Rosicrucian adept.

The rest of this monograph makes AMORC's case that all things vibrate at certain distinct frequencies. We are living in a world of vibration. The monograph concludes with an observation that the human body, just like all other objects in the universe, is also just a bundle of vibrations in the larger, vaster ocean of vibrations.

Image

YOU FINALLY UNDERSTAND
THE MESSAGE YOU COMMUNICATE
WITH ANOTHER HUMAN BEING
HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE LOOK
ON THE MUSCULATURE OF YOUR FACE
IT'S MUCH DEEPER THAN THAT
MUCH DEEPER!
IT'S THE VIBRATIONS
THAT EMANATE FROM YOU!

IF YOUR VIBRATIONS ARE PARANOID
THAT'S WHAT'S BEING RECEIVED
AND WHEN YOU'RE AROUND PETS
(BIRDS OR CATS PARTICULARLY)
OR VERY YOUNG CHILDREN
OR VERY FLIPPED OUT PSYCHOTICS
THEY WILL KNOW YOU IMMEDIATELY.
YOU CAN COME AND SAY
"HELLO DEAR, HOW ARE YOU?'
AND THE DOG WILL GROWL ...

YOU CAN'T COME ON BECAUSE THEY'RE LISTENING
TO THE VIBRATIONS THAT HAND IS READING
OUT AND SENDING.
AND YOU REALIZE THAT EVERY MOMENT YOU ARE
A FULL STATEMENT OF YOUR BEING,
AND YOU'RE SENDING OUT VIBRATIONS THAT ARE
AFFECTING EVERYTHING AROUND YOU,
WHICH IN TURN IS AFFECTING
EVERYTHING THAT COMES BACK
AND
WHEN YOU MEET SOMEBODY WHO IS
CAUGHT IN THE WORLD OF
WE AND THEM AND YOU ARE HIM
TO THAT PERSON
AND YOU GET CAUGHT IN HIS MIND NET
YOU ARE BOTH
JUST
INTENSIFYING
ONE ANOTHER'S
PARANOIA.

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


By 2003, I was convinced that the Rosicrucian teachings contained many deceptive, incomplete, and wholly unproved assertions, but I could not completely reject the monographs' claims because by then I was a victim of my own cult personality. I put great stock in the infallibility of these teachings.

Since mind control depends on creating a new identity within the individual, cult doctrine always requires that a person distrust his own self. The doctrine becomes the "master program" for all thoughts, feelings, and actions. Since it is the truth, perfect and absolute, any flaw in it is viewed as only a reflection of the believer's own imperfection. He is taught that he must follow the prescribed formula even if he doesn't really understand it. At the same time it is said that he should try to work harder and have more faith, so he will come to understand the truth more clearly. [2]


For someone who, thankfully, has never experienced thought reform and mind control processes, it may be difficult to convey the inner conflicts that rage within someone who has been subjected to this type of emotional and mental manipulation. It may be equally difficult to explain the times these conflicts are deadened by the overriding of one's normal doubts and fears by the extreme domination of one side of oneself, which I am calling the "cult personality."

The cult personality is formed to direct extreme loyalty and attachment to the organization, dedication to its practices, and overwhelming certainty about its beliefs. So sometimes I would be living in conscious conflict, sometimes in extreme certainty. And sometimes there would be moments of unconscious rebellion -- and occasionally total unconsciousness, accompanied by missing time, the most extreme component of the process.

Image

ETERNAL
TIME AND SPACE

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


In my case, at a certain point, I was not able to read a monograph without feeling the extreme dissonance between my critical, rational mind that would raise a number of red flags about the veracity of its content and that part of me that felt obligated to accept the Rosicrucian claims without questioning. The rational power within me had not found the power to keep the rest of me from surrendering completely to the claims of AMORC.

Image

SURRENDER
WHAT ARE YOU GIVING UP? A HOLLOW LITTLE TRIP
THAT'S GOOD FOR ANOTHER 40 YEARS AT BEST.
YOU'RE GIVING IT UP FOR:
ETERNAL UNION
WITH
PURE ENERGY & PURE LIGHT
BECAUSE SURRENDER MEANS
YOU
NO LONGER DIE
IT'S AS SIMPLE
AS THAT
THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS.
BECAUSE: YOU THAT LIVES AND DIES IS
YOUR EGO
AND FEAR OF DEATH ONLY COMES THROUGH
THE BRITTLENESS OF THE EGO
TOTAL TOTAL
SURRENDER SURRENDER
THERE'S NO MORE YOU, NO MORE
LIFE AND DEATH

YEAH I'M GOING TO DIE WOW! DIG THAT! I'M GOING
TO LIVE WOW! DIG THAT! GARBAGE WOW!
NEW BLOSSOMS ON THE TREE WOW!
PATTERNS OF ENERGY
ALL PATTERNS OF ENERGY
YOU'RE PART OF IT ALL
THAT'S THE PLACE!

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


Practical Application

In the practical application section, the monograph clearly states that the scientist Michael Faraday (1791-1867) was a Rosicrucian. Was he, though? Was every important person of the past a Rosicrucian? If he was, it is certainly difficult to find out. If one does a search on the Internet, "Michael Faraday Rosicrucian," his name pops up on a lot of Rosicrucian (AMORC) or AMORC-influenced sites.

It is difficult to prove, one way or the other, that many of these historical figures were Rosicrucians. Saying that a person was a Rosicrucian may mean either that he or she belonged to an order that was called Rosicrucian directly, or (even more difficult to prove) that he or she belonged to an AMORC tradition. These traditions are ultimately based on a conglomeration of mystical organizations called FUDOSI, whose own authenticity gave it the right to confer authenticity on another organization -- clearly a questionable practice.

Atrium 1, Monograph 3

This monograph encourages members to reject their own sensory perceptions.

The doctrine that the perceived world is illusory is a thread of thought in many religious doctrines -- including the philosophy of Hindu Vedanta and Christian Gnosticism -- in their many varieties and styles of expression. Since this book is not propounding a specific philosophy or belief about the universe, we are merely interested to note that, in the case of AMORC, this doctrine functions to increase members' dependency on AMORC for fundamental questions, now that their day-to-day sense of reality is being undermined.

Once, while living in a stinking hotel room in Miami, I spent an entire week almost without taking a bite of food. Why? Because I was preoccupied with trying to find out what my intuition was telling me.

My conscious, self-imposed restriction of food wasn't a normal health or religious fast, but an act of self-neglect. I doubted the ideas associated with my physical senses and with the physical plane, and so sought "Higher Guidance" through this extreme method. I want to add that, in my opinion, there may very well be a legitimate role for fasting for health and religious purposes, but not for someone whose basic reality, common sense, and natural reality has been undermined by cult indoctrination, enhanced suggestibility by certain trance-inducing processes, and the aura of doctrinal infallibility.

AMORC analyzes the five senses, focusing on the eyes. In its discussion, it utilizes the example of movie projection, citing the scientific explanation of the process as correct -- but not complete. In this neophyte section, AMORC is preparing its case for the Rosicrucian view trumping the modern scientific world view, fostering members' belief in its infallible authority.

Image

SADHANA
YOU'VE GOT TO BE QUIET INSIDE TO DO
THAT KIND OF PHOTOGRAPHY
IT'S VERY EASY TO "PHOTOGRAPH"
'INANIMATE OBJECTS' -- LIKE OTHER PEOPLE
BUT: TURN THE LENS RIGHT IN ON
THE VERY STUFF YOU'RE HIDING IN --
SHOOT THE CAMERA THIS WAY!
VERY POWERFUL STUFF!
SO ALL I CAN DO ALL THE TIME IS TO
COOL MYSELF OUT ...
THAT'S ALL I'M DOING -- I DO NOTHING BUT

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


This monograph explains the physical senses with many common scientific explanations, underlining the limitations of modern science's point of view, which is based on ordinary perception. AMORC claims that its own explanation of the extrasensory perception of spirit, and its vibratory nature beyond the range of the senses, is the real and more complete one. If you want to know more, you are told to stay in AMORC.

The point here is not whether such vibrations or their perception exists, but that when you commit yourself to AMORC, you are committing yourself to a larger view, which includes a specific interpretation and suggested applications of the vibratory nature of reality.

Atrium 1, Monograph 4

Concurrence

This monograph takes its introductory quotation from Nicolas Copernicus's book De Revolutionibus Orbium Coelestium, which suggests that the Earth may revolve around the sun. In this excerpt, Copernicus quotes Virgil, the Latin poet, who speaks of how from a moving ship, land appears to recede in the distance. From the ship, everything else but the ship is moving. This provides a good opportunity for AMORC to point out the limitations of people's ability to perceive objectively.

It claims that people are wrong to blindly accept the testimony of their senses. To make its point, the monograph uses Copernicus, Giordano Bruno, Galileo, and their various scientific and doctrinal disputes with religious and "scientific" authorities. These controversies and the outcome of various new scientific theories like those of Galileo and Copernicus concerning the revolution of the Earth around the sun, illustrate how accepted knowledge is not always true.

Continuing the discussion, the shortcomings of the scientific method are highlighted. AMORC points out that the scientific method can learn from mysticism -- meaning the Rosicrucian order, AMORC itself, the world's most perfect template of knowledge.

There is a long-remembered H. Spencer Lewis quotation, "You have to be a live question mark." AMORC directly states that this question must apply to their teaching as well. To me, this statement of the member's right to question, although charmingly permissive of a member's freedom to question the teachings, in fact, provides cover for an all-pervasive authoritarianism.

In The Guru Papers: Masks of Authoritarian Power, [3] Joel Cramer and Diana Alstad catalog a variety of "strong indications of belonging to an authoritarian group." They include:

1. A "party line" or point of view from which no deviation is allowed. Members who deviate from this point of view are made to feel bad for entertaining these rebellious thoughts.

2. The authority is deemed somehow perfect or infallible. It has the moral right to question any kind of deviance.

3. The organization is placed above the members' own judgment.

4. Members are discouraged or prohibited from talking to others outside the group.

5. The leadership is defended, no matter what.

6. Member feels confused and fearful, a kind of general malaise, a condition caused by repression of doubts.


In reality, no member truly questions AMORC. Throughout the order, a compliant slave mentality, rather than a strongly claimed Jeffersonian rationality, rules the members' approach to the material.

The overall intention is to instill doubt in the members about everything they have ever learned, through a slow, steady "unfreezing" process. Eventually, reason and critical thinking will no longer penetrate a member's actual approach to the monograph. Subtle forces will erode their ability to reason and think freely when confronting the Rosicrucian hypotheses.

By affirming reasonableness and freedom, AMORC creates a psychological vulnerability in the minds of their students. Their minds are now completely open to the so-called enlightened Rosicrucian methods. In most cults, there is a strong, seemingly rational foundation laid during the early indoctrination phase.

One interesting concept, brought out in this monograph, is the assertion that Rosicrucians have no actual right to property. Anything that a member possesses really belongs to the Cosmic. To me, although seemingly idealistic, this doctrine is an attempt to further obliterate personal identity and freedom. In later degrees, AMORC will ask its members to use not "I" but "we" instead. The we belonging to what? Perhaps the we of "our order." Slowly, individual consciousness is raked over to toward the hive mentality.



Practical Application

AMORC assures its members that their doctrine denying the private ownership of property has nothing to do with communist or socialist theory. AMORC affirms that karmic law is the reason behind the differences in individual wealth. The exercise is to meditate on property from a philosophical and mystical point of view.

Atrium 1, Monograph 5

This monograph deals with the science of vibrations, which allegedly has been the foundation of Rosicrucian teachings for centuries. The monograph claims that if a member shows patience and perseverance in his work, he will reach a point where he gains a global understanding of mysteries, which, in his present state, he is not capable of yet.

The monograph then addresses the Rosicrucian concept of thought, presented as a more correct concept than the conventional scientific definition.

AMORC expounds on the value of the encephalogram and the meaning of an EEG to a conventional doctor. But AMORC adds it own explanation to complete the "lacking" medical definition. 'It then continues to provide the reader with a mixture of philosophic and scientific definitions of the brain. It contends, using its "centuries-old wisdom" card, that "science has finally localized the different zones of the brain, but the Rosicrucians knew since antiquity about such things." It promises that in the future, when the member gets to the sixth temple degree, previous knowledge about health from antiquity will be passed on to the member to help treat a great number of sicknesses.

AMORC goes on to discuss the impact that certain brain injuries can have on specific parts of the physical body or on the ability to speak certain languages. It points out how medical doctors are capable of repairing certain brain injuries with surgery.

Finally, AMORC warns against spending too much time idly watching television or films, as this will decrease members' mental powers and ability to concentrate. What the person outside of AMORC will not realize is that AMORC is setting the groundwork to isolate members from TV, cinema, and eventually the world. They will do so by providing an overwhelming amount of material, including reading, exercises, and meditation practices, that will consume all of the member's time.

DID YOU EVER GO TO THE MOVIES AND GET SO CAUGHT UP
IN THE MOVIE THAT YOU FORGOT WHO YOU WERE
AND THEN THE LIGHTS CAME ON AND
YOU WONDERED ... WHERE AM I?
WHAT'S GOING ON? OH IT'S A MOVIE

WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO DO IS CREATE IN YOURSELF
AN
ABSOLUTELY CALM CENTER WHERE IT'S
ALWAYS RIGHT HERE & NOW IT IS JUST
LIGHT IT IS JUST IS-NESS GETTING INTO THE
EATING
GOING TO
THE TOILET
GETTING INTO BED
UP THE STAIRS
JUST THE IS-NESS
TALKING
RUNNING DOWN THE STREET

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


Most of the monographs contain one or more of these elements: --

1. Complementary and disarming statements about the liberty of belonging to other religious organizations

2. From time to time, semi-complementary comments on science, again disarming, so the member will not realize that his whole worldview, including his entire reliance on the scientific perspective, is about to be undermined.


These positive statements about modern medicine, science, religion, and other belief structures reassure the student, helping to create receptivity and ultimately vulnerability to subsequent indoctrination and mind control elements in AMORC'S overall program.

Atrium 1, Monograph 6

In my opinion, it takes at least sixteen to eighteen weeks, four and a half months, to complete the indoctrination. I did not know that the process had even taken place, not until some twenty-four years later.

Experiments

Experiment 1


In this process, the neophyte, while taking a walk, pauses in front of a storefront. There, he takes a few moments to observe the contents displayed in the store window. He is asked to focus on those objects, trying to mentally photograph them.

After that, the neophyte stops looking at the objects and forces himself to remember the items in the window one by one. He must then verify how well he did, renewing the process until he is satisfied that he has accomplished his task.

Think how this kind of intentional introspective experience will intrude into the simple act of taking a walk. When you come across people on your journey, you must totally ignore them because you are "proudly doing your Rosicrucian exercises." This experiment will distance you from everyone.

Experiment 2

The neophyte is asked to listen to a specific music performance and attempt to identify each instrument, naming them aloud. The explicitly stated goal is not the nomenclature of the instruments but the ability to maintain concentration during the entire time the piece is playing.

Strangely enough, it was the practice of Rosicrucian exercises that destroyed my ability to concentrate.

Experiment 3


While taking a walk, the neophyte should stop at a place where there are rocks on the ground. He is asked to take one at random, without looking. As he feels the rock in his hand, he tries to define the angles, the shapes, and so on. As he does that, he attempts to see the rock mentally as a whole. After a few moments of concentration, he will open his eyes and try to verify his success.

Experiment 4

When he has the opportunity, the neophyte is asked to take a walk in a public garden or in a forest or some other place where he can smell the perfume from the flowers or vegetation.

He is then asked to sit down and close his eyes, concentrating on the unique odors that come to him as he sits. He is to force himself to think only about these odors. He continues until he feels that he is one with the flowers' scents.

Experiment 5

The next time he is eating fruit, the neophyte is asked to take time to savor the flavor. He is then asked to repeat this experiment with regular food, but mentally figure out the ingredients that are in the dish.

Practical Application

AMORC makes a big promise for those smart enough to be attentive and do their exercises. It promises that the exercises, which sharpen the members' concentration, form the development of mystical powers, which will lead to a number of psychic phenomena:

• telekinesis, the ability to move objects with one's mind
• telepathy, the ability to transmit and receive thought, often at a distance
• psychic projection, often called astral projection or leaving one's bodies
• vibroturgy or psychometry, which has been defined as the ability to sense vibrations from objects; these vibrations are often believed to have been embedded in the objects from other sources, usually people
• absent healing (ability to treat a subject without being present)

Atrium 1, Monograph 6

The Deepening: The Fire of Indoctrination


AMORC asks the member to concentrate on the light of a candle this time. AMORC does not mention the term "hypnotism" in reference to this exercise, but now I know this type of practice can create a semi-hypnotic state that opens the members to AMORC's suggestions, planted through the monographs.

Symbolism of Fire

To show members how important and meaningful concentration on the candle light is, AMORC philosophizes on the relation between the candlelight and fire. AMORC claims that for centuries candlelight has symbolized fire, the raw, primitive fire that hearkens back to prehistoric man, living in caves, perhaps worshiping the magical source of light and heat that provided the foundations of his warmth and nourishment. This conversation about fire is not really all that mystical. A professor of anthropology could have said this.


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IT'S AS IF YOU'RE PROPELLED INTO IT
LIKE THE MOTH INTO THE FLAME

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


Finally, as expected, the symbolism of fire in ancient Egyptian temples comes up. The column of current Rosicrucian temples is mentioned, and then the Shekinah is spoken of. This is the first time such a term is mentioned in the monographs. Shekinah is a Kabbalistic term, a Hebrew word meaning "divine presence." The Kabbalah is an ancient Jewish mystical teaching whose central symbol is the tree of life or otz chiim in Hebrew. The tree of life in the Old Testament, as you may remember, was set in the Garden of Eden and guarded with a flaming sword. It was the source of immortality, which was taken from Adam and Eve when Eve partook of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. When Moses approached God to receive his mission, he confronted an "angel" in a burning bush, perhaps another indirect reference to the symbol or the experience embodied by the tree of life. Some would say that the otz chiim corresponds to the symbol of the Christian cross, and that the rosy cross -- the cross bearing a living rose -- is a symbol of life rising out of death, a symbol of resurrection and immortality.

Alchemy of Fire

AMORC notes how religious Christians and others came to misunderstand the symbolism of fire. The true meaning of fire is a secure secret of mystical proportions, held safely by true mystics and, of course, the Rosicrucians. The laws and principles of Rosicrucian masters, since time immemorial, have been linked with fire.

Experiment

The neophyte is asked to extinguish one candle and leave the other burning. He then must sit with his feet flat on the floor, executing four or five neutral or normal breaths. Once he is completely relaxed, he must focus on the lighted candle, taking care not to blink. He must keep this focus until he feels he has become one with the candle.


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STILL
YOU DO YOUR THING
LIVE YOUR LIFE IN THE WORLD
THE WATER GOES ON DOWN THE STREAM
YOU CHOP THE WOOD AND CARRY THE WATER
YOU DO YOUR THING YOUR MIND DOES ITS THING
YOUR SENSES THEIR THING BUT
YOU
ARE NOT ATTACHED
BECAUSE YOU SAT IN FRONT OF THE CANDLE FLAME
UNTIL THERE WAS JUST YOU AND THE CANDLE FLAME
& THEN FINALLY
YOU EXTRICATED YOURSELF FROM THE ATTACHMENT
TO YOUR OWN THOUGHTS
TO THE TYRANNY OF THE "DRUNKEN MONKEY"
EVEN TO THE THOUGHTS OF I & CANDLE FLAME
NOT SO THAT YOU WOULD NEVER THINK AGAIN
I MEAN FEW PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME
DON'T APPRECIATE THE FACT THAT I THINK
& I HAVE KEEN DISCRIMINATION & I HAVE NOT LOST MY MIND
& I AM A SOPHISTICATED AWARE BEING
& YET
BEHIND EVERY WORD
& BEHIND IT ALL
IS A MANTRA
GOING INSIDE MY HEAD
IN WHICH I AM SITTING
CALMLY WATCHING THIS WHOLE DRAMA UNFOLD
MY THINKING MIND IS A PERFECT SERVANT AND A LOUSY MASTER
I AM WATCHING HE WHO SPEAKS * I AM WATCHING THEY WHO LISTEN *
I AM WATCHING THINKING * THOUGHTS ARE CLOUDS *
THE ENTIRE PROCESS FROM THIS PLACE INSIDE
IS ALWAYS CALM
A PLACE IN WHICH THE FLAME NEVER FLICKERS.
AND AS I LEARN TO LIVE IN THIS EXTERNALLY CALM PLACE
IT GETS DEEPER AND DEEPER AND CALMER AND CALMER
AND WISER AND WISER
AND LIGHTER AND LIGHTER
AND I AM MORE LOVE AND I BECOME MORE AND MORE
LIKE THE SUN

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


During this experiment, the neophyte is asked to try not to be conscious of himself or who he is. In other words, he should lose himself in the object of his concentration. When losing focus, he should pause momentarily and then renew his concentration, though no more than twice at one time.

Then, he should relight the second candle and continue studying the monograph. When finished with the practical application, the last page of the monograph, he should briefly meditate.

Practical Application

This monograph speaks of the "importance" of using incense when preparing to study a monograph or going into the sanctum to meditate. AMORC states that some people do not like the smell of incense or even can not tolerate it. AMORC says that, in reality, it is not incense these people are allergic to, but the religious context that displeases them. AMORC adds that such people do not like churches or mysticism.

The dislike of incense may have a kind of superstitious basis. In some cases, it may have to do with mental blockages or a form of superstition connected to religious forms. The dislike of incense, AMORC asserts, is rare among people who are interested in spirituality.

AMORC adds that the use of incense is a supplementary element to create in yourself and your sanctum an atmosphere favorable to the study and application of mysticism. They link the incense with the symbolism of fire because it takes fire to transmute the incense and bring out its scent to a room. Nonetheless, this seems a particularly hard sell for using incense.

I believe that incense enhances the relaxation attendant on the candle burning and heightens the state of auto-hypnosis. I believe AMORC pushes the need for it because it facilitates a deepening of this state.

Note that after you finish the candle exercise, in my opinion, you will generally be in a state of auto-hypnosis, a state that is probably deepened the more the member identifies with AMORC as the exclusive source of spiritual authority.

I have already noted how this process of identification is a form of psychological transference, in which authority is transferred from oneself to another authority, whether a person or an institution. Transference heightens suggestibility. A person will be more likely to believe a person to whom he has transferred authority. Combine this transference with repeated conditioning caused by hypnotic induction, and you have a powerful process for enhancing suggestibility on the part of the subject.


For the purposes of this book, I will call this process "the deepening." The deepening is the gradual infusion of cult-specific doctrines and behavior into the subject's mind and emotions. This indoctrination accelerates the further growth of identification with the cult beliefs, culture, and values. It creates the perfect atmosphere for growing the cult personality, a personality which has been broken down, reshaped, and refrozen in the image that the cult desires -- a compliant, nonthinking workhorse, highly suggestible and ready to do the master's bidding.

In my frustration and with a flash of humor, I have called this type of conditioned personality a zombie and have called the deepening process "zombificiation." But in reality, this is not a funny process for the person undergoing it.

Much of this book is about how the deepening happens and what its implications are, particularly in the peculiar way it is furthered by AMORC's special form of mind control, which I call "remote indoctrination." Remote indoctrination is a fascinating idea, permitting the practitioner to accomplish many things in a cheaper and socially and politically safer way than in cults which require more human interaction in their conditioning.

Imagine going back to the fifties, when the Chinese were using brainwashing techniques on prisoners of the state. Instead of wasting thousands of dollars on interrogators, all they would have to do would be to lock up a prisoner with some pieces of paper, some incense, and a few candles. Of course, they would have to convince him that the material was worth reading. Perhaps they could actually let him out of the prison, put him on a work farm, and convince him, through surrogates, that the pieces of paper carne from a rebel organization and that in order to become an effective enemy, he would need to enhance his spiritual power.

So he would study and meditate and become self-indoctrinated, thinking all along that he was free and working against his oppressors, not for them. Whatever the ruse, the process of indoctrination could go on for weeks or months with very little involvement on the part of the government. All along, their victim would be working hard on the farm for them and becoming more and more a believer in the alternative reality they had provided him.

In light of AMORC's indoctrination techniques, as the deepening continues, the "suggestions" to reread the monographs or redo the exercises become more orders than suggestions.

Atrium 1, Monograph 8

In the beginning of this monograph, AMORC reminds the neophytes that they have been informed from the beginning that the purposes of the teachings are practical, not simply intellectual. To that end, members must perform the exercises diligently, learning how to increase their power of concentration, which is not, in itself, the result of intellectual study.

Experiment 1

The neophyte is asked to repeat the experiment of atrium 2, number 7, the last monograph, but to do so with the goal of seeing the aura of the candle. The neophyte will sit before the candle, take a few breaths, and stare at the flame. He will then perceive the flame as a kind of whitish glow or "halo" around the candle.

Once he perceives the aura, the neophyte must concentrate on the color red until the aura becomes red. Then, he is asked to do this for all the seven colors of the rainbow. The question, provided the initiate has some success, is then, was the color of the candle induced to objectively change, or did it change only in the eye of the neophyte?

This appears to be an exercise in creating a positive hallucination, a hypnotic process requiring a certain level of trance. After all, the member, in this experiment, is obviously creating a color that isn't there.

Experiment 2

This next experiment also involves a candle. In this experiment, you try to imagine the candle flame taking on the appearance of a rosy cross or, if desired, to imagine the rosy cross in the flame, all the time mentally saying, "Rosy cross" until you actually see it.

In this experiment, the member does not create a color but a complete image. The member is learning to be adept at creating a full-fledged positive hallucination, making images in his mind appear as actual, real, sensible objects.

Practical Application


The neophyte is asked to combine the three experiments of visualizing the aura, color, and rose cross together. He is also asked to take a color photograph of a house for use with the next monograph.

Atrium 1, Monograph 9

AMORC assumes that everyone was successful to some extent in the candle aura and image experiments. In my personal experience, I went back to the previous monograph with the candle experiments, reread the passages, and repeated the experiments over and over until I was successful at them.

Visualization

AMORC, in introducing the topic of visualization, explains that the Rosicrucian experiment in the candlelight was meant to put members in harmony with the profound symbol of the Rose Cross. As a result of that, members will receive a special spiritual influx - that is, an influx of spiritual energy.

Later on, members will learn that questioning or doubting the order's teaching can block a member from receiving the vital spiritual energy he needs to succeed. Obtaining this spiritual energy is a goal of the experiments. As AMORC progressively places itself as the only door to spiritually, a member begins to realize the magnitude of belonging to the order.

Opening the Door to Self-Blame

AMORC explains that the purpose of visualization is to create mentally what you want to realize materially. If what you desire is in compliance with karmic law, it will be realized. This means that when a member's desire is not actualized -- that is, produced in manifestation -- then the practitioner quickly looks to himself as the cause. The general conclusion would be that the failure is due to the member's karma.

Image

DESIRE
THE FIRST THING IN MY TEACHER'S BOOK,
THE FIRST THING HE EVER WROTE ON HIS
SLATE (BECAUSE HE WAS SILENT) WAS:
DESIRE IS A TRAP
DESIRELESSNESS IS MOKSHA
(LIBERATION)
DESIRE IS THE CREATOR
DESIRE IS THE DESTROYER
DESIRE IS THE UNIVERSE
AND: THAT APPLIES TO THE PHYSICAL PLANE
THE ASTRAL PLANE
THE CAUSAL PLANE
HEAVEN
DEMONS
HELL
(THE DEMONS ON 43RD ST.
AS WELL AS THE DEMONS
ON THE ASTRAL PLANE!)
ARE ALL THE CREATIONS OF DESIRE!
ALL THE MANIFESTATIONS
OF THE DIVINE MOTHER
ARE CREATIONS OF DESIRE!

* THAT'S WHY NAGA, (THE NAKED ASCETIC),
WORKED ON GETTING RAMAKRISHNA TO
GO BEYOND HIS LOVE FOR KALI.

GIVE UP EVEN THE
DESIRE TO BE EXPERIENCING THE BLISS
OF BEING IT ALL
OF BEING WITH THE DIVINE MOTHER
THE BUDDHISTS SAY: (I'M TALKING ABOUT THE NON-DUALISTIC
BUDDHISTS)
CUT OUT ALL THIS MIDDLE STUFF!
THEY SAY:
DON'T GET HUNG UP ON ALL THESE DIFFERENT
DESIRE TRIPS. JUST GO BEYOND IT ALL.

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


But karma is not the easiest thing to identify. Karma from what? From a past lifetime? From something you just did? From something you are hiding about your life -- from yourself, from others? Since the karmic cause is difficult to identify -- and not really addressed at this point by the AMORC teachings -- the result will be self-condemnation or, if not quite so strong, a growing sense of failure.

Of course, at this stage, by constantly referring to its teachings as preliminary, the other consequence is that the neophyte comes to believe that the problem may be that he does not have enough information yet. The door to the realities behind the exercise is not yet unlocked. He begins to question his commitment to the order or wonders whether his method for proceeding with his lessons is somehow essentially flawed.

Of course, if the problem really lies in the claims and methodologies themselves, then there can be a much greater problem for the committed member.

Experiment

This experiment tells the neophyte to look at the picture of the house he was asked to procure in the last monograph. The neophyte is asked to concentrate on every detail and then recreate the whole picture mentally. He is told that this is an essential part of the process of visualization. The member is then told to consult an encyclopedia or another reference book to read about light and colors.

Neophyte Section

Atrium 1, Monograph 10


AMORC then proposes three new experiments.

Experiment

The neophyte is asked to sit comfortably and r4elax for a moment by following the usual instructions. All three of these experiments are about visualization.

1. Visualize scenery in nature.

2. Visualize a house that you have visited in the past.

3. Visualize someone that you know well.


AMORC says that developing this capacity for visualization will lead to a greater mastery of the neophyte's environment and life.

False Promises

The member is told that these visualization experiments will continue in the next monograph. Meanwhile, the member is asked to practice these experiments, because they will help him realize his most valuable desire.

Neophyte Section

Atrium 1, Monograph 11


In the concurrence, the beginning of the monograph, in a deviation from the normal course of study, AMORC asks that the neophyte read the monograph first before he reads the quotations in the concurrence itself.

One of those quotes is from the New Testament, Mathew 7:7-11: "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you" (American Standard Version). There are several other quotes, all from works of Plato.

Now AMORC gives an exercise, which is the conclusion or the actual practice of the visualization exercises in the previous monographs. According to this monograph, if the Cosmic does not see any objection to your need, the object of your visualization in these exercises will be fulfilled. According to this monograph, these visualizations are based on mystical principles that have been proven to work.

So when I applied these principles to my green card project and my goal of going to college and was not successful, I came to the conclusion that maybe it was not Cosmic will for me to have my green card and go to college. So I started reasoning to myself that it was not important for everyone to go to college. Also, I started thinking that it may not have been God's will that I have my green card in the United States. The reason for this change in thought is that, by this time, I believed in the infallibility of the Rosicrucian order.

In the monograph, AMORC speaks about the creative power of thought, again touting the power of its visualization and manifestation exercises. Still, AMORC has built in potential excuses that the neophyte can give to AMORC and himself if the manifestation doesn't take place immediately.

For example, if the manifestation does not happen on for a member on his own projected timetable, AMORC says it is because the member is reasoning at the human level and is not patient.

Now if you continue to think about the desire after you have said it -- after, metaphysically, it has already been accomplished -- you will keep it in your consciousness and keep it from being fulfilled.

Practical Application

In this last page on practical application, AMORC asks members to meditate and send peace to humanity. By asking the Cosmic for the good of other people, you show the Cosmic that you are unselfish.

Atrium 1, Monograph 12

This monograph asserts that the understanding of miracles will provide a key to the kind of miraculous manifestations reported by adepts in previous centuries. In the same paragraph, it affirms the absolute necessity for the neophyte to read the monographs more than once.


Image

THOSE OF LITTLE FAITH
NEED LONG FINGERNAILS AND LONG HAIR
TO BELIEVE ITS HAPPENING
"LEST YE SEE MIRACLES
YE WILL NOT BELIEVE"
SAID OUR BUDDY
TALL
SAUL
AND THE
ASTRALS

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


They then contend that, for centuries, the Rosicrucians have used a method of transmission of thought at distance that does not require that receptor be aware of thought being sent to them. AMORC does not deny the difficulty of this process but pushes its members to keep trying until they succeed without letting themselves become discouraged.

Atrium 1, Monograph 13

AMORC states that black magic, or the process of using negative thought to affect other people's lives, is a myth. AMORC states that what does affect other people is not the practice of the sorcerer but the fear that people have of black magic.


AMORC perhaps does not practice black magic, but it does instill in people an irrational fear of the order's own metaphysical power. Here is an example. On one occasion instead of going to a lodge convocation where I was scheduled to serve as a guardian at 3:30 PM, I got a taxi fare from the Miami Airport to Miami Beach to make an extra $20. The taxicab caught fire three miles into the trip. Owing to my programming, my obsessive need to connect everything to AMORC, I attributed the fire to my failure to give priority to my AMORC duty. I did penance by discreetly putting extra money in the AMRA box. That event, the taxicab catching fire and my interpretation of it, had3 domino effect on me. It triggered a fear that would lead me to devote an excessive amount of time to the Miami lodge (by the way, the AMRA box was not suppose to be used for penance but acting under fear of the cult that what I did).

In this monograph, AMORC basically claims that a person cannot be harmed by the bad thoughts or evil spells of another unless they attribute reality to that power -- that is, if they are superstitious.

Despite the fact that AMORC correctly attacks this type of manipulation by people who cast spells and who would try to influence people against their will, AMORC utilizes the full power of its members' subconscious to reinforce their members' beliefs in their ultimate infallibility and power of the order's own practices.
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Re: THE PRISONER OF SAN JOSE: HOW I ESCAPED FROM ROSICRUCIAN

Postby admin » Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:02 am

EIGHT: Adventures in the Lodge

After about a year as a member of the Miami lodge, I began a series of exercises that destroyed my self-esteem and many other important aspects of my life.

I was working as a dishwasher in a Mexican restaurant (located in Coral Gables) for $3.75 per hour. After paying AMORC dues, paying my rent of $80 a month, and buying a bus pass for $30 a month, I sent what was left to my mother.

Typically, I wore some very cheap clothes that I bought at the Salvation Army store. I was so poorly dressed that I decided to avoid the social period at the lodge. For that reason, in general, I took the last bus so that I arrived at the Miami lodge right before the convocation.

One day, when I got to the lodge, I observed that the door was locked. I had arrived late. Coming up to the door, I could feel, for a moment, the power of the lodge, an almost magnetic presence amplified by the concentration and power of its members. In a moment of silent recognition, I realized that I was one of the components of this magnificent presence. Yes, by now I was sufficiently developed spiritually to realize the reality of that power and sufficiently strong enough myself to be active in creating and amplifying the spiritual presence within this sacred building.

How could I fail to participate in such an important function? In these thoughts, I forgot about the deceptions and problems with the teachings. I knocked on the door. I wanted to go in but could not. Now I longed for the convocation. Forgetting everything, as I said, I longed for the experience of that special presence in that lodge.

But then my thoughts turned negative. Now instead of being glad, I became fiercely hurt that I had missed the convocation. This was my special home, a rare place to share the unique power of AMORC with others of like mind.

Instead of rejoicing, I therefore voiced the following personal and fateful decision: "From now on I will come to the lodge early enough so that I will not risk being late for my convocation. I will ignore the fact that I am dressed in clothes that are not even fit to be worn at my dishwasher station."

I thought to myself, as I had many times before, "Since AMORC teaches that the personality disappears, and since AMORC teaches that humility is the key to spiritual enlightenment, maybe this is the way I am being tested before I obtain the knowledge that AMORC will pass on to me."

So I kept coming to the lodge on time, trying to avoid people any way I could. I would be the first one to enter the "temple" once the bell was rung. I went to the bathroom more often than necessary, to minimize social contact. Once the convocation ended, I would be the first one to get out the door and leave. Thus, I didn't participate in the social event that followed the lodge convocation.

How I Became an Officer of the Miami Lodge

One day, the fraters and sorors of the lodge were planning for the following year's officers. They could not find anyone to fill the supply position. Paulette pointed to me and said, "What about this little one? He always sits here quietly." She asked me if I wanted to sell supplies for the coming year. The first thing that came to my mind was that if I did, I would not be able to avoid social contact at the lodge.

But then many statements from the monographs about the importance of serving in the lodge also came to mind. I had always had one goal in the United States: obtaining my green card so that I could become eligible to obtain financial aid to go to college. With a college education, I could get a good job and get my two sisters and my mother out of poverty in Haiti. At that point, I realized that I needed God. But AMORC, at that time, had become my only connection to God. So I did everything possible to be in harmony with the egregore of AMORC and prove myself to AMORC.

Serving in the lodge would be a sure way of proving to AMORC that I was worthy of its blessing. I juggled these thoughts and many others in my mind for a solid week.

The next week I told Paulette that I would accept the position of selling supplies in the lodge. So when my term started two months later, I arrived at the lodge every Sunday an hour before the convocation, as I was required to do to sell supplies.

To minimize my social contact, I put my chair next to the supply cabinet with my back turned toward the group that was socializing. Prior to me, the person selling supplies usually faced the social group and socialized with them while handling sales. I felt that I didn't have the most pleasant appearance but that I had to do what I believed to be my duty. While selling supplies, I pretended to be busy, cleaning the cabinet, counting money, or rearranging the books. I did all these things to minimize social interaction.

Once the bell rang for convocation, I closed the cabinet and entered the lodge. After convocation, I resumed my duty as before the convocation. After this was over, I went to my job as a dishwasher. I didn't complain, because I knew I was successfully passing the necessary test to earn the blessing of AMORC. I also felt specially obligated to serve, given the "miraculous" way in which I had found my current dishwashing job.

By the way, in order to accommodate the current lodge duty obligation, I had to ask my boss to rearrange my Sunday dishwashing job schedule for me. He decided it was worthwhile to keep me happy because I was an excellent dishwasher and very fast in doing my job. I performed well on busy nights and also supported the cooks well. But in my mind, I believed that he accommodated me because of my mystical power and because I was doing "Cosmic duty."

My Rosicrucian Diary April 5, 1984, 9:57 PM Monograph 7 of Atrium 2

From now on, I will do my best, with the help of the Cosmic, to study a monograph only when I have time to truly complete it in one sitting. If an unexpected event interrupts me during my reading, I will continue reading it all the way to the end, even at the expense of any other material obligations.


The Test of English as a Foreign Language (TOEFL) Test

As previously mentioned, I forced myself not to think about my green card "because it was already done." So I registered to take a TOEFL test. The test was scheduled at Miami-Dade Community College, on the north campus. On the day of the test, I carried with me a lot of AMORC advertising flyers that the French grand lodge had sent to me. I was very zealous in passing out the flyers to the students who were about to take the test.

Deep inside of me that day, I was reminding myself that I had earned the blessing of what would come my way -- in the form of my green card. Little did I know that I was going to be humiliated for more than twenty years by AMORC.

The restaurant eventually let me go, and I was again without a job. A friend had noted my crazy schedule and how I had to take buses late at night. He recommended that I get into the taxi business.

At my dishwashing job, I'd had to make long, strenuous trips late at night. One of the worst parts was when I got off the bus at 114th Street and 7th Avenue. From there, I had to walk from 7th Avenue to 13th Avenue. The street was filled with dogs, all of them bigger than me. Dogs chased me almost every night.

Since I could not run faster than these dogs, I tried to rely on the power of my thoughts to conquer the situation. I tried to make it look like I wasn't afraid, as other people had instructed me, thinking this would fend them off. Make no mistake: this did not work.

Furthermore, let me tell you that, as a burgeoning Rosicrucian adept, there is nothing that hurts one's pride more than being chased by dogs on a regular basis. The insane schedule and the slobbering, hateful dogs became serious factors in my decision-making. I prepared to get my license and start driving a taxi.

The first few days as a taxi driver were difficult, because I started spending too much of my time at home doing AMORC exercises and monographs. Then I started driving at the airport, where I spent all my time waiting in the taxi holding area with the AMORC monographs.

As a taxi driver, I worked mostly in the airport, where my active working schedule was approximately six hours a day. I spent the remaining time in the airport taxi holding area, reading Rosicrucian monographs and practicing Rosicrucian exercises from twelve to eighteen hours a day.

My Rosicrucian Diary June 3, 1984 Monograph 7 of Atrium 2

Should I abandon the Rosicrucian teaching, or should I continue? Should I continue my affiliation with the Miami lodge, or should I stop?

What am I looking for in the Rosicrucian teaching? Are the goals I am seeking within the same arena as the teachings?

If I make an evaluation of three years of affiliation with AMORC, what kind of conclusions will I reach? Right now, I am too confused and materially in distress to proceed with such an evaluation.


But I promise eventually to make an honest evaluation of my affiliation with AMORC. With this evaluation, I will decide whether I want to continue on the Rosicrucian path.
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Re: THE PRISONER OF SAN JOSE: HOW I ESCAPED FROM ROSICRUCIAN

Postby admin » Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:02 am

NINE: Second Initiation: Atrium

AMORC introduces this initiation by reminding the neophyte he is about to enter through the door to the second room in the atrium. After the third room, initiates will be able to enter the symbolic temple of the rosae crucis.

I thought, at this point, how by arriving at this initiation, I was getting closer to obtaining my financial freedom to help my mother and sisters. I was, at this point, under a misapprehension about my step forward. Instead, it was just another step in the long process of losing my freedom of choice. My illusion of advancement culminated in fatal decisions that removed me as an active agent in supporting my family. Worse, owing to this loss of judgment, I failed to be there for my mother when she needed me in her final days.

In the second initiation, AMORC commands you to make room for tranquil time and collect the materials you need for this initiation, including a table, mirror, and candle.

AMORC further claims that the purpose of this initiation is to purify all thoughts that keep you from living in perfect harmony with the "God of your heart and of your understanding."

The Concept of the Egregore

In the initiation, AMORC makes the claim that their order is empowered by an egregore, or group consciousness, consisting of both incarnated beings and non-incarnate spiritual masters. The sincere members, who study and practice the teachings of the monographs, receive a spiritual energy or influx from the egregore, which provides the student with regenerative energy and a sense of direction.

Instruction


The neophyte is asked to sit and contemplate the burning incense for a moment. AMORC repeats its claim that while meditating, the masters of the rosy cross provide the member with an influx of spiritual energy. AMORC tells its members to make good use of it, not only for themselves but for the sake of others.

Gradually the inspiration of the invisible masters will show you how to use the energy of your body to treat others and yourself when you or they are sick.

After making a sign of supplication before closing this session, the candles are then ceremoniously extinguished and the sanctum broken down. The neophyte is asked to write a report of this initiation and send it to headquarters.

Atrium 2, Monograph 1

Section Neophyte


AMORC quotes Giordano Bruno on the introductory page of this monograph. The quotation is a kind of hymn to the universe and the omnipresence of the divine consciousness.

The monograph goes onto to promise the neophyte that he will soon have a more precise idea about the idea behind the teachings. It would be wonderful if this claim were true, that now the neophyte would be able to quickly assess the value of the teachings and the true goals of the Rosicrucians. But, by this point, the direction of the teachings and the monographs that embody them is still largely unknown, and I, who have been through them for twenty-four years, can verify the ambiguity of this statement. The neophyte has not moved into an area where he is now finally able to grasp the true goals of the teachings. In many ways, the intent of the monographs will remain enigmatic to the end.

Image

IN MY CASE I KEPT
READING THE BOOKS BUT
I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND
THEM. THEY WERE
YELLING THE SECRETS
BUT I COULDN'T HEAR
THEM BECAUSE I WAS
LOOKING AT THEM FROM
THE WRONG! PLACE!
THAT WAS MY PROBLEM
AND I COULDN'T GET MY
HEAD INTO THE RIGHT PLACE.
I STILL WANTED TO KNOW
I KNEW. SEE? I WAS STILL
WESTERN RATIONAL MAN
SO I WENT AND I LOOKED
AND LOOKED AND LOOKED
AND AS LONG AS I LOOKED
LIKE A RATIONAL MAN
LOOKING I DIDN'T FIND
ANYTHING. I JUST FOUND
MY OWN SHADOW
ALL THE TIME THAT'S
ALL YOU EVER FIND:
YOURSELF
YOU ONLY READ TO YOURSELF
YOU ONLY TALK TO YOURSELF
YOU ONLY EVER KNOW YOURSELF
THAT'S ALL THERE IS!
STRANGELY
ENOUGH!

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


Yes, students will study things such as "practical magic," "out-of-body travel," and "reincarnation," performing various spiritual practices in a setting deeply connected to AMORC's version of Rosicrucian practices and authority. In my opinion, many of these practices trigger a hypnotic state, rather than the meditative state suggested by the teachings.

And even if we ignore, for the moment, the hypothesis of the willful design of creating a state of trance, in my opinion, these practices can and often would trigger a hypnotic state if the subject is not truly knowledgeable about using meditation to increase wakefulness instead of deepening a state of trance. Furthermore, the subject's vulnerability to such a state would be greatly enhanced if he bought into the infallibility of the authority of the institution behind his spiritual practices.

Many people would argue that a hypnotic state is different than a meditative state, and it has long been known that a state of hypnosis can produce positive hallucinations and create behavioral-oriented suggestions that can affect behavior outside of the hypnotic trance. We are speaking here of "posthypnotic suggestions."

There are some scientific studies that attempt to discern the difference between the meditative state and the hypnotic state. Some studies conclude that the difference lies more in the intention of the practitioner, rather than in the practice itself. One argument is that when you talk about meditation and embark upon a study comparing it to hypnotism, you are really only talking about one technique of meditation, and there are many.

So a study that addresses, say, an altered state induced by using devotional mantras and compares it to a state of hypnotic trance might have different consequences than a study that examines a meditative practice like Zazen, focused on clearing the mind of thought, and compares it to an hypnotically induced state of consciousness.

In my opinion, whatever scientific differences might show up, the state induced by AMORC that I experienced, particularly in my home sanctum, had all the earmarks of hypnosis.

After making claims to supreme authority, AMORC has the member study the monograph's claims and teachings after progressing from a state of deep relaxation induced by watching candles, burning incense, and chanting, to the practice of visualization for the purpose of changing the colors of a candle, experiencing the presence of cosmic masters during teaching and initiation, and seeking the manifestation of heartfelt goals.

AMORC makes many non provable and self-magnifying claims about the role of Rosicrucians and their divine purpose in the universe during this ongoing experience that I have called the deepening. In my experience, this indoctrination does not have the effect of bringing the member into a heightened state of clarity, as meditation is supposed to do, but into a heightened state of suggestibility.

Hypnotism relates to the unethical mind control practices of destructive cults in a variety of ways. In many cults which claim to be religious, what is often called "meditation" is no more than a process by which the cult members enter a trance, during which time they may receive suggestions which make them more receptive to following the cult's doctrine. Nonreligious cults use other forms of group or individual induction. In addition, being in a trance is usually a pleasant, relaxing experience, so that people wish to reenter the trance as often as possible. Most importantly, it has been clinically established by psychological researchers that people's critical faculties are diminished in the trance state. One is less able to evaluate information received in a trance than when in a normal state of consciousness. [1]


A lot has to do with the intentions of the subject. In hypnosis, the subject, if aware and consenting to the process, is looking for a kind of sleep state, a trance state. In meditation, he is trying to wake up, to achieve a higher state of consciousness. Some say that both states of mind are connected with some kind of link to the subconscious, but from a different perspective.

Impact on My Life

In 1983 when I got the room at the house of Yves, I bought a mirror -- required for the AMORC exercises -- instead of a spray for the mosquitoes in my apartment.

In the beginning of the first monograph of Atrium 2, there is a letter signed by Christian Bernard, imperator. The monograph goes on to indicate that AMORC knows better than theologians, philosophers, and scientists about the science of life -- and has had this special knowledge for centuries.

This monograph expresses AMORC's view on life and its origin. It discusses how the Big Bang and the theory of spontaneous generation theory are wrong. Then it suggests that the veracity of the Rosicrucians' claims is somewhat indicated by scientists' inability to prove their materialistic approach to the creation of life.

AMORC concludes this monograph by urging members, /100 not hesitate to read and reread this monograph and to renew the experience that was 'proposed' during the last few weeks." In my case, I have reread these monographs and repeated their exercises at least twenty times.

Here also AMORC mentions the name of H. Spencer Lewis for the first time.

Atrium 2, Monograph 2

This monograph makes clear the Rosicrucian position on abortion, declaring that life begins when the newborn takes its first breath. Implicit in this statement is the idea that life does not exist before the first breath, a position I take objection to for a variety of reasons.

Function of Blood


The information about blood in this monograph can be learned in any class for pre-nursing or health-related fields. The discussion has a slight Rosicrucian twist. Also in this monograph, we are told that Dr. William Harvey (1578-1657), who discovered that blood circulates in blood vessels, was a Rosicrucian.

Atrium 2, Monograph 3

This monograph claims that the slow pace of the lessons is deliberate. AMORC doesn't just want you to read or skim through its teachings. It wants you to contemplate or meditate on them.

AMORC claims that its advanced initiates will be shown special Rosicrucian healing techniques. This should not be unexpected: AMORC claims to have a lock on every type of human knowledge. Coupled with its claims about producing conditions that will result in financial wellness, the member is encouraged to be patient, postponing the dedicated actions necessary to seek proper medical or health advice or to work gainfully and seriously toward legitimate financial goals.

Atrium 2, Monograph 4


In this monograph, AMORC asserts that all sickness is a shortage of positive or negative vibration. Many members, including myself, will eventually come to believe that AMORC has a comprehensive monopoly on the understanding of the true cause of human illness.

AMORC sounds fairly reasonable on the value of proper nutrition. AMORC mentions that many books are written on the subject of proper nutrition -- but unfortunately claims that most of them contradict each other. This is one more way of casting doubt on everything new members ever learned before joining AMORC. AMORC concludes by stating that the diet one chooses is his personal business.

Atrium 2, Monograph 5

In this monograph, AMORC continues its discussion of health. It speaks extensively about how one can easily become overworked. With time, overwork can become a form of self-abuse. The monograph counsels the reader that when he is overworked mentally and physically, it is necessary to take a rest. AMORC thus lays the groundwork for members to blame themselves if the results of overwork overtake them.

AMORC gives a list of conditions that people can develop as a result of improper sleep and rest. They include loss of appetite, insomnia, a sense of noticeable irritation at minor or moderate frustrations, depression, even heart attack or stroke. This much is all true. But it is also true that the manipulative techniques of AMORC will invariably lead to lack of sleep and excessive stress, thereby creating exactly the conditions listed above.

Do the writers of these monographs know this? Is this written to shield them from accusations when members' lives fall apart, partially owing to the time constraints and pressures these monograph responsibilities build into their lives? Do they think that by warning readers about the dangers of lack of sleep and its symptoms, the members will blame anything else in their life than AMORC for their inability to work well, the problems they have with relationships, or the accidents they might have -- all owing to a lack of rest?

AMORC then tells its members how to prepare themselves for sleep. The goal is to go to sleep in a meditative state. This is accomplished by the member initially lying on his back, face up, with his hands on the solar plexus. Now, even in their sleep, members can do Rosicrucian exercises. And to make sure the process is successful, AMORC asks members to review Liber 777, to help them get to the celestial sanctum. You worked all day; now you can work all night!

Now the exercise instructions said to assume your preferred position when you were about to fall asleep. In my case, going through all these postures, while attempting to assume a meditative state, became such a consuming process that it actually induced stress. In fact, I became so preoccupied with complying with the exact requirements of the exercise that falling asleep gradually became a far-away goal.

These exercises marked the beginning of a long period of insomnia, which lasted until 2005, when I left AMORC. Until that time, I had never attributed my insomnia to these cumbersome Rosicrucian pre-sleep exercises. Why did it take me so long to think of this as a probable cause? It is hard for someone outside of a cult to realize the power of the claim of sacred infallibility on a cult believer. Everything they recommend has been tested for centuries -- so why should I imagine that it wouldn't work for me?

Practical Application

In this practical application, the door is opened to explain the failure of AMORC's sleeping techniques. In my case, as well as for all members who respectfully attempt to practice the exercises, sleep will become a rare commodity.

Owing to these claims, if I fell asleep when tired while practicing or reading the Rosicrucian monographs, I thought of this sleep as a special type of sleep. My interpretation of the AMORC teachings led me to believe that, when sleep occurred in this instance, I would go to the celestial sanctum and be recharged. Therefore, I did not have to worry about lack of sleep.

Atrium 2, Monograph 6

AMORC affirms that science is just catching up with its discoveries of the effects of thought on health. Why are there so many diverse subjects in the AMORC monographs? Why does AMORC claim that every single source of knowledge carne from a Rosicrucian? Or perhaps one could ask: what is the consequence of AMORC reaching out into every corner of one's life?

The answer: when one attempts to deprogram oneself, every element of life that AMORC has touched in its voluminous, all-encompassing monographs can trigger the cult personality. And the cult personality will keep you from leaving.

For example, AMORC is not content just to show the value of deep breathing. It attempts to bring the member to believe that deep breathing was "invented by a Rosicrucian." Burning incense, sleeping on your back, singing vowel sounds, chewing your food properly ... all of these and more involve private facets of your life that are ultimately branded with the AMORC signature. You learn how to eat, breathe, and sleep in the Rosicrucian way ... and the list of Rosicrucians inroads in your life goes on until it reaches every corner of your life and changes your understanding of even the simplest processes of living.

As to the pedigree of some of their practices, AMORC never mentions that the sound om, which they chant, is a common practice in Hindu yoga. Om means "perfection" in Sanskrit.

In this monograph from the second atrium, the reader will study the autonomic or sympathetic nervous system.

Practical Application

In order to balance one's energies, when facing emotional discomfort, AMORC proposes a certain exercise in breathing.

When feeling emotionally challenged by anger, anxiety, sadness, or other types of negativity, AMORC proposes that the neophyte find an open window and then take a deep breath, then exhale through the mouth. As the neophyte does this, he should imagine that all his negativity is leaving is body and he is being purified, totally, by his closeness to the Cosmic.

Now, going to the window to take deep breath seems like a fairly innocent action. Yet it is one more step toward the hyperventilation that will be a tool of mind control in the life of a Rosicrucian.

Margaret Singer speaks about how physicians explained to her how hyperventilation, or over-breathing, can produce a variety of unpleasant effects by producing a drop in carbon dioxide in the blood, making the blood become more alkaline. As she says:

Cults, quacks and manipulators have become aware of the predictable outcomes of hyperventilation -- the giddiness, the out-of-control feeling, the possible loss of consciousness, the tingling and the clenching of fingers and toes. Similarly, they have recognized the impact of immediately reframing the experience. By consciously reframing, or relabeling, the effects, thus confounding individuals' gut-level reactions that something unpleasant has happened, leaders turn a frightening state into a supposedly positive one, telling neophytes, for example, that they are 'becoming blessed out ... getting or receiving the spirit ... on the path. [2]


After the breathing exercise, the neophyte is enjoined to concentrate on a pleasant piece of music, read something inspirational, go on a walk, etc. AMORC claims that such practices will force you to master your thoughts and your emotions.

Unfortunately, this has not been my experience, since the main source of my negativity in the first place was AMORC. And it does seem a bit ironic to use a Rosicrucian exercise to get rid of an AMORC-generated negative emotion. But, since the neophyte is already at least partially a believer in the organization, you tend to use these exercises to suppress your doubts.

Perhaps the most widely used and effective way to control cult members' thoughts is thought-stopping rituals. Members are taught to use thought-stopping on themselves. They are told it will help them grow or be more effective. Whenever a cult member begins to experience a "bad" thought, he uses thought-stopping to drown out the "negativity" and center himself, thus learning how to shut out anything that threatens his reality.

Different groups use different thought-stopping techniques: concentrated praying, chanting aloud or silently, meditation, "speaking in tongues," singing, or humming. These actions, many of them ordinarily useful and valuable, are perverted in destructive cults. They become quite mechanical because the person is programmed to activate them at the first sign of doubt, anxiety, or uncertainty. In a matter of weeks the technique becomes ingrained. It becomes so automatic, in fact, that the person is usually not even aware that he had just had a "bad" thought. He is only aware that he is chanting or ritualizing all of a sudden. But using thought-stopping, members think they are growing when in reality they are just making themselves into addicts. After leaving a cult that employs extensive thought-stopping techniques, a person goes through a difficult withdrawal process before he can overcome the addiction. [3]


Image

SURFING

EITHER YOU DO
IT LIKE IT'S
A BIG
WEIGHT
ON YOU
OR YOU DO IT
AS
PART OF THE DANCE

WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND
"THE THOUGHT IS THE THOUGHT
OF THE THOUGHTLESS
YOUR SINGING AND DANCING
IS NO OTHER THAN THE VOICE
OF THE DHARMA"
HAKUIN

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


Atrium 2, Monograph 7

Given that by this point in the Rosicrucian study, you fully believe that the contents of these monographs are your only gate to God, you will surely read the whole thing, tired or not. Fear is the fuel that is pushing you to read the monographs and practice everything in them. In my case fear forces me to write large portion of the monographs (sometimes the entire monographs) in my notebooks or diaries for the purpose of reviewing them on bus, subway and other public transportation

AMORC encourages its students to study the monographs when they are tired. AMORC claims that when you are tired, you will fall asleep while reading these monographs. But that's all right, because in that state, you will be more receptive to AMORC spiritual knowledge. The truth is that then you will be more suggestible. The hypnogogic state, which is the state right at the border of sleep, heightens suggestibility and makes you a better candidate for mind control.

In this monograph, AMORC discourses about Franz Anton Mesmer, founder of the theory of animal magnetism, which some scientists have seen as a prelude to modern hypnosis. The monograph emphasizes how the Mesmer theory was criticized by the scientific world of its time. In Mesmer's case, animal magnetism was never truly accepted by modern science, but it did lead to some knowledge of the possibilities for the study of the trance state. Mesmer's experiments verified the existence of this special state of consciousness.

Mesmer's theory of animal magnetism, which is based on the idea of a strange, fluidic substance passing between the mesmerist and the patient, is quite different from the theory of modern hypnosis that is based on the suggestibility of the mind. The mesmerist used passes, certain gestures intended to arouse and transmit the subtle fluid; the modern hypnotist uses words to invoke various levels of hypnosis, which is controlled by words and suggestion.

Although there are new theories based on ever-refined understanding of the energy dynamics of the mind, the concept of animal magnetism has never been officially accepted by modern science. In the battle for ideas, the idea that hypnotic states were caused by suggestion, as opposed to some psychic fluid, won hands-down for the science of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries.




Experiments

The neophyte is asked to sit up straight, keeping his feet flat on the floor. Then put his hands on his knees, eyes closed. Then he should breathe in, holding his breath as long as possible, as he focuses on an individual body part, starting from the feet, including heels and toes, proceeding upward toward the head, including arms, hands, fingers. This includes the bones, ligaments, tendons, arteries, and veins ... every minute component of your body. The intent is to experience the vital energy of the parts and organs of the body, feeling the heartbeat, the blood, the lungs, and the breath.

By the time the neophyte covers every part of the body, he will surely be completely tired of breathing this way. In my case, I spent as much as ten to twelve hours a day breathing, until I succeeded in this exercise. All my extra hours of waiting in my taxi for business in the airport were spent breathing and doing Rosicrucian experiments.

In this section, AMORC states that even though Doctor Mesmer was not a member of AMORC, he was in close contact with the Rosicrucian brothers.

Atrium 2, Monograph 8


This monograph develops the idea that the Rosicrucian method of deep breathing, the mystical art of respiration, can be important in assisting you to maintain and improve your health.

AMORC further develops the experiment from the previous monograph. Focus on every single part of the body from head to toe, including every major muscle group, while doing deep breathing.

AMORC specifically emphasizes how the practice of this exercise will give members the power to accomplish things that some people consider miracles. According to AMORC, such exercises will help members develop their psychic faculties to such a degree that they will be able to see events occurring far away from their physical bodies.

This tempting promise of superhuman occult power is one of several fuels that push members to discard their reason and their doubts when it comes to retaining their memberships. Coupled with its claim of infallibility, the promise of opening the third eye -- a window to the many-faceted world of the miraculous -- is a strong enticement for accelerating Rosicrucian interests in AMORC promises and in the content of these monographs.

If I had not been blindfolded by my hopes and my dreams, I would have spotted innumerable signals of AMORC's actual fallibility, but I chose to ignore them all. For example, in 1986, five years after I had begun the Rosicrucian teaching, I found myself homeless in a park in Biscayne Boulevard in Miami, Florida. I went to a park office's bathroom to wash my hands to prepare to contact the celestial sanctum.

While I sat on a bench sending peace and love to humanity to save the world, a homeless couple -- a man and presumably his girlfriend -- attempted to rob me of my bag, containing all my personal items. I had to show the young lady that I did not have anything of value in my bag. I only had my toothbrush, toothpaste, and one pair of underwear.

After that incident, I had to ask how these teachings were actually helping me. It just didn't seem like I was under such amazing divine protection. Even though I hadn't been hurt or killed, I was homeless, and I had been robbed. Let's say that if this was some kind of protection, I had inadvertently bought a second-class policy. And I still felt powerless to break away from AMORC.

AMORC now explains the technique of respiration. AMORC states that even science recognizes that restful relaxation that can come as a result of proper deep breathing. AMORC defines positive breathing as a method of breathing in which the inhalation is held for a very long time, as long as possible, followed by an exhalation.

AMORC tells its students that from a physiological point of view, positive respiration is very efficacious if they are very tired and need to regenerate themselves physically and mentally. AMORC advises its students to practice positive respiration in the morning, while waking up, because positive respiration reinforces people's strength and will put them in a better disposition to begin their day.

When I was pushed to the limit, without food or sleep, positive breathing became the only resource available for me. I practiced it to give me physical strength because I had no means to buy food.

AMORC describes the importance of negative respiration claiming that it is as important as positive respiration. This is exactly why I was busy deep breathing day and night, even in my sleep.

Experiment

The exercise that follows uses "negative breathing," a technique that is the opposite of "positive breathing." In positive breathing, you inhale and hold the breath for as long as possible; in negative breathing, you exhale, attempting to not inhale for as long as possible.


Holding the right thumb between thumb and index of the left hand, the neophyte is asked to practice negative breathing and observe the effect on the right arm. The neophyte is warned to make sure to practice this exercise for two or three minutes.

I believe this experiment places the student into in a semi-hypnotic state. If the student practices this and does not observe the predicted effect, he will practice it more, thinking it is his own fault that he had not succeeded. Finally, he will be trapped into the ever-breathing cycle.

AMORC asks the student to review attentively all he has learned so far about deep breathing, and to practice the experiment related to deep breathing until the next session.

AMORC asks us to practice negative breathing when in bed. AMORC claims that this will help with insomnia.

Atrium 2, Monograph 9

In the introductory page of this monograph, AMORC talks about the special knowledge that will be transmitted to teach members how to heal themselves and others.

Also, in this introductory page, AMORC claims that the origin of these special treatments lay in Ancient Egypt, where the Rosicrucian organization originated.

This neophyte section will be used to introduce the self-healing treatments of the Rosicrucian therapeutic method. Later on, in the more advanced degree, students will receive Rosicrucian treatment methods that can be applied to others. The information regarding the treatment of others is saved for the sixth temple degrees.

On a personal note, I suffered from a stomach ulcer for more than twelve years. When I reached these monographs, I hoped this would finally provide me with the treatment I needed. Having been studying the Rosicrucian monographs day and night, I had little time left to work and therefore could not afford any medical treatment. I forced myself to read and reread the pages of the monographs, and yet I never found a treatment for my sickness.

In fact, I never even knew I had an ulcer, because I was never properly examined. In 1991, finally, while in college, I used some of my student loan money to find a doctor, who diagnosed me with an ulcer.

Invariably, AMORC finds a way to compare the medical science to Rosicrucian science. Of course, Rosicrucian science is superior to modern medical science.

According to the Rosicrucian theory, all sickness can be healed with positive or negative vibration. This reminds me of an incident that happened in 1993. I was in my senior year in college and found myself constantly sneezing. Seeking to rectify the cause of my sneezing, I looked carefully at my diet and decided that at least I was eating properly. So I decided to apply Rosicrucian processes for self-healing, practicing positive and negative breathing all day and all night. Unfortunately, this had little effect on my sneezing. I questioned my precise approach, not daring to question the validity of the Rosicrucian methods.

One day I was on campus talking to my friends, Remi and Emilia. Emilia was a math major heading to medical school next year. As I began sneezing again, this time in their presence, Emilia asked me why I was sneezing so much. I began to explain my Rosicrucian spin on why I was sneezing. But Emilia didn't want to hear any of this nonsense. She told me to go to Walgreen's and buy an over-the-counter sinus medication. That was the first time that I became conscious that I might have a sinus problem. I bought the medication and became much better.

Practical Application of This Monograph

AMORC explains that the practice of deep breathing -- whether positive, negative, or neutral -- is important, and that each of these breathing styles needs serious attention.

AMORC gives a word of advice on not holding your breath to the point of discomfort. AMORC even explains that different people have different abilities as to how long they can hold air in their stomach during breathing.

All this is very reasonably put. Still, at the end of the section, AMORC states that it is possible for anyone to develop his or her ability to retain more air.

By stating this, without exactly contradicting their former admonitions about the dangers of excessively withholding breath, AMORC does open the arena for more experimentation, for more pushing of the envelope by an enthusiastic adept. In short, this last statement could dilute the value of their former admonition. In my opinion, AMORC always keeps the door open for endless study and endless practice of the monograph material. This excessive practice is often triggered by the failure of the member to realize the intended results of their practice. The solution? Like the little engine that could, the serious adept will try harder.

Atrium 2, Monograph 10

AMORC classifies illnesses into two categories: illnesses with a fever and illnesses without a fever. As this classification leads to a choice of treatment, when a member experiences an illness, he must first check to see whether he has a fever.

In Rosicrucian therapy, someone who has a fever, no matter what the cause of the illness, is evincing a need for negative energy. In this case, you need to use a negative breathing treatment. If the illness comes without a fever, default to a positive treatment.

When I first read these instructions, I was delighted to find such a direct and simple method for treating any illness.

For ten years before I found AMORC, I had suffered a stomachache almost every single day. When I came across the" great treatment method," I couldn't wait to try to apply it to my daily agony. Since my stomach symptoms were never accompanied by fever, I concluded that, in accord with the Rosicrucian theory, my treatment required positive energy.

Having bought into the AMORC claims that their knowledge had been tested and retested since time immemorial, I plunged in without any serious doubts. But as I applied the positive energy treatment, the pain never stopped.

Having put all of my faith in AMORC, I tortured myself to figure out what I was doing wrong. With time, I became a complete robot, doing positive energy treatments day and night, seven days a week. Of course, the pain never stopped until I changed course after 1990 and allowed myself to be diagnosed by a doctor in Queens hospital. There, I learned that I had failed to breathe my stomach ulcer away.

Image

SOMEWHERE INSIDE
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THERE IS A PLACE
WHICH IS TOTALLY FULFILLING
NOT A DESPERATE FLICK OF FULFILLMENT
IT IS A
STATE OF FULFILLMENT
YOU MAY EXPERIENCE DESPAIR
THAT YOU'LL EVER KNOW THAT.
GOOD! BECAUSE THROUGH THE DESPAIR
AND THROUGH
THAT SURRENDER
COMES SURRENDER
YOU GET CLOSER TO IT.

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


Again, the AMORC monograph repeats the importance of washing your hands and drinking one glass of fresh water before applying any Rosicrucian treatment. Now what could be more harmless than drinking a glass of water and washing your hands? Nothing-unless the ritual is part of a hypnotic trigger to induce a state of personality dissociation.

How does this work?

One must remember that the object of cult leadership is to create compliance from its members. Sometimes, the purpose of this is simply financial; sometimes it is for the sake of acquiring political or social power; sometimes it is for using the members as a work force to carry out objectives of value to the leadership, as a kind of cheap human resource asset.

The most powerful product of a cult is a properly conditioned membership. This is accomplished by transforming members' personalities over a period of time into a useful vehicle for the cult to carry out its mission.

The destruction of a reasonably healthy personality and the substitution of a new personality is quite a feat, particularly if you are not in a communist prison in the 1950s but in the so-called free world in the 1970s or later. But, yes, it can be done.

It first takes some kind of a hook to get the person interested in joining the organization, often appealing to his self-interest but sometimes to his altruistic or spiritual impulses to serve God, country, or fellow man. Oftentimes, there is some legitimate reason for a prospective member to buy into what he is presented with. Perhaps he or she is tempted by involvement with highly a visible charity that is being served by other members, perhaps simply a community that seems charming and welcoming to the member.

But, then, at some point, the prospective member is typically served up something fantastic, something special to give him a decisive reason to join the group. This could be the acceptance of the group leader as a historic, messianic figure, or perceiving the group as mankind's one hope against the bad guys, be they demons or political enemies. Or it could be a concept of salvation from the impurity of their own character, their sexuality, or a lackluster commitment to helping humanity. There is, in this offer of membership, quite often a dogma they will need to accept.

To prepare the prospective member for this offer, the cult recruiters must enhance the prospect's suggestibility. To do this, they must break him down physically and emotionally -- fatigue him by overwork, weaken his mind and body by literally depriving him of good or healthy nutrition, draining him emotionally by cutting his life off from the support of friends and family.

While this is going on, the cult is basically trying to brand his consciousness with a group identity. They may give him a special name or title; they may have him participate in group rituals, including chanting, singing, game playing or dancing; they may have him use special handshakes.

AMORC uses a very large variety of "branding" implements, including the passwords, secret handshakes and symbols, special titles and degrees, etc., that most fraternal lodges use. But, they also combine these with chanting, visualization techniques, and breathing -- even sleep postures -- creating an all-embracing shadow extending to even the tiniest corner of one's life.

Perhaps, under more honest circumstances, some of these ritualistic and bonding elements could be a good thing. There could be a case made for a type of religious organization utilizing these elements for the members to bond together in a sincere quest to find or worship God. But, in this case, based on my twenty-four years of experience, I believe that AMORC uses these so-called spiritual or metaphysical practices, such as breathing, visualization, and chanting, in a specific context that leads to the induction of a hypnotic state in their members. This, coupled with the claim of infallibility and historical authenticity, produces an agentless form of hypnosis, hypnosis without the hypnotist, a kind of amalgam of self-hypnosis and hypnosis by an outside agent.

The drinking of the glass of water and the washing of the hands, in this context, prior to, say, a specific treatment, can be a device used to begin the induction of a highly suggestible state of mind. All these elements constantly function together to manipulate and change human character so it can be manipulated. The claim of healing is very powerful but with an indefinite timetable for success, as we have said, the moment of verification of its usefulness can be months or years away.

Atrium 2, Monograph 11

In this monograph, the neophyte again begins a treatment by washing his hands and drinking a glass of water. Again, basic activities in life will become a trigger that will help release the cult personality, making obtaining the freedom of the mind an almost impossible task. The ritual of washing the hands and drinking the water is a call to compliance, an invocation of the cult personality to the bidding of its master.

Compartmentalization

After a long comment on the value of Rosicrucian therapy, AMORC makes a statement that has a chilling affect on their members' ability to verify their claims of therapeutic healing. Here, AMORC reminds members that these therapeutic teachings are confidential. That confidentiality, of course, extends to all non-Rosicrucian members, so theoretically if you wanted to validate the truth of these practices, you cannot do so.


Later on, AMORC members will also be enjoined against discussing the therapy with Rosicrucian members of lower degrees. This practice is known in government and spycraft circles as compartmentalization. Compartmentalization is the phenomenon of preventing individuals in an organization from communicating with each other, putting them into discrete compartments with specific communication protocols. In a compartment, you are allowed to know and do certain things, some of which may be communicated to other groups in the organization and some of which are absolutely private (except that, in most cases, contact with specific outside leadership is permitted).

This is often true in government, where striated clearances separate one person from the next. Recently, the American public has also been made painfully aware of how terrorist cells operate, keeping a majority of the participants in a terrorist organization unaware of the operating of a single cell.

Fraternal organizations, owing to their oaths of secrecy, often operate with compartmentalized protocols. In the case of AMORC, AMORC separates its members into different levels of initiation, telling them to keep their initiatory content to themselves.

As usual the neophyte is asked to close this monograph with the closing ritual of AMORC. The monograph says that more about Rosicrucian treatment will be revealed in the sixth temple degree.

With my strong incentives to obtain the rewards that AMORC promised, I eventually did get to the sixth degree and beyond. Still, the pain in my stomach did not diminish.

Atrium 2, Monograph 12

AMORC points out that Rosicrucians have known for centuries about the existence of a magnetic field surrounding the human body, commonly called the aura. Again, AMORC compares the superior Rosicrucian science to the inferior official science of humanity, highlighting the value of their own ancient knowledge.

Later, the neophyte is instructed on how to actually experience the aura. He is asked to take out a bottle of water that he had been asked to prepare last time. Then he must:

1. Turn off all other lights.

2. Light two candles.

3. Place his hands around the bottle at a distance of 1/2 centimeter from the edge, without touching it.

4. Breathe positively with his eyes closed. The neophyte must try to feel the life force animating the muscles, tissues, and bone cells of his body.


After this period of concentration and deep positive respiration, the neophyte may feel a tingling in his hands. He must then open his eyes slowly and observe the space between his hands and the bottle of water. If there is a color, the neophyte should note it and write it down.

AMORC now states that they are going to explain psychic vision and how to develop it. Again, they reiterate the necessity of repeating the aura experiment and noting it in one's diary.

Practical Application

AMORC tells its readers that the aura experiment will support a specific mystical practice, which it counsels its members to develop. To be effective, the exercise must be practiced regularly. The ideal times to do it are in the morning after waking up, after lunch, or between meals.

AMORC then counsels the member to drink the water after performing the exercise, claiming that this will revitalize the member -- even more so if one drinks it after having completed intensive physical activities.

So, when I was exhausted from lack of food and sleep, I practiced this exercise more to get the strength I needed, which I lacked because I did not have the money to buy food. As a part of this fantasy, I began to speculate that I had become poor as a result of the divine action of the Cosmic, which intended to use me as an example to show that people can bypass food altogether and live on cosmic power.

Image

HERE WE ARE
HERE & NOW
THAT'S ALL THERE IS
AND IF IT ISN'T BEAUTIFUL, MAN
THERE'S NOTHING

SO YOU SAY:
WELL. I CAN'T HAVE IT BEAUTIFUL NOW, BUT, LATER! WHEN WE GET THE FOOD HOME
IT WILL BE BEAUTIFUL
LATER NEVER EXISTS
WHAT'S HAPPENED TO LIFE INSURANCE, TO TENURE, TO PLANNING, $AVING, RESPONSIBILITIES?
NOTHING'S HAPPENED TO ANY OF IT!

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


Atrium 2, Monograph 13

The Third Eye


AMORC starts this monograph with an acceptable scientific explanation of the faculties of the eyes. It mentions, at length, the purported ability of certain animals, temporarily or permanently deprived of sight, to be able to navigate as though they could actually see. An example of this might be a bat, using a type of animal radar to navigate. But the implication in the monograph is that such animals use a kind of psychic vision.

Thereafter, AMORC starts talking about "psychic vision" in humans and expounds on the "third eye." It presents both a mythical and factual portrait of the third eye, including a discussion of the pituitary and pineal glands and how they might contribute to the functioning of psychic vision.

Atrium 2, Monograph 14

Page 1: Vowel Sounds

In this monograph, AMORC describes the importance and use of vowel sounds in their spiritual work. In most dictionaries, a vowel is defined something like the Merriam-Webster definition, namely,

one of a class of speech sounds in the articulation of which the oral part of the breath channel is not blocked and is not constricted enough to cause audible friction

In other words, a vowel sound, generally classed as a, e, i, o, and u, is a sound made without teeth, tongue, or lips -- open sounds.

But in its discussion of its sacred vowel sounds, AMORC ignores this definition, including sounds like om, ra, and ma, which contain consonants -- sounds made with teeth, tongue, and lips, the polar opposite of vowel sounds.


Ignoring this common definition of a vowel sound, these sacred sounds are used as a form of chanting in lodge convocations and in the private sanctum. The monograph gives an admonition not to practice them too much. This contradicts the way they are constantly introduced in the exercises, where, by their own decree in the monographs, AMORC asks the members to practice these vowel sounds constantly.

The vowel sounds themselves are alleged to come from the archives of a Rosicrucian organization that goes back to Ancient Egypt. AMORC does not mention the use of their commonly used chant, om, and its presence in Hindu spiritual practices -- or, for that matter, somewhat later, in Tibetan Buddhism (om mani padme hum is a common Tibetan Buddhist chant).

By attributing this type of practice to themselves, AMORC creates an aura of unquestionable and unique authority over a great deal that would be a matter of historical controversy and probably deception if the members weren't hypnotized into believing in AMORC'S exclusive creation of their spiritual practices. When people are afraid to question, they become easily enslaved in a monolithic cult world- view.

According to AMORC, there are twelve vowels sounds that are able to produce special, unique effects. These sounds and their effects have long been kept in the ancient Rosicrucian archives. This privileged knowledge was transmitted to me slowly over twenty-plus years of compliance with the Rosicrucian system, producing nothing of any substantial value to my life or survival.

Experiment


Members are requested to perform the following experiment, with the promise of potential physical and psychological benefits.

Important note for this exercise: This exercise requires deep respiration while seated in a meditative position. With time, this position and breathing will become a key "automatic trigger" for creating a mild hypnotic trance. The member soon will be able to attain this state "at the drop of a hat," making him an ideal receptacle for AMORC's suggestions. Members become "a free-for-all suggestible box" for the cult leadership.

In two exercises, members are asked to intone the sounds om and ra ma various times to go into a passive state of silence.

It is my contention that, after doing these exercises, you become sufficiently hypnotized so that your reading of the monographs is accomplished in a profound state of hypnosis. The monographs -- despite their occasional dalliance with members' "freedom to choose" and "liberty to investigate" their contents, offset so often by their contradictory claims of infallibility and Rosicrucian historical supremacy in all areas of knowledge -- now become essentially a set of mandates for the members to follow and obey. The monographs, after a time, become your marching orders.

In this monograph, AMORC claims that the pituitary gland is peculiarly sensitive to the intonation of the vowel sounds ra and ma. The monograph points out that Ra was the sacred name that the ancient Egyptian gave to the sun during the reign of Akhenaton. AMORC credits Akhenaton with being the first grand master of the mystical tradition perpetuated by AMORC.

Seemingly to validate the antiquity and authenticity of the use of the sounds ra and ma, the writer of this monograph adds that ra and ma are found in the Hindu and Zoroastrian traditions. To confirm this statement, the monograph quotes a member of AMORC claimed to be a specialist in the history of Zoroastrianism.

Here is another experiment with the sounds ra and ma. Again, you sit while placing your right hand on your knee, feet on the ground, while intoning the sound ra ma. After intoning this sound, stay silent and, afterwards, write down the effect.

Time-consuming chanting like this will now be integrated into the AMORC daily ritual life.

AMORC allows for chanting in a low voice if social conditions do not permit a loud-voice rehearsal. I believe that the feeling of being at peace and relaxation produced by the sound ra would be a positive thing if it were not done as a prelude for a state of hypnotic suggestibility.

According to AMORC, no matter how one intones the sounds of ra and ma, there will always be a resultant feeling of peace and pleasantness. According to AMORC, no intonation of mystical sounds, created according to the instructions in the monographs, can ever create a feeling of discomfort, a hypnotic or trance state, or anything else unpleasant or immoral.


The above statement contradicts AMORC's own statement in its lodge convocations and rituals. In the convocation ceremony, prior to our group chanting, the matre, one of the officers of the lodge, warns the congregants specifically against doing more chanting than they have been advised to by the leaders in the lodge. They clearly warn the congregants that doing more chanting in order to accelerate their development could actually have an adverse affect.

AMORC asks the neophyte to practice these vowel sounds daily, allotting one day for om and one day for ra ma. He is then asked to perform a series of intonations in the morning and another series at night.

AMORC suggests that doing more of these sounds than requested may enhance one's development, but does not give any warning about the potential harmful effects of overdoing these exercises. Later on, there will be a lot more chanting of these sounds.

We are informed that this is the last monograph of this atrium and told to fill out the exam questions at the end of the monograph. All questions are related to subjects studied during these last months. If there are any difficulties answering these questions, it is because the neophyte did not sufficiently master the subjects of the monographs. In this case, the neophyte is, of course, expected to go back to the related monograph and review it.

People who are hypnotized enter a trancelike state which fundamentally different from normal consciousness. The difference is this: whereas in normal consciousness the attention is focused outwards through the five senses, in a trance one's attention is focused inwards. One is hearing, seeing, and feeling internally. Of course, there are various degrees of trance, ranging from the mild and normal trance of daydreaming to deeper states in which one is much less aware of the outside world and extremely susceptible to suggestions, which may be put into one's mind. [4]

I suggest that, given the hypnotic state of suggestibility subtly imposed on AMORC's constituency at this stage of their development, most members will be absolutely determined to review the monographs when suggested like this. The exam has twenty questions. This will surely force a complete review of these monographs. That explains, in part, why I -- and most members -- keep on going back, reviewing these first two degrees.
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Re: THE PRISONER OF SAN JOSE: HOW I ESCAPED FROM ROSICRUCIAN

Postby admin » Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:20 am

TEN: Atrium 3

Initiation


AMORC demands that this initiation be completed with care. This means, in this context, to follow the instructions to the letter. This is exactly what I did again and again.

We are then enjoined to perform the initiation ceremony only when we have at least one hour to devote to it. The initiation must be conducted in a sanctum, even if it is only a temporary sanctum setting. These instructions explain why I was so obsessed about having my own sanctum: to fulfill the wishes of the organization.

After this point, the monograph compares AMORC to religion in a very subtle way. Here, AMORC delves into the topic of "initiation," stating that the Rosicrucian initiations are not of a religious nature.

AMORC enjoins the neophyte, now entering the third room of the atrium, to follow the traditional ritual presented by the Rosicrucian order. This will help to put the neophyte in resonance with his spiritual nature and also with the plane of consciousness inhabited by the ascended masters of the Rosicrucian tradition.

Again, they make a point of the importance of the sanctum in the initiation process.

These instructions convey the idea that members are part of the exclusive spiritual group, one whose association with the Rosicrucian masters places AMORC above most other human organizations.

One consequence of this idea of the spiritual superiority of the organization is that it leads the member to think that the monographs contain Godlike, unquestionable content. This is exactly why I concluded that they were not to be studied outside of the sanctum. I copied them in my my notebook for review session when I am outside of the sanctum.

In the process of reading these monographs, you quickly learn that to question their content is, in effect, to question the spiritual masters themselves and the high spiritual center of power from which these writings ultimately emanate. Therefore, slowly, step by step, the infallibility of the Rosicrucian teaching is established.

The Rituals

Parts of this initiation that will become "triggers" in the lives of members:

1) Burning incense.

2) Using the appropriate Rosicrucian symbolic gestures.

3) Imaging that the master of your class is present on the invisible plane.

4) Lighting candles.

5) Pretending that the monograph is the master of your class talking to you.


In the reading, the master of the class, who you are imagining, tells you that he or she has looked into the neophyte's heart while they are meditating and are satisfied with their progress. In other words, you imagine someone present, who is saying that they have inspected your inner consciousness and that you are now ready to proceed.

WHEN I MET MY GURU WHO KNEW
EVERYTHING
IN MY HEAD,
I REALIZED
THAT HE KNEW
EVERYTHING
IN MY HEAD
WHETHER "I" LIKED IT OR NOT.
HE KNEW IT.

AND THERE WOULD BE TIMES AFTER A PARTICULARLY BEAUTIFUL DARSHAN
WITH HIM WHEN HE'D SAY TO ME: "OH! YOU GAVE MUCH MONEY TO A LAMA" AND
I'D SAY YES AND HE'D SAY: YOU'RE VERY GOOD, YOU'RE COMING ALONG WITH
YOUR SADHANA AND I FELT SO GOOD AND THEN I'D GO BACK TO THE TEMPLE
AND THINK "BOY! I'M GOING TO BE A GREAT YOGI. I'LL HAVE GREAT
POWERS. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THEM?"

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


You are then enjoined to silence, placing the index finger of the right hand over the lips.

Image

WHEN YOU KNOW
HOW TO LISTEN
EVERYBODY
IS
THE GURU
SPEAKING TO YOU
IT'S RIGHT HERE ... ALWAYS

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


These types of injunctions build defenses against members' own heartfelt doubts, a typical way in which cults train their victims to suppress their questions and concerns.

I used the term humility to justify my going to the lodge dressed like a dog and being laughed at and humiliated by everyone. By not caring what people thought, I was the better Rosicrucian.

In a certain sense, by embodying this extremely compliant and all-embracing attitude of obedience, I became the perfect hardworking, tireless, and unquestioning cult member so prized in many of these organizations.

Now, AMORC makes you think that you have been intentionally solicited by the organization, as though your joining was somehow predestined by your previous lifetimes and your advanced state of spirituality. This gives credence to the unique reasons why you need to give your all to the organization, a technique similar to those used by other cults.

In the monograph, AMORC speaks philosophically about initiation, Rosicrucianism, and then again makes an injunction to study harder, targeting the monographs of the third atrium. It enjoins members to make each period of study a privileged moment of communion with your soul.

In reality, the stress of complying with the fatiguing, time-consuming, and impractical instructions of AMORC is exactly what keeps members from having any communion with their souls. The surprising contradiction of these statements was revealed when one of AMORC's top masters (a Doctor in Psychology) carne to Miami to give a seminar.

After members were emotionally aroused, crying and testifying to the greatness of AMORC for having freed them from their former religious attachments, a very powerful soror of the South Florida region addressed the membership. She had placed a ring in a metal vase and invited everyone to look into the vase.

When she began to do this, I was shocked because I had an idea what she was doing.

Some people involved in occult activities believe that when people are emotionally charged following period of intensive concentration, meditation, or prayer, they project a high level of energy that is transmitted to things like a piece of jewelry that they come in contact with. This kind of phenomenon relates to the work of psychic detectives who ask the police to give them a piece of clothing belonging to a missing person. This person's piece of clothing was "charged" by impressions received from the person who wore it, and the psychic picks up on this "charge" by psychometry, the practice we have already discussed.

The idea is that people who practice meditation, certain types of breathing exercises, or chanting, have an aura that is highly charged with spiritual energy. This energy can be captured by objects, much as certain objects can be "charged" with static electricity. The psychic energy in these objects can be used to charge another person's energy field, adding to their power and the strength of their psychic or healing abilities.

In this case, the soror was attempting to capture the energy emanating from these highly charged members into the ring. When the ring was worn later, it would convey the energy of that captured power to the wearer of the jewelry. Since the naive people in the lodge really did not know what she was doing, this was actually a way of taking advantage of them.

"Charging" a ring like that was not a practice recommended by the monographs, and I was shocked that she was doing it. When she first walked by me, I did not look into the vase. She then came back and tricked me into looking into the vase. My alarmed reaction was, "My God, this is not what is taught in the Rosicrucian monographs!"

I expected our seminar leader and his companion to live up to some sacred AMORC teaching standard. But what I failed to realize was that this was one of the heads of AMORC who probably wrote these monographs.

In the monograph, we are now told to intone the sound om, following instructions that had been given previously on how to intone sacred sounds.

Then we are told to place the index finger of our right hand on our lips. This reminds me of the practice of the nuns in elementary schools, to force children to be silent. This gesture, indeed, courts the regressive state of mind that is promoted by the organization.


"PUSH FAR ENOUGH INTO THE VOID
HOLD FAST ENOUGH TO QUIETNESS
AND OF THE TEN THOUSAND THINGS
NONE BUT CAN BE WORKED ON BY YOU
I HAVE BEHELD THEM WITHER THEY GO BACK
SEE ALL THINGS HOWSOEVER THEY FLOURISH
RETURN TO THE ROOTS FROM WHICH THEY GREW
THIS RETURN TO THE ROOTS IS CALLED
QUIETNESS
QUIETNESS IS CALLED
SUBMISSION TO FATE
WHICH HAS SUBMITTED TO FATE
BECOMES PART OF THE
ALWAYS SO
TO KNOW THE ALWAYS SO IS TO BE
ILLUMINED
NOT TO KNOW IT
MEANS TO GO BLINDLY TO DISASTER"
SO SAYS LAO TZU IN THE TAO TE CHING

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


Atrium 3, Monograph 1

The quotation at the beginning of this monograph is from Ralph M. Lewis, imperator of AMORC from 1939 to 1987. 1987 was an important year for me, the year when I had that painful homeless experience in a park near Eastern Parkway in Brooklyn. This was also the year when I resigned from AMORC for one or two days. The events that followed that attempt to leave sealed my enslavement process.

The first part of this monograph contains a kind of an introductory letter by Christian Bernard, imperator of AMORC. His official title, from a business standpoint, was CEO, following a reorganization of the company after the departure of Gary Stewart.

AMORC starts up front by stating that this third atrium contains fewer experiments than the two preceding ones. They advise you to review the important experiments in the first atrium.

The remainder of this monograph addresses the subject of anthropology and the evolution of man. These are things that could be part of college course on anthropology.

Following the letter by Christian Bernard, AMORC explains the symbol of two triangles and a sword, which is featured on the lower corner of each page of the monograph. The downward triangle denotes spiritual perfection, whereas the upward triangle denotes material perfection. The sword represents the fight of the mystic to defend justice and truth, implemented on the material plane of existence and on the spiritual planes.

Atrium 3, Monograph 2

This monograph explains philosophically the origin of religions. This essay would be perfect for a college student majoring in divinity or a similar subject. In truth, this monograph is preparing the member to disconnect from all of his prior religious beliefs.

The explanation for this is low-key but well calculated to lead members to a complete disconnection from their former religious beliefs, invariably placing members under the exclusive control of AMORC.

At the end of this monograph, AMORC talks about the more evolved idea of God as a perfected consciousness, a universal intelligence, not as an animistic or anthropomorphic entity. The concept of God propounded here will progressively prepare members for a substantially different approach to God than what they were brought up to believe.

Image

ROUND TRIP
MIND CREATES MAT-
TER. THE CAUSAL
PLANE IS THE
WORLD OF IDEAS
THAT CREATES
THE UNIVERSE
RIGHT AT THE TOP
OF THE CAUSAL
PLANE IS WHAT WE CALL THE GODHEAD IT'S THE FIRST
PLACE INTO THE UNIVERSE OF FORM IT'S THE FIRST
WORLD OF FORM IT'S THE PLACE WHERE THE MIND
THAT IS GOD MANIFESTED INTO THE UNIVERSE HIS
THOUGHT MANIFESTED INTO ALL THE LOWER LEVELS
OF THE CAUSAL PLANE ALL THE ASTRAL PLANES AND THE
PHYSICAL PLANE AND WHEN YOU GO BACK BACK BACK
YOU GO TO THAT PLACE WHERE YOU BECOME ONE WITH THE
GODHEAD YOU ARE
GOD YOU ARE THE ID-
EA THAT LIES BEHIND
THE UNIVERSE YOU
ARE LITERALLY IT
YOU'RE NOT MAKING
BELIEVE YOU'RE IT
YOU ARE IT

AND THE FUNNY THING IS
YOU'RE STILL NOT FINISHED
AND AS FAR AS THE BUDDHIST IS CONCERNED
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN BEGUN THE TRIP
YOU'RE STILL HUNG UP ON FORM
BECAUSE HE SAYS
BABY
IT'S ALL ILLUSION
NO MATTER HOW
GROOVY IT GETS
THE PHYSICAL PLANE
IS OBVIOUSLY
AN ILLUSION
ALL A DREAM
YOU GO TO BED
AT NIGHT
AND DREAM
YOU NOTICE
ABOUT YOUR DREAMS
THEY'RE VERY REAL
AND YET THEY DON'T
HAVE ANY SUBSTANCE
ON THE
PHYSICAL PLANE
THAT'S THE ASTRAL PLANE
YOU'RE DREAMING
ON THE ASTRAL PLANE
AT THE POINT
OF PURE IDEAS
SOMETIMES VERY HIGH
PHYSICISTS OR POETS
TOUCH PURE IDEA
SOMETIMES MUSIC, ART,
A VASE, A HEIROGLYPH
OR SOMETHING
GETS SO ESSENCY
YOU FEEL
YOU ARE TOUCHING
GOD
BY BEING
IN CONNECTION WITH
THAT PIECE OF ART
BECAUSE IT'S PURE IDEA
IT'S THE IDEA
OF VASENESS
IT'S CAUSAL PLANE
THE MIND
AT THE CAUSAL PLANE
CREATED THAT VASE
THAT PLACE OF PURE
IDEA
IT'S THE PLACE WHERE YIN AND YANG MANIFEST
IT'S THE PLACE WHERE DUALITY EXISTS THE FIRST PLACE
INTO FORM FROM THE IMMANENT DUALITY IN THE UNMANIFEST
FROM THE FORMLESS YOU COME INTO THAT PLACE WHERE
THERE IS ENERGY BECOMING FORM

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


Atrium 3, Monograph 3

This monograph tries to define the various concepts of God -- monotheism, polytheism, pantheism, deism, dualism, pluralism, etc. It asks the neophyte to try to more closely investigate his own concept of deity.

Atrium 3, Monograph 4

This monograph again focuses on the philosophical subject of the existence of the soul and the creation of religion. In passing, it mentions that the philosopher, Rene Descartes, was a Rosicrucian.

The AMORC Illusion

Here, AMORC describes the beliefs it will force members to live by: what I call the "utopian world of AMORC."

Beware! The heads of AMORC do not live according to the precepts of such a utopian world! This observation was reinforced by the ring charging episode I have just described, which took place during a seminar given by a Rosicrucian doctor in psychology who had been visiting the lodge in Miami, Florida, from the headquarters in San Jose. This extraction of spiritual energy from other members for personal use is against the teachings of AMORC.

But there was another flagrant misuse of spiritual energy that I observed regularly when I was guardian of the lodge. This occurred during the time when the members of the lodge were making their final exit from the lodge after the regular convocation ceremony.

As guardian of the lodge, one of my duties was to make sure that members follow a ritualistic pattern when leaving the Temple after the convocation in such a way as to ensure that the final person to leave the convocation was not in a position to extract imprinted spiritual energy from the meeting place, a practice supposedly understood and forbidden by AMORC.

During this exit ceremony, I began to notice that one of the members, a very educated and respected member -- in fact, one coveted by the Miami lodge for his respectability in the larger community -- would always stay to the end of the ceremony. In fact, he was making a regular effort to drain the energy of the lodge for his personal use.

In order to protect the lodge, according to my understanding at the time, I would say farewell to him by giving him a special handshake designed to extract the energy he had illicitly accumulated, so that he would leave the lodge without his extra "charge" of spiritual power. I would then, as the good Rosicrucian that I was, release this energy back to the Cosmic, never using it for my personal use.

I do not know, at the present moment, exactly what I think of the reality of all this. But, at the time, I was horrified to see our so-called respected leaders playing with this mystical energy for personal reasons. In its practical application section, AMORC presents an important concept that will figure in its "loaded language" inventory, the concept of spirit. Here, AMORC enjoins its students to check out how the term is used ambiguously, unclearly, in common language.

Accordingly, AMORC tells members to check out the way the term is defined in a dictionary. Eventually, its "clear" Rosicrucian concept will be used to enforce the members' separation from society, to come to rest in the secure haven of AMORC. "Loaded," separational language is a key to imprisonment in a cult organization.

Atrium 3, Monograph 5

Superficially, it appears that in this monograph, AMORC is treating the subject of the soul in a very objective, philosophic way. But, after a while, the monograph suggests that most likely only AMORC itself can provide the necessary experiment to prove the existence of the soul.

According to AMORC, the concept of the soul -- or consciousness fully separated from the body -- can be proven by such experiences as astral or psychic projection. The best way to prove the existence of the soul is to experience yourself being initiated to its reality during a cosmic communion. AMORC further goes on to say that you can best experience the soul, in general, through out-of-body experience.


Image

AND THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS:
AS YOU GO OUT ON THE ASTRAL PLANE
YOU SEE MORE & MORE
& THE FINAL THING YOU SEE
IN THE WORLD OF FORM
BEFORE YOU GO INTO THE FORMLESS
& INTO TOTAL UNITY
YOU SEE THE WORLD OF
YIN &
YANG

AND THE WORLD OF YIN & YANG
IS ANOTHER ASTRAL PLANE
& IT'S ONE OF THE HIGHEST PLANES
IN THE WORLD OF FORM
BUT IT'S STILL DUALITY
IT IS STILL POLARIZATION
THERE IS GOD THERE IS MAN
THERE IS GOOD THERE IS EVIL
YES NO
PLEASURE PAIN
LOSS GAIN
THE WORLD MOST EVERYBODY IS LIVING IN
MOST OF THE TIME

THE ONLY WAY OUT OF THAT IS TO TAKE
THE POLES OF EVERY SET OF OPPOSITES
AND SEE THE WAY IN WHICH
THEY ARE ONE
AND: IF YOU CAN GET INTO THAT PLACE
WHERE YOU SEE THE INTERRELATEDNESS OF
EVERYTHING
AND: YOU SEE THE ONENESS IN IT ALL
THEN: NO LONGER ARE YOU ATTACHED
TO YOUR POLARIZED POSITION

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


It is interesting to note that in previous versions of this monograph, the existence of such subjects is not mentioned at all until the twelfth temple degree. The terms used in relationship to out-of-body travel are now cosmic or psychic projection.

Atrium 3, Monograph 6

The subject of the soul is continued. AMORC states that the teaching of the soul described in this monograph is derived from the Archives of the Order. This is the sacred knowledge that the masters of the rosy cross have transmitted through the ages.

AMORC tells the readers of this monograph that it is possible that some aspects of this knowledge may offend the convictions of its readers, giving them the impression that these teachings are in opposition with what they have understood about these subjects in the past.


In a seemingly unassuming way, AMORC directs its philosophical commentary to the shortcomings of religious belief. As they are asking members to be open-minded about AMORC's approach to the subject, it is clear that they are already presenting a case, based on its own merits, that will compel members to reject their religious beliefs.

AMORC's criticism does not just extend toward all religious institutions. It also attacks the disciplines of psychology, philosophy, and yoga. According to AMORC, all these approaches are wrong-headed compared to AMORC's approach.

Practical Application

In the practical application section, AMORC asks that members reflect on their previous religious beliefs. This is clearly a way to contrast AMORC belief with other religious beliefs. Among other questions, AMORC asks whether members' beliefs were derived from the dogmas of religious education.

Atrium 3, Monograph 7

AMORC contrasts its advanced teachings to the current state of science by mentioning that the "law of seven" has not yet been accepted by science. This is one of the laws that the Rosicrucians have allegedly accepted since very ancient times.

The monograph then describes different cycles of life partitioned into cycles of seven years.

I remember when I studied the so-called cycles of life around 1981 in Haiti. I remember saying to myself, "According to the cycles of life described in the monograph, I am already behind." Even then I was conscious that I was spending the time that could have been used to prepare my future, reading the Rosicrucian monograph.

But then I concluded that I had no choice. At that point, I told myself, I had no choice, because at that point in my affiliation, I had already concluded that AMORC was my only connection to God.


The Bible is quoted to reinforce AMORC's point of view. The sacred writings from all the major religions are used in the same fashion.

Practical Application

Members are asked to meditate on seven states of consciousness, supposedly derived from a text taken from the archives of the Rosicrucian order.

Atrium 3, Monograph 8

The reincarnation doctrine is presented here for the first time on the concurrence page. You are asked here to study the doctrine of reincarnation without prejudice.

The specific consequences of AMORC's interesting twist on the doctrine are quite simple. Members will now see the world as composed of members of AMORC and nonmembers. In this case, "members" means people who have been Rosicrucians in this lifetime or in a previous incarnation. Nonmembers are those who have never chosen the order.


Image

NOBODY IS GOING ANYWHERE
NOBODY IS COMING FROM ANYWHERE
WE'RE ALL HERE
WE'RE ALL HERE
IN ETERNAL TIME & SPACE
WE'RE ALWAYS GOING TO BE HERE
WE'RE JUST DOING LILA RASA
THE DIVINE DANCE WE'RE DANCING
& DANCING & DANCING
DANCE AFTER
DANCE
IN ONE BODY
IN ANOTHER BODY
& WE'RE ALL HERE
WE'RE ALL STAYING RIGHT HERE

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


AMORC as Savior of the World

AMORC affirms, in effect, that it is in charge of the world. Members of AMORC think of themselves as belonging to an exclusive club. All the rest of the children of God are secondary citizens or outsiders. Margaret Thaler Singer, in Cults in Our Midst, points out:

The group manipulates members that their new feelings and behavior have arisen spontaneously in this new atmosphere. The leader implies this is a chosen, select group with a higher purpose. [1]


AMORC continues to mention the names of Buddha, Jesus, and Moses, pointing out that their so-called miracles were simply the application of natural laws, clearly implying that AMORC will teach its members these natural laws. With this knowledge, members can accomplish the same miracles.

AMORC remarks that some people confuse the doctrine of reincarnation and metempsychosis or transmigration. According to AMORC, it is impossible to be reborn in the form of animal.

This monograph specifically points out two concepts: the concept of reincarnation, which means a human being born again as a human, and metempsychosis, a concept of rebirth that allows a human to be reborn as an animal.

Practical Application

After relating the concept of the second coming of Christ, AMORC points out that the Christian belief does not make any sense. AMORC claims that it is not their intention to attack the Christian faith, but such a dogma flies in the face of science. It is obvious, of course, that they are, indeed, attacking this Christian doctrine.

The practical section continues, highlighting all the shortcomings of the Christian doctrine of the resurrection and opposing the Christian concept to the doctrine of reincarnation.

Now after fully developing an antagonistic point of view toward basic Christian doctrine, the monograph asks its members to think about the Christian doctrine of resurrection.

Then AMORC asks readers to consider all they have learned in this monograph and think about the concept of the resurrection in Christianity. This injunction to contemplate on this doctrine is followed by a disingenuous affirmation of their members' freedom of belief, even if their belief includes the concept of resurrection.

Atrium 3, Monograph 9


This monograph gives extracts of texts on reincarnation and asks members to meditate on the subject of reincarnation. Even though the monograph has provided very convincing arguments on the subject of reincarnation, members are told again that they are free to accept or reject the concept as AMORC defines it.

Among the many texts presented for meditation, the Biblical passages are also included. When AMORC wants to make a point, they can quote the Bible convincingly.

Atrium 3, Monograph 10

As expected, the subject of reincarnation is stated to have been in the Rosicrucian archives for centuries.

Now AMORC begins to use the technique it often uses to disguises its cultic goal. It begins to provide useful knowledge and adopts an objective, reasonable position.

By presenting the idea that we must pay for our past mistakes eventually, AMORC relieves itself from assuming any responsibility for its students' failure to make positive things happen in their lives.

When we encounter problems in life, AMORC asserts that this is often because at a given time in the past, we did something wrong. This is similar to the biblical idea of "As ye sow, so shall ye reap." It is also equivalent to the Hindu concept of karma.

Practical Application

Homework is assigned to analyze one's life in terms of karma. In a way, AMORC positions itself as a means of protecting oneself against the effects of karma. This is supported by various writings and lectures, where AMORC claims that the "Cosmic" can help forgive some of these past mistakes.

Atrium 3, Monograph 11

This monograph quotes Louis Claude de Saint-Martin. The teaching of Saint-Martin is a great example of how valuable it is to question and to doubt. This is very strange because AMORC chases away people who ask questions.

The monograph states that by going through karma and reincarnation, you will raise yourself to the state of "rose-croix" and will no longer have to live in the physical world.


Image

GATE / GATE / PARAGATE
PARASAMGATE
BODHI SVAHA!
GONE / GONE / GONE BEYOND / GONE BEYOND BEYOND
HAIL THE GOER
BEYOND EVEN CONCEIVING OF A PLACE
BEYOND WHICH YOU CAN GO BEYOND

WHO'S ADVENTUROUS ENOUGH TO WANT TO GO
ON THAT JOURNEY?
DO YOU REALIZE WHEN YOU GO ON THAT JOURNEY
IN ORDER TO GET TO THE DESTINATION
YOU
CAN NEVER GET TO THE DESTINATION?
IN THE PROCESS
YOU
MUST DIE
MUST DIE
PRETTY FIERCE JOURNEY PRETTY FIERCE REQUIREMENT
WE WANT VOLUNTEERS

NOW: WE'LL MAKE THE JOURNEY
AS COMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE
BUT: YOU HAVE TO REALIZE THAT
(AFTER YOU PASS THROUGH THE VAN ALLEN BELT)
YOU'RE GOING TO GET OUT
TO ANOTHER BELT OF RADIATION
WHICH IS GOING TO CRISP YOU COMPLETELY
AND
YOU WILL DIE
BUT THERE WILL BE AN
ESSENCE
LEFT THAT WILL GET THROUGH.
NOW: WHO WOULD LIKE TO VOLUNTEER?
READY?

WELL: COULDN'T WE MAKE
A SPECIALLY INSULATED SUIT?
NO. SORRY. CAN'T DO IT.
BUT: IF YOU PROPEL HARD ENOUGH
THERE WILL BE GOING THROUGH
THERE WILL BE SOMETHING THAT WILL
GET THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE
WE CAN'T REALLY DEFINE WHAT YOU'LL BE ...
BUT YOU'LL BE BEYOND THAT
WHY WOULD ANYONE GO ON A TRIP LIKE THAT?
ADVENTURE?
WELL: THE ONE THING ABOUT AN ADVENTURE IS:
THE ADVENTURER WANTS TO STAY AROUND
AND ADVENTURE. AND:
IF HE'S GOING TO BE CRISPED IN THE PROCESS
THERE'S GOING TO BE NO ADVENTURER LEFT
TO HAVE HAD THE ADVENTURE.

BUT YOU SEE: THERE'S SOMETHING THAT
PULLS A PERSON TOWARD THIS JOURNEY
WAY AWAY BACK
DEEP INSIDE
IS A MEMORY
THERE IS SOMETHING
INSIDE EACH OF US
THAT COMES FROM BEHIND THAT VEIL

BEHIND THE PLACE OF OUR OWN BIRTH
IT'S AS IF YOU HAVE TASTED OF SOMETHING
SOMEWHERE IN YOUR PAST
THAT'S BEEN SO HIGH
SO MUCH LIGHT
SO MUCH ENERGY
THAT NOTHING YOU CAN EXPERIENCE
THROUGH ANY OF YOUR
SENSES
OR YOUR THOUGHTS
CAN BE ENOUGH!

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


AMORC argues that most of the bad karma we experience comes because of flawed decision making. Even when we intend to do the right thing, many times we head in the wrong direction because we fail to follow our intuition.

Enter "Dr. AMORC." AMORC will teach you how to develop and follow your intuition, so you will escape the misfortune of bad karma.

Do you blame me, after all my misfortune, for wanting to listen more carefully to Dr. AMORC? I was willing to do anything possible to get out of the bad karma game. Didn't AMORC promise to teach me how to create an intuitive understanding that would never fail to reveal whether I was making the right decision? Even though, admittedly, it was a step-by-step process, wasn't the end result supposed to be utterly positive?

AMORC uses its own values to attack religion, society, our social system ... everything you can think of. Then they conclude their argument by reassuring us that their goal is "not to criticize our social system." But that's exactly what they do.

After savagely criticizing every religion, social structure, and social organization, AMORC brings in its own mystical point of view to resolve the various issues they've been addressing. AMORC asks members to come back to this monograph and meditate on karma and reincarnation.

Atrium 3, Monograph 12

A continuation of this lecture on the "I" will be reflected in the twelve temple degrees. Members will be asked to stop using I and to use we instead.

Experiment: Citizens of the World


The neophyte sits in the accustomed meditative position but then extends his hands, performing a ritual that combines visualization and prayer. Initiating the position with his palms up but then shifting them downward, he sends out universal love to the people of the Earth.

Practical Application

The neophyte is to avoid using I as much as possible, as well as phrases with me or myself, like "it seems to me" or, perhaps, "as to myself."


Image

AS SOON AS YOU GIVE IT ALL UP
YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL
HOW ABOUT THAT ONE?
AS LONG AS YOU WANT POWER
YOU CAN'T HAVE IT.
THE MINUTE YOU DON'T WANT POWER
YOU'LL HAVE MORE THAN YOU EVER DREAMED
POSSIBLE
WHAT A WEIRD THING!
AS LONG AS YOU HAVE AN EGO
YOU'RE ON A LIMITED TRIP
YOU'RE ON A TRIVIAL TRIP THAT'S GOING TO LAST
? MAYBE WHAT? 60 -- SAY 70 -- MAYBE 80 YEARS
AND FULL WITH FEAR OF ITS END
TRYING TO MAKE ITS OWN ETERNITY.
WELL: IF "I" AM NOT SPEAKING
IF "I" AM NOT WHAT "I" THOUGHT "I" WAS
HOW DID "I" GET INTO THIS
WHO AM "I"
FOR ONLY WHEN "I" KNOW WHO "I" AM WILL "I" KNOW WHAT IS
POSSIBLE

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


Atrium 3, Monograph 13

The concurrence section quotes Nicholas Roerich, a Russian mystic and painter. The subject of the cosmic masters is one of the tools that AMORC uses to present itself as the representative of God on Earth.

Then you are asked to compare the concept of masters in other fields to the concept of masters in the Rosicrucian tradition. Members who agree with this argument will now place masters of the Rosicrucian tradition above any other form or application of the title.

Rosicrucians are qualified to become one with the Cosmic precisely because the Rosicrucian masters have reached that state of consciousness. These cosmic masters have achieved great wisdom, and their first preoccupation is to serve humanity according to a path that a common person cannot comprehend.

Some of these masters are in a human body now and accomplish their mission in individual or collective ways. Others are not in a human body and act directly from a cosmic plane.

In all cases, these masters consecrate all their energy and all their powers to directing positive forces toward the Earth.

Here AMORC presents itself as the representative of God on Earth. According to AMORC, the cosmic masters act permanently in the service of humanity. They work through the great white lodge, the true government of the world. In their mission, the cosmic masters receive help from the great white brotherhood.

The great white brotherhood is composed of initiates, independent of religious affiliations, who have been commission by the cosmic masters (members of the great white lodge) to do their works in one of the twelve paths.

We have to clarify that the initiates of the great white brotherhood need to be in a physical body to do their work well. But the cosmic masters are not in a physical body.

Image

AND THEN THERE ARE OTHERS
(THERE ARE SOME VERY FAR OUT STORIES IN INDIA)
THERE ARE OTHERS WHO LEAVE A THIN,
VERY, VERY THIN THREAD OF EGO.
THERE'S ONE BEING WHO FOR TWENTY
YEARS WAS LOCKED UP IN A CAVE:
AND EVERY YEAR HIS DEVOTEES OPENED
THE CAVE. ONCE A YEAR THEY'D GO IN
TO HAVE HIS DARSHAN. THERE WAS
NO FOOD. NOTHING. AND HE LOOKED
LIKE A CORPSE EXCEPT THAT HIS HAIR
KEPT GROWING AND HIS NAILS KEPT GROW-
ING ... FOR TWENTY YEARS ...
HE WAS NOT HANGING OUT WITH MUCH
HE WAS JUST LEAVING A SUBTLE
THREAD TO KEEP
IN CONTACT.

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


Since I thought of myself as an initiate serving the cause of the great white brotherhood, when I was homeless and abandoned my mother and siblings, I came to the conclusion that I had been destined to be in this state so that I could somehow serve the divine mission of the masters. The Cosmic and AMORC came first. Mother came last.

By reason of its importance for the evolution of humankind, the order has a hierarchy that includes the cosmic masters. The special duty of these cosmic masters is to watch and make sure that the Rosicrucian tradition, such as AMORC, preserves itself in the structure necessary to remain aligned with the Cosmic -- that it does not compromise itself with the world.

Some of these cosmic masters are working on the invisible planes. Some are on this Earth and accomplish their mission individually or collectively. In either case, they have consecrated their lives to serve humanity.

The masters of AMORC on Earth are intermediaries between God and humankind. This automatically made H. S. Lewis a semi-god, fully empowered to warn his flock against criticizing his Rosicrucian teaching and risking the loss of connection to the egregore. Indeed, imperator, H. S. Lewis became infallible like the pope.

Founder Lewis held his hands out to us but still warned us: "You have to deserve the privilege to see the masters ..."

The Modesty/Humility Game

The monograph points out that although advanced Rosicrucians may be convinced of the existence of the cosmic masters and wish to further their work, they will not persistently seek to become their disciples and receive their teachings personally.

This monograph serves a dual purpose. On the one hand, it appeals to the member's patience, modesty, and humility when it comes to waiting for an encounter with the masters. On the other hand, it makes the member wary of aggressively seeking or impatiently waiting for such an encounter. This makes for docile and happy members whose wish to encounter the secret chiefs of AMORC may have to wait a very long time, if not forever.

I would like to say at this point that I am not making a judgment here as to the possible existence of a secret order of Rosicrucians, now or in the past. Nor am I contending that there is nothing to the idea of spiritual advancement when using some of the tools used by AMORC or certain elements of their philosophy.

After twenty-four years in the order, my personal belief is that they have used mind control techniques and labeled them meditation techniques; taken elements from different teachings they have found and fused them into a monolithic, historical artifice, a continuing tradition that never existed in the way they have claimed in these monographs; developed and promoted a kind of cosmic master oversight and affiliation with their organization, which exists most vividly but solely in the minds of the founders and perpetuators of the order and the members they have convinced.

In short, I believe that the AMORC Rosicrucian order was created out of elements they have found here and there, from old books, from other organizations, and from the minds of H. Spencer Lewis and other leaders. The power of their teaching is fueled by their ability to inculcate their beliefs through hypnotically fueled suggestions based on sophisticated remote indoctrination techniques. It is supported, for those who attend lodges, by enormous peer pressure enshrined in buildings set up to inculcate members with the antiquity of their rituals and traditions.

Practical Application


The following exercise is a perfect example of how AMORC uses suggestion to create a sense of the reality of the cosmic masters in the minds of its members. This is a very powerful exercise.

Exercise

AMORC suggests that, over the next few days, the neophyte choose some kind of role model from the available inventory of wise men, masters, initiates, etc., who have earned the neophyte's respect. Then, for a time, the neophyte will make a conscious effort to imitate their virtues, ranging from consistency to tolerance, to compassion, etc.

By doing this type of exercise, under the conditions that AMORC has created, the reality of the imagined "master" and the power of his "image" can be quite strong in the mind of the disciple.

We can get a clue of this from the story of Carl Jung, Freud's famous student who rebelled from the sexually grounded theories of Freud and incorporated themes derived from myth, alchemy, magic, and religion into his study of the unconscious.

Eventually, Jung evolved the theory of personality archetypes, which, for him, as chronicled in his autobiography, Memories, Dreams, and Reflections, created a powerful and very real presence in his life.

Dr. George Boeree, a professor of psychology at Shippensburg University in Pennsylvania, writes in an essay about Carl Jung's personality theories:

He carefully recorded his dreams, fantasies, and visions, and drew, painted, and sculpted them as well. He found that his experiences tended to form themselves into persons, beginning with a wise old man and his companion, a little girl. The wise old man evolved, over a number of dreams, into a sort of spiritual guru. The little girl became "anima," the feminine soul, who served as his main medium of communication with the deeper aspects of his unconscious. The old man's archetype became known as "the Wise Old Man" and is considered one of Jung's archetypes. [2]


Jung's psychology of the archetypes led him to very real encounters with these creations of his own unconscious in his life. Whether or not one accepts Jung's own theoretical speculations on psychology, one can easily derive some understanding of the potential of the human psyche to self-create the foundations for imagined personalities of varying types, which become very real ingredients in one's daily life and are capable, under certain conditions, of exteriorization. That is, these creations of living personalities can become players in one's nighttime dreams, in daydreaming, and even, one can easily imagine, with the full force of a positive hallucination, if the subject has reached the threshold of trance through hypnosis or an altered state of consciousness through drugs.

Without in any way trying to disparage or negate the spiritual visions of man, it is possible to readily speculate that some of this spiritual phenomena may be trance induced or fueled by post-hypnotic suggestibility, developed after years of indoctrination. Many early saints in the Catholic tradition, who experienced angels and demons, also subjected themselves to prolonged periods of fasting, repeated self-flagellation, sleepless days and nights of prayer, ritualistic use of the rosary, etc. In fact, they used many of the practices used in contemporary religious cults prior to receiving these visions.

Shamans, who have traditionally used hallucinogens like peyote, psychoactive mushrooms, jimson weed, etc., to help them navigate different levels of consciousness, often encounter various entities while in altered states of consciousness. No matter what your beliefs are, it is a fair question to ask: If the saints or shamans are encountering various personalities who appear to them in some tactile, visual way, does that make those entities necessarily real in an objective sense? Are the personalities they see, in fact, "phenomena" out there or products of their own self-mortifying practices or hallucinating minds? If there is a strong presence of mind control, hypnotic, and hallucinogenic substances in their day-to-day experience, the question of the reality of their apparitions must surely raise some kind of real questions in the mind of an outside observer.

I am not trying to answer these questions here, but I don't think it is a bad idea to raise them.
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Re: THE PRISONER OF SAN JOSE: HOW I ESCAPED FROM ROSICRUCIAN

Postby admin » Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:30 am

ELEVEN: The Protean Self

Despite my long and painful indoctrination, there was a part of me that could not be entirely suppressed by the cult personality that was now dominating my life. Perhaps this part is best described as the protean self inside me that still had a life and power of its own.

My Rosicrucian Diary
July 15, 1984, 7:25 AM
Planning My Vacation with AMORC

I have decided to redo all the experiments from the beginning to the end of the neophyte section. I will do seven experiments per week. This will be a kind of AMORC vacation in August.


SO ALL I CAN DO ALL THE TIME IS TO
COOL MYSELF OUT ...
THAT'S ALL I'M DOING -- I DO NOTHING BUT
SADHANA
IF SOMEBODY SAYS: WHAT DO YOU DO, MAN?
I SAY: I DO SADHANA
SURE, BUT DON'T YOU LECTURE?
SURE, LECTURING HAPPENS BUT
I'M DOING SADHANA
THIS TRIP IS HELPING ME GET FREE OF MY EGO.
BECAUSE: IF I GET FREE OF MY EGO
WE ALL GET FREE OF OUR EGO
BECAUSE: THAT'S THE WAY THE TRIP WORKS
BECAUSE: WE'RE ALL THE SAME BEING AND
THAT'S THE PROBLEM -- WE CAN ONLY MOVE AS
FAST AS WE ALL CAN MOVE ...
YOU CAN HEAR THIS MESSAGE ONLY AS PURELY AS
I AM PURE. THAT'S THE WAY IT BOILS DOWN --
I CAN RESONATE WITH YOU IN THE HIGHEST PLACE
I AM
SO: I CAN DO NOTHING FOR YOU BUT
WORK ON MYSELF ...
YOU CAN DO NOTHING FOR ME BUT
WORK ON YOURSELF!

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


Every Thursday morning, instead of doing one monograph. I will do one personal examination, in accordance with the directions given in the manual.

I am making this resolution in light of the personal examination that I will be reading and destroying at the end of August. I will destroy it so that it will not cause me any doubts in the future about AMORC.


But then a moment came when strange things began to happen, things that I had not planned and over which I did not seem to exercise conscious control.

As much as cult indoctrination attempts to destroy and suppress the old identity, and empower the new identity, it almost never totally succeeds. Good experiences and positive memories rarely disappear entirely. Of course, the cult identity will try to bury former reference points and submerge the person's past. Yet, over time, the old self exerts itself and seeks out ways to regain its freedom. This process is speeded up by positive exposure to nonmembers and the accumulation of bad experiences he has while in the group. [1]


In the middle of the summer of 1984, my unconscious began to erupt like an out-of-control volcano.

My Rosicrucian Diary
July 29, 1984
Temple Degree 1, Atrium 1
First Sign of Revolt

Today I have completed monograph 4.

I was tormented during this study period. I terminated my session with a loud "Ouf," a cry of violent rebellion.

Owing to my extreme discomfort while studying this evening, I deferred the personal examination demanded by this monograph.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
November 22, 1984, 7:00 AM
Temple Degree 3, Monograph 4

I just finishing calmly studying monograph 4.

My studies are continuing to take place under physically distressing conditions. I do not have a chair, so I actually am sitting on a briefcase while reading.

I'll admit, though, it is a rather soft one, the same one I used when I left Haiti.

I can't even afford a chair.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
December 27, 1984, 9:00 PM
Temple Degree 3, Monograph 10

I spent two hours a day for ten days studying this monograph, from December 13 to December 23.

During the beginning of each study period, I was overcome with sleep. After sleeping, I had to force myself to fight drowsiness for the rest of the session.

Besides fighting sleep, I had to fight to understand the intellectual content of the monograph, leading me to review this monograph many times. By the end of these studies, I had begun to find it intensely interesting.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
January 10, 1985, 9:00 PM
Temple Degree 4, Monograph 3
Another Sign of Revolt

After finishing monograph 3 of the fourth temple degree, I found myself smiling in a very sarcastic way. The reason for the sarcastic laugh was that deep inside me, I was very indifferent to the subject of this monograph, owing to the value I placed on improving the conditions of my material life.

However, during the study of this monograph, I realized that I had to apply the teaching of the neophyte section in order to improve my material condition.

Following the study of this monograph, I meditated, striving to make contact with the celestial sanctum. Once in the appropriate state, I sought help from the egregore to be able to maintain an interest in the AMORC teachings.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
January 14, 1985, 4:00 PM
Temple Degree 4, Monograph 4
Even More Signs of Revolt

I just finished reading monograph 4 of the fourth temple degree.

I had to make lots of effort to keep from cracking up. As the days pass, I progressively lose more and more interest in the subject of these monographs.

Living in such degrading poverty, such poor conditions of life, continues to preoccupy my mind. I have only one desire, to realistically and concretely improve the harshness of my environment.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
January 17, 1985, 9:55 PM
Temple Degree 4, Monograph 5

Still living at Charles tine's house.

I fell asleep while studying the monograph and had a long, interminable dream.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
February 3, 1985, 9:00 PM
Temple Degree 4, Monograph 6

I am still living in fear of AMORC.

I will reread the second part of this monograph during the next study period.

I am mentally tired but feel compelled to continue with the second part of this monograph. The last time I failed to complete a monograph, I had a terrible nightmare, which I never wish to repeat.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
March 6, 1985, 10:17 PM
Temple Degree 4, Monograph 11
Sign of Desperation

At this point, I have the impression that I will be testing the validity of the Rosicrucian teachings for the rest of my life.

I no longer believe that I will go to college, even though a college education would improve my ability to understand some of the scientific concepts and topics developed in these monographs.

If I did not write these lines, I would be lying to myself. I will destroy this entry by our next study period. I don't want to risk the possibility that my doubts might reach the eyes of a non-Rosicrucian, who might not realize that, for the moment, I am going through the dark night of the soul. I will destroy them out of respect for AMORC.

[Author's note: Obviously, I did not destroy this entry.]

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
March 16, 1985

I tried in vain to study monograph 23 of the third level.

My eyes blinked without stopping during the reading of the monograph.

I considered this a sign that I was concentrating too much while reading this monograph. During the process, I unexpectedly and compulsively began to scream, loudly and conspicuously.


Image

DO YOU THINK
THAT WHEN CHRIST IS LYING THERE
AND THEY'RE NAILING THE NAILS IN
HE'S SAYING, "OH MAN, DOES THAT HURT!"? HE'S
PROBABLY LOOKING AT THE GUY WHO'S NAILING HIM
WITH
ABSOLUTE COMPASSION
HE DIGS WHY THE CAT'S DOING IT
WHAT HE'S STUCK IN
HOW MUCH DUST COVERS HIS EYES
WHY HE'S GOT TO BE DOING IT
THAT'S THE WAY IT IS
HE SAID THE NIGHT BEFORE:
"WELL, TOMORROW IS THE BIG TRIP.
YEAH-RIGHT-THESE ARE THE NAILS
WOW! LOOK AT THAT!"
AM I HE WHO IS BEING PAINED?
NO! THAT'S THE THING ONCE YOU KNOW THAT
THEN: PLEASURE & PAIN
LOSS & GAIN
FAME & SHAME
ARE ALL THE SAME
THEY'RE
ALL
JUST
HAPPENING

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


I do not know if I am on the right path or on the wrong path, but I am terminating my work with these monographs. I will restart them again when I receive the order from AMORC.

How I Left Charlestine's House

Around May 1985, I was still living on 114th Street and 11th Avenue at Charlestine's house in Miami. The people there were Seventh Day Adventists, definitely good Christians. A friend from my English class had introduced me to them, and they rented me a room. They were a family who made me really feel like I belonged.

AMORC and Superstition

According to my understanding of AMORC teachings, everything that has an association with AMORC is sacred. For example, the envelope in which I received a monograph was considered sacred. The leftover candle that was used for AMORC study in my personal sanctum was sacred.

At one point I accumulated too many leftover candles. Instead of putting them in the trash, I started burning them in the backyard of the place where I was living. I burned them in an area partially covered with concrete. The oil of the candle made the fire grow very high.

Luckily, the neighbors didn't call the fire department. The concrete where I burned the candles stayed very hot after the fire went out. I didn't realize that Charlestine, her husband, and their children were observing me from inside.

A few days later, Charlestine started to suggest that I join their church. Actually, they had mentioned that before, but this time they were more serious about it. The reason they wanted me to join their church was that they liked me but were conscious of my superstitious practices. Finally, one day, Charles tine told me that I had to find another house to live in.

I told her that I would not leave, because I had just spent some of my own money to redo the floor of the room. She said that she would reimburse me, but I didn't hear that, and I kept on arguing with her.

Suzette, her older daughter, was standing at a distance, waiting for me and her mother to get into a fistfight so that she could jump in and beat me up. I was somehow subdued, and I went back to my room.

I must note that even though I had said that I would not leave, it was only a bluff. I was driving taxi at the airport, and I was telling every taxi driver that I needed a room to rent. The taxi drivers and the members of the Miami lodge were my only social contacts.

At that time, I realized that the members of the Miami lodge could not be of any help in such a matter. The first room I rented in Miami was from a brother from the lodge. It was a disaster, and I stayed there for only a month.

So the drivers were my only chance. I was actually buying time at Charlestine's house by saying I wouldn't leave, in the hope that a taxi driver would eventually help me find another place to live.

Just about a week after my argument with Charles tine, one of the taxi drivers rented me a room, and I moved out.

A Regressive State of Mind Experience

Around the mid-1980s, I had a friend, Lucie Macena, a young lady who lived in Haiti but often visited the United States on business. She already had her green card and came here to buy office supplies for the Haitian government.

When she returned to Haiti, she would often visit my mother and my family. She was solicitous of their needs. Sometimes she would actually buy them food out of her own pocket.

My mother was living in deep poverty at that time in Haiti, and I was always worried. So whenever Lucie returned to Miami, 1went to visit her so that 1could find out how my mother was doing.

One Saturday morning, I learned from Nadine that Lucie was in Miami. So I left the airport and drove to Nadine's house to visit her.

During the drive, I had a strange idea. Despite my need to hear about my family, I questioned the value of visiting Lucie. I am not sure why this thought came to me, but it bothered me intensely.

Still, on another level, it seemed obvious to me that I needed to see her. If something had happened to my family, she might be able to lend a helping hand to them on my behalf.

Since I could not really help them financially at that time or in the near future, I believed Lucie to be a kind of insurance for their safety that I might be able to draw on because of her kindness. Seeing her seemed to me a kind of obligation.

Still, the thought of not going to visit her persisted, even as I drove into a gas station on Seventy-Ninth Street and seventh Avenue and got out to put some gas in my car. I gave the station attendant ten dollars and went to pump myself ten dollars' worth of gas. When the meter reached five dollars, it stopped.

I rushed over to the man and said, "I gave you ten dollars and wanted to put ten dollars' of gas in my car." He said "No," in a very loud voice; "You gave me five dollars."

Unexpectedly, and out of context, I put my index finger over my mouth, making the station attendant furious.

It was a strange gesture, considering the situation: I had just been ripped off. I asked myself why I made that gesture. I would only learn the answer many years later.

Only in 2004, some nineteen years later, when I started reading books on mind control organizations, did I realize that the gas-station incident where I put my finger on my lips to silence the loud attendant was the same gesture my Catholic schoolteachers had used to tell the children to be quiet. On the other hand, if you recall, it was also a gesture that was mentioned in the AMORC monographs, a kind of symbol of the perennial silence a Rosicrucian must keep about his work, first from the outside world and secondly from those who have not reached the appropriate degree in the order.

Image

OUENTIN METSYS (also written MASSYS) 1465/6-1530: Allegory of Folly, painted about 1510-1420. New York, Coll. J. Held (Mondeken toe means keep your mouth shut!)

-- The Pictorial Language of Hieronymus Bosch, by Clement A. Wertheim Aymes


This showed me that, in the face of a rather small conflict over five dollars, I had really regressed to a childlike state instead of dealing with it in a more forthright manner.

After my confrontation with the gas-station attendant, I went back to my taxicab and drove off, losing five dollars in the process. Inside of me, something told me that maybe what had happened at the gas station was a sign that I shouldn't go to visit Lucie.

When I got to Nadine's house, Nadine said that Lucie was inside waiting for me.

When I got inside, Lucie treated me very disrespectfully. She didn't like the way I was handling things in Miami. She told me exactly what she thought was wrong and what I should be doing, going on and on incessantly. The only thing she didn't do was spit in my face.

The reason Lucie was so angry was because she had been having firsthand encounters with the deep poverty in which my mother was living. She was also aware of my involvement with AMORC. She didn't know anything about cults or mind control organizations, but she was convinced that something was wrong with the organization.

The more Lucie humiliated me, the more I kept hearing a little voice inside of me: "I told you not to come. You see that ... " I was shocked and confused and speechless.

So I went back to my taxicab and drove back to the airport. All the while, that little voice kept sounding in my brain: "I told you not to go."

I interpreted that voice to be the voice of the AMORC masters. I eventually bought into what the voice said, taking what had just happened with Lucie as proof that AMORC knew best what was good for me.

This incident reinforced my lack of personal decisiveness. When I had to make a decision, I'd look for a message of this type so that I could know in advance if it was right or wrong to do something.

My Rosicrucian Diary
March 19, 1985, 8:45 PM
Temple Degree 6, Monograph 5
Stress and Fear

I was not able to stop grinding my teeth while studying these monographs.

Still, during the study, I took a lot of notes. A lot of these were unnecessary and were dictated by the possibility that if I did not take them, I might have to go back and do the notes all over again.

May Heaven help us to adopt a truly Rosicrucian behavior in our study. That is the freedom to act without fear.


Sixth Temple Degree Initiation

A few days before my first stay in a motel, the following incident occurred:

AMORC gives temple degree initiations in their lodges. Members are encouraged to receive the initiation at the lodge once they reach that degree level in their home study. I was already in the eighth temple degree but had only received the first five degree initiations in the lodge. The sixth temple degree was scheduled to be given the next Sunday.

Saturday, during the day, I met Pauline, who was also a member of AMORC. Pauline and I dated for about a month. She was the only person that I ever dated in the Miami lodge.

In fact, when I saw her that Saturday, she told me that the members of the lodge had noticed that we were dating and were talking about us. Compulsively, I replied to Pauline, "When you are practicing true mysticism, you do not waste your energy worrying about others' criticism."

It was only after I replied that I realized that I had quoted something I had read in AMORC's quarterly publication. At that moment, I thought that quick answer was proof that I was evolving spiritually. Now I know that it was proof that I was becoming a human parrot, programmed by the so-called cosmic masters with direct quotes, rendered with precision, from official AMORC literature.

Pauline and I talked for a little while that day. She asked me whether I was going to be taking the sixth temple degree initiation the next day. I told her I would not, because I didn't think I was ready, even though I had studied past that degree in my home sanctum.

We said goodbye, and I went off to drive my taxi.

By 7:30 PM, I had a passenger coming from the airport going to downtown Miami. While I was proceeding peacefully through a green light, a lady came flying through the red light and crashed into my car.

Right after the crash, I heard that same inner voice again: "This happened because you refuse to receive the sixth-degree initiation tomorrow."

The accident happened right behind the downtown Miami police station. A police car showed up almost instantly. The policeman who came was Cuban, and the lady who had driven through the light was also speaking Spanish. She didn't lie about going through the red light. She simply said she was lost and that this neighborhood was bad, and she wanted to get out of this part of town quickly. She was taking the time to flirt with the Spanish-speaking policeman, and soon neither of them even noticed me.

Right after the accident, a white man came to my rescue. He told the policeman that he had seen the lady going through the red light. He also told me that he was a friend of the general manager of the Yellow Cab Company, which was the company I was driving for.

Despite the importance of his intervention, I was not paying any attention to the man. I was mostly thinking about why I didn't want to take the sixth temple initiation on Sunday. I was too busy blaming myself for the accident.

Right then, I decided to go the next day to receive the initiation. Still in a daze, I called a tow truck, took the car to the station, and then went home.

The next day, I was one of the first at the lodge to line up for the sixth temple degree initiation.

After the initiation, Pauline asked me whether I had understood the mystical meaning of a certain statement made during the initiation. I told her I hadn't heard it.

Looking back, I realize that I hadn't heard anything that was said during the initiation. In fact, I blocked it all out from my mind. All my experience, everything that happened to me, was now filtered through my relationship with AMORC.

A Prospective Wife

I was stuck driving a taxicab.

I clearly realized that the easiest and perhaps the only way to change that was to get married and get my green card. With it, I would be eligible to receive financial aid and go to college to improve my life.

One night, I met a lady from Haiti. She took a taxi ride to her home. We talked during the ride, and at one point she asked me whether I was single. I said yes. She asked me if I wanted to meet her sister, who was also single. I said yes to that, also.

So when I got to her home, she paid me her taxi fare, and I went inside with her to meet her sister.

Her sister was a young lady, probably twenty-two years old. She had a three-year-old daughter. Later, she told me she was a high school graduate. Although I believed her, it was painful to see the efforts she made to try to convince me of the reality of her graduation. She did that, I think, because the family was obviously very poor. Still, her family lived in a very big house that they owned.

Her fervent attempts to convince me about her graduation reminded me of an identical experience I'd had when I was trying to convince someone that I had studied accounting or had been a civil engineering student in Haiti.

The young woman told me that her father, who had come from Haiti, had been a very prominent businessman in the Haitian community of Miami. He had died unexpectedly the year she was graduating from high school. She told me that her family had been living on their inheritance since his death.

I really liked her and said to myself that she was the prospective wife I was looking for. I was also, in the back of my mind, already thinking about how I would make her a Rosicrucian.

The AMORC Order uses subtle language to encourage members to make associations with like-minded people. They have a subtle way of saying, "Make your family and friends Rosicrucians."

We talked for a little while longer, and she gave me her phone number. I told her I would come back to see her the next day. When I got to my car, I said to myself, "I will take her to the lodge to meet Soror Gonzales and see what she thinks."

Soror Gonzales was always on my back about getting a girlfriend or a wife. Despite the fact that the soror was kind of a busybody and always pestering me about my personal life, she was kind of a mother figure for me, and I wanted to please her. I began to think that she would be very happy with this young lady.

But, still, upon reflection, and thinking about the girl's obvious poverty and poor appearance, I began to doubt that Soror Gonzales would approve. I began to think that bringing the young woman to the lodge would throw further doubt on my abilities and my social relevance. I didn't want to risk that, so I began to have doubts about continuing my relationship with the young lady. In fact, I never saw her again.

For more than fifteen years after this incident, I thought that the Cosmic knew that the young woman would not be the right person for me to marry and start a family with. Until 2004, when I started reading about mind control organizations and destructive cults, I didn't realize that my reasoning had been altered by techniques designed to reduce rational decision-making. In focusing on the Cosmic as being responsible for my inaction, I was giving fate or destiny part of the responsibility that was probably mine to bear.

My Rosicrucian Diary
May 26, 1985, 5:45AM
Why Am I a Rosicrucian?

I just got back to my house after driving a taxi for about twelve hours. I am beginning to realize the painful truth that I, in effect, am working at the level of a minimum-wage worker, at $3.35 an hour.

Yesterday afternoon, after I started driving the taxi, I went to the post office to check my mailbox. I found a late-payment notice of $75 from a hospital, one of many similar demands that embarrassed me. All night long, instead of sleeping, I was asking myself the reason for my affiliation to AMORC.

I don't wish to lower the Rosicrucian teaching to a strictly materialistic level, but what is there of real value to me if their practical teachings don't work, at least for me? So far I have drawn a total blank as to how they could be used to improve my financial condition.

And, when you are broke, fatigued, and almost starving, it is hard to feel all that metaphysically gratified, especially when you are told that if you are good, there will be surplus, not deficit, in your life.


A Legend about H. Spencer Lewis

One fascinating story recounts the time Lewis's secretary mistakenly scheduled him to give a talk in two different faraway cities at the same time. Even though he had heard and understood the secretary's mistake, Lewis didn't flinch, simply remarking to her something like, "Don't worry, I'll take care of that."

Then, according to the AMORC legend, he proceeded to meet both appointments simultaneously, giving talks in both cities at the same time. This was in 1915, when there was no video or teleconferencing, just live performances.

Here, we are talking about a feat of bilocation, which is a miracle attributed to certain saints. An example of this would be the Catholic priest Alphonsus Maria de Liguori, who lived in the late eighteenth century. He was seen preaching a sermon in one city and giving alms to one of his followers in an entirely different city, both at the same time.

My Rosicrucian Diary
August 11, 1985
Monograph 12, Temple Degree 6

I just spent two hours with monograph 12. I wasn't able to finish it because I was overcome with sleep. So we had to modify the study plan of August and study Sunday morning instead of Sunday night. But on Sunday morning, I had already planned to work on the oratory monograph.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
September 26, 1985, 9:35 PM
Monograph 22, Temple Degree 6

Tonight at 7 PM, I studied monograph 22 without taking any notes. I then had supper and planned on rereading this monograph tonight at 9:35 and taking notes.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
October 10, 1985, 8:00 PM
Monograph 10, Temple Degree 6

I changed my schedule to be able to study this monograph. When I got tired, I went to sleep, determined to get up later and study this monograph in the middle of the night.

I woke up at 2:45 AM and did the experiment. However, the room was so cold and disordered that I could not do any real meditation.

I hope that as soon as material conditions permit me, I can have a sanctum again and do some real meditation. I will then be able to practice the beautiful Rosicrucian exercises.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
December 24, 1985
Monograph 2 of the Third Level Oratory Section

Here is the impression I received after performing this monograph's experiment:

I got into a meditative state and became passive and open. In that state, I had a disturbing, confusing vision. I saw someone beheading me.
At the same time, the person was telling me to avoid a certain woman. Almost simultaneously, I recalled the comments of Soror Gonzales, who asks me every day, "Do you have a girlfriend?" or "How come you do not have a girlfriend?" Then, suddenly, I began to focus on a single lady I have met, who seems to be interested in me. I began to think that if I approached the lady, she would accept my advance.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
December 29, 1985
Monograph 2 of the Third Level Oratory Section

I redid this monograph's experiment, which I had previously explored on December 24.

During the period of passivity following the commencement of meditation, I saw myself crawling on my hands and knees on McArthur Causeway in Miami.

I was reaching for something in the presence of someone else, also in that same crawling position. Then, in my dream state, I saw a snake crawling across the street, followed by a strong intuitive message that I should improve my social and economic condition.


***

My Rosicrucian Diary
January 15, 1986

During meditation, I received a warning: "You are being excessive in pursuing these studies."

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
January 28, 1986

Exercise of all monographs includes a period of relaxation.

Two minutes into my relaxation session, I had to stop suddenly. I felt like my head was exploding. My eyes were blinking rapidly, and I received the impression intuitively that I was forcing it too much. I was being excessive. All is lost.

I now live near Alton Road, in Miami Beach.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
February 11, 1986
Monograph 5, Level 3

During my meditation period, I had a vision of a truck going down Alton Road near my house. But the truck was traveling on the wrong side of the street. I saw myself in the back of the truck.

At the same time, an interesting message came to me: "No room for the crazy."


Vanessa: A Story of Being Disconnected from the World

Around 1985, I rented a room from my cousin, Carlos Chery. He had a beautiful house in a very nice neighborhood in North Miami Beach. His wife was a registered nurse (RN). His wife's cousin, Vanessa, was a licensed practical nurse (LPN). She was single, like me, and she was very interested in marrying me.

She gave me many hints that she felt that way, but I was not receptive to any of her advances. Carlos eventually told me that Vanessa liked me. "She needs a husband," Carlos said. "Why don't you marry her?" I told him that she was like me, illegally in the United States, and that I would not marry an illegal person.

I knew of many couples from Haiti who had been married when both the husband and the wife were illegally in the United States. They had gone on to have children, but because of some minor incident, they ended up being deported back to Haiti.

So I was totally convinced that I had to either get my green card or marry someone who could help me get it. Also, I wanted to make sure I would be able to get my mother and sister out of Haiti. Without my green card, there was no way I could do that.

Carlos said to me that because Vanessa was a nurse, she was qualified to get a green card -- because there was a nursing shortage in the United States. I didn't believe Carlos at the time and gave him a telling look. But, sad to say, Carlos was telling me the truth.

Immigration was giving green cards to nurses to encourage nurses from overseas to come to the United States. But I didn't know that -- because I was literally living in the secluded AMORC world. In other words, I didn't watch the news and didn't watch any TV, and I spent very little time socializing with anybody.

My only social contact was with the people of the Miami lodge, either before or after convocation. For me, at least, these social periods consisted primarily of talking about Rosicrucian matters. This was the time when members shared stories about AMORC and its officers. This was the time where one hears legends about H. Spencer Lewis.

My Rosicrucian Diary
June 13, 1986

Today is my third day without any food, the ultimate consequence of my carelessness. This is not punishment. This is karma, absolute proof of the principle of cause and effect, which confirms the teachings of the Rosicrucian order.

According to this teaching, both the physical aspect of our life and the spiritual aspect must be fed. Only an evil hand could lead a child of God to neglect to feed himself, one of the two pillars of life itself.

This fundamental mistake of self-neglect, which created an obsessive concentration on feeding the spiritual, has created an economic situation from which I am now experiencing three days of extreme hunger.

If I survive, it will be by a divine miracle.

In conclusion: in the future, I will consider a sacred duty to feed myself properly (and I will do that physically and spiritually).


Job Prospect with Grand Counselor

A few months later, I was still driving a taxi in Miami and still an officer of the Miami lodge. I was spending every other day in a motel in Miami Beach because I could not make enough cash to rent an apartment. It was obvious to everyone at the lodge that I needed a job other than driving a taxi. Reasonable or not, members of the lodge viewed taxi driving as reflecting a low social status. Some members' spouses drove taxis, but they concealed that fact from the lodge. In other words, except for me, you would never see someone associated with the lodge driving a taxi, and you would not see their spouses come to pick them up in a taxi.

But I approached the matter differently. AMORC taught that humility was a good quality, and I was applying the AMORC teaching to the letter. I firmly believed that the humbler I was, the worthier I was to receive enlightenment. So, if the Cosmic made me drive a taxi for a living, according to the teaching just mentioned, I would have to accept that and not be ashamed of it. So when I went to the lodge, I drove up in my taxi and proudly got out of my taxicab. That caused my "loving" fellow Rosicrucians to feel very embarrassed.

For some reason, the idea carne to me that I should ask the grand counselor for a job. He was a director of a bank in Miami. I felt the suggestion, because his wife, who was also an officer of the lodge, was one of many people who were "sending" that suggestion to me. These suggestions were probably prompted by the AMORC lodge community's desperate embarrassment at my prominent position as a taxicab driver and my extremely poor wardrobe choices, which were straight out of the Salvation Army.

I resisted the thought for many weeks. My reasoning was plain and simple: if AMORC was not lying about the power of its techniques, I should not need the favor of the grand counselor to get a job. I should be able to apply these techniques to get my green card so that I could receive financial aid, go to school, and get a good job.

After resisting the thought for many weeks, I finally decided that the next Sunday, after convocation, I would ask the grand counselor for a job. While attending the convocation, before the so-called "guided meditation" period, the idea arose in my mind that if the grand counselor of the Miami lodge gave me a job, I would feel so grateful that I would become entrapped forever in the lodge. That was a problem because, by that time, I actually hated the lodge.

During the guided meditation, I found myself unable to concentrate. I saw images of dogs, cats, strange faces, and other incoherent imagery. Nothing quite like that had ever happened to me before.

Almost instantly, I felt that my thoughts before the guided meditation were responsible for the strange images. Something in me had become upset when I started to think about ignoring this potential position at the bank. Perhaps I was being prideful and insistent, when an important opportunity was right in front of me. Maybe I was defying the good the egregore was offering me.

When the convocation was over, the wife of the grand counselor came over to me and hugged me, trying to uplift me. Now I was in a state of shock. Did she somehow sense that I was making the wrong decision by not asking her husband for a job? Did she know what I had just gone through? I decided that it must the Cosmic's will that I get a job that way.

But the next day when I was about to take action, it came to me that the grand counselor could not give me a job anyway, because my employment permit had expired and I could not renew it. I had actually become "illegal" five months before the day of the convocation.

Still, I was tormented by the idea that somehow I was missing an opportunity and that my illegal status and other problems could be overcome. I called the grand counselor and made an appointment to see him at the bank where he worked.

I went there on the day of the appointment, but I was sure that the grand counselor could not give me a job, even to clean the bathroom at the bank, because I looked like a disgusting little "nothing." I was sleepless, homeless, and dirty, even though I put on the best outfit I had, the one I had bought earlier from the Salvation Army.

The grand counselor told me that he would check to see what the bank might have for me in the way of a job, but his body language told me that I'd have to find a way to look better before I could get a job at a bank. The truth is that when you are doing AMORC monographs twenty-four hours a day, you do not have any chance of looking any better.

1986

My First Homeless Night


So far I was able to manage to get money to pay for a motel every night because I had a taxi to drive every few nights, at least enough to pay my way. But as I was always living on the edge, I finally ran out of options one night and didn't have a car or the money to pay for a motel.

I checked out of the motel where I had spent the night and walked from Miami Beach to Miami, on Eighty-Third Street near Biscayne Boulevard, where some Haitian friends of mine lived, hoping they would let me spend the night and get a taxi in the morning.

When I got there, it was clear that they didn't want a roommate, even for one night. It started getting dark outside, so I left Eighty-Third Street and walked to Fifty-Fourth Street on North Miami Avenue. I was not in a hurry, because I knew I was going to spend the night on the street.

There was a twenty-four-hour laundromat where I figured I could sit and wait until 5 AM so that I could go to a taxi fleet and get a taxi to drive for the day.

I was properly dressed and had a bag with toothpaste, a toothbrush, soap, and other basic necessities, including my monographs. I sat at the laundromat from about 8:30 PM onward. People who carne in late to do their laundry thought I was waiting either for my clothes to be dried or for a friend. In any case, no one noticed me enough to ask me why I was there.

Later on, maybe at about 11:00 PM, very few people, if any, were corning in to do their laundry. At that point, the laundry became a meeting place for some "ladies of the night" and their pimps. I sat on the bench outside the laundry, listening to their conversations and jokes. I was holding my bag, with all my important possessions, so I did my best to stay awake.

I probably dozed off several times, but I am not quite sure. At any rate, none of them realized that I was, in fact, homeless.

I left the laundromat at about 4 AM and started walking towards the Super Yellow Taxi Station that was also located on Fifty-Fourth Street. It would be open by 5:00AM, when it began to send drivers out for the day shift.

I walked slowly so that I would get there on time. I didn't want to attract attention by making it look like I was afraid. When I was almost there, a car stopped next to me, and I heard the car's horn.

A Bold Intuition Validates the Order

To my surprise, the person who had just stopped and honked was an AMORC member. He was a frater from Africa whom I had met at the Miami lodge before.

He was surprised to see me at that time of day, around 4:45 AM, by myself on the street. I replied in a very normal way, pretending that I was just getting off the bus, and headed to the station to get a taxi. He lived in the area and offered me a ride, but I said no, because I was almost there -- which was true.

As soon as he drove off, something like a Cosmic voice or an intuitive moment came, and I realized that I had heard or understood the three reasons why I was in such a financial mess. The first was my excessive devotion to the Miami lodge. The second was my refusal to eat red meat. The third was my sexual abstinence.

I was relieved and grateful to the "Cosmic" for coming to my rescue, and I took this as the ultimate proof of AMORC's validity as a spiritual order. I was convinced that once I complied with these three missing pieces, my reward would come. I myself was responsible for not receiving the blessing.

This was an interesting "insight," but fundamentally a kind of fantasy. In fact, it was simply one step forward into further entrapment by AMORC.

Compliance

My extra devotion to the Miami lodge was a fact. I was exactly following AMORC instructions that required service to the lodge. It turned out to be a very difficult struggle. I was convinced that my service to the lodge was a Cosmic calling. I was convinced that the inspiration I had received that morning was also an AMORC spiritual message. My experience in the lodge, in fact, was not really all that positive. I felt that many of the members were deceiving me with their so-called spiritual insights.

My Rosicrucian Diary
Sometime before August 15, 1986
Monograph 15, Level 3

In my dream state, I was sleeping in the back of the taxi. I saw my little sister, Marthes, arrive in the car. I jumped up with happiness and screamed in a loud voice, "Marthes!" I woke up and sat up in the car.

My first interpretation was that Marthes might become my companion in my struggle for survival in Miami. Then a second idea came to me: "Go to work so that you can organize your life."

[Author's note: my family did not know of my whereabouts during this period. I was probably living in Miami Beach.]

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
August 15, 1986
Monograph 23, Temple Third Level Oratory Section

While practicing the exercise from yesterday's monograph (monograph 23 of the third level), I saw the image of an ugly face and then a picture of a handicapped man with crutches and another man in a wheelchair.

All during the period of relaxation, I saw other images of ugly faces.

Tonight, I showed my determination by continuing the exercise despite that fact that an inner voice directed me not to continue with it.
Something inside me was trying to keep me in ignorance and prevent me from completing an important exercise.

May the Cosmic help me!

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
August 22, 1986
Monograph 23, Temple Third Level Oratory Section

We just completed a special exercise which is part of monograph 23, level 3.

This exercise covered a whole day of things to do, another Day of Reintegration. My intention was to finish the day with a period of meditation. But this is what happened as my session drew to a close:

At two different times, I again began to inadvertently and unexpectedly scream loudly. After each of these disturbing episodes, I began the exercise again, attempting to go into deep meditation. Instead of realizing that anticipated state of meditation, I saw the face of a monster, eventually leading me to stop what I was doing altogether.


Image

I'VE BEEN WITH (LITERALLY NOW) WELL OVER
100 PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD SUCH AN EXPERIENCE
WHICH WAS POWERFUL AND VALID BUT IT WAS SO
DISCONTINUOUS WITH THEIR NORMAL CONSCIOUSNESS
THAT THEY SCREAMED FOR HELP
THE HELP
THAT WAS
AVAILABLE
TO THEM
WAS A
GROUP
OF MINDS
WHICH SAID
'THAT'S ALL RIGHT
YOU'VE JUST GONE CRAZY'
THAT IS
THE EXPERIENCE YOU'VE JUST HAD
IS THE EXPERIENCE OF PSYCHOSIS

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


May the Cosmic help me, because in the following days, I will continue with these exercises.

So mote it be.


Held at Gunpoint

At that point, I didn't feel I had the freedom to stop going to the lodge without missing a chance at getting an important future blessing from AMORC. I was still driving a taxi and staying at the Sunrise Motel in Miami Beach.

I had the night shift, and at around 1:00 AM, I heard another driver on the radio asking for help. I guess somebody was trying to rob him. I knew where he was and started driving in that direction, a good distance away. On my way there, a guy hailed my cab. Given where he was, I would not normally have picked him up. But that night, for some reason that I still don't understand, I did pick him up.

His destination was around the southwest area, not far from the Miami lodge. As we got closer, he pulled a gun, pointed it at me, and demanded my wallet. I was not afraid, and I impulsively put my hand on the gun, but I quickly realized that I was not supposed to do that and let go. For some reason, despite the circumstances, I felt fearless.

He got my wallet, took the key from the engine, and walked away. He made me get out of the car before him. Trying to let him know that he was in charge, I acted like I was afraid.

Although at the time, I had plenty of reason to be afraid, I was filled with calmness and certainty about my survival. Retrospectively, it was a very peculiar, even reckless state to be in.

After he turned down the block, I went back to the car and got on the radio to let the dispatcher know I had been robbed. The dispatcher told me to move away from the car in case the robber came back.

I went to a twenty-four-hour restaurant that was just a block from the Miami lodge and waited for the police to make a report.

When I got home that night, the whole event sunk in, and I became really afraid. I suppose now they would call my reaction posttraumatic stress syndrome.

I told the hotel that I had been robbed and that the gunman had taken my wallet and room key. They gave me a different room. A couple of days later, as I was in Miami Beach with a lady I had met, the thief walked passed and kind of bumped into me. Almost instinctively I knew that he was trying to see whether I could identify him. I made it look like I didn't recognize him, because I knew he could easily have killed me.

I realized that, given the danger of this man's potential murderous intentions, I needed to get out of Miami. But as an officer at the Miami lodge, I was afraid to abandon my duties. Nothing would be worse than offending the egregore, one of the most successful phobic beliefs I had ingested from my indoctrination. After all, I was now the guardian of the lodge, a position with a one-year term of office. Leaving this position could be a major offense.

The following Sunday, as I was driving to a lodge convocation, I stopped at a gas station on the corner, about fifty feet from the lodge. As I was putting gas into my car, I saw the thief waiting at a bus stop. I called the police using a public phone, because the car I was driving didn't have a radio.

By the time the police came, the thief had already taken the bus. I didn't make note of the bus number because I didn't want him to know that I had seen him. Fearless before, I was now greatly moved by fear.

This was the Sunday, if I remember correctly, that Soror Gonzales asked me whether anything had happened to me. I thought that she must have had some mystical power, but, in fact, I found out that her fellow Cubans who drove taxis had told her about the incident.

God was indeed helping me to leave the Miami lodge, but I was still "stuck," restrained by the Rosicrucian order.

Reading the Monographs on Foot

I checked out of the Sunrise Motel in Miami Beach. My taxi had been taken from me the day before, and I had not one penny left in my wallet. I went to the motel's front desk and told the manager I did not have any money to pay. At that point, I was two days behind.

I gave him the key. I told him I will come back and pay you. He told me you do not have to come back to pay.

I had stayed in the motel many times since I had been driving taxis, and I had never had any problem paying my bill. Maybe this was why he let me go. So with one little bag on my back containing a toothbrush, toothpaste, and some underwear, I left.

Also in this bag were a few monographs, so that I could practice the daily exercises, and some new monographs to study. My other belongings were in a storage room. So I started walking toward North Miami Beach. There was a taxi base there that I had driven for in the past, and I was hoping that they would give me a taxi to drive.

I walked because I didn't have any money to take the bus. While walking, I was brainstorming, trying to figure out which part of the AMORC teaching I was not doing right. According to these monographs, if you practice the Rosicrucian teachings and follow the given instructions, things should go well in your life. Things had been going very badly in my life. Since AMORC's teaching could not be wrong, I felt that it must be that I was doing something wrong.

With these thoughts, I kept on walking. But after passing the drawbridge, the idea came to me as to what exactly it was. So I stopped on the side of the bridge and pulled out a monograph from my bag and read it. What I read confirmed that I was exactly following the instructions given in the monographs.

In an almost intuitive way, the idea came to me that the AMORC monographs themselves were my handicap. I was convinced that I had indeed uncovered the truth. But for reasons unknown to me at the time, I did not make any decision to stop studying the monographs.

So I continued to walk toward the taxi base. When I got there, they didn't give me a taxi to drive. In the past, I had worked for them, and didn't pay on time, even though my balance with this base was zero. So I left, not knowing where I was going or what to do next. Then I started walking toward the airport.

About one block after I started walking, a taxi stopped near me. It was my friend Louis from Haiti. He picked me up and asked where I was going. I made up something so that he couldn't figure out that I was homeless.

I asked him whether I could have a shift in his car. Taxi drivers often take a co-driver when they have a taxi full-time. He said no. His wife knew how unreliable I was and probably told him never to share a taxi with me. So he took me to the airport, where I looked for a taxi to drive.

My Rosicrucian Diary
September 4, 1986
Monograph 20, Temple Degree Eight

I have made an important decision. I am going to stop taking a precommunication class so that I can pursue a course in sign language.

Do you recall the earlier vision I had, when I saw someone with a prosthetic leg and believed that was a Cosmic message to work with the handicapped? Perhaps this is the direction I should go in.


Civil Unrest in Haiti

In 1986, I was in Miami International Airport in a taxi holding area, waiting for my turn to go to the terminal to pick up a customer. The waiting usually lasted two, sometimes up to four hours.

During these waiting periods, most drivers used the time to socialize with each other, play cards, and talk about current events, mostly politics. I usually spent my waiting period reading AMORC monographs, meditating in the car, or practicing AMORC exercises.

One day, while walking past some drivers who were talking about politics in Haiti, I stopped. They were talking about the fact that Haiti was in turmoil, and that if Baby Doc Duvalier did not leave Haiti, the nation would fall into civil war.

Unrest in Haiti had been going on for a few weeks. The problem for me was that I had no TV and no knowledge of any current events. My whole personal life was rooted in AMORC literature and practices.

This type of isolation from even mass media is not unusual in cults that are more or less isolated from the mainstream of daily life. But how about cults whose members have jobs, are not supervised by cult overseers, and do not occupy themselves with cult activities every day? What was wrong with me? Why didn't I listen to the news?

Information is the fuel we use to keep our minds working properly. Deny a person the information he requires to make sound judgments, and he will be incapable of doing so. People are trapped in destructive cults because they are not only denied access to critical information but also lack the properly functioning internal mechanisms to process it. Such information control has a dramatic and devastating impact.

In many totalistic cults, people have minimal access to noncult newspapers, magazine, TV, and radio. This is partly because they are kept so busy they don't have free time. When they do read, it is primarily cult-generated propaganda or material that has been censored to "help" members stay focused. [2]


In a sense, just like the more conventional cult, which had the overseers, the daily responsibilities, and the strict censorship rules over reading and media, I was too busy and too committed to become part of the world. But now the world was facing me, and I could not ignore it.

At that moment, I asked myself, "What am I doing to get my mother, brother, and sisters out of Haiti?" Then, almost like turning a light switch on, an idea came to my mind. I thought, "The Cosmic has kept me away from the news of civil unrest in Haiti so that it can protect my family. It doesn't need my help."

A feeling of gratefulness pervaded my mind, and I went to my car and continued to read and practice my AMORC exercises. AMORC is not only expert in reframing everything in life but expert in teaching members to do the same thing for themselves. After they've been indoctrinated, members also become expert at reframing events in their lives in a way that makes AMORC and its teaching look good.

My Rosicrucian Diary
December 10, 1986, 2:00 AM

I've decided to end my affiliation with the Miami lodge.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary December 11, 1986 Another Level of Revolt

Last week I did not do the monograph because I did not have enough time.

This week, more specifically, I read a pamphlet but decided not to read the actual monograph. The night before I was supposed to read it, I had a lot of negative thoughts regarding pursing it in the morning.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
December 25, 1986
Preliminary Monograph of the Ninth Temple Degree

Tonight, I am back in front of a mirror.

God has guided me, and I have improvised a little sanctum in my room, using for the first time a hermetic cross and special ceramic candleholders.

I received a certain satisfaction from the meditation, a satisfaction that came after a long period of testing. The period of testing was so hard that I was almost certain that I was going to lose my AMORC affiliation.

After a long period of in and out of a temporary motel room and homelessness, I am now living in Little Haiti.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
Date Unknown Monograph 21, Third Level

I just finished monograph 21, third level.

This was a day of confession. I was overcome by sleep, but I forced myself to continue. I became strongly tempted to use some very foul language about my situation with AMORC but I forced myself not to vocalize anything negative.

May the Cosmic forgive me and protect me.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
February 11, 1987

I was supposed to practice a mystical exercise three times per day for three consecutive days. But I forgot to do the exercise.

At one point, I felt that I had received a Cosmic message that I had forgotten to do the exercise because I had ignored the needs of my physical body.

But deep inside, I knew I did not ignore my physical needs by choice. I was completely controlled by AMORC and was too busy complying with its demands to drive my taxi and make enough money to buy food.


Days Are Numbered at the Lodge

During one of my last days of association with Miami lodge, I arrived before everyone else, waiting to attend a convocation.

By then, I was the lodge guardian. The role of the lodge guardian was to screen people before they were admitted to the lodge, by validating their membership cards and sometimes, if necessary, asking them to provide a password.

I usually carne to the lodge with my taxicab, which I parked in the lot, a matter that embarrassed the members of the lodge. I still was poorly dressed in Salvation Army clothes, working on very little sleep. At the time, I had two full-time jobs: driving my taxi and studying and practicing Rosicrucian teachings.

That particular day, also as usual, I was very hungry. Everyone was coming with food that day for a social event that was going to take place after the lodge convocation. As some of the members were tasting the different foods to be served at the party, I stepped into the room and asked whether I could join in sampling the food.

They served me some food, but from the corner of my eye, I picked up that they were gossiping about my being hungry. Something inside me told me that this place had nothing to do with the values of the so-called great white brotherhood or even the more common concept of brotherhood promoted by AMORC, and I knew that my days in this lodge were numbered.

My Rosicrucian Diary
March 20, 1987
Monograph 3, Ninth Temple Degree

I just finished answering the exam questions at the end of this monograph.

While answering the last one, I could not keep myself from screaming out loud painfully. I have concluded that AMORC, on some arcane level, is getting rid of me, kicking me out of its egregore.


How I Got to New York from Miami

I was at the end of my rope in Miami. I was driving a taxi, and my taxi license was due to expire in three months. I had an employment permit that was given to me by Immigration and Natural Services (INS) under the Haitian/Cuban refugee program.

Immigration does not renew this type of permit. At least, they would not give you a new one because it was really only a stamp that they put on your 1-94, which is an immigration document allowing you to visit the United States. If you lost your 1-94, you were just out of luck.

Well, as fate would have it, I lost mine. I thought that it had happened when I was moving from motel to motel. So I couldn't renew my taxi license, and I couldn't get a job either, because I wouldn't be hired if I didn't have an employment permit.

One month earlier, one of my good friends from Haiti, Guenise Raphael, who was living in Boston, came to visit her sister in Miami. When I saw Guenise, she suggested that I should consider going to New York, where I might have a better chance of getting my green card. I told her that I thought that was good advice.

When Guenise was leaving Miami for Boston, she gave me a very nice clock, a souvenir of Miami she had bought, and told me to bring it to her when I carne to New York.

Two weeks before the expiration date of my taxi license, I left Miami and flew to New York. I had only about a hundred dollars in my pocket. In my luggage, I carried two or three sets of clothes that I bought from the Salvation Army. I also had two large traveling bags filled with my most prized possessions, five years of AMORC monographs, and every piece of correspondence that I had ever received from the AMORC order.
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Re: THE PRISONER OF SAN JOSE: HOW I ESCAPED FROM ROSICRUCIAN

Postby admin » Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:39 am

TWELVE: Rosicrucian Adventures in the Big Apple

In July 1987, I left Miami and went to New York. It was my first time ever in New York.

Before I left Miami, I had become friends with a New York taxi driver named Delano, a fellow Haitian who was thinking about moving to Miami. We became good friends, and I showed him around Miami. In gratitude for my interest in his prospects, he invited me to stay in his house if I ever came to New York.

I took him up on his offer and wound up staying at his home in Brooklyn. He quickly had me change my driver's license to a New York driver's license.

Without an employment permit, there was only one type of job I could do in New York, driving a gypsy cab. After about a week in Brooklyn, I was driving one.

At the time of my flight, my mother was on her deathbed, having been diagnosed with cancer. I cried every day about not being able to visit her. I was still convinced that if I could only practice the AMORC principles perfectly, I could send a "treatment" to my mother, and the Cosmic would heal her.

So it is no surprise that I fell back into the cycle I had been in when I lived in Miami, practicing the Rosicrucian exercises twenty-four hours a day. Healing my mother would be the ultimate test of the AMORC teachings.


By then, I had left Delano's house and was renting a little room on my own. But my landlady soon got upset with me as I again became so focused on the AMORC teachings that I was not taking care of my financial obligations.

I was aware that I was slipping into poverty again. I was aware of the amount of time I was putting into these teachings. And what was really happening? Very little that would seem like a spiritual blessing.

For a brief moment, this time seriously, I began to think that maybe it was not me but something was wrong with the Rosicrucian ideas that diverted my energy and time away from practical matters. This thought became so strong in my mind that I actually sent a letter to AMORC in which I resigned from the organization. This was the first time I had taken any constructive action upon my doubts.

During that same period, the owner of the gypsy cab I was driving took the cab away from me because I was falling behind in paying the rental fees. I was working so little that I could not pay either my rent or the cab fees. My landlady locked me out too, that very day.

I spent the next night sleeping in a park on Eastern Parkway. I slept on a bench, and I saw or heard the many ladies and men of the night come in and out of the park. I meditated many times during the night.

In the morning, a miracle came my way. The idea came to me almost like my first homeless night in Miami. It came to me, suddenly, that I had become homeless in New York because I had separated myself from the egregore of AMORC by my resignation three days earlier.

An egregore is a divine thought form, rooted in the Cosmic, which supposedly gives substance and strength to the physical manifestation of an occult organization such as AMORC. In the language of my thinking back then, by separating myself from the AMORC thought form, I had brought upon myself the negative karma of homelessness.

At that moment, I forgot my many homeless nights in Miami and the futility of practicing AMORC's teaching there as well. Desperately grasping for straws, I felt suddenly blessed by receiving such an enlightening message about my foolishness in leaving AMORC. I promised myself that I would be smarter in the future and never leave the great protective umbrella of the AMORC egregore.

Such is the amazing power of cult teachings when one is fully in the grips of the cult personality. Such distorted thinking has occurred to thousands of cult members when attempting to leave their organization. In AMORC, the loss of connection to the AMORC egregore was my main fear, and it was upon me now.

I quickly went to the place where my luggage was, wrote another letter to AMORC that asked them to ignore my previous resignation, and put the letter in the mail. So, again, I put myself in bondage to AMORC, chained to the egregore with no way out.

As Steven Hassan says:

The most powerful technique for emotional control is phobia indoctrination ... People are made to have a panic reaction at the thought of leaving: sweating, rapid heartbeat, intense desire to avoid the possibility. They are told that if they leave they will be lost and defenseless in the face of dark horrors; they'll go insane, be killed, become drug addicts, or commit suicide. Actual talks of such cases are constantly told, both in lectures and in hushed tones through informal gossip. It is nearly impossible for an indoctrinated cult member to feel he can have any security outside the group.

When cult leaders tell the public, "Members are free to leave any time they want; the door is open," they give the impression that members have free will and are simply choosing to stay. Actually, members may not have a real choice, because they have been indoctrinated to have a phobia of the outside world. Induced phobias eliminate the psychological possibility of a person choosing to leave the group merely because he is unhappy or wants to do something else. [1]


Still I had to face the fact that the teachings weren't really working in my life. I then came to another interesting conclusion: the problem was my refusal to cut my ties to the Catholic church.

According to my new conception about my cosmic misdemeanors, stimulated by AMORC's claims to exclusive spiritual authority, I was "stuck" in non-manifestation hell because of the religious beliefs I had held earlier in life.

As mentioned before, AMORC creates distance between members and their church, even though AMORC claims that one of its principles is for members to be involved in a church in their community. At this time, it was obvious to me that this was the moment when I believed I had matured enough to realize that a true Rosicrucian had to make a choice.

The original principle, advocating members' church involvement, seemed to me more to create political cover than for reasons that genuinely supported this type of involvement by the member. After all, the Rosicrucian order was, in its own way, revolutionary in its claims and could be subject to persecution if it outwardly attacked the church. That is why it probably had to outwardly suggest church membership to its members, particularly before they came in or at early points in their membership. They needed political cover.

Also, AMORC is a membership organization. It is much better, for the sake of recruiting and maintaining members, that church affiliations, which are often family and community connected, should not be conspicuously challenged. If challenged, that would alienate the new members' family and friends, also potential recruits for the organization.

So I began to create in myself a profound separation from the Catholic church. In fact, I began to blame the church for everything that had gone wrong in my life.

I was convinced that once I mentally broke from the church, I would finally gain the blessings of the Rosicrucian masters. The urgency to finally and definitively make this break was even greater when I realized that my mother was dying.


While my mother was dying of cancer, she was crying day and night asking whether she would have a chance to see her Pierre, her son, before she died. She was asking whether anyone knew my whereabouts, and no one could actually tell her where I was.

I, on the other hand, was going through a homeless experience again, this time in Brooklyn, New York. I was crying day and night, asking the Cosmic to give me the courage to accept, without complaint, this ultimate test from the egregore of AMORC. I believed that if I kept my faith, the God of AMORC would eventually give me the knowledge to remotely heal my poor mother.

I'd told myself that I had better move quickly to free myself from church beliefs so that I could obtain the promised spiritual enlightenment and be able to successfully apply AMORC's distance-healing treatments on my mother. Unknown to me, while I was going through much of this convoluted thinking, my mother was already dead.

The sad reality was that my sister wasn't able to inform me of my mother's passing because she didn't know exactly where I was living in New York. Furthermore, because my sister thought that I had become wealthy by driving a yellow cab in New York, she thought that I had literally abandoned my mother.

When I eventually received the letter from my sister telling me that our mother had died quite a while ago, I was so speechless that I could not even cry.

At that time, something switched off in me, and I began to blame my sisters and brother. Were they completely forgetting how I had helped them when I could? Did they have to assume that I had abandoned them? Didn't they realize that my lack of providing for them might be based on my own lack of finances?

My Rosicrucian Diary
September 9, 1987

After a long period of not studying any monograph, Divine Grace has permitted me to begin again.

I also realized that it was a mistake to stop my relationship with the Miami lodge. The sooner, the better, I will recommence my activities in a Rosicrucian lodge to continue our beautiful lessons and our beautiful experiments.

May the Cosmic help us!

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
December 30, 1987, 1:00 AM
Monograph Number 13, Ninth Temple Degree

I just studied Monograph 13, ninth temple degree.

As I was about to fall asleep, I again saw one of those unpleasant, monstrous faces.

This was exactly why I stopped studying these monographs about July 1987. I hope that one day I will be able to understand why I have these terrible experiences.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
February 4, 1988

After writing that last line, I left my house to drive my gypsy cab down the streets of Brooklyn all day.

I do not know why I was forced to go back home to redo the monograph thirteen, ninth temple degree. After all, I couldn't finish it anyway. I guess I would classify this incident under the category, "Duty comes first." Despite my attempt, I lost the fight.

First, let me declare that all is well.

I studied the monograph completely. Still, I could not get over feeling used and enslaved. I went through a period similar to this one when I began the first monograph of the ninth temple degree in Miami, Florida.

Anyway, I've done my duty in studying this monograph, even though it was, I guess, a somewhat shallower study than I wished. Oh well, I'll review this monograph again on Sunday- God willing, correctly.

May the Cosmic be with us.


1988: Lenora

I came to realize that my financial condition was a serious impediment to my marrying a Rosicrucian.

Somehow, Almighty God inspired me talk to someone outside of the AMORC lodge, someone who was not a member of the lodge. This was Lenora, a single mother of two boys. She was from Philadelphia and was three months pregnant.

We went out on a date, and the next day I asked her to marry me. She said, "I need some time. I just met you." I went to her house and met her boys. She was having problems at the place where she was living. I asked her to move to my place. We sent the boys temporarily to her father in Philadelphia, to give us a chance to organize ourselves.

The day after I met Lenora, she discovered the AMORC aspect of my life. I had gone inside a closet in my little apartment and started singing, "Om."

In AMORC, we used this sacred sound as a preparation for meditation. Lenora and the boys never heard of anything like that, and they thought I was going crazy. When I came out after my meditation, I explained that I was a Rosicrucian and that I did a lot of meditation.

Lenora and the boys were quite curious, and given that I am a very persuasive person, they began to believe me when I told them how valuable an organization AMORC was.

Soon, we got into a fairly stable regimen. I drove a gypsy cab, and Lenora worked as a cook. For three months, my life became somewhat stable. I didn't go to a lodge during that time, but I continued to practice the AMORC exercises.

Despite that, Lenora became very concerned about the amount of time I was spending on reading the monographs and meditating. There was, indeed, a financial consequence for my misspent time, for Lenora found herself paying most of the rent in the basement where we were living.

At that point, my AMORC personality, developed in relationship to the order, began to overtake me, and I began to think I should have been living with a Rosicrucian. After all, if I were living with a Rosicrucian, my companion would not be complaining about the time I spent reading AMORC monographs.

I then decided to go back and attend lodges in Manhattan (the New York City Lodge). I sometimes used Lenora's money to put gas in the gypsy cab to go to the lodge, and of course I was meditating so that I could find a Rosicrucian who wanted to marry me.

I asked Lenora to move out, but she could not leave because she didn't have a place to go. So she slept on a mattress on the floor, and I slept on the bed.

One night I went to the lodge to attend a convocation. After the convocation, I drove by a take-out Chinese restaurant and bought some food.

I went home and ate my dinner without sharing it with Lenora, who was sitting right next to me. When I finished eating, something inside of me told me that I had been very selfish in not sharing my food with her.

I then said to her, "Lenora, I am sorry. What I just did was not me." I gave her a few dollars and said that we would go and get some food for her.


She took the two dollars from me but told me she would not buy food with it. She told me she had just seen an advertisement for an employment agency in Manhattan, which was hiring people. She was going to take the two dollars to take a subway to that agency. I really did not believe her when she said that.

The next morning, she woke up at 5:00 AM and went to that agency. That same day, they hired her as a cook. The very next day, the owner of the gypsy cab took the car from me because I was falling behind in payments. I had spent too much time meditating and not enough time driving, a pattern that for years had constantly affected my ability to survive.

Lenora said she would ask the manager of the temp agency to give me a job, even though I did not have an employment permit. She took me to the agency, and they hired me immediately. That was the first time I'd had a regular job since 1984.

By this time, we were both working and seemed to be doing much better together, and I stopped my endless search for another prospective wife. In fact, I began to seriously again ask Lenora to marry me. But now Lenora hesitated and would give me no clear answer. She still thought I was spending too much of my time with the AMORC monographs rather than communicating with her or even working. Finally, she decided one day that we would go to City Hall and get married.

So we went first to Manhattan to pick up our paychecks from the agency, and then to City Hall in Brooklyn. But when we had almost arrived at the train station near City Hall, she changed her mind and said she didn't want to get married any more. She later told me that the reason she changed her mind was because I had been reading an AMORC book on the train and didn't pay any attention to her.

That was true. I was reading an AMORC book as I always did on a bus or a train. I read constantly, whenever I could, because I believed it gave me more spiritual "power," a power that Rosicrucians were able to acquire and strengthen through their practices and studies.

Lenora's actions increased my desperation, and I didn't know what to do. I went home, and the next morning we both went to work as usual and continued our routine.

I kept on meditating everywhere I could -- on the job, in the train, on the bus, and so on.

My Rosicrucian Diary
February 15, 1988
Monograph 18, Ninth Temple Degree

I just reviewed a monograph originally studied on February 11.

Yes, I was overcome by sleep, but the Cosmic has permitted us to finish the study of this monograph.

At this point, I am studying the monographs Thursday, reviewing them on Sunday, and doing the exercises during the rest of the week. This includes reading the monthly bulletins, quarterly publications, and keeping a kind of dream diary.

I am such a busy little Rosicrucian; I have very little time to drive the taxi or to sleep.


Image

WHAT'S HOLDING YOU BACK? YOUR THOUGHTS, HUH?
YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE THEM UP
JUST EGO PLANNING
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
PLANNING FOR THE FUTURE?
WELL
IT'S ALL RIGHT NOW
BUT LATER? ... FORGET IT BABY
THAT'S LATER
NOW IS
NOW
ARE YOU GOING TO
BE HERE
OR NOT?
IT'S AS SIMPLE AS
THAT!

BUT I'M SO YOUNG!
I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO DO YET!
WELL! THAT'LL SURE KEEP YOU FROM
BEING HERE & NOW
LIFE IS PASSING ME BY!
HMMMMMM
BUT, IF I LIVE JUST IN THE HERE & NOW
WON'T THERE BE CHAOS? WHAT HAPPENS
IF THE TELEPHONE RINGS?
WELL: THE HERE & NOW IS THE FACT
THAT THE TELEPHONE IS RINGING!
PICK IT UP!
WELL: WHAT IF SOMEBODY WANTS TO
MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TO SEE ME
3 WEEKS FROM NOW?
RIGHT!
WRITE IT DOWN. THAT'S HERE & NOW
WELL, WHAT HAPPENS 3 WEEKS FROM NOW?
3 WEEKS FROM NOW THERE'S THAT
APPOINTMENT. THEN: THAT IS HERE & NOW...

IF YOU GET SO EFFICIENT ...
IF YOU'VE GOT TO TURN OFF ALL THE
VIBRATIONS OF THE SCENE ...
BECAUSE YOU'RE SO BUSY
ABOUT THE FUTURE
OR THE PAST
OR TIME HAS CAUGHT YOU ...
IT COSTS TOO MUCH!!

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


***

My Rosicrucian Diary
March 9, 1988
Monograph 21, Ninth Temple Degree

I spent a whole two hours fighting against sleepiness to study this monograph. Finally, I gave up and went to sleep. I'll restudy this monograph tomorrow night. I'm too likely to be too tired tonight. I also think that the vibratory condition of our room is a factor in my prematurely falling asleep rather completing my study of the monograph.

May the Cosmic be with me.


In New York, I came upon one of my long-time friends from Haiti, Sky Toussaint. Sky and his brother, if you remember, helped me get my first job in Florida. Sky was looking for a room to rent. I introduced him to the owner of the house where I was living in the basement, and Sky rented the other empty room in the basement.

Soon after he moved in, he met a single mother of two children who moved in with him. So now it was four of us in the basement. Sky didn't have his green card, either.

We talked about his marrying his roommate and my marrying Lenora. One day, Sky and his girlfriend took Lenora and me with them to City Hall to be witnesses at their wedding. They got married, and we went home, bought a bottle of champagne, and had a little celebration in the basement where we lived.

After the celebration, I went to my closet and meditated. I thanked the Cosmic because I thought that my mystical power had made Sky's girlfriend marry him. A reasonable person might think, "What kind of nonsense is that? What did Sky's marriage have to do with my mystical power?" The fact is, as a Rosicrucian, you think you are in charge of the world. You think you can influence world leaders in their decision-making processes. In fact, you think you can influence anyone in their decision-making processes.

Sky applied for his green card and was approved. Lenora, at that point, felt sorry for me. She decided the moment had come.

I was still spending much of my time meditating and studying monographs rather than working. I could not afford the ring, so she bought the ring, and we went to City Hall in Brooklyn and got married on May 9, 1988. Eventually, later, we were blessed with a baby daughter, Katherine.

Important Notes

When I finally obtained my green card in May 1989, I was very grateful to the Cosmic and took it as proof that the AMORC principles work. I forgot the confusing experiences of homelessness, poverty, and loneliness in Miami and in New York. I justified these negative experiences by blaming myself.

I basically concluded that all these AMORC teachings were right and I was on the right track. Now, extremely grateful about the green card, I promised to myself I would do everything according to the "letter of the law," as prescribed by AMORC, so I could continue receiving AMORC blessings.

I didn't even take a moment to reflect on how I had been forced to give up on my mother at such a crucial moment in her life. At one point, the idea of my mother's painful death came to mind, but the cult personality quickly took over. It provided me with the idea that my mother's death at that time was actually a result of AMORC's blessings. Otherwise, I told myself, she might have lost her mind.

Again, I fooled myself into believing this last thought, and I expressed gratitude to AMORC. When I left AMORC in 2004, I was able to reflect on the fact that this thought was a result of the AMORC indoctrination process. As a matter of fact, my abandoning my mother to serve AMORC could actually have made her lose her mind.

September 1989: College Entrance

One week before I was scheduled to start college, I was fired from my job. Lenora had to lend me money out of her paycheck to buy my first books. When I received my first loan disbursement check, I paid her back.

I had work/study as part of my financial aid package. The office sent me to the chemistry lab to work with the lab technician. I quickly learned to prepare the lab for the different classes. I'd had a good three years of chemistry back in Haiti (in engineering school), and in spite of eight years away from any academic environment, I was catching up quickly.

My declared major in college was mathematics. The reason I choose math instead of engineering was because of an experience I'd had during my third month in Miami. I was practicing a mystical exercise where you write out where you came from and arrive at certain conclusions about your own life.

I now know that psychiatrists give people this type of exercise. When I was doing it in 1983, I had never heard of it. Because AMORC emphasizes the antiquity of its knowledge, I thought this exercise was one of those special ones that AMORC was passing on to members, we who were specially selected people. I therefore took it very seriously.

Of course, from AMORC's Rosicrucian perspective, the masters are always watching everything you do. So I was sure that the determinations I made about my life following this exercise were communicated to me by the Cosmic and/or by its invisible masters.

One of the conclusions that came up out of this project was that I should cultivate my aptitude in math. So I took that as a message from the masters that I must study math instead of engineering.


When I started college, my reasoning went like this: "If I do everything that the egregore wants me to do, I won't delay my success in life."

Remember, at this point, I was convinced that it had taken six painful years to obtain my green card because I hadn't fully complied with the AMORC teachings. So, in compliance with my concept of the dictates of the egregore, I decided to go through the college program in four years, take a bachelor's degree in math, and then get what the Cosmic has prepared for me.

One morning, while working at the chemistry lab, I was on break. I thought, "Why am I wasting my time in the chemistry lab? It's smarter to take some extra student loans and take some more math classes so that I can finish more quickly." I quit the work/study, and I took some more SLS loans.

To give myself more exposure to math, I got a part-time job in the math lab. I did a lot of math tutoring to supplement my financial aid package. I was still spending a lot of time reading AMORC monographs and practicing AMORC exercises.

When I got to my sophomore year, Lenora told me that the city was giving an exam for people who wanted to work for the traffic department and asked whether I wanted to take the exam. I told her no. She tried to convince me that I could get a job working for the city and go to school part-time. I refused. I told Lenora the Cosmic wanted me to study math and finish quickly to get its blessing. Lenora got tired of my AMORC non-sense and kicks me out of the house exactly as she took me (with one clothes on my back). I spent that night in a dirty YMCA room in Queens. I only had $45 in my saving account. With the help of a friend I was able to find a room and bought some clothes the next day. I made arrangement to visit my daughter through her godmother. Lenora and I were divorced before I graduated from college.

My Rosicrucian Diary
October 8, 1988

I am trying to close the gap in my monograph study by taking on two monographs per week until I'm caught up. Today, I tried to meditate on the exercise in monograph 5, tenth temple degree.

Again, I started seeing the strange monster face I had seen before. I may have to go to the lodge so that I can peacefully enter the meditative state and practice these exercises.


***

My Rosicrucian Diary
October 22, 1988
Monograph 9, Tenth Temple Degree

I finished reviewing the monograph and successfully entered the meditative state for a short period of time. I realized how beautiful it felt to be there again.

Hopefully, when I get my employment permit, I'll be able to rent an apartment that will give me enough space to create a decent sanctum. Then I can go back to school and go back to practicing my mystical studies.

My Rosicrucian Diary April 1, 1990 Monograph 62, Tenth Temple Degree

One of the exercises of this or the previous monograph teaches you how to breathe a certain way before you fell asleep.

The exercise effectively forced me to pay attention to AMORC even in bed with my wife. No space is left in life for anything else but AMORC.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
June 23, 1990, 9:25 PM
Monograph 71, Tenth Temple Degree

After a short and superficial period of contact with the celestial sanctum, I sat in my chair, closed my eyes, and began to pray. I was asking the universe to protect my family in Haiti when I suddenly had a vision of my little sister in a wedding dress.

I now believe this was a profound perception of the future, and I record it here for verification.

[Author's note: my sister Marthes did not get married until 2003.]


One day, I was practicing an exercise from the oratory when two mathematics students from my college came to my mind. Both of them were then teaching math in high school. Prior to this meditation session, I had run into a Haitian guy I knew who also used to study math at the university but transferred to the engineering program at a different school. During the session, I began to think that it was likely that I would wind up teaching high school math like my friends.

I hated the idea and began to get depressed. But then, a moment later, it seemed almost as though an inner voice was telling me about a student I knew named Michael who studied math at school but didn't have to teach. He currently works for an actuarial firm. The voice then pointed out how a lady I knew who recently graduated in mathematics had gotten a job with IBM.

My impression was that the idea about the lady came from my own voice, the voice of reason, but the idea about Michael was an intuitive idea or one given to me by a master.

By the time I got to my junior year of college, I had started observing that I had a hard time staying focused when attending a class. My inability to concentrate was so bad that after attending a class, I had to go home and restudy the material on my own.

It became so hard that I thought maybe I had some kind of brain tumor. But I couldn't go to the doctor because I didn't have health insurance. I concluded that although I might have had a brain tumor, AMORC was keeping me from having the means to visit a doctor so that I could learn to have more faith in the egregore to take care of my health problems.

I finally concluded that I had to meditate more and practice the AMORC exercises more, so that AMORC could continue to take care of my health problems and give me back my ability to concentrate.

Now I realize, from reading books about mind control organizations, that various indoctrination techniques of AMORC may have been what messed up my brain.


In spite of all these internal problems, I was able to graduate magna cum laude (GPA.3.50)with a bachelor's degree in mathematics.
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Re: THE PRISONER OF SAN JOSE: HOW I ESCAPED FROM ROSICRUCIAN

Postby admin » Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:54 am

THIRTEEN: The Cherished Gift of Liberty

There is a time when we must sometimes give up our precious illusions and overpriced fantasies about our lives. We must then come to grip with hard-core reality. But sometimes, however painful it may be, facing the truth about ourselves is God's most gracious gift to us, especially when facing ourselves and our personal truth can give us freedom.

As my story draws to an end, you can see how my protean self refused to die, allowing me no peace of mind until I could find the cherished gift of liberty.

My Rosicrucian Diary
May 23, 1993, 9:00 PM
Template

Unexpectedly, I sat in prayer and tried to make contact again with the celestial sanctum. It's been a long time since I've been able to enter into a meditative state.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
June 30, 1993
Monograph 22, Eleventh Temple Degree

I read the whole monograph. For the last two weeks, I've been perceiving a kind of shadow. At first I thought it was probably the effect of impure thoughts. Tonight, it came to me that this might be the result of a new development in my visual perception.


Having read my June 30 entry, you might not be surprised to realize that this was a period where I began to have serious, more straightforward doubts about the entire AMORC promise.

At this point, I lived in Cambria Heights in Queens, and I had to commute to Manhattan to drive the taxicabs. That was the only work I could get. I would get to Manhattan from my home in Queens by a combination of buses and trains. I would sometimes spend as much as eighteen hours a day just to earn $15 or $20, because of the ridiculously long commute.

Still, what else could I do? I had to make some kind of effort to pay my rent and buy food, and at that point yellow cabs were the only jobs I could get.

The Connecticut Interview of 1993

After graduating from college in 1993, I could not find a job and didn't have a place to go. I told the owner of the house in June 1993 that I would be leaving right after graduation.

I then applied for a summer job in New Jersey at a home for the blind. They were interested in hiring me full-time. I was hesitant to sign up full-time, but we set a date for me to begin the position.

As the starting date got closer, the owner of the house asked me whether I was going to the job in New Jersey, because I had already told her that I would vacate the apartment in June. I said yes. She said that I didn't have to do that. I decided to cancel the job offer in New Jersey and wait for the "Cosmic job."

One of the programs I applied for at the time was at the University of Connecticut's actuarial science graduate program. A letter came two weeks after I had canceled the New Jersey job. The letter invited me for an interview for the job of housing manager on campus.

I jumped when I received the letter, thinking that this was the Cosmic blessing I was waiting for. I went for that interview in a state of complete delusion, thinking, "This is already done." The interview itself was, in my mind, proof that the Cosmic really was fulfilling its promise. Of course, I didn't get the job because I had absolutely no experience in management. My only job experience was tutoring math and driving a taxi. I went back home after the interview with high expectations, not because I had interviewed well but because I believed that that was the job sent to me by the Cosmic.

My Rosicrucian Diary
February 19, 1994
Monograph 26, Eleventh Temple Degree

I often have the impression that somebody is standing near me. I turn my head, and I see nothing. I started to have the impression that it was the effect of the impure thoughts that were occupying my mind recently. Owing to my study of this monograph, I am coming to think this may actually be a manifestation of the Cosmic masters.

Also, somewhere in the monographs, it says that the Cosmic assists the student in its marvelous works.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
April 20, 1994
Monograph 35, Eleventh Temple Degree

I am writing this in Greenville, Mississippi.

Here is the answer to question number 1 in the personal exam:

The idea of a modern messiah is not attractive to me. It is clear to me that hell or heaven is on earth.

My freedom will come when I have paid my debts from the past. I am not counting on any messiah to free me from the consequences of my mistakes.

Here was my answer to question number 2:

By avoiding making mistakes that could force me to return to Earth in a new life, and by paying my debts for my past mistakes without getting discouraged, I am working to establish the welcoming path to the messiah.

[Author's note: when I wrote these lines in August 1994, I was going through a very painful moment of my life. I was waiting for September to start a new job that would be paying $20,000 per year, and my student loan was about $40,000.]

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
April 3, 1996
Monograph 71, Eleventh Temple Degree

We have a mirror and candleholders for our study.

So mote it be.

[Author's note: at this point, I had been in Mississippi working for an insurance company since January 2, 1996.]

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
June 20, 1996
Monograph 80, Eleventh Temple Degree

After drinking a charged glass of water, I saw an aura in the mirror around my head. The aura on the right side of the head is a little bit larger, like the colors of a rainbow. The perception of the color is not very clear.

I had a feeling of gratitude towards the Cosmic today, and one day I will be given the privilege to go into a state of meditation once again.

[Author's note: at this time, I was waiting for the results of my third exam with the Society of Actuaries. As a matter of fact, two weeks later in July, I received the results. I passed my third exam.]


I was now on the path to gain true financial freedom. In a sense, getting pulled into observing the aura felt like a kind of entrapment to me. That is, it encouraged me to spend more time with the Rosicrucian monographs, and through them, I would lose touch with the practical methods for achieving my highest goal, financial freedom.

My Rosicrucian Diary
July 4, 1996
Monograph 82, Eleventh Temple Degree

Finally, I have my sanctum. This is really the first time since 1982, when I lived in Haiti. As a matter of fact, now I have my own apartment. My fiancee lives three hours away.

[Author's note: My fiancee and I only saw each other on the weekends. During the week, I was still the same busy little Rosicrucian, studying the monographs and practicing my exercises. Yes, even then.]

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
December 12, 1996

I am waiting for my next monograph to arrive from the grand lodge. Tonight, I spent a few minutes listening to Rosicrucian sanctum songs. They made me feel very peaceful. I clearly realize that negative thoughts always weigh against the peaceful life.

I will try hard to have a permanent home sanctum. I conclude, for the first time, these writings by the word,

Amen.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
January 2, 1997

I am just a few days away from the end of this insurance job in Mississippi.

[Author's note: this was rather a secular entry. I remember, around this time, I read the message of the grand master in my sanctum, probably his year-end message. A few days, later I resigned from my job. Then I was out of a job and living on credit cards. I moved to Atlanta, Georgia, continuing to live on credit. This was a period when I had high hopes and thought everything was going smoothly.]


I was now working as a cashier in a parking lot. Also, I worked for one week as a security guard. Both were minimum-wage jobs, paying $6.25 per hour.

My Rosicrucian Diary
March 17, 1997
Monograph 99, Eleventh Temple Degree

I lose more and more interest in the study of these monographs because I do not see their practical value.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
April 3, 1997
Monograph 100, Eleventh Temple Degree

During the readings of this monograph, every time I encountered the explanation of a principle, it reminded me that I had applied all of these principles in my life, yet their application did not keep me from going hungry, being homeless, or living in America without a green card.

Unfortunately, I do not believe anymore that the practical application of these principles is within my reach. In a sense, the only spiritual solution that makes sense to me is to pray for a better economic solution. And the best that I expect to happen is that prayer will allow me to be able to afford to treat my body well enough that I can remain in good health and be able to work hard enough to earn a good living.

I don't see how what I have learned in the monographs has much to do with this objective. And I don't think that I can really find happiness without food, clothes, shelter, or money.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
May 8, 1997
Monograph 103, Eleventh Temple Degree

While studying this monograph, I got so frustrated that I pronounced the phrase F___ y__ loudly during the study.


I was now working as an assistant manager in a parking lot. When I got home by 1 AM, I was exhausted. Still intimidated by AMORC, I took out the monograph to read, as I had done for the last sixteen years. Here's what I wrote:

My Rosicrucian Diary
May 15, 1997
Monograph 104, Eleventh Temple Degree

Many times, I now curse in the middle of these sessions. If I were a free man, I would wait until Saturday, my day off, to study this monograph. I would then spend more time understanding this monograph.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
June 5, 1997
Monograph 105, Eleventh Temple Degree

Things are getting more extreme. In pure disgust, I spit on the monograph. I continued to read this monograph with complete indifference and only because I was afraid of what could happen to me if I did not read it.

Deep inside my heart, I now believe that these monographs are nothing but a compilation of lies.

I am interested now in the kind of practical knowledge that can help me to better my economic condition. Is this so strange? What use is a religious belief that grinds your mind and soul into the bleakness of poverty, that pretends it can uplift the soul without supplying some kind of solution to the needs of the human body? We all need food, clothes, shelter, and money to live. Who can pretend that we don't?

I am not talking about a religion of greed or exploitation. I am just talking about a religion that takes into consideration the common need for human beings to survive in their environment with some kind of grace and dignity and not to go hungry every day.


I hope I will be in a better mood to study monograph 106.


Image

AM I HE?
I WAS REALLY INTO MY SUFFERING
YOU CAN REALLY GET INTO YOUR SUFFERING
SELF-PITY ... THAT'S REAL!
EVERYTHING ELSE MAY GO
BUT BOY! YOU'VE GOT TO SUFFER!
IT'S THE SAME FOR ALL OF US
WE'RE JUST COMING OUT OF THE
DARK NIGHT OF THE PROTESTANT ETHIC
SUFFER BABY!
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL BE GOOD
IT FEELS SO GOOD TO HURT SO BAD!
WE'VE ALL BEEN ON THAT TRIP
SUFFERING IS GREAT.
IT'S LIKE STRAIGHTENING-BY-FIRE
IT'S PURIFYING
IT'S VERY GOOD
FUNNY THING ... WANT ANOTHER PARADOX?
THIS TRIP
REQUIRES
TOTAL
SUFFERING BUT:
IT'S GOT TO BE SUFFERING
THAT IS NO SUFFERING
YOU'VE GOT TO GO THE WHOLE SUFFERING TRIP
BUT:
YOU CAN'T BE THE GUY WHO IS SUFFERING.

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


Sometime in 1997, I wrote a letter to AMORC asking for permission to put the old monographs in the trash. I said in the letter that I would preserve the monographs of the eleventh temple degree that I was currently reading.

About one year after I received permission from AMORC to put the monographs in the trash, I destroyed most of them. I kept on studying the monographs of the eleventh temple degrees and the other Rosicrucian literature every day. By now my credit card debts and student loan combined were about $75,000.

I took three jobs and worked a total of one hundred hours a week. One of my jobs was assistant manager in the airport parking operation. My duties included walking from one cashier to another and walking throughout the vast airport parking lot to check the entrance gate and other things.

I used these times to study the Rosicrucian monographs. During these periods, I did not record any notes in my Rosicrucian diaries, even though I practiced all the AMORC exercises, including meditation, many times a day.

Eventually, I found a job again in insurance in Cincinnati, Ohio, in July 1999.

I again gave credit to AMORC and its egregore for the blessing and blamed myself for my misfortunes. Consequently, I fell back into the same old patterns of reading the monographs and practicing the exercises. I'm quite sure that anyone reading this book wonders about this vacillation. And, yet, in studying these cults, I have found my pattern to be typical, not unique.

A Flood of Visions and Invasive Dreams

For more than twenty years, I used to purposely bring up a specific image when negative thoughts came into my mind -- especially negative thoughts about AMORC, which was the main source of my doubts. For instance, I would think, "Why am I spending all my time on these monographs?" or "What are these visualization exercises actually doing for me?" Yes, broke, homeless, often hungry, and away from my family and friends, I would entertain these types of thoughts.

Every time a thought like this came into my head, I would, as instructed by AMORC, visualize a chosen master, someone from the Rosicrucian pantheon whom I truly respected. This would theoretically bring a spiritual influx into my immediate experience and deflect the negative energy.

Of course, the natural person to choose was H. Spencer Lewis. Lewis was the founder of our order, the powerhouse who had found a true connection with the ancient order and resurrected it in the United States, the writer of the sacred monographs. Perfect choice.


Image

BECAUSE THERE'S NOBODY AT HOME THERE
AT ALL. SO TO THE EXTENT THAT THERE'S
HANGING OUT (IN THE INTERPERSONAL SENSE)
ALL YOU CAN BE SEEING ARE
YOUR OWN DESIRES
HE IS A PERFECT MIRROR
SINCE THERE'S NOBODY HERE

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


Given my circumstances, as you can imagine, I visualized him a lot. Unfortunately, owing to these continuous efforts, when I began to separate myself from AMORC, Lewis's face became a trigger point for me.

Of course, by the time I had begun to very consciously and deliberately entertain thoughts of leaving, Lewis's face was already a key trigger for reining in any such thoughts I might have had. But, at the time, I didn't have any comprehension of how mind control actually worked.

When I reached the point where I began to intentionally mentally distance myself from the organization, his pictures persisted and began to flood my imagination. As my efforts increased, I was bombarded with the picture of his face day and night.

Since I did not have any money to hire a therapist to help me deal with the problem, I started on my own, using what I called then the "brute force method." I started by deliberately visualizing the unsavory behavior of H. Spencer Lewis. By that time, I was convinced that he had used the name of God to enslave many of his children, and this was unsavory and wrong. I also started to mentally associate his image with the other brainwashers of the world, such as Jim Jones and Marshall Applewhite of Heaven's Gate and the like. But this didn't totally neutralize the forces that were working against me.


So besides visualizing my separation, I became determined to write about it.

At this point, I began to think about looking at the monographs more critically, examining my diaries and making entries that would speak coherently about the misdeeds of AMORC. But once the diaries and monographs got into my hands, I felt an uncontrollable vibration and was forced to put them away.

But there was progress, even though it was negative at first -- the result, perhaps of my protean self and my cult personality colliding as I tried to free myself of these internal influences.

At an early stage in my conscious rebellion, I started receiving impulses that were completely backward and wrong. For example, in a very compulsive way, I went to my boss and told him that I would quit my job shortly, when in fact I had no plans to get a new job. The more these types of impulses occurred, the more the missteps I was making became obvious to me.

I attributed these missteps to my having imbibed some of the false teachings of AMORC about intuition and visualization. The techniques did not empower you with Cosmic attunement; they nurtured a false concept of intuition and spontaneity. You became a victim of your own false conception of yourself as a cosmically attuned adept, confusing the impulsive behavior with real intuition.


Image

NOTHING TO DO
THERE
IS
NOWHERE
TO
GO
& THERE
IS
NOTHING
TO DO
& WE'RE GOING TO KEEP COMING
TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER
MORE & MORE FREE OF BEING IDENTIFIED WITH ANY VEIL
WE'RE GOING TO SEE
MORE & MORE OF OTHER BEINGS
LESS IDENTIFIED WITH THEIR VEILS

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


Another example of this type of backward manipulation could also occur in dreams. In one of my dreams, I began to continuously mull over how I could have helped my mother, my siblings, and my impoverished extended family. One person who kept coming to mind was my childhood friend from Haiti, Lucienne, who had the same social background and struggles as me.

Lucienne came to the United States about the time I was leaving Haiti. She got her mother, sisters, grandfather, and cousins out of Haiti. They, in turn, helped her poverty-stricken extended family to improve their living conditions. I kept thinking about how that had been exactly my plan for my family when I was leaving Haiti.

One night I had the following dream: I saw myself walking on a road. At one point the road split into two roads going in different directions. Then, I suddenly saw H. Spencer Lewis. He told me, "At this point, your direction and that of Lucienne diverge."

I woke up, and I started to think, "Even in my dreams, this creature is trying to manipulate me."

The reality was, as reflected in the dream, that I had not done what Lucienne did. I failed to fulfill the mission of my life, to help my family. I failed to meet my family obligations because I was serving a cult and its leaders.

One night, I became fatigued with my fight against these forces within me. Would it really help me to make this bold attempt to expose AMORC? Wouldn't it just cause more problems and pain?

I then had the following dream: I saw myself driving up a steep mountain. Halfway up the mountain, I realized it was too steep to continue driving upward. I put my car in reverse and realized that going back was even more dangerous. Suddenly, I saw the face of H. Spencer Lewis. He was telling me that I could not go back. When I woke up, my heart was beating faster than usual, and I was sweating. I suppose this was a kind of warning, saying that I was doomed to destruction.

But I guess that, despite my reaction to the dream, I was not that afraid of Lewis. I realized that this time he was right: I had no choice but to expose the cult.

In 1999, I received a letter from the French grand lodge informing me that the French government had listed AMORC and a few other groups as a cult. I was curious but, at that point, I was afraid to look it up on the Internet.

By this time, although still a participant, I was delighted to hear the news that France had declared AMORC a cult. It confirmed what I thought already. I knew that it was true, and I had already wished I could find a way to free myself from the organization. But the programming was still very deep.

I went on the Internet and started browsing through the French government's report to see whether I could use the same reasoning they had used to arrive at that conclusion. I was looking for some information that could wake me up from inside, so that I could liberate myself. I browsed for a while, but the report was so large and involved so many different organizations that what was said about any specific organization was vague and not very detailed. So I gave up.

The idea then carne to me to research AMORC on the Internet. But the fear of accessing information critical of AMORC held me back. Eventually, I ventured onto a website that looked like it was from AMORC. I found there one of the most revealing bits of information about the organization.

I learned for the first time that AMORC was definitively restructured in 1993.I also learned that the division was the result of a lawsuit brought by one of the members of the "Grand Council of AMORC" against the then-current imperator of AMORC, Gary Stewart. Stewart had been directly appointed by Ralph Lewis, son of the founder, H. Spencer Lewis.

Christian Bernard, the member of the council and the grand master of AMORC in the French jurisdiction, accused the imperator, Gary Stewart, of embezzling millions of dollars from the organization. Some people said Bernard was simply attempting a coup d'etat within AMORC's governing structure.

This information was withheld from members, and for six years I was not aware of it. However, instead of freeing myself at that moment, I tried to legitimize one side over another.

Hiding information from cult members is nothing knew. Hassan specifically refers to hiding "legal decisions, media exposes, and internal disputes" in the following passage:

Information is usually compartmentalized to keep members from knowing the big picture. In larger groups, people are told only as much as they "need to know" in order to perform their jobs. A member in one city will therefore not necessarily know about an important legal decision, media expose, or internal dispute that is creating turmoil in the group somewhere else. Cult members naturally feel they know more about what's going on in their group than outsiders do, but in counseling ex-members I find that they often know the least. [1]


One year later, I had an urge to redo the exercises of my first three years in AMORC. That is, I wanted to redo the exercises of the years 1981 to 1984. I had put those monographs in the trash two years earlier because I ran out of space.

Later, I sent another letter to the grand lodge, asking the location of a specific exercise, and I learned for the first time that the monographs had been" actualized." Actualized in AMORC language means that the monographs have been changed. So I ordered all the new monographs (about 350 of them). No one prior to that letter had ever told me that the Monographs had been changed. Again, that was very deceptive, as well.

Meanwhile, I began to have increasingly disturbing incidents psychologically.

The "real" self has also been responsible for generating thematic dreams. I have met hundreds of former members who reported having nightmares over and over again while a member of a cult. These dreams typically involve themes of being lost, hurt, or trapped. People have told me about having cult dreams of being lost in a dark forest, of being choked or suffocated, of being imprisoned in a concentration camp. [2]

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
August 6, 1999

It has been two whole years since I last wrote in this notebook. I was surprised at that when I read the previous page. I did not realize that I have been feeling so badly toward the monographs for such a long period of time.

Since my last entry, I have continued to study on a more or less regular basis. My feelings toward AMORC and my perception of my monographs have not changed during these two years. I hope that now I will be able to come to an understanding of my relationship with AMORC.

I am still able to meditate but am still hearing strange sounds and having daymares and nightmares. I do not know if they are psychic perceptions, grounded in genuine mystical experiences, or mental problems.

Since I do not have the means to see a psychiatrist anyway, I am provisionally accepting them as some type of mystical perception.

I will endure these peculiar experiences the same way I endured stomach pain in Miami, Florida, and New York, when I did not have health insurance and had to live with the pain and accept it as an AMORC test. Now I know I had a stomach ulcer. God knows what this is, except as a working hypothesis, based on my poverty.


Image

THAT PSYCHOSIS BUSINESS IS AN INTERESTING BUSINESS
IF YOU GO THROUGH THE DOORWAY TOO FAST
AND YOU'RE NOT READY
FOR IT YOU'RE BOUND HAND
AND FOOT AND THROWN INTO
OUTER DARKNESS
YOU MAY LAND ANYWHERE AND
LOTS OF PEOPLE END UP IN
MENTAL HOSPITALS
THE REASON THEY DO IS:
THEY WENT THROUGH THE DOOR
WITH THEIR EGO ON

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


***

My Rosicrucian Diary
September 9, 1999
Monograph 162, Eleventh Temple Degree

I fell asleep briefly while I was studying this monograph. I saw Katie in a vision while in the sleeping stage. I see myself enjoying her career as a singer, while taking on the responsibilities as her personal manager. I woke up thinking that maybe she will become a singer. Katie is my only daughter and my only child.


Image

OH! I'M GOING TO DO GOOD THINGS FOR MY CHILD. BALONY!
THAT'S ALL EGO. JUST WORK ON YOURSELF
AND: EVERYTIME YOU WORK ON YOURSELF,
YOU GET CALMER
YOU HEAR MORE
YOU SENSE MORE
YOU ARE MORE
YOU'RE MORE PRESENT
WHAT ARE YOU OFFERING A CHILD?
NOT A SET OF SOCIAL ROLES
PASSING IN THE NIGHT ...
YOU'RE OFFERING A CHILD HERE AND NOW-NESS
THE TREASURE OF CONSCIOUSNESS
THE TREASURE OF AWARENESS.
IF YOU DON'T HELP OTHER BEINGS CUT
THROUGH THE ILLUS-ION BECAUSE YOU'RE
THROUGH THE ILLUSION
WHAT ELSE???
WHAT ELSE IS THERE?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DOING MORE OF THE DANCE
WITHIN THE DANCE??? ?
ARE WE ALWAYS GOING TO MEET ON THE STAGE?
DON'T WE EVER TAKE OFF THE COSTUMES?
THAT'S WHAT I FELT AS A CHILD.
WE ARE ALWAYS ON THE STAGE.
IN OUR COSTUMES
(I'M A GOOD CHILD
THAT'S WHAT I AM)
I KNOW TO PLAY
GOOD CHILD
I'VE BEEN IN THAT ROLE FOR YEARS
I KNOW HOW TO DO IT.
DON'T TALK BACK
GO TO BED EARLY
I'M A MASTER AT THAT GAME
DON'T GET YOUR KNEES
DIRTY
IS ANYBODY HOME???? ? EAT ALL THE FOOD ON
YOUR PLATE.
HELLO. I'M HOME. IS ANYBODY HOME? SURE I'LL HAVE
SOME FOOD.
IF I GIVE YOU THE EXTERNAL THINGS
I'M A GOOD
PARENT
YOU AND I CAN ALWAYS STARVE TOGETHER
WE'RE BACKSTAGE IN THE HERE & NOW
IF WE'RE NOT IN THE HERE & NOW
NO MATTER HOW MUCH FOOD
WE PUT IN OUR BELLIES
IT'S NEVER GOING TO BE ENOUGH
AND THAT'S THE FEELING OF WESTERN MAN
IT'S NOT ENOUGH
HE'S GOT IT ALL GOING IN
AS FAST AS HE CAN SHOVEL IT
HE'S GOT EVERY SENSUAL GRATIFICATION
HE CAN POSSIBLY DESIRE &
IT'S NOT ENOUGH
BECAUSE THERE'S NO
HERE & NOW-NESS ABOUT IT

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


***

My Rosicrucian Diary
October 14, 1999
Monograph 167, Eleventh Temple Degree

Today, I studied the last monograph of the eleventh temple degree. I will be filling out a special form and sending it to the grand lodge tomorrow.

Right now, I am struggling to learn my new job, study for an exam in November, and find time to study the monograph.

[Author's note: in November, when I went to sit for the actuarial exam, I froze in the exam room. This was the first time that anything like this had happened to me. As you might expect, I tried to explain my behavior from a mystical point of view. At this point, I was in the twelfth temple degree. I studied the monographs but did not write in my diary again until June of 2000.]

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
August 3, 2000
Monograph 12, Twelfth Temple Degree

I studied in front of a mirror with candle and incense. It was, indeed, a very peaceful study period. Since 1999, AMORC has been classified by the French government as a cult. I believe it is, and I am secretly thinking of how to free myself. The only thing that keeps me is the entrapping concept of the egregore. I am spending a lot of time now exploring a mystical book in order to find another egregore.

***

My Rosicrucian Diary
November 16, 2000, 8:00 PM
Contact with Esoteric Hierarchy

Participation in this experiment is supposed to be especially for members of the twelfth-degree temple.

What do I think of this?

Just another level of deception and indoctrination for the "chosen," who are now compelled to believe they are in charge of humanity.

Most members at this level are conscious of the fact that they have been used and are somehow tainted by the organization. It is, again, hard to explain to someone who has not undergone what I've gone through, but their inertia to freeze themselves, their core motivation, is seriously affected by the indoctrination they have experienced.


Image

I SAW THAT MY WHOLE GAME DIDN'T WORK.
IT GAVE ME ALL THE REWARDS THAT SEEMED
TO BE OFFERED BUT IT DIDN'T WORK. THERE
WAS A PLACE IN ME THAT KNEW IT WASN'T
WORKING. I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE
BUT I COULDN'T GET TO IT. AT THAT POINT
I GAVE UP. AND THEN I WAS READY FOR THE
NEXT MESSAGE


-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


***

My Rosicrucian Diary
December 21, 2000

I read a dream from my old diary. I also read a letter that I sent to my mother. While reading that letter, I began to cry loudly.

I also reread a long article, which I had underlined when I was looking for a miracle in my Rosicrucian studies. I now realize how completely I was deceived by the organization.

I must now figure out the meaning of the word practical in these teachings. From where I stand now, financial freedom comes with hard work.


In March 2001, I was laid off and received a nice severance package. Two weeks later, I got a second job, which gave me a chance to receive two incomes (my severance paycheck and the pay from my new job). Not surprisingly, I thanked the egregore of AMORC for this opportunity. I moved to a suburb of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, for my new job.

In 1999 in accordance with instructions provided at the end of the eleventh temple degree, I sent a letter to the master of the grand lodge. In this letter, I described the painful experiences that had started back in 1986. I was worried that perhaps I had crossed over to a negative place in my mind or even was having some kind of schizophrenic episode. I was told that schizophrenia was probably not the problem at all, but to reflect on where I might have opened my mind to a negative influence. This response was so vague that it didn't help me in any way whatsoever.

Image

'THAT EXPERIENCE YOU HAD IS PSYCHOTIC'
'I'LL GIVE YOU THORAZINE'
'IT'S NOT VALID'
'YOU'RE HALLUCINATING'
'WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE GOD?'

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


In Pennsylvania, I rejoined a Rosicrucian lodge (the Benjamin Franklin Pronaos) for the first time since 1993, the year that AMORC definitively ended its relationship with former imperator Gary Stewart. In the lodge, I discovered to my surprise that there was a bit of politics going on between pre-1993 "ancient members" and post-1993 "new members" of the organization. When pre-1993 "ancient members" go to a lodge, the officers and "new members" told them, in a somewhat derogatory tone, they have to "regularize." Of course, "ancient members" feel insulted by such a statement. In some cases they stop going to the lodge. I can safely guess that such competition was likely to have been promoted by the grand lodge in a very subtle way.

"Ancient Members" were somewhat resentful of the way in which the current imperator, CEO Christian Bernard, had seized power in 1993. Practical as this organization was in regard to their true objectives, they were more likely working toward growing and harvesting some more safe, nonresentful members to serve their needs without problems and complaints. A new crop of cult slaves, perhaps? Or is that being too severe?

Remember the three main mottos of the ironclad rule of Orwell's Big Brother:

War Is Peace
Freedom Is Slavery
Ignorance Is Strength


AMORC is basically a religious dictatorship run by an imperator -- a Latin term used in various ways during the Roman Empire but evolving into a word basically synonymous with emperor. AMORC's strength is derived from members' blind belief in its authority, those members having been spoon-fed certain doctrines and dogmas via the weekly monographs, similar to the function of holy writ to Christian fundamentalists. These doctrines are ingested in sanctimonious and hypnotic atmosphere, reinforced by a firm injunction against disobeying the terms of membership and thereby being cut off from the egregore. A Rosicrucian who falls from the good graces of the organization will, so to speak, be at the mercy of fate.

Image

THEN THE THIRD WAY IS
YOU TRUST THE FACT THAT
THERE ARE
REALIZED BEINGS
AND THEY SAID IT
& THEREFORE YOU KNOW IT TO BE TRUE
IT'S NOT INFERENCE ANY MORE
IT'S NOT AN INTELLECTUAL PROCESS
YOU JUST ACCEPT WHAT THEY HAVE SAID
THAT'S FAITH

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


During this period, while watching the news on TV, I was struck by how people refer to things that happened three to five years ago as having happened "many years ago." When I heard this, I would think, "What is wrong with these people? Only five years? I just finished spending twenty-four years of my life in AMORC, and I certainly don't even see that span of time as 'many years.'"

Only after a week of reevaluating the monographs, which stress the Rosicrucian concept of time, did I begin to realize that, indeed, three or five years is a long period of time. While I was under the spell of AMORC, I did not value the passing years. Under the umbrella of AMORC mind control, you are taught that time and space do not exist, so why worry about it?

I kept struggling with the monographs, still sleepless. I started again, laughing when I read the monographs. I was becoming unglued again.

Finally in 2004,unexpectedly, I took action. I had my deepest revelation to date that AMORC was a cult. I then walked over to my computer, went online, and found Margaret Singer's book, and that was the beginning of the discovery of a brand-new world.

In 2007 I attempted again to restart my Rosicrucian study. I rejoined AMORC and started studying and practicing the exercises again. But it didn't take me long to realize that the game was over.

Eventually, I had the courage to throw off the shackles of mind control and leave the quagmire in which I had been trapped for twenty- four years.

I now present to you my personal recipe for "remote indoctrination."

PIERRE S. FREEMAN'S DECLARATION OF REMOTE INDOCTRINATION

ARTICLE 1: GAIN THEIR TRUST

Be logical, interesting, and kind enough to gain potential members' trust at the very outset. Increase their trust by pitching ancient, infallible teachings; powerful, invisible masters; a seemingly verifiable pedigree; a membership that contains some of the most famous people in history; etc. Once members have their trust, potential members will lower their defenses and can be manipulated.

ARTICLE 2: CREATE A HOLY TEXT

Utilize a text or texts requiring repeated readings and study that makes the claim of the unquestionable authority of the organization. These could be religious, political, or psychological literature, or even commercial texts like a sales or product manual. These texts are holy, not in a conventional sense, but in the sense that they are meant to be unusually or even irrationally revered by members. In multilevel selling organizations, there is a phenomenon you could call multilevel fever. And for us, there were the monographs.

ARTICLE 3: DEVELOP AN EXALTED AND INFALLIBLE LEADERSHIP

Create a sense that the current leadership, however remote, represents this authority. The member will therefore likely utilize his own unconscious tendencies toward psychological transference to irrationally enhance his belief in and obedience to that authority. Whether one is speaking of Mao, Sun Myung Moon, or H. Spencer Lewis, that person must be exalted to the highest level. Furthermore, it wouldn't hurt if some of that leadership were on invisible planes with superhuman powers, apparent only to the elect on Earth.

ARTICLE 4: DEVELOP A SACRED ENVIRONMENT

Have the member create an environment suitable for cultivating the hypnogogic state. Utilize costumes, special furniture, symbols, and religious or political paraphernalia related to that environment. Brand that environment. The Nazis were superb at branding their environments. Adolph Hitler had his own personal architect for his buildings, although that man wound up in jail for most of his life.

ARTICLE 5: CONSTRUCT REVERED RITUALS

Create practices for the members, like chanting, movements, and concentration on candles, that can create a hypnogogic state. Use such devices for ostensibly different purposes but in a context of being provided by a higher, superior, or even infallible authority. This will further augment transference as well as suggestibility. These practices, particularly ones like special ritualistic movements or gestures and repeated songs or mantras, will enforce more bonding with the cult.

ARTICLE 6: ESTABLISH SPECIAL OBLIGATIONS

Create busywork so that the student is fatigued to the point of sleep deprivation and therefore more vulnerable to suggestion. Such extra work could be reading assignments, special exercises, recruiting duties-as many extra responsibilities or assignments as possible, no matter how far away the actual leadership is.

ARTICLE 7: PROVIDE OCCASIONAL REAL-WORLD CONTACT

Arrange occasional meetings or peer groups that the members can support. This can even be done now through conventional media or the Internet.

ARTICLE 8: INSTITUTE ISOLATING DOGMA

Create a set of practices and beliefs that can isolate the member from friends and family. Create an aura of secrecy or specialness about the members' relationship to the cult. Whether you move up in the party echelon, take on special official duties, or get a higher degree, all can serve the same purposes.

ARTICLE 9: FOSTER A FEELING OF GROUP SUPERIORITY

Give the members a sense of superiority and isolation from nonmembers. Label outsiders, enforce separation from outsiders, and make members paranoid about the value of outsiders.

ARTICLE 10: CLEARLY SHAPE THE NEW PERSONALITY

In light of the organization's goals, use the various techniques of mind control to shape members to fit its needs. If the organization needs workers, shape members to work hard for long hours; if it needs money, shape them to give everything they have to the organization and to ask everyone else to give everything they have. If it just needs membership fees, make sure that not paying the fees can have tremendously bad consequences, at least mentally, for the delinquent member.

ARTICLE 11: CREATE MULTIPLE TRIGGERS TO INVOKE THE CULT PERSONALITY

Envelope members in exercises, rituals, and special practices so that they walk, eat, and sleep in specifically branded ways, reflecting group practices and traditions. By doing this, you will create multiple triggers to invoke the cult personality whenever doubt arises. Even when conscious of the problems, members may be driven back to the herd by the strength of this artificially constructed personality.

ARTICLE 12: CREATE A SENSE OF GUILT

Make sure that members who do not conform to the group's wishes feel really bad. Punish them psychologically, punish them physically -- anything and everything that will do the trick.

ARTICLE 13: REDIRECT MEMBERS' SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY

Make family and other business seem trivial compared to the purposes of the cult. It has been proven that you can even alter members' appreciation for ordinary work duties by changing the value of space and time in the physical world and making it subordinate to the timelessness of altered states of consciousness achieved through chanting, hyperventilation, or meditation.

ARTICLE 14: ALIENATE MEMBERS FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD

Challenge the value of the religious, educational, political, and social milieus that members have come from.

ARTICLE 15: MAKE THE SPIRITUAL REALM MORE REAL THAN THIS ONE

Question members' focus on physical reality. Create a sense that subjective reality is more objective than physical reality -- particularly a subjective reality that reinforces the cult's interpretation of the world. Question the reality of the physical world, of time and space, and of the need for logic-based decision-making.


Image

THE SPIRIT
IS
THE SPIRIT

-- Be Here Now, by Ram Dass


ARTICLE 16: CREATE A GOOD, SOLID PHOBIA

Make members afraid of Satan, the men in black, the government, the dark forces, or, in general, leaving the protection of the almighty cult. Make them desperately afraid to sever the connection with the cult organization. In the case of AMORC, the last thing on earth that one would want to do would be to lose the connection with the celestial sanctum or the egregore, your basic connection to God. For everything in your life to function properly, you needed to read the group literature, do your exercises, and pay your dues.


As to this memoir, I have had a bittersweet time of remembering my entrapment and my eventual liberation. I cannot help but quote a wonderful saying by the famous Roman orator, Marcus Tullius Cicero: "Liberty is rendered even more precious by the recollection of servitude."
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Re: THE PRISONER OF SAN JOSE: HOW I ESCAPED FROM ROSICRUCIAN

Postby admin » Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:55 am

ENDNOTES

Introduction

1. Hassan, Steve. Combatting Cult Mind Control. Rochester, Vermont: Park Street Press, 1990, 49.

2. Singer, Margaret Thaler, with Janja Lilich. Cults in Our Midst: The Hidden Menace in Our Everyday Lives. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass Publishers, 1995, 8.

Chapter 1

1. The Alchemist's Prayer. Retrieved December 12, 2007, from http://www.alchemylab.com/alchemists_prayer.htm.

2. (May 1938). Great Theosophists: The Rosicrucians. THEOSOPHY, vol. 26, no. 7. Retrieved December 12, 2007, from http:// www.wisdomworld.org/setting/rosicrucians.htm.

3. Waite, Arthur Edward (1924). The Brotherhood of the Rosy Cross. London: William Rider & Son Limited. Retrieved December 12, 2007, from http://www.herrnetics.org/rosicrucian-17.html.

4. Great, Op Cit.

Chapter 2

1. Bogaard, Milko (Nov. 14, 2000). FUDOSI The Hermetics Resource Site, version 1.2, Retrieved December 12, 2007, from http://www.hermetics.org/fudosi.html.

2. Koenig, P.R., Spencer Lewis, Theodor Reuss, Aleister Crowley, and Heinrich Traenker. Ordo Templi Orientis, Retrieved December 12, 2007, from http://user.cyberlink.ch/~koenig/sunris ... ylewis.htm.

3. Rotkiewicz, Andre (2002, 2008, 2009). "An Interview with Gary L. Stewart." Confraternity of the Rose Cross, Retrieved December 12, 2007, from http://www.crcsite.orglinterview.htm.

4. "About the Rosicrucian Order." Retrieved December 3, 2007, from AMORC Rosicrucian Order website: http://www.rosicrucian.org/about/index.html.

Chapter 3

1. Gore, Al (2007). The Assault on Reason. New York: The Penguin Press, 35-36.

2. Hassan, 54.

3. Lifton, Robert Jay. The Protean Self Human Resilience in an Age of Fragmentation. New York: Basic Books, 1993, 1.

Chapter 5

1. Lifton, Robert Jay. Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism: A Study of "Brainwashing" in China. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 1961, 422.

2. Singer, 65.

3. Hassan, 63.

4. Hassan, 73.

5. Singer, 70.

6. Hassan, 45.

7. Hassan, 69.

8. Singer, 16.

9. Hassan, 79.

10. Singer, 69.

Chapter 6

1. Hassan, 80.

Chapter 7

1. Hassan, 79.

2. Hassan, 79.

3. Kramer, Joel, and Alstad, Diana. The Guru Papers: Masks of Authoritarian Power. Berkeley, CA: Frog, Ltd., 1993, 57.

Chapter 9

1. Hassan, 57.

2. Singer, 129.

3. Hassan, 62.

4. Hassan, 57.

Chapter 10

1. Singer, 72.

2. Boeree, C. George (2006). Carl Jung: Personality Theories, Retrieved December 12, 2007, from http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/jung.html.

Chapter 11

1. Hassan, 73.

2. Hassan, 65.

Chapter 12

1. Hassan, 64.

Chapter 13

1. Hassan, 65.

2. Hassan, 74.
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