My mother never again complained about my marriage to Rinpoche. He very quickly gave her a sense of position and belonging within the Shambhala world that he was creating. In some sense, it fulfilled her long-held desire to be an important person in society, although not in the society in which she had tried for so long to be accepted. She became very fond of her grandchildren, and seemingly forgot that they were less than lily white. Within a year, she closed up her household in England and moved to Boulder. She remained there until a few years after Rinpoche's death, when she returned to England to receive health care during her final years. Although she and I remained somewhat cool to one another, outwardly we had a fairly good mother-daughter relationship. It was amazing what a complete transformation she underwent. She became a beloved adviser and mentor to many people in the Buddhist community, who looked to her for advice on everything from etiquette to conducting their romantic relationships.
While she was still in Boulder, following her conversion experience over Christmas, Rinpoche invited her to attend the first Shambhala empowerment ceremony that he conducted. This took place at the Kalapa Court on January 1, 1977. Rinpoche wanted to create a complete court situation, or mandala, and to place his most trusted students in positions of authority within the Shambhala world, not just to hold the seat of the ruler himself. His first court appointment was installing David Rome as the Dorje Kasung, the "indestructible command protector" of Shainbhala. I believe that, in making this and other Shambhala appointments, Rinpoche was trying to formulate and put into effect the principles that are important in governing one's life and a society as a whole. The principle of command protector has to do with maintaining order. David used to joke that he was the Sakyong's "top cop." (David used this phrase quite humorously, in a way that made it sound like something from Gilbert and Sullivan.) In his presentation of the Shambhala teachings, Rinpoche said that law and order have to do with the natural hierarchy that exists in the world. He used the four seasons as a good example of this nonvertical sense of order and predictability in life. Rinpoche felt that society should have a similar sense of orderly flow. David's real role was, I think, to point out how to live one's life in accordance with that fundamental order, rather than to police our Shambhala society.
The ceremony was held in the dining room of the Court, which had been completely emptied of its usual furniture. A shrine was set up along one wall of the room and there were meditation cushions on the floor to accommodate the fifty or so guests who were invited to witness the ceremony. Rinpoche and I sat in chairs on either side of the shrine, while David kneeled on a cushion facing us and the shrine. David was asked questions about his understanding of the teachings contained in the Golden Sun of the Great East text. Then, as part of the ceremony, he was asked to perform the stroke of Ashe on the spot. As he made the calligraphy stroke, all of those assembled loudly chanted the warrior's victory cry: KI KI SO SO ASHE LHA GYAL LO TAK SENG KHYUNG DRUK DI YAR KYE. This chant invokes the energy of Shambhala and the supreme confidence of the warrior. As part of the ceremony, Rinpoche appointed David to the Order of the Dragon of Shambhala, which Rinpoche created on the spot. The Shambhala text that he was teaching from at this time talks a great deal about the enlightened qualities of the warrior in terms of the tiger, the lion, the garuda (a mythical bird like the phoenix), and the dragon. Later, Rinpoche also wrote about these aspects of the Shambhala teachings in Shambhala:The Sacred Path of the Warrior. The dragon is associated with inscrutability, which in the Shambhala teachings refers to mind beyond mind, mind that is completely fearless, open, and fathomless rather than the normal connotation of some kind of reticence or sneakiness. Around David's neck, during the ceremony Rinpoche placed a medal he himself was given many years previously, when he received the Order of Bhutan from the Bhutanese royal family. It was not a permanent gift to David. Rinpoche used it during the ceremony in place of the real Order of the Dragon medal that did not yet exist. Rinpoche expected to design and have many Shambhala medals executed in the future. (In fact, some were designed during his retreat in the coming year, and a few were manufactured in England. He designed others that were never actually crafted, including the Order of the Dragon.)
Around this time, Rinpoche had also asked David Rome to assume the leadership of the vajra guards. I believe that he chose David for this role in part because he was such a thoroughly gentle person. David abhorred pretense and violence, so I think that Rinpoche felt that David would safeguard the Dorje Kasung situation and ensure that it did not become some sort of paramilitary joke. On the contrary,. Rinpoche wanted it to be a vehicle to conquer aggression. I think David was quite challenged by being asked to take on a leadership role in this aspect of Rinpoche's world. But he really did have the strength of mind to be a great general, and he was well respected for his integrity and honesty. In one of several poems that Rinpoche composed to mark this occasion, he wrote:
Dorje Kasung is genuine general
He respects the grand lady and her husband
In brief, Dorje Kasung is the razor knife
With rubber handle
Because he is tough and soft at once
May such Dorje Kasungship expand in our kingdom ....
Long live the Order of the Dragon,
Inscrutability1
On January 3, 1977, we celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. It seemed that so much had happened in such a short span of years! That day, Rinpoche conducted another ceremony, this one from the Vajrayana Buddhist tradition. The first group of about forty. students had completed all of the ngondro, the preliminary practices first introduced following the 1973 seminary. This represented about one-third of the students who had attended the first seminary. It was quite impressive that such a high percentage of the students finished in this period of time. Following the completion of these preliminaries, a student may request that the teacher enter him or her into the practice and the mandala, or the world, of a Vajrayana deity, or yidam. In this case, a yidam represents binding one's mind to the Vajrayana practice and understanding of wakefulness. It has nothing to do with an outside entity. If the teacher accepts the student, he or she receives abhisheka, a Sanskrit word that translates as "initiation" or "empowerment." The word in Tibetan, wangkur, literally means a "field of power." On this day, Rinpoche gave the Vajrayogini abhisheka to these students plus a few other senior students, including David Rome and the Vajra Regent, who hadn't finished the preliminaries but whom he decided to include anyway. (I did not receive this empowerment until 1984.)
The principle of Vajrayogini is depicted as a sixteen-year-old, very beautiful, and somewhat threatening, maiden. She is red in color and represents, among other things, the wisdom of complete non-thought, or wisdom that cuts through all conceptions. She is often the first yidam that is given to students, and I think that Rinpoche felt that the simplicity and power of the practice would be particularly appropriate for Western students. The abhisheka is quite a long and involved ceremony, taking most of a day to complete. Rinpoche had been working for several years on the translation of the text, or the sadhana, that students would practice after receiving this empowerment. He felt that it was absolutely necessary that students practice this liturgy in English so they would know what they were chanting, what they were visualizing, and why. The group that worked with him on this translation, the Nalanda Translation Committee, has continued on -- having completed many important translation projects. Rinpoche always enjoyed his meetings with the translators, and he put a great deal of time into working with them.
Altogether, it felt like a great achievement to reach this stage in the presentation of Vajrayana in America. During Rinpoche's lifetime, he conducted this abhisheka ten times, and more than one thousand students received this initiation from him. From small gestures in Rinpoche's life, big things would often come!
Shortly after he finished the abhisheka program, which included not only the ceremony itself but also a number of training sessions, Rinpoche jumped right back into furthering the Shambhala world. This time, he held a joint ceremony for the Vajra Regent Osel Tendzin and myself. He appointed Osel Tendzin as the Katham Sikyong or the "keeper of the command seal of Shambhala," which was equivalent, according to Rinpoche, to being the Lord Chancellor of Shambhala. His role was to take the visionary aspect of the Shambhala teachings, as presented by Rinpoche, and to communicate it and execute its vision in terms of practicality. It was also to be his role to understand the needs and wishes of community members and communicate those to Rinpoche, so that there would be a sense of heaven -- the Sakyong's vision -- and earth -- the needs of the people -- being joined.
I was formally appointed as the Sakyong Wangmo during this ceremony. In some ways, my role as described by Rinpoche was similar to the Regent's, in that he saw it as my responsibility to encourage communication in all forms within the Shambhala world. He also talked about the Sakyong Wangmo principle in terms of creating harmony and a sense of elegance.
The Regent received the Order of the Great Eastern Sun, and I was given the Order of the Rigden. Again, these awards were created on the spot.
Johnny-on-the-spot
a person who is at hand whenever needed.
"he appears to have become the financial Johnny-on-the-spot for Mr. Meese"
-- Oxford English Dictionary
Rinpoche did not say a great deal about the meaning of our awards, but I believe that the Order of the Great Eastern Sun has to do with connecting with the overall brilliance and wakefulness of Shambhala, while the Order of the Rigden was given to me to signify my connection to the principle of rulers hip within Shambhala. The setting was similar to the ceremony for David Rome: the guests assembled in the dining room on cushions; the Regent and I were seated facing Rinpoche and the shrine. We were questioned on our understanding of Shambhala principles, and we performed the stroke of Ashe. To seal our appointments, we took an oath, which David had also taken, in which we offered our eyes, tongue, and heart -- symbolically -- to furthering the sanity of the kingdom of Shambhala. This is very similar to the Vajrayana oaths that students take. Essentially, because the energies are so powerful and somewhat dangerous, the commitment that is required is also very heavy. It is not so much that someone is going to come and throw you in jail if you violate your oath or your position; the idea is more that you will destroy yourself if you become an egomaniac rather than becoming more gentle and exposed. Of course, there is a lot of middle ground -- but the idea is that one should not take on this kind of commitment casually. In fact, it felt as though we were assuming quite a serious responsibility to assist in safeguarding and furthering the sanity and wakefulness of the Shambhala world.
When I look back, I think that Rinpoche's decision to give the two of us this Shambhala empowerment together was quite a deliberate, strategic move. In part, I think that Rinpoche saw our roles as complementary, and he always hoped that we would see that commonality of purpose and find ways to work together. But I also think that Rinpoche was trying to address the interpersonal tension between Osel Tendzin and me by putting us together for this empowerment.
You see, from the time the Regent moved into the Court, he and I did. not get along too well. From this time onward, although I tried to connect with the Regent, the chemistry between us was not very compatible. In the beginning, the very early years, I was quite fond of him. Later, when he lived with us, I had a harder time with him. I felt that he ignored other people's feelings to a certain extent and that there was a certain lack of identification with others. Rinpoche was raised almost from birth in a position of responsibility and rulership. His teachers in Tibet had hammered into him the need to behave properly, with gentleness, and not to mistake his position as an opportunity to lord it over others. But for the Regent, and all of us in the West, we were entering into uncharted territory and assuming leadership positions with no prior experience and few sane reference points. We were walking into a minefield where our lack of training and our insecurities were liable to explode into arrogance.
None of us were angels at that point. We all had our own neuroses, which were quite full blown in that era. Nevertheless, I perceived a lack of empathy in the Regent that used to trouble me. I always could connect with Lila a lot more. I felt that she had more sympathy for other people. It used to scare me sometimes how the Regent treated people because it was so different from how Rinpoche treated people. I had a basic mistrust of the Regent for a long time. I know this bothered Rinpoche, and he periodically tried to push me together with the Regent. He wanted the communication to be more workable between us. In the end, though, the Regent had very little respect for me, and I had not very much for him. I objected to his ostentatious, slightly Americanized style. I also questioned his personal discipline. He seemed self-indulgent, and he could get really carried away with himself. On the other hand, I'm sure he was struggling with who and what he was supposed to be as the Regent. I was young and quite unreasonable at times too. We just didn't hit it off.
After our joint Shambhala empowerment, Rinpoche wrote poems about each of us, in which he talked about our neurotic and our enlightened qualities. He also said in each poem something to the effect that Diana was the Regent and the Regent was Diana. I think that he was hoping that we would find a mutual working basis, a meeting of minds, and that we would come to appreciate one another. I'm afraid that in the long run it didn't do much to affect our relationship. We both tried over the years, but we were never overly fond of one another.
These poems, which appear at the end of this chapter, reveal how Rinpoche saw his students' potential. The working basis that he had with all of us was rooted in acknowledging the diversity and complexity of our basic being. He always saw both the potentially enlightened aspect of someone as well as the confused, neurotic side. Given the problems that developed later with Osel Tendzin, people have often asked both why Rinpoche chose Osel Tendzin to be his Regent and whether Rinpoche made a fundamental mistake in doing so. I don't think so. I believe that he perceived genuine brilliance in his dharma heir, which all of us could see, as well as the Regent's potential for compassion and for greatly benefiting others.
Rinpoche also saw the other side: all the issues that could become problematic in the future. However, he did not believe that some people are good and others bad. He thought that everyone was workable and that the raw material of ego could be hammered into the gold of genuine spiritual realization. So here, in these poems, Rinpoche is pointing out all the qualities in the Regent and in myself that could lead to problems, and at the same time, he was saying: you are actually Tiger; you are actually Lion; you are actually Garuda; you are actually Dragon -- you are actually the embodiment of the sanity or the potential achievements of the Shambhala world. Click into that. Be that. Rinpoche was astute. He knew, with both of us and with all of his students, that there was the potential to miss the point completely. I think we -- the Regent, myself, and Rinpoche's students in general -- understood that the greater the responsibility that we accepted in his world, the greater the potential for failure -- as well as for success -- and the greater the penalties for failing.
Rinpoche's approach was always twofold: first, seeing and believing in the inseparability of neurosis and sanity, samsara and nirvana, and second, applying the skillful means to bring that potential to fruition and thus to produce realization in one lifetime for a human being. That is the unique insight of the Vajrayana teachings altogether and a hallmark of Rinpoche's teaching in the West. I think this is something that distinguishes him from other teachers and has made his teaching the basis of genuine dharma taking root in the West. He actually applied this insight in his work with his students. It wasn't just theoretical. He trusted that realization was possible, intensification of one's path was required, and he put people into situations that would cause that to happen.
Toward the end of January, His Holiness the Karmapa arrived for his second visit in North America. There were thousands of people in North America who wanted to meet His Holiness and receive his blessings. In Boulder a large white mansion on Mapleton Hill, about six blocks from our house, was rented for him. We nicknamed it the Wedding Cake House because it had so many columns and the exterior was so ornate. Once again, there were armies of attendants, drivers, cooks, and members of the Dorje Kasung to help with the visit. Rinpoche was to depart for Charlemont to begin his retreat in late February, but before his departure, he took time to travel to San Francisco with the Karmapa as well as to receive him in Boulder.
In San Francisco, His Holiness performed the Vajra Crown ceremony for several thousand followers of EST, or Erhard Seminar Training, which was popular in this era. EST was started by Werner Erhard, who was quite enamored of His Holiness and asked him to do the Vajra Crown ceremony for his students. Rinpoche thought that Erhard was something of a charlatan, although he also seemed to find him interesting, or perhaps amusing would be a better word. Before the Vajra Crown ceremony itself, His Holiness asked Rinpoche to make remarks to the assembled students explaining what would happen. Rinpoche told the crowd to keep their shirts on -- metaphorically speaking. It was a bit cryptic, but it seemed to be addressing their tendency to bliss out, or indulge in the energy.
While he was in San Francisco, Rinpoche also celebrated the Shambhala New Year with His Holiness. (The celebration of the new year in Tibet is based on the lunar calendar and usually occurs in late January or February.) Rinpoche arranged for these celebrations to take place at the Karmapa's mansion in San Francisco. The day included three banquets: an Indian breakfast, a Tibetan lunch, and a Chinese dinner. Rinpoche had invited my mother to go along on this trip. She was completely overwhelmed by the Karmapa. Apparently, when my mother had an audience with him, she proposed marriage to him. She said to him, "This would be very convenient. It would be all in the family. My daughter is married to Trungpa Rinpoche so maybe you should marry me." His Holiness was very kind to her. He said that, if he were the marrying sort of person, he would definitely consider marrying her. Since he was the Karmapa, however, he had to remain a monk and unfortunately couldn't accept her proposal.
So our family journey and the larger journey continued. At the end of February, Rinpoche was off to Charlemont for what I hoped would be a much-needed rest for him. Little did I know that Rinpoche's idea of "retreat" was what most people would consider formulating a campaign.
Buddhism in common with most religions had its hermits who retired like John the Baptist into the wilderness. And such periodical retirement for a time, corresponding to the Buddhist Lent (the rainy season of India, or Varsha, colloq. "barsat"), when travelling was difficult and unhealthy, was an essential part of the routine of the Indian Buddhist. Tson K'apa enforced the observance of this practice, but it has now fallen much into abeyance. Probably the booths which are erected for the head Lamas in Sikhim during their visits to villages in the autumn, are vestiges of this ancient practice of retirement to the forest.
Theoretically it is part of the training of every young Lama to spend in hermitage a period of three years, three months, and three days, in order to accustom himself to ascetic rites. But this practice is very rarely observed for any period, and when it is observed, a period of three months and three days is considered sufficient.
-- The Buddhism of Tibet, or Lamaism With Its Mystic Cults, Symbolism and Mythology, and in its Relation to Indian Buddhism, by Laurence Austine Waddell, M.B., F.L.S., F.R.G.S.
I was soon to be off to Europe to continue my training in dressage. From rebellious English teenager, to young mother, to Queen of Shambhala -- the transformations were somewhat overwhelming. Essentially, I felt that I was just a young woman embarking on my life, with so much to learn. I still did not fully understand what it meant to be the guru's wife, let alone to be a king's consort! And really it was only beginning.
Katham Sikyong: Lord Chancellor and Keeper of the Command Seal, Prodigy of the Sakyong
He is called after my son's name
He is a funny man because he is almost lady dragon
He is obviously inscrutable; he possesses many faces
He was a Hindu rat; he was a stapling machine; he was a sandal
Before I met him he was a creep; when I met him he was decent
When I told him he cried
He is a very intriguing young gentleman
He is nobody, somebody
I was shocked when he shaved his beard because he looked too ingratiating
Then he was a director administrator fighter commander
For the first time he was a tiger cub: He learned to lick himself and clean up just like a cat
Then he was a jaguar: He began to eat raw meat
When he began to suck my own milk from my tit, the Vajra Master amrita potion, he began to become dangerously dangerous: he wouldn't smile
He still didn't have good posture, however
He was willing to fight the heretics with claw and teeth
He met his grandfather, he learned how to behave, then he began to see the Great Eastern Sun: he became chic
He was being molded by the Kingdom; finally he became civilized
My Lord Chancellor, today you have assumed the second-generation project
Now you are vajra and ghanta with Ashe on it
O Lord Chancellor, please sit on Shambhala rug
However, the Lord Chancellor's tree had a tractor, telephone, machine gun, central heating in the oriental sneak
You are protection cord, you are band-aid, you are aspirin, you are Dettol, you are Marmite
You are Mercedes, you are Rolls Royce
You are actually Diana Judith
You are actually Tiger, you are actually Lion, you are actually Garuda, you are actually Dragon
You are what you are in the name of the Great Eastern Sun
In brief: you are the genuine Kiku Masamune of the Discoverer's Selection
Glory be to the Holder of the Order of the Great Eastern Sun.2
Sakyong Wangmo: The Grand Lady of the Realm, the Lady of the Razor Knife
She she she she: She is the she
She is the first lady of she, the youngest oldest lady of she
When she is she, she is ideal Ashe: Tough lady good lady gentle lady but nevertheless she is she
When she begins to become her we have problems
However, when her becomes she, she is majestically the Grand Lady of the Realm
She is thread, she is threat, she is beautiful, she is confusing, she is genuine, she is red, she is purple
She is Vajrayogini
She deceives us sometimes: She pretends to be the occidental sun
She is a brook, she is a river, she is a confidante, she is the ocean
When she is her: Hers is very expensive, hers spends a lot of money, hers is impulsive, hers is not so good
Hers is a bad cook, hers is a bad driver, hers is a bad society lady
However, hers is she
When she realizes she is the lady, she is no longer her
She loves me, she loves her world, she loves a horse
She loves the Chancellor, she loves she, she loves the Grand Duchess
She is inscrutable, she is meek, she is perky, she is outrageous
When she is not her, she is glorious
When her is her, wretched
When she is she: such power and dignity in her
She is truly what she is
She certainly does make love to the first dot of Ashe when she is she
She is black lady of black and gold
She is tiger lady, manifestations of all facets in her
She is garuda lady, she flies high and low
She is lion lady, she dives in the ocean of snow
She is dragon lady, she proclaims the dragon's roar
She is sometimes also the Chancellor, she shares her vision, she is Thomas Rich
She joins family affair: She is all.3