Part 2 of 2
Tepa Dachon (riis) says:
February 9, 2019 at 1:45 pm
I’m deeply sorry for the harm, distress, and confusion you experienced. As a Shambhalian, I apologize for any role I may have played–directly, indirectly, or energetically– in perpetuating misuse and abuse of power within Shambhala. I am sorry that traumatized people often go on to traumatize and abuse others–as I believe has been the case with CTR and SMR. I wish you healing and am disappointed that collectively Shambhala isn’t offering you more at this time–restorative justice processes, compensation, and/or whatever you need to see your way forward with healing. Love and justice are not two…in Shambhala we still don’t seem to grasp that as a community or a force. Again, I am sorry.
Cate says:
February 9, 2019 at 2:34 pm
Finally, the veil is lifting from the Buddhists and uncovering their lying ways. The fact that the Dalai Lama is connected with the NXIVM cult is enough for me to stay far away from any Buddhist “group”.
My husband was in Gampo Abbey with Trungpa in the 70’s and was appalled at the partying and sex back then. He thought he was supposed to be in a spiritual community. After hearing a talk with Trungpa and his evil sidekick Thomas Rich (he doesn’t deserve a Buddhist name), where Thomas was drunk, we turned it off and never look back.
This whole Shambala thing doesn’t surprise me at all. It is a Buddhist cult.Debra says:
February 9, 2019 at 2:44 pm
Giving some gratitude to you all, those who were harmed and those who testified as witnesses, for your willingness to stand in your truth, and that at least now you have been heard. Wishing you the peace and support you deserve.
Pseudonym Survivor says:
February 9, 2019 at 4:09 pm
I am sorry too, as a leader in Shambhala, I was not brave enough to speak up. I did not recognize the harm for what it was and I thought I could change things from the inside. We needed those of you who came forward to bring attention to the problems in Shambhala.
I feel voiceless and am using a pseudonym because I am also a survivor, but my needs are not the same of those who’ve come forward. I identify with all of those who’ve come forward and want to support you, so I write this apology as a leader
But I am also writing this apology to myself, as a survivor, knowing that there is not one solution to ease survivor’s pain. My needs as a survivor are not met by everyone saying they will walk away from Shambhala in solidarity. I don’t want to encourage people to leave, and I don’t want to encourage people to stay.
To those survivors who feel they need to leave and that Shambhala should be dismantled. I am so sorry for encouraging you to hang in there, for not trusting my doubt, and for holding up the patriarchy. I am sorry that I’m still not ready to take it all down, because I hear that you want me to join you in that call. I realize that having not come forward put me in, and came from, a position of privilege.
I want to change myself, change our community, and change the greater society as well. I want a real apology from SMR and I don’t want business as usual ever again. I will do my best to amplify your voices.
Naomi says:
February 9, 2019 at 6:39 pm
survivor in solidarity.
Deborah Marshall says:
February 9, 2019 at 7:30 pm
Dana Balukas says:
February 9, 2019 at 7:39 pm
Alex Metok says:
February 9, 2019 at 8:47 pm
I’m sorry I supported the court, and I’m hoping we can raise funds to support survivors. I want abused people to stop having to bear the brunt of this community’s work. The organization’s response has been shameful and harmful. I’m sorry.
David Suppan says:
February 9, 2019 at 11:58 pm
To all the whistleblowers of sexual, emotional and physical abuse of every spiritual stripe, please know that your redemption is at hand. The forces of forgiveness and understanding are taking root in the minds of gentle and tender compassion. The suffering of your unfortunate experiences are transforming into the fortunate experience of what is necessary to all human evolution – the advancement and outing of spiritual truth. Your stories of suffering have become our stories of forgiveness. We honor your courage in telling your story so that we can create the opportunities to become better human beings. I am committed to doing what I can to the healing of this or any other spiritual community. I send my prayers and spiritual counsel to all those who need healing. Love to you all.
Anonymous says:
February 10, 2019 at 12:36 am
I’m sorry that I lack the courage to call out my abuser by name, a long time student and MI in Shambhala, for fear for my personal safety and that of those I love. I value my safety first.
I’m sorry that even with #metoo I can’t share what happened, whenever I tried people turned their back on me. They did not want to see their friend as the physically violent, verbally abusive predator he was. I am sorry I could not protect his next victims. If you are one I am so sorry. I had to save myself . I admire the courage and bravery of every person who has spoken up, you are beautiful, you give me hope.
Maria Julianna Bolda says:
February 10, 2019 at 3:27 am
I am very sorry for the way you were hurt in the shambhala community and for the my own actions or lack of actions: of pretending not to see, of not speaking up, of not listening to my heart and of not protecting you, that have contributed to the pain you have experienced. Especially as a kasung i should have protected you!! not the system or the teacher. My bodhisattva vow should have come first. You all have been very brave in speaking up and i bow to you and thank you for the chance this gives us – all of us, who are still in shambhala, including the sakyong – to wake up, to change, to regret and to repair the dammage we have caused.
With appreciation, Maria
Stefan Carmien says:
February 10, 2019 at 3:35 am
“We’re all doing what we can…”
J. Lennon
Byron Wild says:
February 10, 2019 at 5:56 am
Evan Silverman says:
February 10, 2019 at 7:02 am
I would like to apologize. I am so sorry!
Bernie Gay says:
February 10, 2019 at 8:37 am
Thank you all, including Tsultrim Pamo,
Verse of Atonement:
All evil karma ever committed by me since of old
On account of my beginningless greed, anger and ignorance Born of my body, mouth and thought
Now I atone for it all (x 3)
I ask the community’s forgiveness for the many times I have strayed from the path of kindness, compassion, and virtue –
Slim Shady (aka M&M) says:
February 10, 2019 at 9:46 am
Apologies for not ripping the cover off the Sham that is Shambhala. I’m sorry for not saying this louder, longer and more publicly! I’m urging others to go to tell the truth on yelp and social media for there local centers. If leadership won’t do the right thing (they haven’t and they have had the chance), then we must.
The notion of Shambhala is wonderful. So many of us would find great relief living in a genuinely enlightened society.
What a wonderful tagline – “Enlightened Society”, its right up there with “Coke – its the real thing”. Its very hopeful. We know about hope and fear though.
We must ask ourselves, whats in the bottle? Sure its a lovely container, but what is really inside? What might one expect? Precepts that are followed perhaps? Is that too much to ask of a “Buddhist” organization?
Too often the answer is, “Don’t be silly young Padawan, precepts aren’t needed here”. Keep studying (and paying). You will see how with skillful means any behavior can be justified. Abstention from Intoxicants, Dishonesty, Falsehood, Theft, Taking of Life – fail fail fail. They certainly aren’t practiced by many in leadership (booze is the key to a good fund raiser after all – especially after opening the mind through meditation). Cover up, dismiss as rumor, gaslight – wash rinse repeat (lies). Do as I say, not what I do. Protect the leader, besides its my side hustle, wink wink. Shambhala will happily take your life moment by moment and charge you for doing so (stealing of life). Its an organization that is not interested in openess, truth or reality (have you ever seen so much head in the sand behavior when it comes to finances?). Evidently Shambhala would rather believe in flying dragons than failing balance sheets and income statements.
On the outside it looks enticing. The ingredients are however secret. What are those secret ingredients you ask. Well you have to pay to find out, thousands and thousands of dollars (Or you can read a book and practice – its all there). Strange for something that is supposed to be free (of course you need direct transmission – just like measles). Reminds me of a ponzi scheme. Will you actually learn the fundamentals of Buddhism as a Shambhala Buddhist? How could you when the “guru” doesn’t seem to understand them, at least if actions are a reasonable measure?
Is Shambhala even a church? I have my doubts. Its conduct is more like a school. Its leaders are more like laypeople. M&M isn’t a monk (obviously). A substantial portion of revenue is from charging for classes which are of a secular nature (levels 1-5). Doubt this? Look at how your center. Its an educational system at best, and should be classified as such. Potential students would be well advised to stay clear. Healthy options exist.
Are there any good Buddhists in Shambhala? Perhaps, but I have my doubts in this moment. If they exist, they would be pushed beyond the limits of silence and working within the system by the Sakyong’s latest attempt at apologizing. Any good Buddhist would be moved to significant decisive action. We’ve moved well past the first three karmas. Ask yourself this simple question, would you apologize sincerly and deeply to the entire Sangha for all your deep harm? Ask yourself this, if you had multiple houses and your “larger family was in need” wouldn’t you sell every extra one without hesitation? If you saw financial struggles wouldn’t you refuse $1000 meals and eat simple food? Would you continue to wear fancy robes while those around you donated money without having retirement savings? What kind of leader wouldn’t?? Reflect on those simple questions and then act. Stop donating to the centers. Stop the madness. Sanity must prevail.A McCormack says:
February 10, 2019 at 9:55 am
I am so sorry that Shambhala, the teachers, and the leaders harmed you and continue to harm you. I am sorry that I chose to ignore and minimize past harms when I learned that the founder was an abuser. I am sorry that I supported Shambhala and its teachers directly through purchase of online classes and books. Thank you for your courage and your willingness to stand for the truth.
Robert J. Morales says:
February 10, 2019 at 9:57 am
Shadow of the Moon says:
February 10, 2019 at 12:00 pm
I am so sorry to have been a victim who thought she could prove herself worthy by spreading hope for what we could be, what was promised to us all, rather than what was. I thought there was something wrong with ME and that the forces of enlightened society were right. If only I could just go with the flow and make the flow bigger, maybe then I would have been okay. Maybe my pain, my shame, my crushed crumpled authentic struggle, my beautifully dark shadow secret, would meld into the holy peaceful light and disappear because of that.
That is how I am complicit. That is how I let others suffer, even as I floated high and disconnected, my own pain driving my profound wish for all this we were told to be true. Now, I hurt. I hurt so much, because my devotion may have stolen away pieces of my truth of being alive. Devotion may have altered the course of my life into a loneliness more profound than social isolation. It’s the loneliness of denying I was violated, treated badly, diagnosed, and sent away. Shambhala did that to me. I see that now, and I see how I used it as an example for what to do to myself. For what to do to others. I am sorry to the depths of my femininity, I am sorry from the depths of my womanhood.
I want to be brave. I am emboldened by your naming foes. The legal coverups, wrongs, damages, and advising to bring harm victims in the name of the greater good–throughout Shambhala–would never have happened, nor continue to happen, without the counsel of Alex Halpern. I am here shouting that his conduct needs to be investigated, at minimal by the community and perhaps among his professional peers.Karen says:
February 10, 2019 at 6:07 pm
I applaud your courage for speaking up in an environment where very little support was likely to show up. If one person is spared the abuse you suffered you have done a great service, thank you.
I knew deep in my bones that the allegations were true as only someone that has endured sexual abuse can. I did my best to share the effects of abuse with my sangha, many were not ready to hear, maybe one day that seed will sprout.
This is an excerpt from an article in Time magazine that says it all for me.
No leader of an organization who fails to protect its most vulnerable members should be left in charge. (not to mention if they are the abuser) No person that looks the other way should be in a powerful position that others depend on.I have left my leadership position and cancelled my membership with Shambhala.
Nyingje Dagme Pamo says:
February 10, 2019 at 8:22 pm
I believe you completely. I was a young woman in Shambhala and experienced grooming, procurement, and harassment, and someone I love has been hurt by MM. I’m sorry I have been a leader in a bystander sangha and this sangha has not come out and offered any empathy, which has confounded my attempts to be an ally. I will continue to use my influence in my community to raise awareness. I wish you healing.
Halifax survivor says:
February 10, 2019 at 10:36 pm
To everyone who has signed -including some I recognize – I cannot thank you enough. To finally be believed is more transformative than you may realize.
Christie Rainbeau says:
February 11, 2019 at 3:25 am
On our center FB page a few years ago, a woman posted something about how Shambhala promotes sexual abuse on our page. I was shocked. It was not someone from our group. It was explained to me that the case was occuring at some other center. It was being resolved through Care and Conduct and this woman was just causing trouble. We took her post down and blocked her and I was so angry at her for doing that. How dare she post something like that that isn’t true? Now here we are….
I believe you.
I was complicit and totally in la la land thinking the Sakyong was above human. Thank you for waking me up to my own ignorance.I pray for your healing.
Tharpa Jigme says:
February 11, 2019 at 4:08 am
I could not have said it better but this time it is sincerely my apology to make,
I am beyond regret that my spiritual teacher and the organization I trusted and relied on for 20 years abused you. I have betrayed your trust; I have been complicit not only in seeing and allowing this aggressive behavior to continue, but I also inflicted more pain on you by not listening, by seeking to minimize the harm, by denying this happened, by demeaning you, by labeling you as ‘needy,’ ‘troubled,’ or ‘too ambitious.’ I understand that all of these actions were wrong – not only wrong but done in an attempt to protect myself and not you. For all of this I stand before you in breathtaking remorse for the harm I have allowed.
We are being taught that there is no ground, that everything changes and that clinging and not wanting to change causes suffering. PRACTICE what you PREACH!
Jinpa Samten says:
February 11, 2019 at 7:47 am
I want to see all people as equal regardless of their sex, religion, ethnicity, wealth or position in life. I aspire to put your suffering ahead of my own well-being. I vow to exchange my welfare for your suffering until samsara ends and space is destroyed .
Jigme Urbonas says:
February 11, 2019 at 8:34 am
Thank you all for your tremendous courage. I believe all of you. Grief and heartbreak surround thoughts of all of you, and of the trauma you have experienced. You certainly did nothing to deserve this type of treatment. You are absolutely blameless in all of this. Sending love and a wish for complete healing for all, including those who have not had the strength to come forward.
John Tischer says:
February 11, 2019 at 10:18 am
I’m so sorry for all the abuse anyone has experienced in the name of Shambhala.
Thank you to those who have come forward.
I want to point out the fact than many of VCTR’s older students left the sangha when we realized that Mipham Mukpo was not listening to any of us in terms of advice, criticism, or anything. He broke our hearts before he broke yours. The ones that stayed to keep the organization going, including all he appointed as teachers, Acharyas and the like, have gone along with this for many years. There is no excuse for this blindness, that many of us saw through. I don’t see how good intentions, at this point, can make up for this. It is a real tragedy. It does not in any way diminish the validity of the Buddhist/Shambhala teachings. What it does do is throw each of us back on our own responsibility for our spiritual path.
Susan Aposhyan says:
February 11, 2019 at 12:39 pm
I was at the Boulder Shambhala Center on Friday. I saw a framed quote by the Mipham Mukpo saying something to the effect that our primary duty is to cultivate a sane community. I cried seeing it.
When I was raising teenage girls, I wouldn’t let them go to any where in the sangha alone to keep them safe. I didn’t say anything to the other mothers. Some of their friends were molested and statutorily raped. I regret that and all my other complicities so much. I am so sorry that I have enabled this situation.Laura Greer says:
February 11, 2019 at 3:27 pm
I’m so sorry for the terrible harm inflicted on people who had such faith and admiration for their teachers. I’m sorry no one listened. I’m sorry for the cover up. I’m sorry that Shambhala was allowed to become shrouded with secrecy, white mail privilege, gaslighting and more. I’m so sorry that so many students and leaders became so blinded by the teacher and the teachings. I’m sorry that the Sakyong and others have not owned up to the harm they’ve done or show any understanding of how their behavior has been harmful. I’m sorry the Sakyong can’t even give a proper apology.
I hope the people who have been harmed are as touched as I am by this outpouring of sincere sadness and regret. Like others, I would like to know what survivors of the harm need most from us right now.
. says:
February 11, 2019 at 7:10 pm
Dear One,
I love you.
I am so sorry.
I am sorry for the pain he inflicted.
I’m sorry he is such a arrogant piece of shit.
I am sorry you suffered for so long and held too much.
I am sorry for the excruciating amount of pain you are in now.
You are not broken. You are one of the strongest people I know. You are Brave. You are kind. You are loved.
I love you with all my heart.
I hope that someday you find the peace you so deserve.
Always Yours
Andrea Darby says:
February 11, 2019 at 7:31 pm
I am sorry. I am sorry that I was not able to rise out of the water that I was raised in and call out what I felt was off but had learned to ignore – the water in which girls and women were/are routinely subject to sexual assault, in my case beginning with “indecent exposure” on my front stoop at age 5, and then on and on and up. In Shambhala I leaned toward what was good and healing for me and those close to me, murmuring about and shrugging off most of the rest. I did not tune into the harm that shrugging causes others, as well as myself. I am sorry. I know now that it could have mattered, to speak up fully. I knew how deep these waters are and I knew that we had not yet illuminated that depth and should take care, if not for ourselves then for others. And I ignored that. I am sorry for that.
Roland Bryan Mendiola says:
February 12, 2019 at 9:52 am
I first learned about harm and abuse of power by the Sakyong in 2012 – but I did not know what to do or how to talk about it, and ultimately I did not want to look at it or ask questions. I believed it was something of the past and those who knew him told me that it had been addressed with him. But I closed myself off to looking into it more, to really seeing what was happening anytime that things in the community felt off or concerning. Even when harms were starting to get reported in the fall of 2017, I did not speak up when I could have – even to say “Why isn’t anyone talking about the Sakyong?” It has taken so long for me to not be silent, and I am deeply sorry. The other night, I wrote this public letter to further break my silence and let survivors know that I stand with you and am here for you any way I can be:
MY PUBLIC MESSAGE TO THE SAKYONG
(Please know that the following is a reflection of my personal experiences, beliefs, attitudes, and actions – it is not meant to represent anyone else’s experience or perspective. I respect anyone who feels and thinks differently about these complicated and complex challenges, and I welcome respectful dialogue. If you’re reading this and you know the Sakyong directly, feel free to pass it along – I’ll also be trying to email it to him).
Dear Sakyong Mipham,
It has been a week’s time since the community received your most recent letter as well as the report by Wickwire Holm confirming your acts of sexual harm and misconduct, as well as abuse of power, perpetrated on women of this community. I sit here writing now, having come home from a heartening and always empowering gathering for our local people of color meditation group at the Shambhala Meditation Center of Portland, Maine. I feel resolved in sending out this message despite not knowing exactly what I’m about to say. But what I want to express to you in essence is this:
NO.
Just NO. Full stop. ENOUGH. NO MORE. Please STOP.
Maybe you haven’t been told these kinds of words enough before. Maybe you have and simply did not hear them or heed them. But I believe that more than anything, I/we need you to take a good long stop, to fully pause everything that has been the norm about this community, and really see and hear what is happening at this moment in time – AND to do the work necessary to fully appreciate what it means, how harm and trauma work, and how to make amends and possibly repairs for it. I have been a student of Shambhala since 2009 and a Buddhist practitioner since 2007. I first saw you speak in 2011 at a gathering of about 1000 people in Halifax, and I sat there in both awe and some skepticism – awe that I could feel this practice changing my life but skepticism of how much I could give myself over to you and this community. I met you once at a book signing during a leadership retreat at Karme Choling, and even exchanged a few words with you. I looked you in the eyes and told myself that even with my various doubts, I’m got dedicate a significant part of my life to this path. I’ve traversed that Shambhala path steadily over the years, I have held a variety of roles and leadership and teaching positions, I have consciously intertwined Shambhala with much of my everyday life. By almost all accounts, though I am not your formal student, I would consider myself a believer, a devotee, a person of faith in this path. And at the same time, I have known personally several of the women that it turns out you have harmed and abused. Like countless others, I have put my heart and soul into these teachings, these practices, this community. I am by no means a student without his faults or skewed intentions at times. I have seen my hopes, expectations, desires, judgments, agendas, and ego strivings get the best of me time and time again. But despite all that, what I do know is that I am someone who is utterly committed to making amends for harm when I’ve committed it, investigating sometimes a lifetime’s worth of bigotry or misogyny or prejudice, and aspiring to be more awake and aware and humble and human – through whatever means I have available to me. And though I have never called you my teacher, I feel like I have organized my life in such a way to align myself with the vision of Shambhala and your teachings – to be a genuine, gentle, and fearless human being willing to confront the world honestly and lovingly in order to create a more just, sane, and compassionate society. All this I know to be true to about myself – it has taken a long time to get here. And despite the many faults and imperfections of this community, I have believed in it. I believed in you – at least in your commitment to do right by this community.
The other evening, I made a fire at home and placed all of your books and teachings into it. I said a prayer for you and for this world. I think I even said a prayer for myself and the lostness I feel in the wake of all these discoveries of abuse and harm in Shambhala as well as the spiritual path in general. And even though I continue to carry that uncertainty and confusion day-to-day, what I do know more than ever in the last two weeks is that I don’t need you anymore. This community does not need you anymore – at least the way it has needed you in the past. That time is over.
Shambhala is not yours, it never was and never will be. Shambhala is not something you can trademark or mass produce or franchise. We are Shambhala – whomever holds Shambhala in our hearts and commits to living in the spirit of collective goodness and wakefulness and justice. Whatever Shambhala you might claim as yours from this point forward, I want no part of it. Perhaps the day will come when you may be able to address this community with true remorse, self-awareness, and responsibility for your actions and attitudes. Until that day comes and beyond it, those of us still dedicated to these Shambhala teachings and manifesting them in the world will figure out on our own the healthiest and wisest and most skillful path forward. May I suggest that during this time you have before you, you really take the opportunity to understand what harm and abuse mean – not through intensive retreat and self-reflection alone – but through honest dialogue, therapy, couples/family therapy, organizational consultation,workshops, trainings, testimonials, documentaries, stories, research, and everyday interactions with a range of diverse individuals on the impact of trauma, systemic harm, and abuse of power. For yous own healing, and for the healing of all of those whose lives you touch. I suggest all of these because I know them from experience. How much can you honestly say you have done this work?
Please don’t write us anymore messages or letters. Please don’t act like we all created this situation in some equal or parallel way. Yes we all have our faults and we all have our ways of harming one another. But we have not all engaged in abuse of power at this level and continue to pretend like things are otherwise. I have yet to hear in anything that you have said that would make me believe that you truly understand the harm you have created for this community. I simply don’t believe you have done enough work or developed enough knowledge or awareness to know. And not just for the pain and hurt and abuse you have inflicted on the many woman of our community, but also how your words and actions are a clear expression of how truly broken the system is when it comes to grievances, injustices, unchecked power, and reparations. And yes, with all of this I hold you to a higher standard. That feels only fair in my heart. Those of us who have ever taken our seat as teachers or leaders or caregivers should know full well that we are always the ones to be scrutinized and questioned and held to a greater sense of responsibility, not the people we serve. The burden is on us to be more fully aware and responsible when harm is committed. It is not your place any longer to dictate how this unfolds. I believe you have given up that privilege.
If I sound angry in all that I’m saying, it’s because I am. I have no reason to deny that and I believe I have every right to it. But this truly is not about lashing out. Though you might not believe it – I’m not even sure I do – this is coming from a place of hope and love ultimately. For you, but also for all of us. I cannot in good conscience allow you to simply carry on in the same spirit you have all these years, not when I have the voice and the means to act otherwise. I am going to continue to create Shambhala and to teach in Shambhala – but now in the ways that I see fit, no longer letting Shambhala culture dictate what I believe is right or just or true. I will hold true to what I believe is true in Shambhala, and I commit myself to holding spaces in Shambhala that take a stand against harm and abuse in all its varied forms – starting with what has been happening in our own community. This letter is not to single you out as the sole perpetrator of harm – it is for anyone who even with some level of awareness enacted harm and abuse in this community. And if one day, someone asks me to step away because this is no longer my Shambhala, so be it. They will know where I stand.
I pray you find your way. I know from experience that this kind of path is often tremendously painful and heartbreaking. But it’s the only way, and it’s worth it. Believe me, I have been through my share of grappling with trauma, with mental illness, with grief and confusion regarding gender, sexuality, culture, identity, privilege, status, and power. It is heartbreaking, backbreaking work. But it is the only way to authentically come to terms with who we are and how we relate to each other and this world. I hope that one day you might prove to society that a spiritual leader (or any leader of significance in this world) can fully acknowledge and atone for the harms they’ve inflicted with real honesty, respect, and awareness – and that day my confidence and trust in you as a person will be restored. I hope we may find our paths crossing again – with you not as a king or a ruler or an exalted Rinpoche or teacher or guru, but as a fellow traveller and human being trying to realize the nature of suffering, harm, and healing – and the genuine and transformative love that comes with awakening to truth.
In Goodness Always,
Roland Bryan Mendiola
PLEASE NOTE: I use “us” and “we” in this message loosely and for effect in this letter. I know full well and fully respect that many do not share these feelings and attitudes. My intention here is to voice a perspective for myself and for those who for whatever valid reason choose not to share it openly.
Grace Goodman says:
February 12, 2019 at 2:58 pm
Dear Survivors,
I am sorry. Like so many of us, maybe like you, I came to Shambhala as a survivor. And I came to Shambhala to continue to heal and to survive “better.”
What I found was a system that overwhelmed me. That is all I will say here because this is not about me.
Had I known what was happening to you, I am sure that my own dysfunction would have caused me to dissociate from it. And for that I am sorry, too. Because I understand the hurt you have had to endure, how you have been told your reality is not the “real” reality, or just blamed, told you are crazy, told you are a bit “off,” not believed altogether, or maybe even told you need to practice more. I know.
For each one of you, and for Andrea Winn who helped bring all of you to light, I am grateful. I am grateful that you have forced me to see my own brokenness, and how it paralyzes me and silences me. And more importantly, how necessary it is for me to go beyond that and to stand up for you and with you.
The voices in this document are all of us who see you, and all of us who are holding you, and all of us who refuse to ignore the harms done to you.
Please accept my love,
Grace
Eric Kalabacos says:
February 12, 2019 at 4:00 pm
I was heavily involved in the community from the mid 80s through the late 90s. I deeply regret having accepted the party-line justifications for what I now see as rampant sexually abusive behavior by Trungpa, ROT, and other community leaders. I want to personally say I’M SORRY for not listening to my gut about this for many years. I also want to say THANK YOU to those who’ve been bravely speaking up despite the extreme gaslighting and other forms of social pressure coming from the Shambhala organization. You have really opened my eyes to the perverted sickness and power dynamic that has festered within it for decades. I commit to doing my best to vocally and actively supporting you all during these difficult times.
Gordon Young says:
February 12, 2019 at 4:02 pm
I am so sorry to have supported a system that enabled abuse, and could not acknowledge it. I am so sorry that I looked the other way, and failed to understand, failed to acknowledge what was happening. Thank you for coming forward with your stories, your bravery has made the world a better place.
Lizzy Cline says:
February 12, 2019 at 8:29 pm
To all who were abused – I believed you all, the first moment I heard. I’m so sorry for your pain and suffering, and that you weren’t heard from the beginning. I have defended you whole heartedly, in our sangha discussions on the subject.
I was abused as a child, and know first hand, about your pain. I cannot thank you enough, for being so brave and coming forward as you have.
May you all heal your hearts, minds, and bodies, from your trauma….sending much love
chodronstrong says:
February 12, 2019 at 8:46 pm
Mia Bolte says:
February 12, 2019 at 9:17 pm
Jeffrey Shralow says:
February 12, 2019 at 10:28 pm
I am so sorry, and ashamed. I am so thankful to the BSP for giving me the opportunity to realize the shame of the shambhala organization, and to turn to the path of truth. I am so sorry for your pain and sorrow. I grieve for the harm done.
Anandi/Tsultrim Gatso says:
February 12, 2019 at 11:08 pm
I hear you. I see you. I recognize you. I embrace you. I believe you.
Regrets says:
February 13, 2019 at 1:22 am
I regret that when Shambhala leadership, with what were in my opinion inauthentic intentions, reached out to PoC it was not out of a sincere desire, but more about preserving the brand with a veneer of ‘wokeness’. I regret that those from minority communities were put into teachings positions from the get-go instead of being given a proper education in the Buddhist teachings, which would have empowered them as true community builders instead of having them beholden to Shambhala. I regret that I haven’t had the strength to question this facade publicly due to my own fears and shame.Mark says:
February 13, 2019 at 3:54 am
m sorry you were abused, then traduced and cast out like rubbish. I knew you were telling the truth the moment I heard you. I’m ashamed of any organization which did this and doubly ashamed of one which, still, is unable to make a full apology and amends. One simple word: truth – and yet they can’t.
I left Shambhala a while ago now in poor shape because of sustained emotional abuse from people who are still out there, still “teaching”. What a mockery. I did not know that far, far worse was in the shadows. It’s a ramp, all of, a Ponzi scheme concealed by silks and spirituality. Stay away.Susan McCaffrey says:
February 13, 2019 at 4:40 am
To the warriors who spoke up in spite of the fear, humiliation, embarrassment: I bow to your courage. You are heard and believed.
To the warriors who can’t speak up yet: you will know when the time and circumstances are right for you to speak openly.
As in all things, interdependent causes and conditions precipitated this situation. We are each and all responsible in some way, if we look closely.
I am sorry for my part in it all. I tried to perpetuate a sense of self-worth, of belonging, by not speaking up about instances of corruption, when I witnessed them.
We don’t have to pretend anymore.
Ken S says:
February 13, 2019 at 3:25 pm
It hasn’t been a lot over ~12 years but
I’m sorry for whatever money I’ve handed over that went toward keeping a drunken sexual predator in silks. I didn’t know what was going on at the top of the organization until a year or so ago, but I probably could have known sooner, if I’d gone looking. If I’d been more conscientious.
And I’m sorry if my continuing to sit and sometimes occupy the timer’s spot at our local center’s open house nights is read as support for MM or his sycophants— honestly, I dont think he or they should continue to have any power to abuse; I’m done propping them up financially; I’m not in any leadership position and don’t aspire to ‘climb’— but I do continue to sit in that place because I’m just trying, sincerely, to help make that space for two hours a week healthy and safe for those who still want a community to meditate with and don’t know where else to go. I’m all for the ‘commoners’ turning away the ‘king’ and seizing the means, and surpassing the teacher’s failings. And I’m making a modest effort to facilitate other opportunities to sit collectively. I just feel those at the ground level, who arguably deserve the least blame, would be too harshly punished if ‘penance’ for any involvement at all was to be scattered into exile. Community is still valuable, though ours has to reckon with its institutional rot; as far as I can tell, many who are trying to salvage this one want to re-make it into what we (perhaps naïvely) thought it was, without the harmful parts. We know it’s still problematic, we know success isn’t assured, but we want to reclaim our society and rededicate it to enlightenment, and oust the charlatans. Then maybe, hopefully, it will be worthy of those it drove away.
Elissa Thomas says:
February 13, 2019 at 3:43 pm
I am so sorry I gave so much time, energy, and money to this organization filled with abusers. I am sorry that I was such an idiot that I actually believed the Shambhala teachers wanted to make the world a better place even when I saw behavior that was not consistent with basic ethics. I should have participated with groups doing real healing work outside of this cult instead of putting my efforts into Shambhala.
I am so sorry people hurt you. I hope that you can find peace — whatever that means to you.
Natalie Smith says:
February 13, 2019 at 6:37 pm
I am so sad and disheartened by this betrayal. I am so encouraged by the brave people who broke the silence. We are listening and reaching out to support you through this tumultuous time with Metta and compassion. May you rise confidently and live with peace
Lorien House says:
February 16, 2019 at 5:23 pm
In solidarity with all the abuse victims of the Shambhala cult.
Doria Cross says:
February 16, 2019 at 8:48 pm
Linda Catling says:
February 17, 2019 at 8:52 am
Vallie Stearns-Anderson says:
February 17, 2019 at 2:44 pm
I’m so grateful to have this opportunity to tell you how much I support you, believe you, and wish to be there for you. I knew Shambhala was sexist in its teachings since Warriors Assembly in 2005, and further knew it since vajrayana seminary in 2011,
there were so many warning flags, the “virgin” (teenage) girls that were placed in the ritual of the Sakyong Wangmo’s empowerment, how she had to “sdo stroke” at the foot of his throne, how she has to prostrate to the guru on entering the shrine room, etc, etc, and yet I continued to give my time, energy and money to the Shambhala lineage. I tried so hard to do my werma sessions, not listening to my inner voice screaming that it was wrong, trying to be a good practitioner, going all the way to SSA3 — for what? To see that my gut was right all along, and my justifications were hollow, to not honour my inner wisdom. Then when I heard your stories. I knew right away that my fledgling career as a teacher was over, that I couldn’t “hold the lineage” any longer, but I apologize that it took me 8 months to give up my line-of-command post in the kasung, thinking I could be of benefit. I wasn’t of course. My reactions have been so slow-mo! I was so duped!! I am still trying to unravel everything. I will do what I can to support those in my local sangha, that no survivor has to be isolated and marginalized ever again,to learn from your bravery and integrity, to learn from your stories and your example. I send my heart to you.
Anonymous says:
February 18, 2019 at 6:22 am
Kate Crisp says:
February 18, 2019 at 7:35 am
Heather Crone says:
February 19, 2019 at 12:49 am
Fierce Certain Bliss says:
February 19, 2019 at 7:28 am
I am sorry I did not immediately stop contributing financially to my local Shambhala center the moment I first learned of your experiences. I am sorry that it has taken so much evidence, particularly the accounts of men, to finally spur me to action. I am deeply sorry that I used my position as a teacher of yoga and mindfulness to young children to encourage new families to become involved with the Shambhala community. I am sorry I sat calmly at the table when my local Shastri questioned your motives, your veracity, and your mental fitness. I am very much on the periphery of Shambhala, yet look at all of this complicity. I am so sorry for your suffering, and yet so grateful to you for sharing it with us. I receive it as a gift, as there is much here for me to continue to explore with great humility for a long time to come.
Alexis LaBarge says:
February 19, 2019 at 5:56 pm
George Howell says:
February 19, 2019 at 6:09 pm
Tears Tears Tears
Good inquisitive lion says:
February 19, 2019 at 9:18 pm
I am sorry, I wanted to be out of suffering so bad that I ignored everything that happened before.
I am sorry I did not trust my intuition and close this chapter before.
I am sorry I wanted to listen to the Shambhala teachings above anything else.
Prajna Moon Lake says:
February 19, 2019 at 9:50 pm
So sad and so sorry that not one person who was in a position to put a stop to these abuses of power did not do so as soon as they knew.
Diana Howell says:
February 19, 2019 at 11:05 pm
Don’t rock the boat. Sometimes it’s easier to let things slide. I allowed Shambhala culture to shape my actions, or rather inaction. I’m sorry for not doing something. For not listening wholly. For not speaking up when something was amiss. For not being there for you. I’m sorry the organisation took precedence over what was most important: you.
Zopa Jampso says:
February 19, 2019 at 11:57 pm
shame that I did not know, did not want to believe when I did hear…
sadness for and remorseful of your suffering…
hopeful for your healing…
Esther Rochon says:
February 20, 2019 at 7:21 am
For decades, I have been a teacher and MI at Shambhala and I did not see anything. There was an opaque wall between the insiders and the rest of the community, and I was encouraged to think that, in the lofty world beyond that wall, everything was good. I honestly thought Shambhala was a safe place. Because of my presence and involvement with Shambhala, I encouraged people to be part of it. Quite possibly some of them were later abused – or, like myself, became part of the smoke screen. I offer my deepest apologies to all the victims for my having been involved in that deception, and I do wish them a good profound healing.
heartbroken in halifax says:
February 20, 2019 at 1:13 pm
We were shaken by the accounts of the women who were abused. There were still ways we could sidestep the truth – it was long ago. The Sakyong is different now. We were never part of his circle and never knew such abuse was taking place.
Then another bomb: We were shattered by the kusung’s recent accounts.
No, it is not that we believe them more because some were men.
It is because they were privy to his behavior unmasked – crazy, abusive behavior which we never saw and could hardly believe. BUt now we do. He didn’t behave like this around his Acharyas, I can attest to that.
Many years ago a few clse students of Trungpa Rinpoche’s went to him to complain about the Regent’s abusive behavior. In particular an incident when the Regent verbally attacked a kasung on duty who did not feel he could defend himself.
Trungpa Rinpoche told us that we should talk to the Regent about his unacceptable behvaiour, “Teachers need feedback. If you don’t talk to him about this, who will?” We replied that Rinpoche appointed him and that he should control him. As we know, that didn’t happen.
There is now no question of the Sakyong continuing to teach or lead Shambhala but there is much worth salvaging.
We need your strong voices.
We need to purge the patriarchal model altogether and never again any one to cause harm to another.
Now is the time for things to fall apart.
Now is the time for healing.
I hope you will be part of the solution in the future.
Undr what name? With the leadership of what teacher? No idea.
What we do know is the vast majority of our sangha are good people – women and men who are dedicated to offering Buddhist mindfulness practice for a world in need.
Let’s keep the goodness and support each other in waking up – fully – at this time.
Gisèle Laberge says:
February 20, 2019 at 4:06 pm
For me, what is happening as the action of the Rigdens.
I love our community. I love the Buddhist and Shambhalians teachings.
The victims who have spoken are the most courageous and strong persons.
They are the samaya keepers.
I think we should honor them. They deserve our respect.
Thank you also to the kusungs who have spoken up.
I am so sorry… for humanity.
But, life is always young… We should celebrate this opportunity for a deep cultural change.
And be part of it.
Love
Elizabeth says:
February 20, 2019 at 6:19 pm
I am so deeply sorry for the ways I was complicit with my money and time. Love to those who were violated. I am so very very sorry.
Laura Byrd says:
February 22, 2019 at 7:56 am
I apologize unreservedly. Through my participation in this organization, I have been complicit. Through my ability to see but my failure to take responsibility, I have been complicit. Through ignoring critical intelligence—mine, others’—I have been complicit. Through my complacency and selfishness and lack of bravery, I have been complicit. I breathe in this poison as medicine. I breathe out relief, safety, acknowledgment, care, commitment, courage, trust, clarity, light, comfort, space. Change. Love.
Theodor E. Kropf says:
February 23, 2019 at 7:35 pm
I apologize for being involved in petty local center politics that turned away so many good women and men.
I am sorry for being naive enough to think it was okay for older men in positions of MI to manipulate younger women, and not say anything, even as they revel in telling me their exploits.I am heartbroken for those who have given their lives to this organization in any way and have been discarded as mere lowly servants by the hierarchy. And many left financially destitute, with no assistance from the path they were so dedicated to.
“What god is he,
Who writes laws of peace,
And clothes them in a tempest?
What pitying angel,
Lusts for tears,
And fans himself with sighs?
What crawling villain,
Preaches abstinence,
And wraps himself
In the fat of lambs?
No more I follow
No more obedience pay.”
-- W. Blake, Europe
Andrew Bowen says:
February 25, 2019 at 2:15 pm
Mark O'Donoghue says:
February 28, 2019 at 11:36 am
Frank Stelzel says:
March 5, 2019 at 4:01 pm
It felt like family. Attackers took advantage of that feeling. We all failed to protect you. This cannot be undone. We must take care that no one is allowed to trample on your wound any longer. This brutal family business must end. Now.
Danielle Loeb says:
March 11, 2019 at 10:55 pm
Thank you for your bravery. I am sorry I did not see… did not want to see… until I couldn’t not see. Thank you for helping us to see what the suffering we created.
Pat Shiwa Pema Parisi says:
March 12, 2019 at 9:58 am
I join with the other voices and express regret and I am deeply sorry for the harm that was perpetrated on you. I was part of this system for at least a decade and it’s likely that I turned a blind and naive eye to what was happening. I am sorry that we did not protect you. Thank you for your bravery in coming forward. I see and hear you. I honor you.
Judith Lechner says:
March 17, 2019 at 10:44 am
I’m sorry for being naive. For not questioning more. For going along with the dream of enlightened society. For being in a big cocoon created to not see reality. For the longing to believe this and let my gut intuition be silenced. How stupid of me!
Rod Fiorito says:
April 11, 2019 at 4:05 am
I am sad and heartbroken. I wish for healing for the survivors and clarity, humility and courage for the perpetrators to fully admit to and apologize for the harm they have done. Although I am unaware of any harm that I may have caused and have not already apologized for in the limited roles that I have had in Shambhala or even as a member of the community, I would like to know and make amends for any hurt or pain I may have caused in others.
Egolessness Earth Lake says:
April 11, 2019 at 5:16 am
I am so sorry I have been unseeing and cooperating with an abusive society. Your courage will not be forgotten.
Anna says:
April 11, 2019 at 10:21 am
I am sorry I supported Shambhala with my time and money. I am sorry I participated in a sick and abusive system. I am sorry I took vows and served as a representative of an unethical, dysfunctional, and deceptive institution. I am sorry for contributing, even unknowingly, to the personal and spiritual pain of others. To the survivors: I wish you safety, healing, and true community. May we all trust our own wisdom, and may our imaginations be boundless, as we envision a new path forward.
Anonymous LivingInFear says:
April 11, 2019 at 11:11 pm
I’m sorry for not being more perceptive as a Kasung and practitioner (1985 to 2002), as I did know about Mr. Mukpo sleeping with students, and never said a word. But worse (far worse) is the guilt I feel for letting my daughter (then 13 years old) take refuge with him. That was done in secret, with a group of other children (@ Sun Camp, RMDC). Years later, my daughter inexplicably committed suicide. Could this be related? We will never know, unless the Larimer County Sheriffs department makes a connection. But the burden of guilt is near unbearable, and this feeling humbles me to no end. This must be akin to what other survivors are going through, and to them, I offer my deepest sympathy and compassion – as well as a speedy recovery… and I am sorry I can’t find the courage to name myself, as so many other old friends here have. Bless you.Ivan says:
April 12, 2019 at 8:31 am
I am sorry I initially dismissed shambhala’s past as well as your stories when I heard about them. I am sorry that I contributed to this organization with time and money, and that I encouraged other people to join it. I am sorry that I looked down at people’s resistances to shambhala’s hierarchy and some of its practices. And I am sorry I did not listen to those who worried about my involvement with such an organization.
Kent Martin says:
April 12, 2019 at 12:36 pm
I left Shambhala awhile back but I am sorry I was not more vocal about the problems I had at the time with hierarchy, elitism, and the idolization of MM. I never directly witnessed any sexual misconduct but I can’t imagine the pain and feeling of betrayal that those who were harmed must feel.
The whole experience has made me really wonder about my own capacity to be deluded, going along for the sake of going along and not trusting fully my gut feelings and moral compass. We have done so much of that as individual human beings when we join groups and put on blinders. In that way we are all responsible for the great crimes of history.
Alice Smiley says:
April 12, 2019 at 2:11 pm
.
Good Sparkling Intellect says:
April 13, 2019 at 7:57 am
I am sorry I didn’t speak loud enough about my hesitations.
I’m sorry I accepted the “crazy wisdom” excuse for CTR’s behavior.
I’m sorry I was drawn in by Mitchell Levy’s charm and did not question at the time why he made me feel so special and above others.
I’m sorry I didn’t tell anyone about another teacher’s inappropriate behavior, usually linked to alcohol and drugs, the many midnight sexual texts and groping and kissing me. He was the son of a Shastri who grew up in Shambhala and I didn’t think anyone would believe me if I spoke up. By not speaking up, I might have left him to prey on another young woman, and if that’s the case, I’m sorry. I didn’t have the courage. I thought I wouldn’t be welcome at my centre anymore. I was not brave enough. I’m still not brave enough to attach my name to this statement.
I’m sorry I gave my hard-earned money to Shambhala International. The organization doesn’t deserve it and it shocks me that the board is still asking us for money. Why aren’t they raising money to support survivors instead?And most of all, I’m sorry that all of you went through the gaslighting, shunning and not believing by most of the people in your community by speaking up FOR YEARS. I’m sorry it took so long.
I love you all, brave survivors. I am with you.
Katie Yates says:
April 13, 2019 at 6:42 pm
I am deeply sorry for any harm I’ve caused as member of the kasung and as a member of Shambhala (1988-present). I stand with survivors of Shambhala abuse. I am grateful to my friends and my sangha family who are brave in the face of disgrace and of difficult reality. I value their lives and I trust their experiences. I will do my best to help in any way I can. With love.
Karma Ladron says:
April 13, 2019 at 8:16 pm
I apologize for not questioning out loud the over the top court display. It never made sense to me. Particularly since MM seemed hollow beneath the display, like nobody was home. Though privately I felt uncomfortable I never voiced my discomfort because I attributed it to my own shortcomings as a student. I apologize for not trusting my intuition, for not asking questions, and for going along.
Jessie says:
April 17, 2019 at 10:05 am
I’m sorry for not questioning more and therefore enabling a culture of dismissal and abuse. I didn’t know how bad it really was, and although I questioned some of the troubling issues with the hierarchy and patriarchy and racism, I never thought that both Mr. Mukpos were so abusive. While everyone is scrambling to salvage their dear communities, survivors are suffering the worst, and I have no idea really what current Mr. Mukpo is wanting to do to right this situation.
Zachariah Finley says:
April 24, 2019 at 9:32 pm
.
Dawn Boiani-Sandberg says:
April 28, 2019 at 7:19 am
After seeing such an outpouing of heart, authenticity and regret, in tears, I can really see why I came to this community. It was for all of *you*, my sangha who spoke here, such beauty and gentleness, incomparable. I’m sorry that people reduce all of us to a mere cult and complicit when there were a sad few who abused power and secrecy. I’m sorry to watch what we all built which was imperfect and beautiful, fall. I will be so sorry to never see you all again, or practice with you. You are Shambhala, my long term family, freinds, my refuge and it’s a travesty to see it all disperse to the wind, and let us be defined by one or a few persons mistaken views and actions.
Bob Sutherland says:
April 28, 2019 at 9:01 am
Many of these comments echo my feelings.
Tsultrim Chosang says:
May 3, 2019 at 12:13 pm
I wish to apologize to all those who have been harmed by Shambhala activities in any way, in particular those that have had the courage to come forward in this latest round of community scandal, which the various reports are both shocking and believable. This is at least the third generation of scandal for this lineage, each involving the leader, while the overall organizational structure is designed to financially benefit the guru household, rather than attending to those that come for religious training and community. This became clear to me awhile ago and I apologize that my religious ambitions led me to be complicit with the enabling organization for some time and for any further harm this led to. I have stopped and am looking for ways to manifest my intention to protect, by informing, those who are still within the confused organization with the dysfunctional operation (it’s dysfunctional), those who have been harmed in the past and are survivors of abuse (there are others), or those who may be arriving on the doorstep even now (beware, there are problems, a complex history). Thank you for your courage, all readers.
