Moon Over Parador, directed by Paul Mazursky

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Moon Over Parador, directed by Paul Mazursky

Postby admin » Fri Aug 21, 2015 12:02 am

MOON OVER PARADOR -- ILLUSTRATED SCREENPLAY
directed by Paul Mazursky
© 1988 Universal Studios
Screenplay by Leon Capetanos & Paul Mazursky
Music by Maurice Jarre

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Re: Moon Over Parador, directed by Paul Mazursky

Postby admin » Fri Aug 21, 2015 12:07 am

Part 1 of 3

Screenplay:

MOON OVER PARADOR -- ILLUSTRATED SCREENPLAY
directed by Paul Mazursky
© 1988 Universal Studios
Screenplay by Leon Capetanos & Paul Mazursky
Music by Maurice Jarre

[Transcribed from the movie by Tara Carreon]

[NEW YORK SHAKESPEARE FESTIVAL]

A PAUL MAZURSKY FILM
RICHARD DREYFUSS
RAUL JULIA
SONIA BRAGA
MOON OVER PARADOR
JONATHAN WINTERS
FERNANDO REY
SAMMY DAVIS, JR.
MICHAEL GREENE
POLLY HOLLIDAY
MILTON GONCALVES
CHARO
MARIANNE SAGEBRECHT
RENE KOLLDEHOFF
RICHARD RUSSELL RAMOS
JOSE LEWGOY
DANN FLOREK
ROGER AARON BROWN
DANA DELANY
DICK CAVETT
CASTING BY ELLEN CHENOWETH
ASSOCIATE PRODUCERS LINDSAY FLICKINGER AND GARY SHUSETT
MUSIC COMPOSED AND CONDUCTED BY MAURICE JARRE
COSTUME DESIGNER ALBERT WOLSKY
FILM EDITOR STUART PAPPE
PRODUCTION DESIGNER PATO GUZMAN
DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY DONALD McALPINE, A.S.C.
CO-PRODUCERS PATO GUZMAN AND GEOFFREY TAYLOR
BASED ON A STORY BY CHARLES G. BOOTH
SCREENPLAY BY LEON CAPETANOS & PAUL MAZURSKY
PRODUCED AND DIRECTED BY PAUL MAZURSKY

***

[Chattering]

[Jack Noah] Jack Noah.

[Secretary] Are you for Richard II or All's Well?

[Jack Noah] Richard.

[Secretary] For?

[Jack Noah] The king.

[Toby] Jack? Jack? Jack?

[Jack Noah] Toby!

[Toby] Where the hell have you been, man?
I saw Phyllis last week. She said you disappeared.
She thought you were the victim of foul play.

[Jack Noah] I was. I was. You got a lozenge or something?

[Toby] You know, I expected to see you at the Neil Simon casting call.
Perfect part for you -- the neurotic nephew who never leaves his room.

[Jack Noah] Who got the part?

[Toby] Mandy Patinkin.

[Jack Noah] Fuck him.

[Desmond Feree] Here's a lozenge. Swiss.

[Jack Noah] Oh, great, thanks.

[Toby] You know Desmond Feree, don't you?

[Jack Noah] Yeah, yeah, Desmond, Desmond. I saw you in Endgame at the Playhouse last year.
You were incredible, man.

[Desmond Feree] Thank you!

[Jack Noah] No, I'm serious. You were unbelievable.

[Desmond Feree] I saw you in, uh, Evita, and on TV and stuff.
I like your work, Jack Noah.

[Jack Noah] [Chuckles] We oughta hire each other.

[Toby] Hey, didn't you go out of the country to do a movie, or something?

[Jack Noah] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, uh, the Shepard play, how'd it go?

[Toby] Shit. Fake art.

[Jack Noah] Mm-hmm.

[Toby] How long were you gone?

[Jack Noah] A year.

[Toby] A year? What a gig!

[Jack Noah] Weird job. Weird.

[Toby] So what else is new?

[Desmond Feree] That I was a Nubian space slave last week with an aluminum foil jockstrap.

[Toby] Ow! Hey, remember when I played a sperm?
And I begged for that part.

[Jack Noah] It was your best work.

[Toby] I had the look of the sperm. I thought like a sperm --

[Jack Noah] You still look like a sperm, and you still think like a sperm.

[Desmond Feree] They wouldn't hire me.

[Desmond Feree & Toby] No black sperm.

[Toby] So what was the part?

[Jack Noah] Well, it's really hard to talk about.

[Toby] Porno?

[Jack Noah] No!

[All laughing]

[Jack Noah] No, it's just, you're not gonna believe it, that's all.

[Toby] Come on, I am trained to believe and understand.

[Jack Noah] Well, if you ever see the moon over Parador,
if you ever see it floating over the Gulf of Sorrows,
or smell the gardenias in the air,
see the sunlight ...
on the red tiles of the rooftops,
and you happen to be with a warm woman,
you'll never forget it.
Never.

***

[Man Singing in Spanish]

[Jack Noah] You gotta go now, baby.

[Jenny] Oh, no. I won't leave you.

[Jack & Jenny kissing]

[Jack Noah] It's our only hope.

[Jenny] Okay.
Okay, okay, I'll leave. But I'll wait.

[Jack & Jenny kissing]

[Jack Noah] Hey, get outta here.

[Jenny] [Moans passionately]
[Sighs]

[Singing Continues]

[Car Approaching Rapidly]

[Tires Screeching]

[Jack Noah] [Picks up gun & shoots]

[People Screaming]

[Rapid Gunfire]

[Jack Noah] [Gets shot]
[Gagging]
[Falls over balcony edge]

[Pete] Got it! Cut the playback. Okay, folks, that's a cut. Wrap!

[Jack Noah] Could I have one more, Pete?
Could I have one more?

[Pete] Don't forget the wrap party at the Hotel Parador.
Blood on the Plaza is now a wrap!

[Jack Noah] One quick one?

[Pete] Jack, it was sensational. Jenny, the hair was sensational.

[Jack Noah] Mechanically, it was okay.
Look, before the light goes.

[Pete] No more light. The light is gone.
Jack, great. See you in the screening room.

[Jack Noah] Your stunt was great, Clint.

[Clint] Yeah, it was pretty smooth.
Looks like the dictator loved it.

[Dictator] [Clapping] [To Roberto] He's very good.

[Jack Noah] [To Clint] I could've done it a lot better, you know?

[Clint] Relax. You were great.

[Jack Noah] [To Peter] Could I do it one more time?

[Pete] Please, Jack, forget it.

[Jack Noah] One quick one! It's not --
There's light!
I can see you!

***

[Dictator] [To actress, kissing her hand] So sweet.
[To Clint] Very realistic.

[Clint] Thank you, Mr. President.

[Dictator] [To Pete] Excellent directing. Excellent.

[Pete] Thank you, Mr. President.

[Dictator] [To Jack Noah] Wonderful actor.

[Jack Noah] Thank you. Thank you very much. I appreciate it, sir.

[Dictator] [To Jenny] Wonderful. You are a wonderful actress.
[Kissing her hand]

[Jenny] Thank you, Mr. President.
Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
[Chuckling]

[Dictator] Oh, wonderful

[Jenny] [Pointing to Jack] You know, you should see him do you.

[Dictator] Do me?

[Jenny] He does the greatest impersonation of you.

[Jack Noah] No, no. No, no, no, no. It's not very good.

[Jenny] No, he's being modest.

[Dictator] Please, would you?

[Jack Noah] I would really not --

[Dictator] Let me be the judge. Please?

[Jack Noah] [To Jenny] May I speak to you for a moment, please? I'm gonna kill you.

[Jenny] I had to do something. He was gonna pinch my ass. Or worse.

[Jack Noah] You've slept with every guy on this crew. Why not the dictator of the country?

[Jenny] He's a foreigner.

[Jack Noah] Oh.
[Mock Chuckle]
[To Dictator] Could I borrow your cap, sir?

[Dictator] Certainly.

[Jack Noah] [Puts the Dictator's hat on]
Thank you. Thank you.

[Dictator] [Positions the hat correctly, and pats Noah's face]

[Jack Noah] Thank you. Thank you.
I want you to know, by the way, that I'm doing this with the greatest respect.
I've got a great admiration for you. I've seen you a lot on television.
[To Jenny] I'm gonna kill you slowly.
I'm gonna break every bone in your body.
[Voice Deepens] People of Parador, I love you.
[Grabs Jenny's hand] I love you ...
as a man loves a beautiful woman.
[Grunting as he devours her hand]
You are a wonderful country.
I love your mountains and your valleys.
I want to swim in your rivers.
[Passionately kisses Jenny]

[Dictator] [Chuckling] [Clapping]

[To Roberto] He is very funny.

[All Applauding]

[Dictator] He's very funny.
He's a hell of an actor.

[Pete] Bravo, Jack.

[Dictator] You're good, kid.

[Clint] All right, Jack. All right.

[Dictator] I like it.

[Jack Noah] Thank you.

***

[VOTE WHITE SIMMS; VOTE BLUE SIMMS]

[Soldier 1] I'm going to vote blue.

[Soldier 2] Vote for who you want. This is a free dictatorship.

[Church bells ringing]

[Jack Noah] [To shirt saleslady] Can I get five of these in large?

[Ralph] Hey, Jackie? Jackie!

[Jack Noah] Hey, Ralph!

[Ralph] What's the deal? When are you headed back?
Hey, what's happening? Where are you off to?

[Jack Noah] Well, I'm scheduled for a flight outta here tomorrow.

[Ralph] Hey, listen. Just cool it. Stick around.
You don't wanna miss that Carnival. It's a fun sucker.

[Jack Noah] You've been down here a long time, huh, Ralph?

[Ralph] When I retired from the military,
I went over to Ocala, Florida, and, uh, bought a trailer.
And it got kinda close, you know? It got, uh, expensive, crowded.
So Midge and I, the little woman, we sold out everything,
lock, stock and barrel, and moved down here to Parador.
Bought a little bungalow up in the heights, some fruit trees, full-time maid.
It's kind o a secret paradise.

[Jack Noah] Well, I'd like to stay, but I think it's best that I get back to New York and start hustling.

[Ralph] Do yourself a favor.
Take time out to smell the roses, okay?

[Jack Noah] So you're retired, is that it?

[Ralph] Hell, no. Are you kidding? I got a couple of businesses.
One, I'm into hammocks. A whole bunch of hammocks.
[To Shoe Shine Man] Here. Here you go. Thought I was gonna stiff you.
Here, take it all.

[Shoe Shine Man] Salud.

[Ralph] [Chuckles] Salud.
[To Jack] Okay. Yeah, I'm in a couple of businesses. Hammocks, as I told you.
They can make the best hemp hammocks in the world down here.
Hey, let's shoot in here. Get a couple of tall ones, okay?
[To Captain] Hi, Captain. How are you?

[Captain] How are you?

[Woman] [To Waiter] Por favor, is it safe to eat the lettuce here?

[Waiter] Yes, madam.

[Ralph] [To Jack] I import fungicides for the coffee boys,
and, uh, I import, uh, air-conditioning parts, you know?
Keeps me alert, keeps me on the -- on the go.
This is not a bad place for broads, and the chow's outta sight.
See the chick in red? Not a pro. You can crack walnuts on her ass.
This clown is gay. Look at him.
Looks like he's an army dude. He isn't. It's a cover-up.
[To Samuel] Samuel? A couple of poonas, and a lot of ice.
Lots of ice, you understand?

[Samuel] Yes, sir.

[Ralph] Don't say, "Yes, sir." I mean a lot of ice, and I mean it this time.
Okay.
[To Jack] I'll tell you somethin'. You gotta really kick ass around here.
I don't know what it is, but these people just don't catch on. You understand?
[To Midge] Midge? I want you to meet somebody. Come on over here.
Honey, Midge, remember Jack Noah, the actor?
Remember that daytime soap opera that you used to watch, "Life's Path"?

[Midge] [Screams, Gasps]

[Midge & Noah laughing]

[Midge] It's Lance Farrington!

[Ralph] Just keep --

[Midge] You bastard, I don't know if I oughta shake that hand.

[Ralph] [To Midge] Keep your hands off of him.

[Midge] He raped five women on that show.

[Ralph] Jesus. You gotta do your nails.

[Midge] [To Ralph] Oh, shut up, Ralph.

[Ralph] Shall we sit down?

[Jack Noah] Thank you, thank you.

[Ralph] [To Jack, gesturing drinking motion] Lot of shooters.

[Jack Noah] [To Midge] You are a real fan, aren't you?

[Ralph] Sit down.

[Midge] You're much handsomer in person.

[Jack Noah] Oh, thank you.

[Ralph] [To Midge] A little sauced, eh?
[To Jack] She drinks in the morning.

[Samuel] Your poonas, gentlemen.

[Jack Noah] [Laughing] I love the fact that they all speak English.

[Ralph] Thanks to, uh, Saint Reggie. He wasn't a real saint.
This place actually was discovered, founded, as it were, by the Spaniards,
slaves, blacks from the Ivory Coast and Indians.
There was an English pirate came in here and really took over.
In order to keep the peace, he took on three wives.
He married a senorita, a black and an Indian.
So, to this very day, you see a lot of people around here named Simms,
including, I might add, His Excellency, the dictator.
Hey, take a look here. Right up here.
Take a look at that. You know who that is?
That's Madonna Mendez.
That's the dictator's girlfriend. Is that not a piece of ass?
Look at the hooters, will you? They're just as hard as little rocks.

[Jack Noah] You know, I met the dictator. Yeah, he visited the set.

[Ralph] He's got a lot of charisma. That dude is heavy, good-lookin', Steve Stunning.

[Jack Noah] Mm-hmm.

[Ralph] People love him. And I'm gonna tell you something.
As long as Alphonse Simms is alive,
those goddamn guerrillas don't stand a chance.

[Jack Noah] I think I'd better go pack.
[Laughing]

[Midge] [Pointing at Jack & laughing]

[Jack Noah] These things pack quite a wallop, don't they?
[Laughing] Now I see what you're doin'.

[Ralph] Remember, I'm just a phone call away.

[Jack Noah] Thanks a lot.

[Midge] [To Jack] I'm just a horny old broad.
[Kisses him on the nose]

[Jack Noah] [Chuckles] It's really nice to meet you.

[Midge] [Slaps him disappointingly]
See ya.

[Ralph] [To Midge] Why, you lush.
You wanted to hump him, didn't you?

[Midge] Blow it out your ear, Ralph.

[Ralph] All those poonas are paralyzing your mind.

Marr was easy to find. Besides shouting, he was the only one wearing an iridescent tank top, Bermuda shorts, and tennis shoes.

Terry joined Marr at a small table nearest the bar. He would soon learn why Marr had selected this strategic location. Once seated down wind, he got the aroma of stale booze. Marr was a man in his late 50s, sporting a flat-top haircut with closely cropped sides. His full head of hair, which showed no signs of receding, was salted with gray and joined what appeared to be a two-day growth of beard. He was about six feet tall and had a burly chest above his sagging middle.

Mitch was one of what the media later called the "over-the-hill gang." Like Bill Cooper, Marr was ex-Air America, men long thought to have been put out to pasture. But Terry was learning that old CIA men never really retire, but become "dormant," to be recalled, recycled and used again. For Mitch, it'd been a long time between secret projects and government-paid expenses.

"I got here day before yesterday," Marr belted out once Terry was seated. "Thought I'd come on down early an' check out the broads at the beach. It's hotter'n shit this time a year, but a lot of the classy Mexican cunts come down here in the off season and run around half fuckin' naked. They leave their fag Latino lovers at home and come down here in pairs and a lot of 'em wanna fuck around. You're gonna like it here, Reed."

He paused long enough to down the remains of what appeared to be a screw driver. "Coop's told me all about ya. Ain't this great? Startin' up Air America again. Fuck, I was about to go crazy in retirement down here 'til all this shit blew up down south. Goddam, let's order a pitcher of bloody Marys and drink to communism and Daniel Ortega."

Terry was observing the results of too many years with not enough to do in "Margaritaville," as he would later call it. He knew he would like the life here, but only if he stayed busy and didn't end up a drunk like Marr.

"So, you still doing any flying down here?" Terry asked.

"No, flyin' brings too much attention to me. I've sorta grounded myself for security reasons."

Terry would learn later that was a lie. Marr was grounded, but not of his own volition. He simply couldn't pass the pilot's physical anymore, and he had lost what a pilot calls "his edge." The booze had gotten him.

Terry didn't realize that morning, as Marr "inhaled" his huevos rancheros while washing them down with bloody Marys, just how bad Mitch's drinking problem was. The two men spent several hours while Marr gave Terry his operational briefing while consuming the bulk of the pitcher.

"You met Diana Aguilar from Chapala Realty when you were here last September," Marr said between swallows of the bloody Mary. "I've had her lookin' for a house close to where I live for ya and the family. After this trip, we should not be seen together in public unless it's at a fiesta or some gringo shindig like the ones that go on at the Lake." He was referring to the Lake Chapala area south of Guadalajara.

"I believe Aguilar had lined up several homes to show your wife and is expectin' ya to call her once ya arrive in Chapala. Gomez said you'd be needin' a phone for business reasons and the problem is none of the one's she's targeted has one. A phone stays with a house an' is just passed on from one occupant to another. It's damn hard to get a phone down here. Last time I checked, the waitin' list for a new phone number is over a year. And only then after ya bribe some motherfucker about 500 bucks. You'll soon learn that greenbacks make anything possible down here."

Again, it was napkin time. As they talked, Marr sketched a map of the village of Ajijic showing where he lived. "I don't have a phone either, so, if we need to communicate directly, ya can walk over to my house, at night. I'm normally at home then. Don't drive. I don't want the neighbors to see your car near my home. We'll only have reason to see each other a couple of times a month once things get set up. It's my understand in' you'll just be comin' to me for money, and for monthly progress reportin' which I'll just pass on to Gomez."

"How do you communicate with him if you don't have a phone?" Terry asked.

"Say, you know better than to ask questions like that! You just do the reportin'. Communication's my problem."

Marr, he learned, was going to play strictly by the rules, at least for now. Marr would be Terry's only communication link to the Enterprise, as Oliver North and Richard Secord called it. For security of the entire operation, Terry was being insulated and, as he would find, isolated as well. He had learned as far back as the Air Force Intelligence School in Denver that you can't compromise what you don't know, no matter how much someone would try to extract it from you. And, for now at least, he realized his linkage to the intelligence world started and stopped with Mitch Marr.

What a scary dilemma, Terry thought, as he watched the ex-Air American cowboy woof down the last of the refried beans and fart loud enough to attract the attention of the "classy Mexican cunts" sitting near them. Marr certainly wasn't as well preserved as Bill Cooper, for whom Reed had nothing but admiration. Oh well, maybe he was seeing Marr on one of his bad days. We all have those, he rationalized.

The reality of what was happening began to make Terry feel a little claustrophobic. To the world, Terry was to appear as an entrepreneurial-driven American businessman. Only he and his wife would know the deep, dark secret about their sponsorship into the Mexican business community. From what Marr was telling him, only this CIA retread could attest to Terry's secret linkage. For this reason, Terry decided to confirm what he had been told during the bunker meeting back in Arkansas. "Up in the States, I attended a meeting with Gomez, Cathy and Johnson in which I was told the American consul also knows of my true mission. Is that so?"

"They told ya that!" Marr said somewhat taken aback. "I didn't think ya were supposed ta know that. But hell, if they told ya that, I guess ya know already. Yeah, his name is Daniel Darrach. What else did they tell ya?"

"Only that I was to turn to him only in an emergency."

This made Terry more comfortable, knowing that someone officially linked to the State Department would be on hand if something went wrong.

"But ya shouldn't be goin' there and talking to him or anythin' like that. He's only there, like they said, for an emergency," Marr stressed. "I'm the only guy you're supposed to be havin' official contact with. Understand?"

Reed nodded.

The balance of the conversation at the beach that morning consisted of an outline for a trip during which Marr would introduce Terry to the people selected to provide the services he would need in order to operate as a businessman in Mexico.

"When ya get ready, I'll take ya to the Guadalajara Airport an' introduce ya to Commandante Raul Fierro. He's an old buddya mine and we go way back," Marr boasted. "He ain't the real commandante anymore, but ya still gotta call him that or he'll get offended. He's big on respect. You'll find his family is the Mexican equivalent to the Wright Brothers, Lindbergh and Chuck Yeager all rolled up into one. His brother flew an airplane nonstop from Mexico City ta New York and somehow these fuckin' Mexicans think that compares ta Lindbergh's flight over the Atlantic. No one's ever confirmed if he even fuckin' did it non-stop, or over any fuckin' water for that matter."

"So does Fierro know what I'm doing here?" Terry asked, trying to probe deeper into the command structure in Mexico.

"He knows enough, and another guy in Mexico City named Jaime Bravo, who's with the DFS (the Mexican CIA) will take care of all the flight plans in an' out, or at least that's my understandin' from Gomez. Remember, you're not supposed to be pokin' your nose in ta areas ya don't belong. Gomez told me ta remind ya not ta be playin' like a spook ... just run the fuckin' company."

"You've mentioned Gomez several times today, you know him pretty well?" Terry asked again.

"Yeah, but he's one of those guys you'd like ta forget sometimes. We all go back to SEA (Southeast Asia) together. Back when killin' commies was legal, uncontrolled and fun. Weren't no limit on 'em then. I always liked killin' slant-eyed commies the best. Somehow I just never cottoned ta killing the ones with round eyes, though. They seem a lot more human."

It was apparent from Marr's comments, and what was not being said, that Mitch had seen a lot of action in Southeast Asia. He would later learn Marr had been in Korea as well as Vietnam and Laos.

Marr looked pensively at the water lapping over the beach next to them, and added: "Some of us have grown up since then, though. But then there's Gomez, he'll never change. He's made commie-killin' his life's occupation. Nah, me an' Coop, we see through it all now that we're older and wiser. We're just in it for the money and adrenalin. Adrenalin keeps ya young."

This lapse into personal philosophy and war stories was a sign that the endless Bloody Marys Marr had consumed during the past two hours were starting to take effect. It was 11 AM and the palapas could no longer insulate them from the heat.

"Say, it's gettin' fuckin' hot," Marr said. "We don't have ta cover all this shit in one day, ya know. Why don't we knock off 'til tonight when the sun goes down? One good thing ta remember is there's no hurry down here, 'specially when the 'Company's' payin' the bills."

Terry suddenly heard Janis shouting from the balcony above them and waving: "Is it OK if I come on down and join you? These kids are driving me crazy cooped up in this room."

She and the children, dressed in their bathing suits, joined the two men. Duncan, their oldest, ran to the coral-rimmed tidal basin while the younger, Elliott, now 13 months, contented himself with playing in the sand.

Terry took the opportunity to introduce Janis to his new CIA handler. She was not impressed. He represented all the attributes of the male stereotype who looked at women as decorations and something to be tolerated in exchange for sex. Something better rented when needed and not owned. Based on her initial conversations with him, she could tell Mitch was not someone with whom she wanted to socialize.

She was definitely not offended when Marr told her they could not be seen together in Ajijic. "It's real unfortunate I won't be able ta introduce you ta the little lady," Marr said referring to his wife. The term made her cringe. "She needs a new friend, someone ta keep her occupied and offa my ass." He laughed.

-- Compromised: Clinton, Bush and the CIA: How the Presidency was Co-opted by the CIA, by Terry Reed & John Cummings


***

[German Tourist] What time leaves the bus to the gates of Parador?

[Clerk] We have a bus leaving tomorrow at 9:00 in the morning.

[Jack Noah] [To Jenny] So I'm thinking of going over to the Stern Agency.

[Jenny] Stern? It's too big. You're gonna get lost there.

[Jack Noah] Peter Mishkan is there.

[Jenny] Mishkan is out.

[Jack Noah] Mishkan is out?

[Jenny] [Kisses him] I'll see you in the city, doll.
[To Clint] Bye, Clint.

[Clint] See you, Jenny.

[Jack Noah] [To Clint] Mishkan is out? Hey. Hi.

[Clint] We had some fun, huh?

[Jack Noah] Yeah, yeah, we really did, Clint.
How many times have you killed me?

[Clint] This is the fourth time.
You die good, Jack. When are you leaving?

[Jack Noah] Uh, I'm scheduled to go out tomorrow, but I think I'm gonna stay for Carnival.
What about you?

[Clint] No, I can't.
I got a Burt Reynolds' shoot in New Mexico. Starts Tuesday.

[Jack Noah] Anything in it for me?

[Clint] Nah, you know Burt. It's all stunts and broads.

[Jack Noah] What are you talking about? I just fell off a building! Come on!

[Clint] Jack, it's too late.

[Jack Noah] He saw me in Evita. He thought I was great.

[Clint] Look, I'll say "hi" to Burt for you.

[Jack Noah] Listen to the way I sound. I can't believe it.
I'm out of work three minutes, and I'm already going crazy.
I need a psychiatrist.

[Clint] Stick around. This is a great place! Look, have a good time.

[Jack Noah] I know, I know. I'll read a book.

[Clint] Look, if you get to the coast, call me. I'm in the book.

[Jack Noah] Okay, okay. L.A. is better than New York for work, right?

[Clint] I told you, there's lots of TV.

[Jack Noah] Yeah, and TV is better than it was, right?

[Pete] You were fabulous, Jack. Fabulous.

[Jack Noah] Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Did you hear that Peter Mishkan left the Stern Agency?

[Pete] [Driving away] Who?

[Jack Noah] Peter Mi -- Forget it. Nothing.
[To random tourist] Did you hear that Peter Mishkan left the Stern Agency?
[To random tourists] Anybody here?

***

[Carnival]

[Caribbean Music]

[Crowd Cheering]

[Caribbean Music Fades]

[Sammy Davis, Jr.] [Singing] So don't let them begin
The beguine
Let the love that was once a fire remain

[Crowd applauding]

[Sammy Davis, Jr.] [Singing] An ember
Let it sleep like the dead desire
I only remember
When they begin
The beguine
Oh, yes, Make them begin the beguine
Make them
Play till the stars
That were there before
Return above you
Till you tell me once more
Oh, my darling I love you
Then we'll suddenly know
What heaven we're in
When they begin
The beguine
When they begin
The beguine

[Dictator] [Throws a rose to Madonna]

[Sammy Davis, Jr.] Yeah!

[Audience Cheering]

[Madonna] [Kisses the rose and throws it back to the Dictator]

[Dictator] [Clapping] I love you. I love you, Sammy.

[Sammy Davis, Jr.] I love you. Thank you.

[Madonna] [Throws another kiss to the Dictator]

[Jack Noah] [Yelling to Sammy from crowd] Hey, Sammy. Jack Noah from the Big Apple.

[Caribbean Music]

[Natalie Wood] [Dancing with Jack Noah] [Laughing]

[Ralph] Hey, Jack.
[To Midge] What do you know? Look who's here.
[To Jack] Decided to stay, huh? I thought you would.

[Midge] [To Jack] Isn't this festive?

[Ralph] Let's go over to the red zone, where the real partying is.

[Siren Wails]

[Dictator] [In Limousine, waving to the crowd]

[Ralph] [To Jack] I don't care if the son of a bitch is a dictator. I hate a road hog.

[Midge] You better watch your language, Ralph.

[Ralph] Ah, shut up!

[Dictator] [Waving to crowd] [Chuckles]
[To Roberto] They really love me.

[Roberto Strausmann] Without question.

[Dictator] I think I need a steak, huh?
A nice, big juicy steak.

[Roberto Strausmann] Carlo, Poona Beach Club.

[Dictator] After that, I think I need my Madonna.

[Roberto Strausmann] I'll send a car.

[Dictator] You know, Roberto, I've been thinking.
Perhaps I ought to marry her.
It would be the greatest Carnival of all.

[Roberto Strausmann] That's impossible.

[Dictator] That's what makes it all the more desirable.

[Roberto Strausmann] We've known each other a long time, you and I.
A very long time.
I must tell you with all respect, that this girl,
well, we have to be careful.
The people love her because she's one of them.

[Dictator] Yeah.

[Roberto Strausmann] They see the romance.

[Dictator] That's right.

[Roberto Strausmann] But to marry her, that's another matter.
The 14 Families would never approve.

[Dictator] It's all your fault. I met her in your damn club! [Laughs]
You've got to admit, she's a hell of a dancer.

[Roberto Strausmann] [Screaming] She's almost a prostitute!

[Dictator] Oh, no, Roberto.

[Roberto Strausmann] It's what she is! Get your mind on other things.
You're meeting with the archbishop next week.
And the new Russian ambassador is presenting his credentials.

[Dictator] [Having a heart attack] [Collapsing]

[Robert Strausmann] [Pulling the Dictator back upright] And your speech on Saint Reginald's Day,

[Dictator] [Gagging]

[Roberto Strausmann] It has to be strong, confident.
Your Excellency? Alphonse!
Drunken bastard.

***

[Natalie Wood] [To Jack] I wanna make love with you.

[Natalie & Jack kiss]

[Natalie Wood] Come here.

[Natalie's boyfriend] [Konks Jack over the head]

***

[Roberto Strausmann] Carlo, take the feet.

[Carlo] He is so heavy.

[Roberto Strausmann] He can't drink anymore. His liver is totally damaged!

[Dictator] [Is seen to be dead]

***

[Jack Noah] [Groans]
[Looks in his empty pockets and groans again]
[Moaning]
[To Carnival Man with his nose sticking in Jack's eye] Excuse me. Oh, sorry. Could you tell me where the Hotel Parador is?

[Carnival Man] Straight on, man. Straight on.

[Jack Noah] Thank you.

[Carnival Man] Got some silver, man?

[Jack Noah] No, I don't got shit, buddy.
[Groans]

[Carnival Man] Don't be hostile, Americano!

[Dictator's Secret Service grabs Jack]

[Jack Noah] Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa! Oh, no! No, no, no! No!
Oh, please! I've been mugged already! No, no!
You don't understand. Hold it! Hold it!

[Secret Service Man] Get in there!

[Jack Noah] Please! Please! Please, I'm just an actor!
My name is Jack Noah! I'm listed in the directory.
I swear to God. I'm just an actor!

***

[Roberto Strausmann] [Smoking his pipe and reading faxes]

[Knocking on door]

[Roberto Strausmann] Come!
[To Jack] Hello! Come in, please.
Sit down.

[Jack Noah] What's goin' on?

[Roberto Strausmann] Would you like something to eat?

[Jack Noah] I would like outta here, pal, right now.
Did you understand what I just said?
Okay. Why don't you pick up the phone and call the American Embassy?
I happen to be a very well-known American actor.

[Roberto Strausmann] Not that well known.

[Jack Noah] What are you, a critic?

[Roberto Strausmann] But you are very talented.

[Jack Noah] Look, uh, I happen to be late for some appointments back in New York City.
I'm up for the lead in the revival of Anna Christie.

[Roberto Strausmann] Oh, yes, I read that play when I was at Harvard. I didn't like it.
Besides, you're not right for it.

[Jack Noah] You went to Harvard?

[Roberto Strausmann] Mm-hmm.

[Jack Noah] Really?

[Roberto Strausmann] [Nods yes]

[Jack Noah] Boston College.

[Roberto Strausmann] Oh, I like Boston. Modern, but old.

[Jack Noah] Look, you went to Harvard. You gotta be smart enough to know that you got the wrong guy.

[Roberto Strausmann] [Turns away laughing]

[Jack Noah] I'm an actor. My name is Jack Noah.

[Roberto Strausmann] I got the right guy.

[Jack Noah] You do?
Okay.
[Shrugs his shoulders] What's goin' on?

[Roberto Strausmann] Are you a good dancer?

[Jack Noah] Absolutely. Terrific. First-rate. I started in the chorus.

[Roberto Strausmann] Excellent. I got a part for you to play.

[Jack Noah] You got a part for me to play? Who are your casting agents, the gestapo?

[Roberto Strausmann] [Bursts out laughing] You!
You are a funny guy.
No. This is a very serious part.

[Jack Noah] Mm-hmm. Well, every -- every part is serious, you know.
No matter how small the role,
[Looking at autographed celebrity photos on the wall: Henry Kissinger, Ronald Reagan, Elizabeth Taylor, Frank Sinatra, Wayne Newton]
every part is ... serious.
You know Wayne Newton?

[Roberto Strausmann] Yeah. I think he's great.

[Jack Noah] Yeah, I feel a little better.
Whew, boy. You know, I was a little nervous.
I have to confess, I didn't understand.
You know, comin' in here, I didn't know whether I was gettin' the cattle prod in the balls.

[Roberto Strausmann] [Laughing and pointing] Oh, yeah.
[Making like he's giving him a cattle prod to his balls] Here you are!

[Jack Noah] [Screaming in utter terror]

[Roberto Strausmann] [Laughing and pointing at Jack]

[Jack Noah] [Laughing and pointing back at Roberto]

[Roberto Strausmann] [Laughing and gesturing] Come on.
Come on, come on.

[Jack Noah] Funny, funny. It's just like the scene in the movies, you know,
where they're torturing you for information that you just -- you don't have!
You know?

[Both laughing]

[Jack Noah] Yeah.
So what's your name?

[Roberto Strausmann] Roberto.
Roberto Strausmann.

[Jack Noah] Robert Strausmann, okay.
So, what's the part, Mr. Strausmann?

[Roberto Strausmann] [Gives him a butcher's robe to wear]

[Jack Noah] Oh.

[Roberto Strausmann] [Opens the freezer door]

[Jack Noah] [Enters into a room hung with animal meat]

[Roberto Strausmann] I hope you're not a vegetarian.
[Laughing]
[Pointing at carcasses]
Japanese beef.
Omaha beef.
Alphonse Simms.

[Jack Noah] [Screaming]
That's -- That's -- That's the dictator!
Is -- Is he dead?

[Roberto Strausmann] Very dead.

[Jack Noah] What happened to him?

[Roberto Strausmann] Heart attack.
Too many damn poonas.

[Jack Noah] So what's -- what's going on here?
Is this some kind of a Paradorian funeral ritual?

[Roberto Strausmann] [Laughing] No, no.

[Jack Noah] Don't tell me what you're thinkin'.

[Roberto Strausmann] Are you an actor or not?

[Jack Noah] This is a real guy!

[Roberto Strausmann] So was Richard III, Henry V.
I saw Laurence Olivier play those men, totally convincing.

[Jack Noah] [Grabs the dead Dictator's hand] This is a real man!

[Dead hand stays where he put it, and he has to wrench it back]

[Roberto Strausmann] You did a very good impersonation on the set.

[Jack Noah] That was just a bit. It was a two-minute bit. You're crazy.
[Turns around and leaves]

[Roberto Strausmann] Where is your confidence? New York Times.
"Jack Noah sparkled, giving a fresh dimension to Richard II."

[Jack Noah] I was good.
Can I see that?

[Roberto Strausmann] [Hands him the review]

[Jack Noah] Thank you.

[Roberto Strausmann] But then, "Newcomer Jack Noah seemed utterly lost as Bradley."

[Jack Noah] Very bad play. And the director was a coke freak.

[Roberto Strausmann] [Pointing to the Dictator's carcass] This is a great play.

[Jack Noah] You don't happen to have my review of when I played Biff?

[Roberto Strausmann] No, I'm sorry.

[Jack Noah] The City Center production -- No, it's not important. It's not important.
It just said I was "resonant and ferocious."
[Laughing]
Said I "devoured the stage."
[Looking at the Dictator]
All right, let me ask you a question. Why are you doing this?
I mean, why don't you just have a simple act of cremation ...
and declare a day of mourning and that'll be that?

[Roberto Strausmann] Parador is at a very delicate moment in its history.
For the dictator to die like that,
[Snaps his fingers and sighs] it's too much of a shock to the system.
It would be chaos.

[Jack Noah] Well, he can't live forever.

[Roberto Strausmann] We need time to plan the transition. You would be saving lives.
This is the part of a lifetime.
Besides, it's only for a day or two.

[Jack Noah] But you're asking me to be an impostor.

[Roberto Strausmann] The essence of the stage!
Isn't your real name Noah Blumburg?

[Jack Noah] Yeah, yeah.

[Roberto Strausmann] And haven't you assumed a totally new identity?

[Jack Noah] Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
But Simms was so much taller than me.

[Roberto Strausmann] No problem.
[Hits the Dictator] He wore four-inch lifts.

[Jack Noah] He was darker-haired than I was.

[Roberto Strausmann] Fortunately, our dictator was vain.
[Pulls off the Dictator's wig]

[Jack Noah] I'd need some very dark makeup.

[Roberto Strausmann] [Grabs makeup case] This is the makeup case ...
of Parador's greatest actor, Liano Boule.
He died about 20 minutes ago.

[Jack Noah] [Receiving the import of the death threat]
Okay, but what about his voice? I mean, his voice was much lower than mine.

[Roberto Strausmann] [Grabs Jack's balls]

[Flesh Cracking]

[Jack Noah] [Grunts]
[Voice Deepens] When do I start?

[Roberto Strausmann] Now.

[Jack Noah] [Walking away] It's not gonna work, Strausmann.

[Roberto Strausmann] [Speaking to the dead Dictator] Why are actors so much like children?
They need the caress, the compliments.
[Shouting & punching the Dictator] And then they need the whip, the scolding, the orders!
[Charging towards Jack]

[Jack Noah] [Terrified] [Making primitive monkey sounds] Ooh, ooh, ooh.

[Roberto Strausmann] You will do it!
I am going to mingle with my customers. It is important that I show myself.
When I come back, I expect to see my president.
[Walks out the door]

[Jack Noah] [Shouting] Why didn't you get Bobby De Niro or Dustin Hoffman?

[Roberto Strausmann] [Through the closed door] Not available!
I'd cut off my arm to work with Robert De Niro and Dustin Hoffman.

[Jack Noah] They always say that about De Niro and Hoffman.
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Re: Moon Over Parador, directed by Paul Mazursky

Postby admin » Fri Aug 21, 2015 12:08 am

Part 2 of 3

[Spanish music]

[Roberto Strausmann] [Shaking hands with his guests] Good evening.

[Man] Where is His Excellency?

[Roberto Strausmann] Delayed.

[Man] And who is it tonight?

[Roberto Strausmann] [Puts his finger on his lips] State secrets.

[Guests laughing]

[Accordion music]

[Woman Singing in German]

[Jack Noah] [Studying dead Dictator's face in order to do his makeup]

[Woman Singing in German Continues]

[Roberto Strausmann] [Looks at his watch]
[To Woman] I want you to take this and go to the back office.
And you see this?
[Pointing to her straps] You tear it off like that.
And then you come out screaming, all right? Listen to me.

[Woman] [Puts a cigarette in her mouth]

[Roberto Strausmann] [Grabs her face and removes the cigarette]
You will do it, okay? All right?

[Woman] Okay.

[Music Ends]

[Crowd Applauds]

[Caribbean Music]

***

[Carlo] [Opens door to outer freezer room for Roberto]

[Roberto Strausmann] [Opens inner freezer door]

[Jack Noah] [Walking towards Roberto] Roberto, what happened?
I am freezing. [Chuckles]
I think I fell asleep in the meat locker.

[Roberto Strausmann] Bravo.

[Jack Noah] Pfft on Bobby De Niro.

***

[Woman] [Screaming]

[Audience Gasps]

[Jack Noah] [Enters as Dictator]

[Music Ends]

[Audience Clapping Rhythmically]

[Band Begins]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Starts walking through the crowd, acknowledging people]

[Man] Good evening, my president.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Voice Deepens] Good evening, old friend.

[Crowd Chanting] Simms! Simms! Simms! Simms! Simms! Simms!

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Exits Building]

[Chanting Fades]

[Soldier 1 with gun] Hup!

[Soldier 2 with gun] Hup!

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [To Carlo] To the airport! And hurry!

[Roberto Strausmann] [Chuckles] To the palace, Carlo.
[To Jack] Please, don't joke.

[Jack Noah] [Regular Voice] These boots are killing me.
I almost fainted in there.

[Roberto Strausmann] Did you see them at the club?
Did you hear them?

[Jack Noah] What, 200 drunks in the dark?
What about the personal staff? What about the secretaries?

[Roberto Strausmann] I would be amazed if they said anything.

[Jack Noah] Somebody's gonna know, pal.

[Roberto Strausmann] Knowing and saying are two different things.

[Jack Noah] Somebody's gonna know, and somebody's gonna say something.
Somebody is gonna sing like a canary.

[Roberto Strausmann] You know, we eat canaries in Parador.
[Laughing]
We're coming to the palace. Let's practice the salute.

[Jack Noah] [Salutes with his left hand]

[Roberto Strausmann] No, with the right hand!

[Jack Noah] I'm a lefty. I'm sorry.

[Roberto Strausmann] Not anymore!

[Jack Noah] [Salutes with his right hand]

[Roberto Strausmann] Not like that. With a flip. With a flip.

[Jack Noah] Okay, with a flip.

[Roberto Strausmann] That's right. That's right.

[Jack Noah] With a flip. Okay.

[Roberto Strausmann] You must learn it!

[Jack Noah] I'm flipping! I'm flipping!

[Roberto Strausmann] Alphonse loved to salute!
[Pointing] Perfect. Now, you have a big speech soon.

[Jack Noah] When?

[Roberto Strausmann] Tomorrow.

[Jack Noah] That's impossible!
I have -- I need rehearsal time.
[Perceiving Roberto's threatening face]
[Practices flipping]

[Limo Arrives at the Palace]

[Chauffeur] [Opens door for the Dictator]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Exits limo]
[Blows a raspberry]
[Ascends stairs & starts saluting, mistakenly with his left hand]
[Mistakenly salutes with the left hand again]

[Guard Leader] All hup!

[Soldiers] [All raise their spears]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Mutters]

[Roberto Strausmann] [Pushes him onward, up the stairs]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Ascends staircase, saluting]

[Roberto Strausmann] Now we come to your entourage.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Sighs]
[Goes in the wrong direction]

[Roberto Strausmann] [Leads him in the right direction]

[Guard Leader] All hup!

[Soldiers] [Raise their spears]

[Roberto Strausmann] Alejandro is your valet.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Voice Deepens] Alejandro.

[Roberto Strausmann] Madame Loop is your personal maid.

[Madame Loop] [Curtsies and makes a kissy face]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Chuckling]

[Roberto Strausmann] Dieter Lopez is your secretary.

[Dieter Lopez] [Bows to the Dictator]

[Roberto Strausmann] Gunther Feldmark is your barber, and his daughter Magda ...
is your masseuse and manicurist.

[Magda] [Bows to the Dictator]

[Doors to Bedroom Open]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Looking around in awe]
[Trips over dais, and rights himself]

[Alejandro] Should I draw up your bath, sir?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Uh, no, thank you,
[Looks to Roberto for help with Alejandro's name]

[Roberto Strausmann] [Mouths the word "Alejandro"]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [To Alejandro] Alejandro.

[Alejandro] [Looking perplexed]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Still looking around in awe]

[Alejandro] Should I undress you, sir?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] No. No, thank you, Alejandro.
I think I need the exercise.

[Roberto Strausmann] Your Excellency.
[Gestures him to sit down in the chair]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Questioningly]
Ah!
[Sits down in the chair]

[Alejandro] [Bends down in front of him]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Looks at Roberto]

[Roberto Strausmann] [Indicates him to put his leg up so Alejandro can take his boots off]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Lifts his foot up]

[Alejandro] [Takes his boots off]
Good night, sir.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Good night.

[Alejandro] [Exits door]

[Jack Noah] [Regular Voice] I think he knew.

[Roberto Strausmann] No, you were very good.

[Jack Noah] [Blows a raspberry]
[Throws his hat on the bed] Okay, so ... when do I get the speech?
[Sighs]
[Lays on bed]

[Roberto Strausmann] I'll drop it by tomorrow. We can rehearse.

[Jack Noah] Thank you.

[Roberto Strausmann] It's been a difficult time, but you seem more relaxed.

[Jack Noah] Ah, well,
[Voice Deepens] what the hell.

[Roberto Strausmann] I'll get some videotapes of Simms for you to study.

[Jack Noah] And, uh, so tomorrow,
I do the speech and, uh, that'll be that, right?

[Roberto Strausmann] Precisely. Good night, my president.

[Jack Noah] Good night, my -- my Chief of the Secret Police.

[Roberto Strausmann] [Clicks his heels together] Auf Weidersehen!

[Both Laughing & pointing at each other]

[Jack Noah] Auf Weidersehen!

[Roberto Strausmann] You're a funny guy.

[Jack Noah] That's funny.
[Laughing] You! That's funny with the Auf Weidersehen thing.
[Laughing]

[Roberto Strausmann] [Exits door]

[Jack Noah] What a psychotic.
[Runs to the window and parts the curtains, sees guard with dog barking]
[Runs to the front door and sees Carlo]
[To himself] I gotta get outta here.
[Runs and picks up the telephone]
[To himself] I'll call the American Embassy.
[Talking on telephone] Hello? Hello?
[Voice Deepens] Hello, this is your dictator speaking.

[Bedroom door opens]

[Jack Noah] [On telephone] This is your --
[Puts telephone down]

[Alejandro] [Enters with dirnk] Your nightcap, Your Excellency.

[Jack Noah] Thank you.

[Alejandro] Good night, Your Excellency.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Good night, Alejandro.

[Alejandro] [Exits]

[Jack Noah] [Drinks his nightcap]
To Alphonse, [Chuckles]
poor bastard.
[Sighs]
[Collapses in exhaustion on the floor]

***

[Parador National Anthem]

[Alejandro] [Enters with breakfast]

[Madame Loop] [Curtsies] Breakfast, Your Excellency.
A delicious breakfast, Your Excellency.
[Touches his cheek]

[Jack Noah] [Opens his eyes]

[Madame Loop] We have your favorite blood sausages this morning. Enjoy.
[Makes kissy face]

[Alejandro] Your Excellency.
[Picks the Dictator up]
Your morning bath, Your Excellency.

[Jack Noah] [Moans]

[Alejandro] A beautiful bath today, sir.

[Jack Noah] [Goes the wrong way]

[Alejandro] Oh, this way.
Mr. Lopez would like to see you this morning if he may.

[Jack Noah] [Regular Voice] Who is that?
[Coughs, Voice Deepens] Who is that?

[Alejandro] Dieter Lopez.
Ah, your bath, sir.

[Parrot] [Squawking]

[Jack Noah] Moans]

[Alejandro] [Points to the bathroom] Over there, sir.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Thank you.
[Enters the bathroom]

[Alejandro] [Closes the door to the bathroom]

***

[Jack Noah] [Serving himself breakfast]
[Regular Voice] Look at this stuff.
Butter and cream cheese. No wonder he's dead.

[Roberto Strausmann] Good morning. Sleep well?

[Jack Noah] What did you put in my drink? You Mickeyed my drink, right?

[Roberto Strausmann] Oh, I forgot to tell you. [Laughing]
Alphonse had a sleeping potion every night. He had insomnia.
He was a nervous man.

[Jack Noah] I wonder why.
When do I get my sides?

[Roberto Strausmann] Sides?

[Jack Noah] The script. The speech, goddamn it.

[Roberto Strausmann] Don't curse. Never curse. Alphonse never cursed.
He was elegant, charming. Sit up straight.
Laugh.

[Jack Noah] [Chuckles]

[Roberto Strausmann] Wrong!

[Jack Noah] [Deep Laugh]

[Roberto Strausmann] More. More. Fuller. Fuller.

[Jack Noah] [Laughing]

[Roberto Strausmann] Alphonse loved to laugh. That's better. That's much better.

[Jack Noah] I love to laugh.

[Roberto Strausmann] Ha, ha, ha. Like that.

[Dieter Lopez] [Coming through door] Your Excellency.

[Roberto Strausmann] [Shouting at Dieter Lopez] Who sent for you?

[Dieter Lopez] His Excellency.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Nodding] Mr. Lopez -- uh, Dieter.

[Dieter Lopez] These documents need your signature, Your Excellency.

[Roberto Strausmann] He has to read them first.
[Grabs them out of Dieter Lopez's hands]

[Dieter Lopez] But of course.

[Roberto Strausmann] Leave us!
[Waves him off imperiously]

[Dieter Lopez] But these papers are very urgent, Your Excellency. It's for the new dam.

[Roberto Strausmann] Damn the dam! Get out!

[Dieter Lopez] [Grabs his suitcase and leaves]

[Roberto Strausmann] Maricon.
[To Jack] I have some videotapes of Simms for you to study the speeches.
I will rehearse with you later.

[Jack Noah] Mr. Strausmann?

[Roberto Strausmann] Please, call me Roberto.

[Jack Noah] Roberto.
Thank you.
Yes, Roberto, thank you. Thank you so much. I will. Roberto.
I think that I'm giving a very superficial performance here.
I think it's very shallow. You know what I mean?

[Roberto Strausmann] [Looking at his watch]

[Jack Noah] It's very -- It's very cardboard.
It's what we call in New York a result-oriented performance.
And, uh, I -- I just don't think that I could do this.

[Roberto Strausmann] Just get me through today.

[Jack Noah] Roberto.

[Roberto Strausmann] Play the part or I'll kill you.

[Jack Noah] You'd make a very good director.

[Roberto Strausmann] Thank you.
[Punches the TV button and leaves]

[Fanfare On TV]

[Dictator on TV] [My fellow Paradorians,
I come to you ...
in an hour of great national mourning.
Let me assure you that the cowardly murder of Felix Carbone,
Parador's greatest athlete, and my trusted adviser ...

[Jack Noah] [Mimicking] My trusted adviser.

[Dictator on TV] will not go unrevenged.

[Jack Noah] My trusted adviser.

[Dictator on TV] Not only was he a great tennis player,

[Jack Noah] [Mimicking] Great tennis player.

[Dictator on TV] he was a man of great charm and loyalty.
And who are his murderers?

[Jack Noah] [Mimicking] Who are his murderers?

[Dictator on TV] The same nest of radical poets and toothless bohemians.

[Crowd Chattering]

[Soldier 1] [To Soldier 2] I hope he makes a short speech today.

***

[Gunther Feldmark] Good day, Your Excellency.

[Magda] [Bowing] Beautiful day, Your Excellency.

[Gunther Feldmark] Wonderful day for a good speech. Clear sky. Happy people.
Reminds me of Nuremberg.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Uh, uh, I don't think I'd like some hot towels today.

[Gunther Feldmark] Jawohl, mein Fuhrer.

***

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Practicing Speech in his closet] My fellow Paradorians, my brothers and my sisters,
[Groans] you are my sons and my daughters --

[Alejandro] Your Excellency?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Shouting at Alejandro] What? What? What is it?

[Alejandro] Can I help you?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Can't you see, I'm trying to prepare?
I'm trying to get ready.

[Alejandro] But, Your Excellency --
I beg your forgiveness for the intrusion, sir.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] It's all right. Alejandro, you know,
I think that the sleeping potion you are giving me is making me a little irritable.

[Alejandro] I will reduce it.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Eliminate it.

[Alejandro] Yes, sir.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] That will be all, Alejandro.

[Alejandro] [Bows and leaves]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Regular Voice] My fellow Paradorians, you are my brothers ...
and my sisters and my sons and my daughters --
[Clears Throat, Voice Deepens] You are my sons and my daughters.

***
[Household staff having breakfast]

[Madame Loop] It's not him.

[Alejandro] Of course it's not him.

[Madame Loop] The walk is different.

[Alejandro] [Pats Madame Loop's butt]
The eyes, too innocent.

[Magda] The hands of a peasant.

[Gunther Feldmark] Say it. A Jew.

[Magda] You think, Papa?

[Alejandro] Perhaps it's a trick.

[Madame Loop] I think we should tell someone.

[Dieter Lopez] For what earthly reason?

[Alejandro] Roberto's obviously involved.

[Madame Loop] Absolutely.
So opening your mouth is a good way to get killed.

[Gunther Feldmark] I, for one, don't care who I serve.
When they say he's a dictator, and he acts like a dictator, what's the difference?
Why rock the boat?

[Madame Loop] Well, I don't want to lose my job.

[Magda] And Papa doesn't want to be in an Israeli court.

[Gunther Feldmark] In two years, I retire and go to my farm in Chile.

[Alejandro] So, let us play out the charade.

[Dieter Lopez] Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise.

[Alejandro] [Standing up] The dictator is the dictator is the dictator.

***

[Captain] All hup!

[Soldiers] [Raise their spears]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Enters]
[Clears Throat]

[Roberto Strausmann] Archbishop Aurelio Lopez.
Old, but cunning.

[Archbishop Aurelio Lopez] [Bows his head]

[Roberto Strausmann] General Kurtzinaldo. Tough, dependable,
psychotic.

[General Kurtzinaldo] [Makes Nazi salute]

[Roberto Strausmann] Umberto Soler, president of the general assembly. A moron.

[Umberto Soler] [Blinking his eyes]

[Roberto Strausmann] Of course, you suspended the general assembly two years ago ...
and ruled by decree under a state of siege.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Why did I do that?

[Roberto Strausmann] National security matters.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Moans] I don't feel well.
[Turns around to return to his bedroom]

[Roberto Strausmann] Do you get stage fright?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] All the time.
I don't wanna talk about it. What's the drill?

[Roberto Strausmann] First the orchestra plays the national anthem.

[Nack Noah as Dictator] [Panting]
How does that go?

[Roberto Strausmann] You have to know that. You have to sing it!

[Jack Noah as Dictator] I only know "God Bless America," pal!
[Moaning] Too late!

***

[Band Playing Parador National Anthem]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Exiting his bedroom again, wiping his mouth & making a face]

[House staff look questioningly at each other]

[Alejandro] [Points to his mouth]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Enters Balcony]

[Crowd Cheering]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Makes Nazi Salute]

[Crowd Whistling]

[Crowd Singing] Oh, Parador
Oh, Parador
Your mountains and
Your sea and air
Oh, Parador
We will defend
You with our blood
And with our dreams
Oh, Parador

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Singing with them]
For we are ever vigilant
And we are ever diligent
[Clears Throat]
Oh, Parador
Oh, Parador
We are yours
Forever

[Crowd Cheering]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Beginning his speech] My fellow Paradorians,
[Coughing, Chuckles]
we are a family ...
of the same soul.
You are my brothers ...
and -- and -- and my sisters.
You are my -- my sons and my daughters.
You are my nieces ...
and my nephews.
We have struggled in the past together,
and we have struggles in the future to overcome.
But as your father,
I promise to be faithful ...
to your trust.

[Crowd Cheering]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] And as your son,
I promise to learn from your advice ...
and from your tears!

[Crowd Cheering]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] The unity ...
of this family is sacred.
And to those ...
who would destroy such unity,
I say, beware.
You will be crushed!
[Chuckles]
Yeah!

[Crowd Chanting] Simms! Simms! Simms! Simms! Simms! Simms!
Simms! Simms! Simms! Simms! Simms!
Simms! Simms! Simms! Simms! Simms! Simms! Simms!

[Jack Noah as Dictator] We must dream ...
the impossible dream,
we must fight ...
the unbeatable foe,
we must reach ...
the unreachable star ...

[Crowd Cheering]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] until the days dwindle down ...
to a precious few.
[Sniffling]
God bless you! Long live Parador!
[Salutes]

[Crowd Cheering]

[Band Playing Music]

[Crowd Chanting] Simms! Simms! Simms! Simms! Simms! Simms!
Simms! Simms! Simms! Simms! Simms! Simms!

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Gives one last salute and exits balcony]

[Roberto Strausmann] [To himself] We have a hit.

[Captain] All hup!

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Hoo! Hoo!

[Roberto Strausmann] You were magnificent.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Regular Voice] Well, I -- I just went for it.

[House Staff Clapping]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Voice Deepens] Thank you. Thank you. You're so kind. Thank you very much.

[Roberto Strausmann] That last part, Man of La Mancha, right?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] I hope you didn't mind.
I thought the speech needed a close, like a solid --
Do you think I should take another bow?

[Roberto Strausmann] No!!! Always leave them wanting more.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] You're right. You're right. You're absolutely right. You'd make a very good director, you know.
I always hate it when they take too many curtain calls.

[Staff Person] Wonderful speech, sir.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Thank you. Thank you so much.
Thank you, thank you very much. You too. Thank you.
Thank you. Thanks so much.
[Enters His Bedroom Suite]
Ahh! Boy, was it always like that?

[Roberto Strausmann] You surpassed it!

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Boy! You know, I could do better, as long as I'm a little more relaxed.

[Alejandro] Great speech!
Your Excellency!

[Jack Noah as Dictator] You really think so, Alejandro?

[Alejandro] Absolutely, sir.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Thank you.

[Alejandro] Would you like a refreshment?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] I would like a Diet Coke. [Chuckles]

[Alejandro] Whatever you wish, Your Excellency.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Thank you, thank you. Thank you.

[Roberto Strausmann] Alphonse never drank sodas, only poonas!

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Really? Really? I'm putting Alphonse on a diet for the good of his health.

[Roberto Strausmann] Great idea! I like it! Improvisation, eh?
Yes! Make him thinner!

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Oh, you and me, we made a great team.

[Alejandro] [Returning] Your drink, Your Excellency.

[Roberto Strausmann] [To Jack] Yes, we do.

[Alejandro] Diet Pepsi. No Coke.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.
You know, I think we should stock up on some low-cal yogurt.

[Alejandro] Plain or flavored?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] The kind with the fruit on the bottom.

[Alejandro] Yes, Your Excellency.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Thank you.

[Alejandro] [Exits]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Groaning as he contracts his extended stomach]
[Makes toast to Roberto]
To Alphonse.

***

[Roberto Strausmann] [To his fellow conspirators] I took a chance and it worked.
The cameras didn't come too close, and in a few months,
everyone will have forgotten the old Alphonse --
that miserable alcoholic!

[All Laugh]

[Elite 1] He could be better than Alphonse -- more energy, less family bullshit.
Yes!

[All Laugh]

[Roberto Strausmann] Precisely. We write his part, and he plays it.

[Elite 2] Yeah!

[Roberto Strausmann] Huh? How's the steak?

[Elite 3] Very good.

[Elite 4] Very good.

[Elite 2] And what about Madonna? She could ruin everything.

[Roberto Strausmann] I've already made a suggestion to her that she leave the country.
Go to Miami.

[Boisterous Laughter]

[Elite 1] With an ass like that, she could make a good living in Miami.

[All Laugh]

[Elite 2] If she refuses?

[All Laugh]

[Roberto Strausmann] [Makes a Slicing Noise across his throat]

[All Laugh]

[Roberto Strausmann] [Stands and toasts] Parador.

[All] Profit and Christ.
May we rot in hell if these secrets leave this chamber
Saint Reggie, help us. To the 14 families.
Amen.

[All toast, drink and laugh]

***

[Jack Noah] [Sitting in bed reading Paradorian history]

[Doorknob Turning]

[Jack Noah] [Turns out bedside lamp]

[Madonna] [Enters bedroom] Hello, darling.
I had to bribe Alejandro to let me upstairs.
And don't tell Roberto, that bastard!
But you know me, I had to come. I had to find out the truth.
Do you know what Roberto has told me?
He said I had to leave.
And he send me to Miami and put me in a condo there.
Me? In Miami?
I told him that I don't want to go, and I asked him if he has talked to you.
He says, "Yes, of course."
And it's your wish that I leave for my own safety and blah, blah, blah.
So, I said to myself.
"Madonna, you and Phonse have a good relationship.
More, it's a friendship."
So, honey, if you want me to leave for some reason, you tell me yourself, okay?
But don't send that fucking rat!
If you tell me to go,
I'll go and ask no questions.
It must be something political that I don't understand.
Did you talk to him?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Hmmm! No, I did not!

[Madonna] [Spanks Him] Knew it! Ha!
Honey!
You're going to have to be a little tougher with him, okay?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Mm-hmm.

[Madonna] Despite whatever he tells you ...
and the other jackasses, he needs you.
Without you, they are totally exposed.
Really. So, honey,
[Sighs] you gave a wonderful speech today.
Very, very emotional.
That's why Roberto needs you.
[Bites his ankle]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Muffled Laughing]

[Madonna] We Paradorians are so romantic.
[Bites his foot again]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Laughing Uncontrollably]
[Biting his blankets]

[Madonna] It makes us fools and drives me crazy.
We are more than lovers. Let's face it, honey.
You are so decadent.
[Sighs] You really love me ...
because I dance good.
Sex ... you can get anywhere.
[Sits on Jack]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Groans]

[Madonna] But a friend ...
who can dance?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Chuckles]

[Madonna] [Moaning]
[Kissing Jack, and biting off his moustache]
[Ripping off his wig]

[Both Scream]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [makes sounds like a caged monkey]
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!

[Madonna] [Pointing at him]
Who are you?

[Jack Noah] My name is Jack Noah.
I'm an actor.

[Madonna] Oh, you're an actor?
You should get an Oscar for tonight.
Very good.

[Jack Noah] Thank you. Thank you, that's very nice of you.

[Madonna] [Looking around] So, what are you doing here?
Where's Phonse?

[Jack Noah] I'm playing the dictator. Phonse is dead.

[Madonna] Phonse is dead?
Poor bastard.
[Yelling] Who did it?
Roberto did it?

[Jack Noah] No. Uh, well, I, uh -- I don't --
They just told me that he had a heart attack.

[Madonna] Heart attack?
Too many poonas.

[Jack Noah] You loved him.

[Madonna] In a fashion.
We were friends.
He was so dumb, so sweet.

[Jack Noah] I'm sorry.

[Madonna] [Lights a cigarette]

[Jack Noah] So,
when are you ...
gonna leave for Miami?

[Madonna] I'm not.

[Jack Joan] Isn't that a little dangerous?

[Madonna] To be alive is dangerous!
I can help you play the part.
I knew Phonse better than anyone.
And you tell that to Roberto.

[Jack Noah] Why would you want to do that? Why would you wanna help me?

[Madonna] Why should I go to Miami and work in a cocktail bar or sell cosmetics in Saks,
when I can be the dictator's mistress?

[Jack Noah] But the dictator's dead.

[Madonna] I don't think so.

[Jack Noah] You hardly know me.

[Madonna] I know a dictator when I see one.

***

[Jack Noah Narrating] Madonna was the one who helped me with the character.
She was very specific. She gave me expressions and -- and gestures.

[Jack Noah] What is a pochooto?

[Madonna] Pork and guacamole.

[Jack Noah] My pochooto is beginning to hurt.
Ow!
[Gasps]

[Madonna & Jack kiss]

***

[Orchestra Fanfare at Beauty Contest]

[Jack Noah Narrating] Most of the things I did were ceremonial.
I learned real fast how sweet power was.
They exposed me to the press,
but they made sure the press never got too close.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Waving]

[Man 1] Do you know anything about the loan, Mr. President?

[Jack Noah] [Indicating he can't hear]

[Man 2] Are you going to help the Contras, Mr. President?

[Jack Noah] [Indicating he can't hear]

[Man 3] How do you feel about Panama?

[Jack Noah] [Indicating he can't hear]

***

[Jack Noah Narrating] I made speeches on TV, signifying absolutely nothing.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] You know, I have recently lost ...
20 unneeded and unwanted pounds.
So, as your leader,
I have been inspired to lead this nation ...
to a happier and healthier existence.
Now, our Paradorian diet -- It's tasty, yes,
[Speaking over P.A.]
but it's dangerous.
Which is why Parador leads the world ...
in heart disease and amoebic dysentery.
This food can kill you.

[Soldier 1 & 2 leave their food behind]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Huh? So, let's warm up and do some aerobics.
And, one and two and three and four, and one and two and three and four.

[Household Staff] [Exercising with the Dictator]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] That's it, that's it, that's it, that's it. That's it. That's it.
Hut, two, three, four. Everybody!

[Priests & Nuns Exercising]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Hut, two, three, four. Down and stretch.

[Prisoners Exercising]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] One and two and three and four, and one and two and three and four.

[Crowd in Plaza Exercising]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Hut, two, three, four. Hut, two, three, four. It's good, yes?
It's easy, yes?

***

[Jack Noah Narrating] So I was dancing through it, literally.

[Madonna] Good.

[Jack Noah Narrating] And falling for Madonna more each day.

[Madonna] Head, head, up. Hips, now.
The hips. Hips.

[Boom Box: Latin Ballroom]

[Madonna] [Chuckles] The hips! Very good gringo hips.
Hands. Good.
Hands. Good.
Beautiful. Good.
Great.
Hold me!

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Groans, Chuckles]
My back.

[Madonna] I thought you were a good dancer.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Nah, I lied. Anything to get a job.

[Madonna] Very good. Good.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Chuckles]

[Jack & Madonna Dance]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Was Phonse really such a good dancer?

[Madonna] It was his best talent.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] He really loved you?

[Madonna] He said so.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] You're getting to me too.

[Madonna] Don't overact.

***

[Ballroom music Continues]

[Lulu] So why haven't you called?
It's been months.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Forgive me.
I've been pretty busy.

[Lulu] Not too busy for Madonna Mendez.
Don't look surprised.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] I'm surprised that you're jealous.

[Lulu] [Screeching] I'm not jealous! I'm disgusted.
She's not worthy of you.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] You are blushing!

[Lulu] Oh, you said you loved me, you adored me.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] And I do.

[Lulu] You wanted to be with me forever.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] You are always in my dreams.

[Woman 2] You deceived me.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] How did I do that?

[Woman 2] You've done it with all the others, but it won't work with me.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] No! No.
You -- You are divine.

[Woman 2] Oh, yes, I am.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Chuckles] [Kisses her neck]

[Woman 2] But I know as many tricks ...
[Slugs him in the back]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Groans]

[Woman 2] as your low-class whore.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] I think you're lovely when you're angry.

[Woman 2] [Abandons him in a bent-over-backwards position]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Groaning]
[Trying to regain his balance]
[To Lulu] Senorita. Ooh!

[Lulu] Your Excellency.
[Brings him upright]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Thank you so much.

[Lulu] It's time for you to get married.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Groans]

[Lulu] Your mother loves me.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] So she tells me.

[Lulu] You can't play Cassanova forever, darling.
People are talking.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Turns her around so much she becomes dizzy]

[Lulu] Call me when you're serious,
Your Excellency.
[Faints on the floor]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Speaking to her collapsed figure] Thank you for the dance.

[Crowd] [Clapping]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Exits the ballroom]
[To Roberto] Roberto.

[Mrs. Strausmann] [To Roberto] I want to go home now.

[Roberto Strausmann] [To Mrs. Strausmann] Whatever you say.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] The alcoholic wants to be first lady.

[Roberto Strausmann] Lulu? [Laughing]
Not a bad choice. An engagement would be a good public diversion,
with a festive wedding a few months later.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] No way, Jose.
By the way, do I have a mother?

[Roberto Strausmann] Of course.
And coincidentally, I have to inform you ...
that she is arriving from her Paris shopping trip ...
tomorrow at 3:00.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] She's going to know that I am not her son.

[Roberto Strausmann] Don't worry.
She has bad cataracts and a touch of memory loss.
You have never been very friendly.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] What do I call this lady?

[Roberto Strausmann] Mama.
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Re: Moon Over Parador, directed by Paul Mazursky

Postby admin » Fri Aug 21, 2015 12:08 am

Part 3 of 3

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Waving at his mother from the balcony] Mama.

[Mama] Don't "Mama" me!
Ah, you do look thinner.
Everyone said you had lost weight.
I thought you had contracted syphilis ...
[raises her glasses and looks at him]
like your Uncle Orlando.

[Dog Growls]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Pursing his lips to kiss his mother]

[Mama] [Ignores his kissing invitation]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] How was your trip?

[Mama] Everything is ruined by repetition,
even Paris.
I bought some excellent caviar on the Rue de Rivoli.
[To Porters] Careful with the Diors, you swine.
[To Jack as Alphonse] Don't worry. I'm not staying long.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Well, you are welcome here, dear Mama.

[Mama] I know you don't like me. Who cares?
Heh! Your father and I managed to have a child, and we hated each other.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Mama. Please, listen to me.
[Kneels down in front of her] I love you. No matter what has happened before.

[Alejandro] [Watching and getting emotional]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] I love you as only a son can love a mother.
You are my mother, and I love you!

[Mama] Merde to love! Come, Antonio.
[To Porters] Watch those fox furs, you swine.
[To herself] Ha, love!
[Cackling]

***

[Tourist] [To Carlo] How long will the president swim today?

[Carlo] Could be 10 minutes, could be all day.

[Tourist] We came all the way from Mount Pochooto to swim.

[Carlo] [Yelling] Who cares?! I don't care if you came from Machito!
No swimming until the president is finished!
Did I make myself clear?!

[Tourist] Yes, sir.

[Carlo] Oh. Okay.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [To Madonna] You know what this is? This is the Sunday New York Times.
[Sniffs the paper,and exhales]
The New York Times. God!
One day in New York is like a year in Parador.
Look at this. They're doing "All My Sons" at the Long Wharf next spring.
Bill King is directing. Bill King happens to love my work.
He told me so. I could be brilliant in this play.
And I gonna be there? Am I gonna show up? I have no idea.

[Madonna] You're doing well here.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Yeah, it's goin' okay. It's goin' okay.
Matter of fact, it's gettin' pretty easy.
Matter of fact, it's gettin' a little boring.

[Madonna] Why don't you do something good for the country?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] I started that beautification program for the airport. That's the gateway of Parador.

[Madonna] I was thinking about something more profound.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Well, I decided to replace the national anthem.

[Madonna] You're getting crazier than Phonse.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Singing to crowd] Parador, Parador, I love you.

[Crowd Cheering]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Singing to crowd] Your mountains, your valleys, your rivers
Beckon to me

[Jack & Madonna bow and salute to each other]

[Madonna] Better than the old one. [Laughs]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] I want to kiss you so bad I could spit.
How do you think it would look?

[Madonna] Paradorians are hot-blooded.
I don't think they would mind.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] You don't think it demeans the presidency?

[Madonna] Torture and hunger demean the presidency, not kissing.

[She kisses Jack]

[Crowd Cheering]

[Roberto Strausmann] [Observing Jack & Madonna through his telescope]

***

[Military Commander] Here in Sulla there have been two incidents:

[TV Gunfire]

[Military Commander] a kidnapping and a power line destroyed.
But an effective action was taken.
At Mount Pochooto there have been dangerous battles,
but we have destroyed the rebel forces.

[TV] [People Screaming]

[Tourist] [To reporter] I'm really sorry to see it, especially in the height of the tourist season ...
when it could scare a lot of people away from what's really a nice country.

[Military Commander] In the region of Ochito, there has been no incidents for six months.
There are secret shots taken at the guerrilla headquarters in the jungle.
Here you can see their leader, Dante Guzman,
being visited by an American liberal.

[Ed Asner] Dante! Hombre! [Laughing]
You son of a bitch! You did it!

[Jack Noah as Dictator] That's Ed Asner.

[Roberto Strausmann] I love Lou Grant.

***

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Those guerrillas don't seem very fond of me.

[Roberto Strausmann] Communist bastards.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] What am I doing in this piece of shit? Where's my limo?

[Roberto Strausmann] We have a secret meeting in a few moments.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] I thought we were gonna dedicate the dog track.

[Roberto Strausmann] This is more important.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Who's this meeting with?

[Roberto Strausmann] C.I.A.

[Car Stops and picks up Ralph]

[Driver] [To Dictator's Car] You're blocking the way. Move it!
Come on, move! Move!

[Ralph] You boys are late.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Sees Ralph and starts coughing]
I have a very bad cold.

[Ralph] Yeah, and I've had the shits for the last three days.

[Horn Honking]

[Ralph] How is it, amigo, that we've been working together, what, eight or nine years?
You ever known me to beat around the bush?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Nods his head "No"]

[Ralph] Okay. Remember I told you about six months ago that the natives were restless?
Well, they're more than restless. These guys are about ready to flip out.
You and your people better put a capper on it. Do you understand?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Nods his head "Yes."]

[Ralph] Because I don't want you and your tinhorn bastards letting this thing slide to the Commies.
Do you understand?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Nudges Robert] This is exactly what I've been telling you.

[Ralph] I don't know what this bullshit is about Parador and its sovereignty,
but if it wasn't for the U.S.A. handing it over to your forebearers back in 1890,
there wouldn't be any goddamn Parador.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Chuckles] I agree with everything this man is saying.

[Ralph] Another thing is, I want you to stop listening to those faggots in the State Department, understand?
And get this. I am sick to death of backing bad horses.
This is a stakes race. Do you understand? I want a winner.
Now, you just holster your dick, okay?
Otherwise, your ass goes in a hammock back to Miami.
That is, if we let you into Miami.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Holster my dick. Okay.

[Ralph] [To Carlo] Pull over! I wanna take a dump.
[Exits car speedily]

***

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [On P.A.] We will say good-bye to the old, hello to the new.
And so, my friends,
into the 21st century.
I promise the people of Parador ...

[Man] [Coughs]

[NEW: SIMMS TOWERS]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] new housing,
good -- good condominiums ...
modern plumbing, hot water,
tennis courts,
saunas.
[Clears Throat]
God bless you.

[Band Plays]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [To Madonna] What a lie.
This is the worst slum I've ever seen in my life.

[Madonna] This is the good neighborhood.

[Roberto Strausmann] You shouldn't have brought her.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] I wanted some company.

[Roberto Strausmann] You're going too far.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] I'm the dictator, pal.
[Throws a shovelful of dirt into a concrete block on the ground]

[Roberto Strausmann] I can always recast the part.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] I should live so long.
[Walks down the red carpet toward the car with Madonna]

[Alice Gianni] [Gives Madonna a bunch of flowers] Here.

[Madonna] [Kisses Alice] What's your name, huh?

[Alice] Alice Gianni.

[Madonna] How old are you?

[Alice Gianni] [Holds up six fingers]

[Madonna] Oh.
[Hands the flowers to Jack]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [To Alice] So sweet.
You're so sweet. Thank you for the flowers. [Laughs]

[Madonna] [Laughs]

[Dictator's Car Explodes]

[People Screaming]

[Bullets flying]

[Madonna] [Grabs up little girl and hands her to a woman]
Take her!
[To Jack] Follow me.
Over there. Run!

[Man] Come on! Come on!

[Soldier] Out of my way!

[Madonna] Run!

[Helicopter flying in]

[Masked bandit shooting from rooftop]

[Roberto Strausmann] [On the ground] Communist bastards!

[Gunfire]

[Guerilla throws molotov cocktail at soldiers]

[Madonna & Jack change clothes, Madonna into nun's outfit, Jack into peasant's clothing, and run off]

[Madonna] [Knocking on door] Carmen! It's me, Madonna.

[Carmen] Madonna!

[Madonna] [To Jack] Here, come in. Oh!

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Panting]

[Madonna] Hi, Carmen! Oh!
[Hugs Carmen]
[Gesturing to Jack] This is my friend, Carmen.
[Panting]
[To Jack] I grew up here.
Oh, Carmen.

[Carmen] [Seeing Jack] Madonna, he can't stay here.
They'll kill him. They'll kill me. They'll kill us.

[Toddler Babbling]

[Madonna] [Sighing]
[Hugging Carmen]

***

[Carlo] [Coming out of alley with his gun]

[Roberto Strausmann] Any sign of the president?

[Carlo] No, they both disappeared.

[Roberto Strausmann] You're sure?

[Carlo] Absolutely, sir.

[Soldier] Contra!

[Roberto Strausmann] Burn it.

[Soldiers light houses on fire]

[Madonna & Jack escaping]

[Jack Noah] [To Madonna] They're gonna think I did this.
They're gonna think I'm a monster.

***

[Engine Revving]

[Scattered Shouts]

[Man] Free the people!

[Soldier] Let's go.

[Roberto Strausmann] Round up the usual suspects. I will interrogate.

[Soldier] Immediately, sir.

[Roberto Strausmann] [To Carlo] When did he arrive?

[Carlo] Moments ago, sir.

[Roberto Strausmann] Is she with him?

[Carlo] No, sir.

[Roberto Strausmann] [Enters Presidential Suite where Jack is carrying his suitcase]
And where did you and Madonna disappear to?

[Jack Noah] We thought we'd go shopping for a new dress.

[Roberto Strausmann] Don't fool with me, Jack Noah.
Why are you packing?

[Jack Noah] I'd like to spend the weekend in the Hamptons.

[Roberto Strausmann] You're not going anywhere.

[Jack Noah] You know, I didn't sign on for this shit.
How could you burn those people out of their homes?

[Roberto Strausmann] Relax, my president.
[Puts his arm around Jack]

[Jack] [Screaming] I am not your president! You miserable, low-life bastard.
I'm just an actor.
This is gettin' too goddamn real for me, man.

[Roberto Strausmann] You're going on television tomorrow ...
to reassure the people that you're all right,
and that the government is in control, and that the murderers will be caught and dealt with.

[Jack Noah] Sorry, I don't do TV.

[Roberto Strausmann] [Shouting] You will go on television tomorrow,
or I will cut your balls off!

[Jack Noah] Cut my balls off. I know. I know.

[Roberto Strausmann] [Sighs] You know,
I hate actors.

***

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [On TV] Good afternoon, my countrymen.
I am very grateful to be here with you today.
I would like to begin ...
by extending my deepest sympathies ...
to the families of those innocent people who were killed in yesterday's attack.
[On P.A.]
They made the supreme sacrifice.
This attack was meant for me,
and they suffered the injury.
After this attack,
I had to ask myself, why would someone want to kill me?
Being close to death,
it has made me review my life ...
and my rule.
And so today,

[Roberto Strausmann] [Looking with surprise at Jack's TV speech]

[Carlo] [To Carmen] We got your friend.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] I would like to ask the forgiveness of the poor people of this country.

[Carlo] [To Carmen] Are you afraid?

[Carmen] [Nods her head Yes.]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] And I pledge from this moment ...
to make their liberation ...
the first concern of my government.
And those of the privileged classes ...
must not resist this liberation.
I would also like to make a personal announcement today,
which should indicate the seriousness of my resolve.
I take great pleasure in announcing my engagement ...
to my long-time companion,
Miss Madonna Mendez.
Now, there are those of my advisers ...
who tell me that this is a mistake,
that Madonna is one of the common people.
Well, to me, this is her greatest virtue.

[Mama] [Watching TV] That swine!

[Jack Noah as Dictator] It is only through her ...
that I understand the sufferings and the hopes ...
of the people of Parador.
And so, my fellow citizens,
we must work together ...
to triumph over evil,
to make Parador truly ...
a land of the free ...
and a home of the brave.

[Cameramen] [Clapping]

[Roberto Strausmann] [Busting in to the Dictator's room]
[To Cameramen & Women] Out.

[Jack Noah] You want a Valium?

[Roberto Strausmann] So you think this is amusing.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] I thought it was a good speech, yeah.

[Roberto Strausmann] It was suicide.
Your suicide.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] You're hyperventilating.

[Roberto Strausmann] I'm gonna make you suffer.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] You're a Harvard man.
Use your brains. You can't kill me.

[Roberto Strausmann] You've played your last role.

[Jack Noah] You need me. I'm the dictator.

[Roberto Strausmann] Actors are a dime a dozen.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Not this good, Roberto.

[Roberto Strausmann] [Laughing] You really think you're my dictator?
You're as good as dead.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] I've got an interview tomorrow with Dick Cavett.

[Roberto Strausmann] Dick Cavett?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Blows his cigarette smoke in Roberto's face]
Network TV.

[Ralph] [Bursts into the room] Brilliant, Your Excellency! Just brilliant!
It totally castrates the Commies.
I tell ya, you're a genius.
He's a total, brilliant genius, isn't he, Roberto?
Hmm?

[Roberto Strausmann] Yes. Yes, perhaps.
Perhaps he is a genius.
[Exits the room]

[Ralph] Your Excellency, uh, could I use your -- your bathroom?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Certainly, certainly. One left, one right, two more lefts.

[Ralph] [Rushes out, but goes right]

***

[Dick Cavett] What would you say really brought the change about?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] I could give you many reasons, but the main --
the main reason is my lovely Madonna here.

[Dick Cavett] The -- The woman behind the throne, eh?
Can you tell me, uh, Miss Mendez, uh, what changes have you seen in him?
Has there been a lot of change from your point of view?

[Madonna] Well, he's not the same man I first met, that's for sure.

[Dick Cavett] Would you tell us, Excellency, how you see the future of Parador?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] I would like to see ...
elections to the General Assembly very soon, very soon,
eh, to begin the problems of land reform.

[Dick Cavett] Mm-hmm.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] And also,
I would like to begin a dialogue with the guerrillas to put an end to all of this terrible violence.

[Dick Cavett] Well, I must say, that's extraordinary, because you --
Well, the idea of extending that kind of hope to the very people who tried to assassinate you.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Chuckling]
We all have to live with critics, eh? Even you.

[Dick Cavett] [Laughing] Yeah, well, uh -- well, uh, mine use words instead of bullets.
I hope this isn't a rude question, or premature, but, uh, what do you see as your epitaph?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] "He played his part well."

SEPTEMBER 11, 2001 -- WHAT A REAL PRESIDENT WOULD HAVE SAID

We now leave the terrain of what actually happened, and move to a hypothetical sphere in which we can best try to shed further light on the events of 9/11. At this point a detailed account and timelines of what really happened behind the scenes on 9/11 cannot be attempted. However, we can speculate as to what an honest and courageous president might have done. Such a president might not have immediately understood the full scope of the 9/11 plot, but he would have insisted upon political accountability for appointed officials and on an immediate and thorough investigation. Some guidance might have come from an examination of the Ed Meese press conference of November 1986 which blew the lid off the Iran-contra scandal, and which was accompanied by the firing of Oliver North and John Poindexter, then the NSC director. The speech on the evening of 9/11 might have sounded something like this:

My fellow citizens:

Today our country and our political system have been targeted by large-scale acts of terrorism. These are monstrous crimes against humanity, and they will not go unpunished. We send our solidarity to the brave firemen, policemen, military people, and office workers who have borne the brunt of this assault. We promise an equitable and equal compensation for the human losses of this day. Insistent and irresponsible voices have been raised in my own White House and in the intelligence agencies, and have inspired media reports attributing these attacks to Arab or Islamic terrorists of the al Qaeda Bin Laden organization. But this is no time for snap decisions or a rush to judgment when we are dealing with the present and future peace of the world. It is true that we have bitter enemies around the world, but the capabilities displayed today appear to go far beyond the technical and physical means available to al Qaeda. We must also recall that, under the reckless and irresponsible policies of my predecessors, the CIA had been one of the main sponsors of Bin Laden and al Qaeda. If we think back to the attack on the federal building in Oklahoma City in 1995, we remember that media voices attempted in the first hours to attribute that tragedy to the Arab world. Although I am convinced that we still do not know the full story of Oklahoma City, it is clear that the Arab world was not involved.

There are too many unanswered questions at this point. How were the terrorists who seem to have been involved allowed to enter the United States and operate freely in this country? Why was there no air defense over a period of one hour and fifteen minutes? I have ordered an immediate inquiry into this question, and in the meantime I have accepted the resignations of Gen. Myers of the Air Force, the deputy chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and of Gen. Bernhard of NORAD, whose agency failed the people today. There is also evident reason to believe that the CIA, the FBI, the NSA, and the Immigration and Naturalization Service have not performed satisfactorily, based on the fragmentary accounts available so far. I have therefore accepted the resignations of the leaders of those agencies, and of their principal deputies. I have furthermore accepted the resignation of the Secretary of Defense and his deputy, the Attorney General, the Secretary of Transportation, and of my National Security Adviser, since it is evident to me that they could not continue to serve the nation effectively because of the immense tragedy which has occurred on their watch. We rightly demand accountability from teachers, from railroad engineers, and from physicians. We therefore have all the more reason to demand accountability and responsibility from those who have been entrusted with the management of the executive departments, several of which have not served us well today.

Another question involves the collapse of the World Trade Center towers many minutes after they had been impacted by the airplanes. These events, as you know, represent an absolute anomaly in the history of skyscrapers. In particular, there is no explanation whatsoever for the collapse of building seven at five o 'clock in the afternoon.

Accordingly, and consistent with our urgent measures to save any victims remaining in the rubble, I am ordering the Seventh Mountain Division of Fort Drum, New York, to seize control of the site of the World Trade Center, cordoning it off as a crime scene and taking immediate measures for preserving the evidence we must have to determine what really happened. Not one scrap of metal will be removed before a full forensic survey has been carried out. Contrary to media accounts, we have not been able to identify the flying object which apparently hit the Pentagon, although it seems likely that it was not a Boeing 757, and thus could hardly have been United flight 73. As for the tragedy over Shanksville, we are investigating whether this aircraft was shot down by our own forces, and why. All crash sites are being secured by military units, acting under my direct orders, whose loyalty to the Constitution is beyond question.

The overriding question is whether the criminals who acted today enjoyed support or collaboration from within our own country and even within our own government. I have created a special unit of federal investigators which will act under my direct orders and which will report to me and to me alone. The first task of that unit will be to determine why there was no air defense, in violation of the standard operating procedures of NORAD and the FAA. Another task will be to examine the entire roster of FBI and CIA double agents presently infiltrating terrorist groups and how they are managed, with a view to identifying possible factors of collusion. Another task will be to determine why our watch list procedures and other forms of vigilance were not effective in screening the criminals out.

As far as the FBI is concerned, I urge the Congress to join me in breaking up this tragically dysfunctional agency. After Ruby Ridge, Waco, the FBI crime lab, Wen Ho Lee, the Atlanta Olympics and Richard Jewel, the withheld documents in the McVeigh case, we now have September 11, 2001. The FBI has never recovered from the corruption and mismanagement instilled during the fifty year reign of J. Edgar Hoover, a man whom we know today to have been unfit for public office. The FBI has many dedicated public servants, but they are trapped today in a structure of incompetence, corruption, and worse. Accordingly, I am placing the FBI into receivership by executive order with immediate effect; this agency will operate for the time being under the direction of my special assistant for internal security.

In determining the full scope of what happened today, I need the help of all our citizens. If you know something important about what happened today, I want to hear it. Call the White House and talk with one of my staff, who are mobilized to take your calls. If you see anyone, including especially federal agents, attempting to tamper with evidence, or if a federal agent attempts to intimidate you into saying you saw or heard something you did not see, I want to know about that, too.

I am also determined to find out if foreign intelligence agencies or foreign citizens were involved in today's events. I am appointing myself as temporary Director of the CIA, and in that capacity I will undertake a comprehensive review of foreign operations on American soil. No foreign agency will be exempted, and I promise you a full initial progress report.

In addition to the immediate investigations I have mentioned so far, I am also empanelling a board of inquiry to study today's events and offer a second opinion on what may have gone wrong. I am asking Senator Byrd to be the chairman of this body, and Lawrence Walsh, a Republican, the former Iran-contra prosecutor, to be the vice chairman. I have invited former Secretary of the Treasury O 'Neill, former President Carter, General Zinni, former Governor Ryan of Illinois to serve. I am also actively soliciting participation by outsiders and academics who have been critics of our government policies of recent years. I am inviting Susan Sontag, Eric Foner, Noam Chomsky, Chalmers Johnson, Howard Zinn, and Seymour Hersh to become members of the board of inquiry. Let them play the devil's advocates, if they will, so long as we obtain truth and justice. They will all receive the necessary security clearances directly from me personally, if necessary. I will personally supervise the rapid declassification of documents as recommended by the board of inquiry in order to educate the public about the board's findings. We all remember the failure of the Warren Commission; that failure will not be repeated during my presidency.

I recall the words of President Eisenhower in the wake of the Kennedy assassination: the American people, he commented will not be stampeded. I ask you to support your government and its constitutional institutions, and not to give way to the voices of hatred, fear, aggression, and paranoia. I promise that swift justice will be rendered for those who have struck us today, no matter who they turn out to be.

These dastardly attacks will not force this great nation off course; they will not force us to become something we are not. We will remain ourselves. We will go forward in the great American tradition of the Monroe Doctrine, the Good Neighbor Policy, the Bretton Woods system, the Marshall Plan, and the Four Freedoms of the Atlantic Charter, starting with the freedom from fear.

Further attacks cannot be ruled out in the coming days and weeks. Because of the office I hold, and because of the constitutional responsibilities I must meet, I ask for your support -- no matter what may happen during the coming days and weeks.

Good night.


SEPTEMBER 25, 2001 -- WHAT A REAL PRESIDENT WOULD HAVE SAID

A real president would have glanced at Cicero's orations against Catiline, with which that orator had gone into the Roman Senate to stop the impending coup d'etat of the bankrupt aristocrat Lucius Sergius Catilina in 63 BC, who had planned to seize power through a massacre of Roman political leaders. He would have been mindful of General de Gaulle's 1962 speech in which he expressed his determination to defeat the coup attempt of four fascist generals in Algiers.

My fellow citizens:

Tonight I would like to present, as promised; a progress report on the investigations into the events of September 11, investigations which have been the main task of your government over the past several weeks. The tidings I bring you this evening are very grave, and they are related to the tempestuous events of the last few days which are known to you in whole or in part.

As many of you may know, during the morning of 9/11 the White House received a telephone call saying, "Angel is next." "Angel " was the top-secret code word designating my official aircraft, Air Force One, so this was a threat to shoot down Air Force One. It was also something more: as I realized immediately, it was quite possible that this telephone call had indeed come from the authors of the 9/11 terror attacks. If that was so, there existed the definite possibility that this group, whoever they were, also had access to other top-secret code words used by our government. This meant that there was imminent danger that the terrorist group might possess the code words and related signals that could be used to target thermonuclear ballistic missiles on targets in foreign countries -- or even here at home. A duplicate of the briefcase known as "the football," which follows me everywhere, might be in the hands of the plotters. I decided at once to proceed as quickly as possible to the headquarters of the Strategic Air Command in Nebraska with a small force of bodyguards for the purpose of countermanding, by the immediate physical presence of the commander in chief, any and all illegal attack orders that might be issued by the rogue terrorist network which had so plainly declared war on our country. My intent was to assume direct personal control over the nuclear deterrent forces of this country, wherever they might be located.

During my flight to Nebraska, I received a phone call which presented this threat in the most concrete form. The call came from a man who identified himself as the spokesman for a secret organization of clandestine operatives and special forces -- clearly a subversive and insurrectionary group acting as a tool for a coterie of very powerful, wealthy, and ruthless persons. This spokesman told me that his organization had orchestrated the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon as a means of reversing the inexorable decline of American power in the world -- a process which I and my elected predecessors had been wholly negligent in allowing, he asserted. He also demanded that I immediately make a televised public statement identifying al Qaeda, Osama Bin Laden, Afghanistan, and Iraq as those responsible for the terror attacks, and announcing our government's plans to invade and occupy these two countries. Iran, Pakistan, and Saudi Arabia, he added, might have to come later. If l failed to accept this ultimatum, the conspirators were determined to use the nuclear launch code words in their possession to destroy Cairo, Baghdad, Teheran, Rabat, Tunis, Karachi, Jakarta, Damascus, Pyongyang, Riyad, Havana, and possibly other cities. That would start 100 years of war of civilizations, they told me, and once it had started, nothing could stop it. I told this spokesman that he and his group, in addition to being guilty of high treason, were courting suicide. The Russian Federation might interpret the missile firings as the beginning of a US first strike against Russian targets, and might respond by initiating procedures for launch under attack, in an attempt to use their nuclear assets against us before they were destroyed on the ground. The People's Republic of China might respond in the same way. These countries might also conclude that our government had been taken over by madmen, and that their only hope of safety might lie in the use of military means against us. The spokesman for the group of plotters replied that those dangers were real, but that it was up to me to avoid this danger by granting the demands of the terrorist controllers, which came down to US attacks on Afghanistan, and Iraq, with the overthrow of the government of Saudi Arabia likely along the way. The terror group, he boasted, welcomed the bloody global conflict that I seemed to fear, and even regarded the prospect of world war engulfing this planet as preferable to the relative decline of the United States for which he said I and those like me were responsible.

At this moment, our country faced the greatest danger in our entire history. To accept the ultimatum of the plotters and to wage war against their target list of Arab and Islamic states would have cast the United States adrift on an ocean of blackmail, lies, and adventures. Blackmailers always escalate their demands, and the addiction to terrorism of the victorious criminal network might have poisoned our national life for decades, or even for centuries. If I had capitulated; I would have been a puppet of the plotters for as long as I remained in office, indeed for the rest of my life. On the other side, the danger of world war was immediate. I decided that the only honorable course coherent with my oath to preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution was to defy the terrorists. At this point we had reached the SAC headquarters in Nebraska. I terminated my conversation with the spokesman for the plotters.

At this point, I activated several units of the Secret Service and Army intelligence under handpicked officers whose constitutional loyalty I knew I could trust. I briefed them on what I knew so far, and gave them the task of finding the rogue terror network and rooting it out. These fine patriotic men and women went to work at once, and within 72 hours the main outlines of the plot were evident. Let me sum up what we have learned so far.

A group of al Qaeda operatives, manipulated by a cabal of rogue CIA case officers, had chosen September 11 to hijack several aircraft, force them to land, and use the passengers as hostages to extort the liberation of certain prisoners being held in Egypt and Saudi Arabia. Among these al Qaeda operatives were several double agents, also under the control of rogue elements in our own intelligence community. These were dissolute and evil persons, who had been trained using the infrastructure left over from the Iran-contra affair.

Air defense that day was completely absent, in part because of four air exercises which were taking place at the same time in various parts of North America. A number of officers in critical positions at NORAD, its regional office in Rome, New York, and in the FAA appear to have been party to the plot. By a kind of collective inertia, they ignored the well-known and long-established standard operating procedures which govern the cooperation of FAA and NORAD, and were able to misdirect our few remaining fighter interceptors, out over the Atlantic Ocean in one case. More arrests are imminent as a result of ongoing investigations in this area.

What the al Qaeda operatives apparently did not know was that the aircraft they had chosen to hijack had been equipped with a new technology making it possible to seize control of these aircraft and operate them by remote control from a command center on the ground. It was this new technology, and not the dubious skills of the hijackers, which allowed the planes to hit their targets with such precision.

But even direct hits by the two planes could not have been enough to bring down the towers. According to the information we have developed; the collapse of World Trade Center buildings one, two, and seven was the direct result of controlled demolition -- the result of explosive charges which had been placed in these buildings over the previous days and weeks by the terror network, who infiltrated the buildings in the guise of cleaning and security personnel. We have not yet been able to solve all the problems posed by the collapse of the twin towers, since energy sources appear to have been at work which go beyond the realm of today's conventional technology. I will have more to report on this later, In the meantime, I regret to report that I have had to order the arrest of the Mayor of New York, who repeatedly attempted to bring about the destruction of evidence at the crime scene.

As for the Pentagon, it was struck by a US Air Force cruise missile fired from an aircraft above West Virginia, and not by one of the hijacked airliners. We have not yet been able to determine what happened to American flight 77, and we call on citizens to come to our aid in this matter. The launch of the cruise missile was the work of an entire Air Force unit in Ohio, and these traitors have all been taken into custody.

The airplane that crashed in Shanksville was cynically shot down through the actions of a rebel mole placed in a highly sensitive position at NORAD. This mole was aware that the passengers had retaken control of the aircraft from the lightly armed hijackers, and realized that the interrogation of the hijackers on board would have revealed critical dimensions of the real plot in which the hijackers, although certainly acting with criminal intent, were ultimately mere expendable pawns. The NORAD mole also feared that an examination of the aircraft might reveal the presence of the remote control technology, which had for some reason failed to function. Accordingly, the mole cynically directed jet interceptors to destroy this airplane, even though it was far away from any target of interest to the hijackers.

Several FBI officials and agents have been indicted for obstruction of justice; they have been accused of destroying security camera tapes at the Pentagon, and intimidating witnesses at the Pentagon and in Shanksville, Members of the FBI crime lab and the NTSB team have been discovered attempting to sabotage the cockpit voice recorders of the planes in question; the recordings we have heard are consistent with the account of the 9/11 events I have just described.

Sadly, I must address the three mysterious suicides from the highest ranks of our own government which have caused so much speculation over the past several days. The vice president was found dead in his bunker at Site R last Thursday; the coroner has ruled this a suicide, and has established that the cause of death was a potassium cyanide pill. The same finding has been delivered in the case of the former deputy secretary of defense some hours later on that same day. The death of the Vice Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff by a gunshot wound to the head in the Pentagon at around that same time has also been ruled a suicide. I can only confirm that arrest warrants for all three had been issued by a federal grand jury empanelled to investigate the tragic events of September 11.

The mutiny of the Delta Force battalion based near Fort Bragg, North Carolina, has been quelled by loyal troops and planes. The appeal of the rebel commander for a military rebellion against the legal government and for a military coup has been ignored.

As you may also know, a top former anti-terror official and several other high officials of the CIA and FBI have been missing for over two weeks, and are presumed to have fled abroad. I can confirm that arrest warrants have been issued for these persons. A number of journalists have also disappeared, and this may also be related to the recent upheaval. I can assure you that our constitutional procedures are just as vigorous as they have ever been, that habeas corpus remains alive, well, and in full force. We have no secret prisons and no secret prisoners, and I will tolerate none. Our open courts continue to function, and they will continue to do so.

We have uncovered complicity between the rogue network in this country and a number of foreign intelligence agencies. One of these is the British MI-6. After the raid by Scotland Yard on the headquarters of MI-6 in Oxford Circus, and after the resignation of Mr. Blair, I look forward to working with the new Labour Party prime minister to eradicate any remaining insurrectionary elements. We continue to observe the situation in several other countries we believe may have been involved in the 9/11 plot. I regret that General Sharon has refused to cooperate, and I invite the Congress to consider what response may be required.

I would like to thank President Putin of the Russian Federation and the leadership of the People's Republic of China for their wisdom and restraint, especially during the morning of 9/11, when the rebel network engaged in visible preparations for a nuclear launch. I am certain that the great powers, having weathered this storm, will be able to return to the path of confidence building measures at our summit next week.

More details will be announced as soon as practicable. In conclusion, let me say a few words about the state of the world.

I do not assert that terrorism is a spontaneous outgrowth of poverty and misery. In fact, I assert the opposite: terrorism is usually organized by an outside agency, often by a government or a network operating inside a government. But it is certainly true that poverty and misery provide the indispensable environment in which terrorist groups can recruit, or be created by intelligence agencies. In today's world, there are about 2 billion people who are attempting to get by on less than $1 per day. There are some 600 million homeless -- that is equal to about the entire population of Europe. About one and one half billion people do not have clean water to drink. With about one billion people unemployed, the unemployment rate in our world is about 33%, about one third. When that happened in our own country during the 1930s, we called that a great depression, and we must therefore acknowledge the existence of a world economic depression of unprecedented severity today. Two thirds of the people in the world -- 65% -- have never made a phone call. About 40% do not have access to electricity for household use; I would call that a clear need for rural and urban electrification. Every day in this world of ours, some 40,000 human beings perish from malnutrition and from easily treated diseases like diarrhea. Another 40,000 lose their lives each month as the result of warfare, all of which is absolutely futile and which has often been cynically fomented by foreign economic interests. I am thinking here of the crisis in Africa most specifically. In Africa, the standard of living of the average family has declined by 20% over the last twenty years. Eighty-nine countries are now worse off than they were at the beginning of the 1990s. 175 million people leave their home countries every year in the desperate search for jobs and food -- about 3% of humanity. The price of a human slave on the slave markets of southern Europe at this very moment is about 4,000 euros. In the midst of all this, the two hundred fifty-eight richest persons in the world own more in the way of assets and other property than the poorest 3 billion persons. When two hundred fifty eight own more than half of the human population of the world, I hope you will agree with me that such a world cannot be stable. Yet, this is the world that lies before us. I plan to use my powers as president to ameliorate this situation with every means at my disposal, and I call upon the Congress and upon all citizens to support these steps for a new world economic order that will be more just, more equitable, more prosperous, and more dynamic.

We have now been tested in the crucible of a brutal crisis. From this experience we must take renewed devotion to our best values. The decade of globalization has been revealed as a colossal failure, for ourselves as well as for others. We must find a better, more humane, more equitable way of organizing the affairs of this planet, To do this, we must work closely with almost two hundred sovereign states, and work out the details with them, since every country has an inherent right to economic development, science, technology, and dignity. The old imperialism denied these, and the old imperialism is now on the junkheap of history. In the days to come, my two lodestars will be peace and economic development, seen as the two sides of the same coin. Our world has turned over several times in the past month, but I am more certain than ever that I can count on the support of the American people in getting the world back on the right track. I ask you once again to remember the victims of the recent tragedy in your prayers. Good night.


--9/11 Synthetic Terrorism Made in USA, by Webster Griffin Tarpley


***

[Jack & Archbishop Aurelio Lopez Walking]

[Bell Tolling]

[Archbishop Aurelio Lopez] Recently, we have heard rumors about a government program of ...
birth control?
I'm certain that is an unfounded rumor, Excellency.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Speaking of rumors,
they say there are priests who help the rebels.

[Archbishop Aurelio Lopez] Renegades. Antichrists.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Mmm, mm-hmm.
What -- What is this beautiful stone, Eminence?

[Archbishop Aurelio Lopez] It's a Paradorian sapphire, Excellency.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Your Eminence, may I speak frankly?

[Archbishop Aurelio Lopez] Certainly.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] I think the church ...
would make a beautiful gesture ...
by donating this priceless ring ...
to the poorer members of the flock.
[Takes his ring off, and kisses his hand]
God bless you, Your Eminence.

[Jack Noah Narrating] The people loved me -- well, except for him.

***

[Unveiling statue of Dictator]

[Jack Noah Narrating] We were a hit. We were a smash.
We were standing room only.
She was sexy, she was smart, she was funny.
She was Marilyn Monroe and Eleanor Roosevelt rolled into one.
And I loved her.
I only had one problem.
I'd been playing the same damn part for almost a year.

***

[Madonna & Jack riding in a motorcade, waving]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [To Madonna] I'm so goddamned bored I can't see straight.
I don't wanna play this son of a bitch anymore.
I wanna go home, you know?
[Clapping to audience]
I wanna watch the Knicks on TV.
I'd pay big money to see Hollywood Squares.
I hate Alphonse Simms.

[Madonna] Don't fade on me now, Jack.
Look how these people believe in you.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] They don't believe in me.
They believe in him.

[Madonna] You really want to abandon these people to Roberto?

[Jack & Madonna look at each other and kiss after coordinating their hats]

***

[Jack Noah] [Acting Richard III] Sanctuary! Sanctuary!
[Laughing Wildly]
[Jumps on the bed]

[Madonna] Aah!

[Jack Noah] Acting Richard III] Listen to my little friends.
That one's Francois.
[Laughing Wildly]
And this one is Big Bertha. She made me deaf.
[Laughing Wildly]
Ooh, why were I not made of stone ...

[Madonna] [Laughing]

[Jack Noah] like them?
[Pins Madonna down on the bed] Yeah! Mmm!
Mmm!

[Madonna] [Sighs]

[Madonna & Jack kiss]

[Jack Noah] I used to think it was ...
the part, you know?
Brando had the part when he did Streetcar,
and De Niro had the part when he did Raging Bull.

[Madonna] [Saying it simultaneously with Jack] Raging Bull.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] But I got the part.
It's not enough.

[Madonna] Do you know what I think?
I think you're playing your best role.
There is no audience to see it.

[Jack & Madonna kiss]

[Jack Noah] Yeah. I'm just an actor.
Oh, I'm just a goddamned actor.

[Madonna] I forgot to tell you. Another movie company has come to Parador.

[Jack Noah] You think everything is cast?

[Both Laughing]

***

[Director] Okay, five-six all cameras. We've got about 20 minutes of good light. Let's go.

[Woman] Okay, quiet, please! This is a take! And roll it!
Rolling!

[Man] One thirty-two, take one.

[Director] Background action!
Action, Liz!

[Liz] [Walks into outdoor cafe]

[Director] Energy!

[Liz] Are you Geoff?

[Geoff] Couldn't pay anybody else to be.

[Liz] Well, I'm Liz.

[Geoff] What are you drinkin', Liz?

[Liz] Got something dietetic?

[Geoff] Yeah. Water.

[Liz] [Harrumphs]

[Geoff] They make a marvelous dry martini here.

[Machine-gun Fire]

[Liz & Geoff hide under table]

[Geoff] Some friends of yours?

[Liz] That's funny. I was gonna ask you the same thing.

[Geoff & Liz] [Kiss under the table]

[Director] Cut! That was fine! Fine!

[Geoff] First of all --

[Overlapping Chatter]

[Liz] That was good for me.
It was good for me.

[Director] Print it. Print it!

***

[Producer] My director, Edgar Low.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Very efficient.

[Director] Thank you, Mr. President.

[Producer] My leading actor.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] You are very good looking.

[Geoff] Thank you, Mr. President.

[Producer] My leading actress.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] You are a marvelous actress.
[Kisses her hand]

[Liz] Thank you.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Simply marvelous.

[Liz] Thank you.

[Producer] And this is Clint Adler.
He does all our gunshots and explosives -- our special effects.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Congratulations. Yes, very realistic. [Chuckles]

[Clint] Thank you.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Are you enjoying your stay here in Parador?

[Clint] Oh, yes, sir, Your Excellency.
You know, you may not remember, but I was here a year ago with another film.
You came to the set? We shook hands?

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Oh, yes! Yes, I do remember!
Yesh, it's so very good to see you have returned.

[Clint] Oh, I love it here. In fact, this year, I think I'm gonna stay for Carnival.

[Jack Noah as Dictator] You must. You must. Carnival.
Spectacular. [Chuckles]
Nice to see you again.

[Clint] Thank you, sir. I love it here.

[Menachem] Mr. President.
[Indicating the way]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Menachem, thank you.
[To Madonna] Did you see that?
Clint looked right in my eyes, and I -- I waited for any glint of recognition ...
and there was nothing.
I must be pretty good.
They're doing Streetcar at Lincoln Center. Son of a bitch!
Boy, would I love to reach for Mitch!

***

[Salsa Music at Carnival]

[Stately Music]

[Sammy Davis, Jr.] [Singing] Parador
My country so lovely
Your flowers, your mountains, your valleys
Beckon to me
Parador
Parador, I love you
Hold me forever
This land of the brave and the free
Your fountains, your beaches, your coffee, your peaches
Your guava and papaya too
Your hammocks, bananas, your moonlit cabanas
Can make all our dreams come true
Parador
Parador, I love you
Hold me forever
This land of the brave
and the free

[Crowd Applauding]

[Assassin walking through crowd, pulls out gun and shoots the Dictator]

[Crowd Screaming]

[Roberto Strausmann] [Pointing at assassin] Get him!

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Oh!
[P.A. Feedback]
Roberto. Assassin.
Assassin.
Roberto!

[Madonna] Assassin!
Assassin! Assassin!

[Roberto Strausmann] He's an actor!

[Madonna] Assassin!

[Roberto Strausmann] He's an actor!

[Madonna] [Screams]

[Roberto Strausmann] He's an actor!

[Madonna] Assassin!

[Roberto Strausmann] [Falls over stage]

[Crowd surges onto Roberto] Assassin! Assassin! Assassin!

[Madonna] [Cradling Jack in her arms]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] [Grunting]
Good-bye
my -- my Madonna.
[Kisses her hand]
[Coughing]
[Feedback from P.A.]
Good-bye,
my beloved Parador.

[Madonna] [Sobbing]

[People sobbing]

[Jack Noah as Dictator] Good-bye,
my peop --
[Dies]

[Madonna] Oh!

[Crowd Clamoring]

[Madonna] [Sniffles] Good-bye, my president.

[Roberto Strausmann] [Looks up] I hate actors.
[Dies]

[Dictator put on stretcher and put into ambulance truck with Madonna]

[Siren Wailing]

[Madonna] [Crying]

[Jack Noah] [Rising from the dead] Whoa! Oh, boy! What a night, huh?
Is that amazing?
You were fabulous. What a performance!

[Madonna] I was terrible.

[Jack Noah] No, it was great. No, no, no.

[Madonna] I could have been better, much better.

[Jack Noah] No. I listened. I was there.
You're not a good judge,
I'm telling you.

[Jack & Madonna kiss]

[Clint] [Takes his assassin mask off to drive the ambulance]

[Jack Noah] [Uncovers the real, dead, frozen dictator, takes his hat off, and puts it on the Dictator's head]
[To Madonna] Gee. He's defrosting.

***

[Ike Pappas] This is Ike Pappas reporting from Parador City.
Let me tell you what I know at the moment, advising you that the situation is extremely confused.
First, we know that the president was shot as he moved forward on the reviewing stand.
We later learned that the wounds were fatal.
Roberto Strausmann, the Secretary of the Interior ...
and the head of the National Police, was killed by the crowd.
Dante Guzman, leader of the Revolutionary Front,
has denied any involvement,
and labor leaders have called for a general strike starting tomorrow.
Parador City is a city in chaos and mourning.
The famed singer Sammy Davis Jr. was an eyewitness. Sammy, what happened?

[Sammy Davis, Jr.] Well, Ike, it was probably the most frightening thing I've ever been a part of.
I was standing right next to the president when he died, and, uh,
I was --
I would like to just say to the people of Parador, my sympathies are with them,
and, uh --
You'll have to forgive me, Ike. It was a little rough.
[Turns away]

[Ike Pappas] Thank you.
Thank you, Sammy. Now back to New York.
This is Ike Pappas in Parador.

***

[Ambulance driving through a field where a small airplane rests]

[Clint, Jack & Madonna exit car]

[Music]

[Jack Noah] Took a lot of balls, Clint.

[Clint] Now you know that special-effects men are nuts.

[Madonna] You should hurry.

[Clint] You gotta move it, Jack.

[Jack Noah] Madonna, come with me.

[Madonna] How can I?

[Jack Noah] God, I'm gonna miss you.
I'm gonna miss this moon.
I don't wanna go.

[Madonna] Go. There is no time.

[Clint] Come on, Jack! Let's roll!

[Jack Noah] Why do these feelings happen when you leave?
I love you, and I love this place.
This has been the greatest time,
and I'll never forget you.

[Madonna] I love you too. I'll call you.

[Jack Noah] You know how to get me in New York.
I have an answering machine and a service.

[Madonna] I'll call your agent.

[Jack Noah] Well, I'm thinking of changing agents.

[Madonna] Why?

[Jack Noah] Well, he hasn't called me in a year, the son of a bitch.

[Madonna] Oh, I love you.

[Jack & Madonna kiss]

[Clint] Jack! Let's roll!

[Madonna] I love you.

[Jack Noah] [Sitting in airplane] What a moment!
Right out of Casablanca.

***

[Desmond Feree] Fantastic! It is right out of Casablanca.

[Toby] It's a bit more like Dynasty, if you ask me.

[Jack Noah] The hardest thing I ever did in my life.
But I'm gonna tell you something.
It just proves to me how much I love acting.
I mean,
no matter what else happens to me, I'm never gonna have that -- that doubt, you know?
That feeling that I should have done something else with my life.

[Desmond Feree] Bravo.

[Woman] Mr. Allen? Mr. Papp can see you now.

[Toby Allen] Well, I'm sorry. I just don't buy it, Jack.
But it's a great story.
[Shakes Jack's hand]

[Desmond Feree] It's a great story, Jack.

[Jack Noah] [Pats Desmond's leg]
[To receptionist] You got a light?

[Receptionist] Sure.

[Man on TV] We interrupt this program to bring you a special report. We take you to Ike Pappas in Parador City.
Two days of strikes and protests have ended ...
with members of Parador's presiding council fleeing the country,
and the revolutionary council naming a new president.
This has been a revolution all right, but a fairly bloodless one.
The president's body lay in state all day yesterday and today,
with thousands of mourners waiting to pay their respects.

[Military Band]

[Gunther Feldmark] [Looking at Alphonse in his casket]

[Mama] [Looking at her dead son in his casket]

[Ike Pappas] All of this ceremony has led to this one remarkable moment.
Parador has a new leader, a woman with a chance to change the course of history.


[Crowd Chanting] Madonna! Madonna! Madonna! Madonna!
Madonna! Madonna! Madonna! Madonna!
Madonna! Madonna! Madonna! Madonna!

[Madonna] [On P.A.] My fellow Paradorians,
I come here to dedicate myself ...
to the memory of our beloved leader ...
whose dreams we must keep alive.
My first act is to declare amnesty ...
for all political prisoners.

[Crowd Cheering] Madonna! Madonna! Madonna! Madonna!

[Madonna] Yes.
We will dream the impossible dream.

[Receptionist] Mr. Noah, Mr. Papp can see you now.

[Jack Noah] Thanks.
[As Alphonse] Thank you. Thank you so much.

[Man Singing in Spanish]

[Crowd Still Cheering]

[Madonna] [Waving to the crowd]

[Soldier] [Shrugging his shoulders]

***

[Jack Noah] [Exits the rehearsal building and does Dictator salute to everyone as he walks down the street]

***

Jack Noah: RICHARD DREYFUSS
Roberto Strausmann: RAUL JULIA
Madonna: SONIA BRAGA
Ralph: JONATHAN WINTERS
Alejandro: FERNANDO REY
Himself: SAMMY DAVIS, JR.
Clint: MICHAEL GREENE
Midge: POLLY HOLLIDAY
Carlo: MILTON GONCALVES
Madame Loop: CHARO

Magda: MARIANNE SAGEBRECHT
Gunther: RENE KOLLDEHOFF
Dieter Lopez: RICHARD RUSSELL RAMOS
Archbishop: JOSE LEWGOY
Toby: DANN FLOREK
Desmond: ROGER AARON BROWN
Jenny: DANA DELANY
Himself: DICK CAVETT
Himself: IKE PAPPAS
Himself: EDWARD ASNER

Momma: CARLOTTA GERSON
1st Dictator: LORIN DREYFUSS
Carmen: NIKA BONFIM
Director: JOHN C. BRODERICK
Edgar Low: DAVID CALE
Menachem Fein: REUVEN BAR-YOTAM
Gordon Boyd: ROD McCARY
Alice: LORA MILLIGAN
Assistant Director: JILL MAZURSKY
Casting Secretary: NINA FINEMAN

Clara: REGINA CASE
Tilde: BIANCA ROSSINI
Paulo: ARIEL COELHO
Forte: GUILHERME KARAN
Nightclub Singer: VERA BUONO
Showgirl: URSULA CANTU
Bearded Man: GUARA
Carnival Girl: GIOVANNA GOLD
Drunk on Street: CARLOS AUGUSTO STRASSER
Woman at Buffet: BETSY MAZURSKY

Man on the Beach: RUI RESENDE
Dante Guzman: FLAVIOR R. TAMBELLINI
Antonio: ANTONIO NEGREIROS
General Sinaldo: NELSON XAVIER
Umberto Solar: MARIO GUIMARAES
Gray Man: NILDO PARENTE
Family Members: JORGE CHERQUES
NEVILLE DE ALMEIDA
RENATO COUTINHO
CATALANO
HELIO SOUTO
PATRICIO GUZMAN

Samuel: LUTERO LUIZ
Stunts: MARIA R.F. ARRELLANO
GERARDO M. FLORES
RAUL MARTINEZ YAVEZ
Unit Production Manager: JOHN BRODERICK
First Assistant Director: IRBY SMITH
Second Assistant Director: JAMES W. SKOTCHDOPOLE
Art Director: MARKOS FLAKSMAN
Camera Operator: DAVID BURR
Brazilian First Assistant Director: JOSE JOAQUIN SALLES
Assistant Production Manager: ROBERTO BAKKER
Brazilian Principals & Extras Casting: FLAVIOR R. TAMBELLINI
Production Sound: JIM WEBB, C.A.S.
1st Assistant Camera: ROBERT AGGANIS
Set Decorator: ALEXANDRE MEYER
Script Supervisor: DYNNIE TROUP
2nd Unit Director/Stunt Coordinator: BILL CATCHING
Assistant to Mr. Mazursky: ELIZABETH SAYRE ...
FILMED ENTIRELY ON LOCATION IN RIO DE JANEIRO, OURO PRETO AND SALVADOR DE BAHIA, BRAZIL AND NEW YORK CITY
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