The President's Analyst: A Film About Life, Liberty, and the

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The President's Analyst: A Film About Life, Liberty, and the

Postby admin » Fri Jun 24, 2016 8:17 am

The President's Analyst: A Film About Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happenings -- Illustrated Screenplay
written and directed by Theodore J. Flicker, starring James Coburn and Godfrey Cambridge
© 1967 Paramount Pictures Corporation and Panpiper

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Re: The President's Analyst: A Film About Life, Liberty, and

Postby admin » Fri Jun 24, 2016 8:20 am

THE PRESIDENT'S ANALYST -- ILLUSTRATED SCREENPLAY
written and directed by Theodore J. Flicker, starring James Coburn and Godfrey Cambridge
© 1967 Paramount Pictures Corporation and Panpiper

[transcribed from the movie by Tara Carreon]

THIS FILM HAS NOT BEEN MADE WITH THE CONSENT OR COOPERATION OF THE FEDERAL BOARD OF REGULATIONS (F.B.R.) OR THE CENTRAL ENQUIRIES AGENCY (C.E.A.). ANY RESEMBLANCE TO PERSONS LIVING OR DEAD IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL, AND SO FORTH AND SO ON.

JAMES COBURN IN

THE PRESIDENT'S ANALYST

CO-STARRING:
GODFREY CAMBRIDGE
SEVERN DARDEN

PAT HARRINGTON
BARRY McGUIRE
WILLIAM DANIELS
JOAN DARLING
EDUARD FRANZ
WILL GEER

WITH
JILL BANNER
WALTER BURKE
ARTE JOHNSON
SHELDON COLLINS
MARTIN HORSEY
WILLIAM BECKLEY
KATHLEEN HUGHES

AND INTRODUCING
JOAN DELANEY
AS NAN

DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY: WILLIAM A. FRAKER
FILM EDITOR: STUART H. PAPPE

PRODUCTION DESIGN
PATO GUZMAN

ART DIRECTION
HAL PEREIRA
AND AL ROELOFS
SET DECORATION
ROBERT BENTON
AND ARTHUR KRAMS

UNIT PRODUCTION MANAGER
WILLIAM C. DAVIDSON
ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
KURT NEUMANN
ANIMATION BY
DePATIE-FRELENG
A PANPIPER PRODUCTION

CAMERA OPERATOR
DAVID WALSH
SPECIAL PHOTOGRAPHIC EFFECTS
WESTHEIMER COMPANY
SOUND RECORDING
ROBERT L. POST
AND JOHN WILKINSON

COSTUMES DESIGNED BY JACK BEAR
MAKEUP ARTIST
EMIL LaVIGNE, S.M.A.
MAKEUP SUPERVISION
WALLY WESTMORE, S.M.A.
HAIR STYLIST
MARYCE BATES
HAIR STYLE SUPERVISION
NELLIE MANLEY, C.H.S.

MUSIC
LALO SCHIFRIN

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
HOWARD W. KOCH

PRODUCED BY
STANLEY RUBIN

WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY
THEODORE J. FLICKER

[FBR AGENT] Okay, Don. We'll take it from here.

[DON MASTERS] Good. I gotta hurry. I'm gonna be late for my analyst.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] You're early, Don.

[DON MASTERS] How about that sound?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] You shouldn't come in like that. I may have had another patient.

[DON MASTERS] I know.
But I had to find out about that sound.
What's that all about, doctor?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I don't really know what it's al about, Don.

[DON MASTERS] It's beautiful.
It's beautiful.
Beautiful sound.
You're a remarkable man.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Should we begin?

[DON MASTERS] I had a weird dream last night.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Go ahead. Tell me about it.

[DON MASTERS] I can and I can't.
I woke up.
No, it was a nightmare, and it woke me up.
But I couldn't remember it.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] When you couldn't remember it, did you think about anything?

[DON MASTERS] That was weird, too.
I suddenly remembered something that happened to me when I was a kid.
Something I haven't thought about since it happened.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What was it, Don?

[DON MASTERS] It was the day I found out about niggers.
I don't feel like lying down.
You mind if I sit over there?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] No, go ahead.

[DON MASTERS] I was 5.
And I knew there were colored people and white people.
But then Mama took me to school.
And it was almost all white kids.
And nothing much happened on the first day.
But on the second, day,
I was walking to school alone.
My big brother, he was already in third grade.
When you got a kid brother in kindergarten
it can be kind of an embarrassment.
So he ran on ahead to be with his buddies.
Anyhow, there was a group of white kids on the street up ahead.
And as I came up,
they started laughing and running and yelling.
"Run, run, here comes the nigger! Run, run!
"Here comes the nigger."
And I looked around.
And I didn't see any niggers.
But if they wanted to play, so did I.
So I started laughing and running and yelling.
"Run, run, here comes the nigger!
Run, run, here comes the nigger."
Suddenly there was my big brother.
And I ran up to him.
And I started yelling, "Run, run, here comes the nigger!"
And he hit me.
Then he did something worse.
He told me what a nigger was.
And that I was it.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] How'd you feel about that, Don?

[DON MASTERS] A hate flashed in me.
And I started to hit my brother.
I hated him, and I hit him.
I hated me.
And I hit him.
And I rammed that knife into his heart.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What?

[DON MASTERS] The Albanian.
I killed him.
I stuck that knife into him.
And he was my brother, and he was me, and I hated him.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What are you talking about?

[DON MASTERS] He was an Albanian double agent.
He had secret information that threatened the security of our country.
My assigned was to kill him.
And I did a while ago on Seventh Avenue.
So much for my cover.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Your cover?

[DON MASTERS] Doesn't make any difference. I had to tell you today anyway.
I'm glad.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What are you glad about, Don?

[DON MASTERS] I don't have to lie to you anymore.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Lie?

[DON MASTERS] I'm a CEA Agent.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] You are a CEA agent.
Then you really did kill someone?
It's fascinating, isn't it, Don?
Well, I suppose it's the conditioning of motion pictures or television,
or perhaps it's the time we live in,
but killing is serious, and yet this little card somehow makes it less shocking.
And acceptable in a way.
You mean you can actually legally kill someone?

[DON MASTERS] Yeah. And it bothers me sometimes because I don't feel guilty about it.
Don't you think that's psychotic behavior?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] No, I don't.
No, it explains your utter lack of hostility.
You can vent your aggressive feelings by actually killing people.
It's a sensational solution to the hostility problem.

[DON MASTERS] Are you trying to tell me it's all right to kill people?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] It's simply a moral question.
And morality is a social invention.
And in this case, society has decided that it's not only morally acceptable
for certain people to kill other people, but it's even commendable.
I gotta write a paper for the institute.

[DON MASTERS] I don't think the CEA would like that!

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Oh, yes, the CEA!
I can't imagine why they'd allow an agent in analysis.

[DON MASTERS] They didn't. They assigned me.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Assigned you? Why?

[DON MASTERS] It's the last phase of a complete rundown we've been doing on you.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] On me?

[DON MASTERS] Shall we go for a drive, Sidney,
so we can talk?
This place could be bugged.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Bugged? Nonsense, Don.
The sanctity of a psychiatrist's office is like a confessional.
You know that. Now ...

[DON MASTERS] Really?
I put this one there myself. God knows what else could be in here.
Shall we go for a drive? My chariot awaits.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] This is a ...
You're putting me on.
The president of the United States?

[DON MASTERS] We only got one.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] The President? That's fantastic!
Well ...
... look, Don, I don't know how the selection fell upon me,
but analysis is a very personal thing.
I'd have to meet with the president, talk,
much like you and I did when we first met.
Then, if we show some rapport, then it's ...

[DON MASTERS] No time. It's all been determined.
Dr. Lee-Evans, he's your analyst, right?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes. What does that have to do with it?

[DON MASTERS] Most of what you're asking, he can answer better than I.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What are we doing at the Whitney?

[DON MASTERS] You play the gong,
he digs art. Go ahead, he's waiting for you.

***

[DR. LEE-EVAN] So they finally decided to tell you. Bunch of damn time-wasters.
You ought to have been with him three months ago.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] But why me, not you?

[DR. LEE-EVAN] Look at this thing.
Pile of junk.
Shock you?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] No, not shock. Surprise.
No, I think it's a beautiful piece of contemporary sculpture.

[DR. LEE-EVAN] That's why you and not me.
I'm just too damned old.
You like this?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Beautiful.
Can I handle him?

[DR. LEE-EVAN] I've known them all.
Freud, Jung, Wright, Pavlov, Sullivan -- all the old giants.
They were men of their time. You're a man of your time.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] The president's analyst. Beautiful.

[DR. LEE-EVAN] He's a vital man. You'll need every bit of your strength.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What kind of shape is he in?

[DR. LEE-EVAN] No manifestation of illness,
no real neurosis, certainly not psychotic.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Well, then what is it?

[DR. LEE-EVAN] Pretty, isn't she?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes.

[DR. LEE-EVAN] He is overworked, overtired, overburdened.
He needs to talk to someone outside the stresses of his supercharged life.
He needs to talk to someone who doesn't want anything from him.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] When do I see him?

[DR. LEE-EVAN] You leave tomorrow.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Tomorrow? Well, what about my patients?

[DR. LEE-EVAN] It's a little complicated, but I'm taking care of it.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] It's certainly an unprecedented opportunity.

[DR. LEE-EVAN] I have to admit it. I envy you.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] The president!

[DR. LEE-EVAN] Goodbye, my son.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Thank you, sir.
[To Don Masters] I'm gonna walk.

[DON MASTERS] Okay, Sidney, I'll see you tomorrow.
Pick you up around about noon.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Beautiful.
Beautiful.

***

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Hey.
I thought you'd gone.

[NAN BUTLER] I'll go if you want me to.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Listen, I never want you to go.

[NAN BUTLER] Oh, I'm glad you said that.
But I warn you, I'm a nester.
I have this need to make a nest everywhere I go.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Listen, do you believe in magic?

[NAN BUTLER] No. I was analyzed.
I need to take care of a man, too cook, sew, make love,
admire his brains in adoring admiration, be dominated.
I'm a natural-born female slave.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I want to marry you.

[NAN BUTLER] No!
Hey. No fun. I tried it once.
Never again.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What's the matter with you?

[NAN BUTLER] What kind of nut are you, anyhow?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Oh, I'm not a nut.
It's my business to know myself, which I do, and other people, which I do.
You're my girl. You're my woman. You're Mrs. Me.

[NAN BUTLER] Could be, because I really think I love you right back.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] See?

[NAN BUTLER] But I thought I loved Morton
when I married him.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Morton?

[NAN BUTLER] I don't trust me any more.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yeah, well, trust me.
Look it, I ... love ... you.
And it's my professional opinion that you love me, too.

[NAN BUTLER] I do love you.
But I'm afraid.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] No, no.

[NAN BUTLER] You're not lying to me, are you?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] No, no.
If I could take all the things that I am, all the feelings I have,
all the things that I want and somehow get them on a computer card,
you would be the answer.
I don't know why or how you've come along
at this particular point in my life.
See, that's the magic part.
I'm not gonna let you go.
Marry me.

[NAN BUTLER] We could live together for a while,
and if it worked out,
then we could get married. Okay?

***

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] What a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Schaefer.
I've admired your paper, "Ego, Superego in Media."

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Thank you.

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] Won't you sit down?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes.

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] I am Ethan Allan Cocket,
director of Central Enquiries Agency.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Oh, yes.

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] And this is Mr. Henry Lux, head of the Federal Board of Regulation.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Sir, this is certainly an honor ...

[HENRY LUX] I don't hold with this psychiatric mumbo jumbo.
I don't approve of what my colleague from the CEA is going to tell you.
But I have been overruled, so I am here.

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] Dr. Schaefer, before you meet the president,
there are things we feel you must understand.

[HENRY LUX] The SS.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What?

[HENRY LUX] SS.

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] Security and Safety.
First, I want you to know, you will be under the protection of the CEA.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Well, thank you very much, sir, but I hardly feel that's necessary.

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] Perhaps. But once you've spoken to the president,
you will be in the topmost secret category.
You can impart nothing of what you may learn to anyone.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Well, that's a condition under which every psychiatrist meets every patient.

[HENRY LUX] The girl.
I say he don't get the job till he improves his morals.

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] We've already settled that.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What?

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] Your relationship with Miss Butler,
while not particularly bothersome to the CEA,
we have, of course, checked her clearance, and she's just fine,
does present a problem with our colleagues in the FBR.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Well, now, just a minute.
While I appreciate the honor of the position offered,
my personal life is my own.

[HENRY LUX] Not anymore it isn't.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Of course it is.

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] That's all been taken care of.
Mr. dear Mr. Lux, no man is an island.
Most of us require the warmth of human companionship.

[HENRY LUX] Poppycock.

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] In any event, it is settled.
Dr. Schaefer may have his lady.
We've taken the liberty of securing
a charming little house in Georgetown for you and Miss Butler.
Mr. Masters will escort her there now.

[HENRY LUX] A frivolous, immoral expenditure of taxpayer money.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Well, I can find a place of my own, and I can certainly pay for it.
However, with all the taxes I pay each ...

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] Yes, well, we've researched your taste, and I'm sure you'll like this one.
Now, as to your office, it's directly below mine.
And at your request, it is bug-proof.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Well, that's a relief!
Now, when can I expect the president?

[HENRY LUX] You don't expect him. He expects you.

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] The president's schedule is so demanding,
we will be unable to establish any regular appointment time.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Oh, yes.

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] He will send for you
whenever he has an hour.
Your office, my boy. I hope you like it.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Oh, it's ...

[HENRY LUX] I've installed signal lights wherever necessary.

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] We were able to set up this first appointment. He'll see you now.
Your key.
This time we'll accompany you part of the way.
From here on, my boy, you are on your own.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Oh, yes. Thank you. Now, I ...

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] Oh, yes. Your directions.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Oh, thank you.

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] Good luck.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Thank you, sir.

[HENRY LUX] Watch your step.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Mr. President.

***

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] It's beautiful.

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] We knew you'd like it.
You'll need a car. That's yours.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Marvelous.
Well, thank you very much, sir.

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] Not at all, my boy. You're very important to all of us. Very important.

[HENRY LUX] Poppycock.

[NAN BUTLER] Our nest.
Do you like it?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I love it. I could live in a packing crate with you.

[NAN BUTLER] Sidney, for a psychiatrist, you're a very peculiar man.
What was it like?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Fantastic. He's really a great man, you know.
You can't believe the ...
No. No, I can't tell you about that part.
It doesn't matter. The parts I can tell you about are fantastic.
That man carries a load that would kill ten ordinary men, and alone.
Well, now at least he has me to share some of it with.
But you'd think that he'd spend his time worrying about China or Russia ...
Hasn't slept in eight nights worrying about Libya.

[NAN BUTLER] Do you know about politics and Libya and things like that?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] No, I don't have to know about that. He has political advisors for that.
He has a medical doctor to take care of his physical needs,
and me to keep his head straight.

[NAN BUTLER] You're gonna do it, too.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yeah, you bet I am.

[NAN BUTLER] Hey. How?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I just keep him from carrying excess anxieties.

[NAN BUTLER] Are they catching?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What?

[NAN BUTLER] Anxieties.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Not as long as I have you.

[NAN BUTLER] What's that all about?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] It's him. He needs me.

[NAN BUTLER] But you just met with him ...

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Oh, yes. I know.

[NAN BUTLER] I thought psychiatrists had regular hours.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Well, they do, I don't. New rules. I'll see you later.

***

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Don.
Oh, I've gotta go.
Look, I'll ...
Wednesday. How's next Wed ...? No, Tuesday. Tuesday. Maybe Tuesday.

***

[TOUR GUIDE] ... Truman administration.
Now, if you will step this way, we will go through the North Portico.
We hope you have all enjoyed your tour of your White House.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Nan?

[HENRY LUX] She no longer lives here, Dr. Schaefer.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What do you mean?

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] I am sorry, by boy.
I'm afraid we have unpleasant news for you.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Something happened with Nan?

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] No, my boy, it's not that at all.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What is it?

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] It's rather ... Rather
a complicated security problem.

[HENRY LUX] It's not complicated at all.
Doctor ...
... you talk in your sleep.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What do you mean, I talk ...?
What's that have to do with Nan?

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] When you talk in your sleep,
you violate the National Security Act.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] The Na ...?

[HENRY LUX] While the CEA may consider Miss Butler acceptable
at a top security level, the FBR does not.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] My God.
How do you know what I say in the privacy of my own bedroom?

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] You're doing a marvelous job with the president.
He looks ten years younger.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Thank you, sir ...
but I wanna know what you've done with Nan!

[HENRY LUX] At the taxpayers' expense,
we've installed her in a suite at the Shoreham Hotel.
You may continue the relationship,
provided you go there only during the daylight hours and do not sleep.

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] Listen to me, my boy.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What?

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] I'm sure by now it must be apparent to you
that there is some strain between the CEA and the FBR.
It's petty nonsense, this rivalry, but nevertheless it does exist.
Give me a little time to reason with Mr. Lux.
I'm sure we can get you two children back together again.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Okay, but you get her back here fast because I need her.
I need her very badly.

***

[NAN BUTLER] Tough day?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Listen, if I were an analyst, which I am,
I would say I was rapidly turning into a paranoid personality, which I am.

[NAN BUTLER] Is there an analyst you could go to?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Every other psychiatrist has another doctor he can talk to.
Not me.

[NAN BUTLER] Sidney ...

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] The presidency used to be the world's loneliest job.
Now even he has someone. He can talk to me.

[NAN BUTLER] I'm here.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] We can't even go to bed together!
I talk in my sleep, and they'll arrest you.

[NAN BUTLER] Honey, why don't you just quit?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I can't. I know too much. They'd never let me get away.
They would never let me get away.
You see? I'm paranoid. I am paranoid.

[NAN BUTLER] I don't think you're paranoid. I think you have a firm grasp on reality.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Listen. Do you have any idea how badly the Russians and the Chinese
and even the Cubans want to get ahold of me?

[NAN BUTLER] Sidney, you're scaring me.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] With what I know, they'll throw me in a brain laundry.
Did you ever hear of Dr. Chen Hu and his electrodynamic process
of thought reform? Two days.
Two days with him, he'll have every thought in my head
pouring out into tape recorders.

[NAN BUTLER] What?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Everybody's after me.

[NAN BUTLER] Sidney, this is me, Nan.
I've got to get you some help. They must let you see a doctor.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Help?
Wait a minute.
No.
No, no, no. You're absolutely right. No.
I've simply and clinically been letting ...
my fantasies carry me away, huh?
No, I'm all right.
Or am I?
Why don't I just simply and clinically find out?
Oh, I'm shot!
I was right. I'm not paranoid.
They're all spies!

[NAN BUTLER] Boy, I hope this isn't a wrong number.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] No, it's not.
It's me.

[NAN BUTLER] Oh, Sidney.
Why, Sidney, what is it? You sound terrible.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Oh, I just ...
I just woke up from a dream.
Shook me a little bit. I dreamt that you were ...
I dreamt that ...
... you weren't here when I woke up.
And when I woke up, you weren't, and ...
Well, kiss good night.

[NAN BUTLER] Oh, Sidney, I miss you,
and I miss our nest, and I wish you were a plumber.
Good night, my darling.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] "Plumber"?

[NAN BUTLER] This is Company 32. Scramble and stand by
for tape transmission for Section 12.

"Why, Sidney, what is it? You sound terrible."

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] "Oh, I just ...
I just woke up from a dream."
Shook me a little bit. I dreamt that you were ...
I dreamt that ...
you weren't here when I woke up.
And when I woke up, you weren't, and ...
Well, kiss good night.


***

[TOUR GUIDE] And although the original was burned by the British in 1812,
the White House was fortunate in having a duplicate donated
during the recent redecoration by Mrs. Kennedy.
Now, as we leave the White House ...

[MEAN MOTHER] Now, we're in Washington, and we're gonna stay in Washington
until we've seen every single national shrine! Now, shut up!

[TOUR GUIDE] ... and next to it, one believed to be that of President Martin Van Buren.
Hurry along, folks.

[BING QUANTRILL] Gee whiz, Dad. Why can't we take the FBR tour? I wanna see the files.

[WYNN QUANTRILL] Sorry, we've got to get back to New Jersey as soon as we've finished.

[JEFF QUANTRILL] Now, be a good boy and enjoy your heritage.
Look. Now, there's a picture of Andrew Johnson.

[BING QUANTRILL] See? He's got long hair.
Why can't I let mine grow?

[JEFF QUANTRILL] Because I said so, that's why.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Hello there. I wonder if I might talk with you.

[WYNN QUANTRILL] Yes?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I'm on the president's personal staff.

[JEFF QUANTRILL] Did you break anything?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Oh, no, no, no, nothing like that.
No, actually it's something quite special.
You see, the president likes us to seek out tourists
who come through the White House, a typical American family.
It's sort of a personal, confidential project.
There are all sorts of apparati for polling the public.
The president feels they're all too cold, too impersonal.
That they don't really contact real people.
So without anyone knowing it, except the people he chooses,
he reaches out to find out what you really think, what worries you,
what kind of government you really want.

[JEFF QUANTRILL] You mean the president is interested in what we think, the Quantrills?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] That's right. If I may, I'd like to stop by the hotel this afternoon to begin the interview.

[WYNN QUANTRILL] Oh!
Well, we were planning to leave for home.
That's Seaside Heights, New Jersey.
We've got a crowded weekend, but of course ...

[JEFF QUANTRILL] We could ...

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] That's even better.
The president likes us to conduct interviews
on the subjects' home ground.
Right. You know, find out his interests, his hobbies, et cetera, et cetera.
That is unless you object to having a guest.

[WYNN QUANTRILL] Object? We'd love it!

[JEFF QUANTRILL] I was planning pot roast bourguignon for Saturday. Would that be all right?

[WYNN QUANTRILL] Total sound!

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What?

***

[KROPOTKIN] Comrade Ambassador.
I have just been informed that Dr. Sidney Schaefer
has run away from his job as the president's analyst
and is now fair game.

[AMBASSADOR] Wonderful. Bravo.
Kidnap him so that we may transport him safely to Russia
and extract all those beautiful secrets from his head.

[KROPOTKIN] How do you do, Dr. Schaefer?
I'm Kropotkin, Russian Secret Service. I won't hurt you.
I come only to do you good
and to transport you to Russia where you'll live happily ever after.

[AMBASSADOR] Why did you just say that?

[KROPOTKIN] Just rehearsing.

***

[CHINESE SECRET SERVICE] [Speaking in Chinese ... Dr. Sidney Schaefer ...]

***

[AFRICAN SECRET SERVICE] [Speaking in African ... Dr. Sidney Schaefer ...]

***

[BRITISH SECRET SERVICE] Now see here, chaps,
the PM expects that we, and not anyone else,
shall be the first to abduct Dr. Schaefer.
You understand, of course, that you mustn't hurt him.
After all, the Americans are our allies.
Just take him quietly, and we'll ship him off to London in my trunk.

***

[HENRY LUX] Kill him.
I want him dead.
Dr. Schaefer must die. He knows too much.
We cannot risk some foreign power grabbing him.
You men are the inner defense of our nation.
It is upon your shoulders that this great responsibility falls.
We do not bear our burden lightly.
With the full knowledge of our responsibility, we must find him.
In the interest of national security, kill him.
Take no chances. Shoot him on sight.
We shall, we must, find Dr. Schaefer.
The nation expects it of us.
Find him.
Kill him.
Think of your mothers, think of the yet unborn children.

[ETHAN ALLAN COCKET] Amazing.
Well, we know what we must do.
Obviously we have to beat our colleagues
and the foreign spy services to Dr. Schaefer,
and we must prevent the FBR from assassinating him.
Don, you know him best. I'll leave it in your hands.
You're to take him quietly, if you can.
Of course, if it looks like you'll lose him, you'll have to kill him.

[DON MASTERS] Yes, sir.

***

[WYNN QUANTRILL] White House to Quantrills' in five hours, ten minutes and 51 seconds.
Not bad, if I do say so myself.

[JEFF QUANTRILL] You drive too fast!
You're gonna get a ticket one of these days, and that's gonna slow you down.

[WYNN QUANTRILL] Typical American home of a typical American family.
Come on in.
Bing, unload the car.

[BING QUANTRILL] Gee whiz, Dad.

[JEFF QUANTRILL] Oh, look at the time. I'm gonna be late for my class.
Honey, have Bing unload the car while I change.

[WYNN QUANTRILL] I just did, dear.
[To Dr. Schaefer] Look real?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes, yes.

[WYNN QUANTRILL] Plastic. Made it in my own workshop.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] No.

[WYNN QUANTRILL] She's always at me about my driving.
But don't get me wrong.
She's a great wife and a good mother.
Total sound.
Want a draft beer?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes.
This class she goes to, what is that?

[WYNN QUANTRILL] Her karate class.
Look at this. No decorator. Did it all herself.
Now, getting back to what I was saying about us,
the Quantrills, being liberals.
I meant that we're liberals
in the same tradition as the president.
Did I tell you we voted for him?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes.

[WYNN QUANTRILL] When I say "liberal", of course,
I don't mean left-wingers or anything like that.
I mean, you know, we're for civil rights.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes.

[WYNN QUANTRILL] Sit down.
We've both done weekend picketing.
As a matter of fact,
we sponsored the Negro doctor and his wife
when they moved into the development.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Well, the president will be very pleased to hear that.

[WYNN QUANTRILL] That's great.
If I do say so, it took a little courage.
The Bullocks, next door, real right-wingers.
American flag up every day, real fascists.
Ought to be gassed. You know the type.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Oh, yes.

[WYNN QUANTRILL] Brother, the fight they put up.
But I told them.
These are liberal times.

[BING QUANTRILL] Hey, Dad. You want the Magnum .357 in the house?

[WYNN QUANTRILL] Darn it, Bing. I told you not to play around with my guns.
No, I do not want that in the house. That is my car gun.
My house gun is already in the house.
Put that back in the glove compartment,
and don't let me catch you fooling with my guns again.

[BING QUANTRILL] I'm sorry, Dad.

[WYNN QUANTRILL] Great kid.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I thought you said
you were an accountant.

[WYNN QUANTRILL] I am.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Why do you have all these guns around then?

[WYNN QUANTRILL] You know ...

[JEFF QUANTRILL] Honey ... Oh. I'm sorry about the silly clothes,
but we take our lessons at the police station
and they don't have facilities for us ladies to change.
Now, there are the girls. Listen, I'll see you guys around 5:00.
I thought we could drive into New York tonight and eat Chinks, okay?

[WYNN QUANTRILL] Right.

[FRIEND] You'll grow up to be a delinquent ...

[JEFF QUANTRILL] Wait till you hear!

[FRIEND] ... do you hear me?

[FRIEND] If you ever do that again,
I'll break every bone in your body.

[JEFF QUANTRILL] You guys won't believe it ...

[FRIEND] You're kidding!

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] These guns and karate, why?

[WYNN QUANTRILL] The right-wing extremists.
Disarm them, and us liberals will disarm.
Right?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Right.

[WYNN QUANTRILL] Refill?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Wynn?
There's a top-secret telephone call that I simply must make.

[WYNN QUANTRILL] Oh, sure, sure.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] You have someplace private?

[WYNN QUANTRILL] There is a 25-foot extension on this hall phone.
Take it in the powder room, lock the door.
I make a lot of calls from there.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Thank you, Wynn.

[TELEPHONE OPERATOR] Long distance.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Hello, operator.
I would like to speak with Dr. Stephen Lee-Evans
in New York City at 246-6598.

[TELEPHONE OPERATOR] What's the area code, please?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] No, I don't know the area code number ...

[TELEPHONE OPERATOR] Two-one-two?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes, thank you very much.
I'll try to remember that. Now, would you please ring me through?

[TELEPHONE OPERATOR] You may dial that number directly.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Well, yes, I know I can dial it,
but now that I have you, couldn't you just dial it for me?

[TELEPHONE OPERATOR] [Disconnects him]

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] [Dials the number]

[RECEPTIONIST] Doctor's office.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Hello.
This is Dr. Sidney Schaefer. I'd like to speak with Dr. Stephen Lee-Evans.
Please, it's very urgent.

[RECEPTIONIST] I'm sorry, the doctor is out.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Can he be reached?

[RECEPTIONIST] Sorry, but he ...

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] It's desperate that I reach him.

[RECEPTIONIST] I'm sorry.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes, well, certainly tell him I called. Tell him that I'm worried.
I'm very worried about the CEA, the FBR ... No!
No, don't tell him that.
That's a secret. Nobody's supposed to know that.
No, just forget I said anything about that.
Tell him I'll call him back later. Yes, goodbye.

***

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] FBR.

[BING QUANTRILL] He's gone for a little while.

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] Where?

[BING QUANTRILL] Chinks.

[CARTER, FBR AGENT] Don't say that. Say "Chinese restaurant."
"Chinks" is bigoted.

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] What restaurant?

[BING QUANTRILL] In New York. I don't know which one.

[CARTER, FBR AGENT] Don't your folks eat in the same restaurant?

[BING QUANTRILL] Mom's a gourmet. She says there's so many good restaurants,
if they ate in a new one every time, they still couldn't eat in all of them.
And, boy, you know what?

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] What?

[BING QUANTRILL] Most of them are lousy.

[CARTER, FBR AGENT] Don't say "lousy". It's impolite.
What'll we do, Sullivan?

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] I don't know, Carter.
They'll be back before we can hit enough places.
We better wait.

[BING QUANTRILL] You gonna kill Dr. Schaefer?

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] Yes, son. We're gonna kill him.

[BING QUANTRILL] Oh, boy.

***

[JEFF QUANTRILL] I adore Mandarin cooking, don't you?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Oh, yes.

[JEFF QUANTRILL] I mean, the Cantonese is so, well, it's so American. It's terribly bland.
We have been trying to get a Mandarin chef
to come to Seaside Heights to teach our ladies' group
because we've simply had it with the French thing.
Do you get Gourmet magazine?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I read the White House copy, yes.
Say, I wonder if it'd be possible for you to make a call for me.

[JEFF QUANTRILL] Muggers!

[JEFF QUANTRILL] I'll take care of this!

[WYNN QUANTRILL] Grab him!

***

[OLD WRANGLER] Peace.
Hey, peace.

[SNOW WHITE] Don't be afraid.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I'm in trouble.

[OLD WRANGLER] Most people are.

[SNOW WHITE] We saw them chasing you.

[OLD WRANGLER] First time I ever saw Chinese fuzz.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] If I could ...
... just stay in this ...
... bus here for a while and rest till I get my ...
... until I get my breath back.

[OLD WRANGLER] Just one question.
Are you a man of violence?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] No.

[SNOW WHITE] No.
He's pretty. My name is Snow White.
Isn't he pretty, Old Wrangler?

[OLD WRANGLER] We're all pretty, Snow White.
look, we're musicians on our way to the Great Lakes area.
Just finished an engagement here, we're gonna play up there.
You can come with us if you like.

[SNOW WHITE] You can sleep in my bed.

***

[DON MASTERS] Hey, Kropotkin, my dear old friend.
My compatriot. My competitor.
How are you? How nice to see you!

[KROPOTKIN] Please, no Russian. I'm spying.

[DON MASTERS] I thought they cycled you back to Eastern Europe.

[KROPOTKIN] They did. But when you guys hired Dr. Schaefer,
they decided I was the one to grab him, so here I am. Say, how's Pierre?

[DON MASTERS] Didn't you hear?

[KROPOTKIN] Oh, no.
Easy come, easy go.
Tranquilizer. Crude, but effective.

[DON MASTERS] How are you doing on this one?

[KROPOTKIN] Same as you.
You know, your Dr. Schaefer's not bad for an amateur.
Wanna make a bet?

[DON MASTERS] Depends on the bet.

[KROPOTKIN] I bet I find Schaefer before you do.

[DON MASTERS] Okay, it's a bet. How much?

[KROPOTKIN] Dinner at Bardil Rifats.

[DON MASTERS] Bardil Rifats? But that's in Albania.

[KROPOTKIN] Albania's my next assignment if I don't get Dr. Schaefer.
And if I'm there, the least you could do ...

[DON MASTERS] All right, but you'll have to get your side to leak information
in order to get my side to send me over.

[KROPOTKIN] Well, that's a breeze. I'll see you.

[DON MASTERS] Kropotkin.

[KROPOTKIN] Yes?

[DON MASTERS] We may both lose.
The FBR has orders to kill him on sight.

[KROPOTKIN] Good for them. I see you Americans are getting more sophisticated.
Hope you don't mind if I eliminate some FBR.

[DON MASTERS] Mind?
Surely you jest.

[KROPOTKIN] Later.
Keep the faith, baby.

[DON MASTERS] Dazbidanya.

***
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Site Admin
 
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Re: The President's Analyst: A Film About Life, Liberty, and

Postby admin » Fri Jun 24, 2016 8:20 am

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I,
I want to tell you how much I appreciate what you are doing.

[OLD WRANGLER] Hey, why not? You know, we're all fugitives here.
We're all seekers.
Hey, you'll be safe with us. You just stay as long as you like.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Thank you, thank you, I've ...
I've gotta think. Find a perspective, recover myself.

[OLD WRANGLER] Well, you know where it's at out there. It's wrong.
It doesn't work.
Hey, you come explore with us.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Explore?

[OLD WRANGLER] You know ...
... the lost innocence ...
... the peaceful center.
Hey, where it's at with you, man.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Oh, thank you.

[SNOW WHITE] Let's smell the flowers.

[OLD WRANGLER] [Singing: The changes that keep going down
And they always will
I can get my fill
If I go along with the changes
That go round and round
It's all there to see
As they come to me
If I go along with the ...


[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I'm supposed to know so much.
I feel like I don't know anything.
My whole ...
My whole world is out of control, spinning.

[SNOW WHITE] Smell the earth.
Isn't it good?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Oh, yes.

[SNOW WHITE] Now is pretty.
Love now.
Love me.

[OLD WRANGLER] [Singing: The changes that keep going down
The circles, they'll all fall down
Then there's only now
If I go along with the changes
That rearrange my mind
It's so strange, my mind
I can change my mind
If I go along with the changes
A look at yourself sets you running
Afraid of you who looked at you


"We have often found a red ball in Bosch's pictures. In The Garden of Heavenly Delights (middle panel) it is clearly representative of the "causal body". We must briefly describe its significance in connection with what is shown here: Individuals who are gifted have not gained their talents only through inheritance -- how frequently a genius stands at the beginning of a dynasty. Nor have they won their gifts out of nothing. The fruits of former earth-lives slumber within them as the potential of genius. They carry these fruits with them as their "causal body". These are the abilities and strengths which have been brought out of one earthly life into cosmic existence, and are then brought back as compressed activity -- hence the red "ball of causation". If such gifted people fall into a dead rut in life, they carry their abilities with them, but fail to develop them further. They become mere technicians in their art, and so, as artists, misuse their talents. They carry nothing forward into the future, but live on their past."

-- The Pictorial Language of Hieronymus Bosch, by Clement A. Wertheim Aymes


A-running
Changes that keep going down
And they always will
I can get my fill
If I go along with the changes
That go round and round
It's all there to see
As they come to me
If I go along with the spirals
That circle around
That I, that I just found
Like a silent sound
If I go along with the changes
That rearrange my mind
It's so strange, my mind
I can change my mind
If I go along with the changes
A look at yourself sets you running
Afraid of you who looked at you
A-running
Changes that keep going down
And they always will
I can get my fill
If I go along with the changes
That go round and round
Changes that keep going down
The circles, they'll all fall down
Then there's only now
If I go along with the changes
That rearrange my mind
It's so strange, my mind]


***

[SNOW WHITE] Oh, it's the Puddlians.

[OLD WRANGLER] Hey! How you doing? How are you, people?
Hey!
Hello, man.
Hey, this is the fugitive.

[Puddlian] Hi.

[OLD WRANGLER] He's out of sight, man.
Come on into the dressing room.

[Puddlian] Yeah.

[OLD WRANGLER] I hear you had a close call in New York with some tiny teen boppers.

[Puddlian] No, it wasn't much, mates.
Some bloody nut threw some LSD in the fruit punch.
There they were, 1,200 screaming freaked-out freakers.

[OLD WRANGLER] You wouldn't have some Congo hash
you could trade me for some mighty fine LSD, would you?

[PUDDLIAN] Done.

[OLD WRANGLER] Groovy.

[PUDDLIAN] Mother's milk!

[OLD WRANGLER] [Singing: There was a time
She needed me to lean on
There was a time
But now it's past and gone ...


[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] Blue ice cubes? How degenerate.

[OLD WRANGLER] [Singing: I'll be proud to see
What she's come to be
She's ready to be free
It's too plain to see
She's through needing me
Even though I cry myself
To sleep at night
I can't help knowing
What was done was right
I hope she knows
I'll always be around
If that bird that left the nest
Ever hits the ground
She's ready to be free
It's too plain to see
She's through needing me
She's ready to be free
It's too plain to see
She's through needing me


[FBR AGENT] [Pulls the dress off the waitress]

[OLD WRANGLER] It's beautiful. Somebody put LSD in the fruit punch.
[Singing: There was a time
She needed me to lean on
There was a time
But now it's past and gone


[DON MASTERS] Hey, Kropotkin.

[OLD WRANGLER] [Singing: I'll be proud to see
What she's come to be


[DON MASTERS] Hey.

[OLD WRANGLER] [Singing: It's too plain to see
She's through needing me
She's ready to be free
It's too plain to see
She's through needing me


***

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Hey.
Hey, man, where's your hair?

[CANADIAN SECRET SERVICE] Now, don't worry, Dr. Schaefer. Nobody's gonna hurt you.
You happen to be a very valuable person.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] You're not musicians, are you?

[CANADIAN SECRET SERVICE] Canadian Secret Service.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Canadian spies?

[CANADIAN SECRET SERVICE] You think it's fun being a silent bleeding partner in North America?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Canadian spies.

[CANADIAN SECRET SERVICE] Armed with what's in your head,
perhaps we might alter the course of history.

[Gunshots]

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] Sullivan, FBR.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Okay, I'm sorry I ran away. You can take me back to Washington.

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] Those are not my orders.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] You mean, I'm free?

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] My orders are to kill you.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What?!

[Out of bullets]

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] Valentine.
Valentine!
Got any Mangum .44s?

[VALENTINE, FBR AGENT] There's some on the boat.

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] Too late. I promised Helen I wouldn't work late.
Give me your gun.

[VALENTINE, FBR AGENT] It's against regulations.
Field Manual C, page 112.
Paragraph "License to Kill", subparagraph three.
Sorry, Sullivan, but rules are rules. You know that.

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] All right. If it wouldn't be inconvenient,
would you please get me some Magnum .44s?

[VALENTINE, FBR AGENT] Sure, Sullivan, I'll go get them. After all, I'm just a squire.
You're the knight. You have the license to kill.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute, here. Wait. I'm ...
I'm a citizen of the United States of America. I haven't broken any laws.
Look, I just don't wanna be the president's analyst anymore.
Mr. Sullivan, look. I didn't do anything.
You can't just go around shooting people like this. We've laws.
There's a Constitution that prevents you from going around killing people.

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] Look ...

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I haven't done anything.

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] Look, I don't know what you did ...

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Nothing.

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] I don't know what you didn't do. All I do is follow orders.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I didn't do anything. That's the whole ... I didn't do anything.
Mr. Sullivan, you don't understand. I am a psychiatrist.
I work in Washington. I had a little nervous breakdown and ran away.
That's all that's happened. There's a mistake.

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] No. No mistakes! The FBR does not make mistakes.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] They're making a mistake this time.

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] These are my orders.
Signed by Henry Lux himself. Boy, I'd sure like to keep this.
Henry Lux himself.
But I've gotta turn this in with your prints and picture after I shoot you.
Regulations. Too bad too.
Boy, would this be great to show my grandchildren, huh?
Henry Lux himself. And with my name right at the top of the paper.
Makes you want to bend a regulation just once in a while.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes, bend them. Break them! Look, take me back to Washington.
I'll prove to you it's all a mistake.

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] No.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] It's all a big mistake, please.

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] No, no.
Rules are rules.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Rules are rules.

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] Where is that idiot?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Rules?

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] Valentine!

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Rules!

[SULLIVAN, FBR AGENT] Valentine!

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Oh, get me out ...
Rules. Oh, gosh, I gotta get ...

[KROPOTKIN] It's all right. You're all right.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] The FBR, the bullets, the gun.

[KROPOTKIN] Calm down, he's dead.
He's dead.
It's all right. It's okay. You're safe.
Oh, forgive me.
Permit me to introduce myself. I am Kropotkin.
Russian Secret Service
Bureaucrats, they're all alike.
They make life impossible for an honest citizen,
but a pleasure for a spy.
Take that little beast who just tried to assassinate you.
He made it unnecessary for me to go through the painful motions
of really kidnapping you.
Sometimes I thank God for the FBR.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] You have to forgive me. I just don't understand all of the ...

[KROPOTKIN] Now, then, my dear Dr. Schaefer.
You are about to defect to Mother Russia.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I am?

[KROPOTKIN] Of course.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Defect?

[KROPOTKIN] Logic is on our side.
This isn't a case of a world struggle between two divergent ideologies
or different economic systems.
Every day, your country becomes more socialistic,
and my country becomes more capitalistic.
Pretty soon we'll meet in the middle and join hands.
No, my dear doctor, you're going to defect because you want to live.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Defect.
How? How? How?

[KROPOTKIN] This ship is a marvelous way to travel.
The Canadian Secret Service have rendered her officially invisible.
And ...
... I suggest a leisurely cruise along the Great Lakes.
Up the Saint Lawrence Seaway,
and then out to the Newfoundland coast to meet one of our trawlers.
Of course, if you prefer, I could arrange for a submarine,
but personally I find submarine travel tedium.
Tedium.
Tedium. Tedium.
Tedium.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Let's ...

[KROPOTKIN] Tedium.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes, very nice Russian spy.
I wanted to take a cruise from him.

[KROPOTKIN] [Singing: Tedium.
Tedium.
Tedium.
Tedium.
Tedium.
Tedium.


***

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] [Sees a gun on the table]
[Picks it up]
[Laughs]
Oh no!
Krop ... Krop ...
Good morning, Mr. Krop.

[KROPOTKIN] Kropotkin.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Kropotkin.

[KROPOTKIN] Morning. It's a beautiful day, isn't it?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes. Yes, it's brisk.

[KROPOTKIN] The sea. I love the sea.
If I couldn't be a spy, I think I'd like to be a sailor.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What is it you love about the sea?

[KROPOTKIN] The sea?
The sea, my friend, is freedom. Look at it. No boundaries.
Here a man's destiny is his own. It's man against the elements.
When I'm at sea, suddenly I feel like a giant.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] And yet, you chose to be a spy. Well, don't you find that curious?

[KROPOTKIN] Not at all.
Aside from the difference in status, they're very much the same thing.
The last refuge of the incurable romantic.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Well, this spying, are you good at it?

[KROPOTKIN] If you will forgive my towering immodesty, I am very good at it.
Like my father before me.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] So your ...
Your father was a spy?

[KROPOTKIN] Oh, not "was," is.
He's the head of the foreign section central office, in Moscow.
He's a very powerful man.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Really?
And your mother?

[KROPOTKIN] Dead.
Purge of 1937. She was a revisionist.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Oh, I'm sorry.

[KROPOTKIN] That's all right. It's not your fault.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Well, your father, now, is he a good spy?

[KROPOTKIN] Good? He is the very best. Ruthless, cunning.
You know, I've often thought that if he had that much more ambition,
he could have been the premier of Russia.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Is that why you gave up your ambition to be a sailor?
Because your father was a spy?

[KROPOTKIN] I told you.
The last refuge of the incurable romantic.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Who arrested your mother in 1937?

[KROPOTKIN] My father. Ruthless.

[Dupont] You're a family man, Cleric?

[Preston] Yes, sir -- a boy and a girl. The boy's in the monastery himself, on path to becoming a Cleric.

[Dupont] Good. And the mother?

[Preston] My spouse was arrested and incinerated for sense offense four years ago, sir.

[Dupont] By yourself?

[Preston] No, sir -- by another.

[Dupont] How did you feel about that?

[Preston] I'm sorry. I don't fully understand, sir.

[Dupont] How did you feel?

[Preston] I didn't feel anything.

[Dupont] Really? How is it that you came to miss it?

[Preston] I -- I've asked myself that same question, sir. I don't know.

[Dupont] A nearly unforgivable lapse, Cleric. I trust you'll be more vigilant in the future.

[Preston] Yes, sir.

-- Equilibrium, written and directed by Kurt Wimmer


[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Well, what was ...?
What was she like?

[KROPOTKIN] My mother?
She was warm and old-fashioned. You know, a typical revisionist.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I mean, what did you feel about her?

[KROPOTKIN] I hated her.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] You know ...
I'll bet I can tell you the exact moment that you gave up
the idea of being a sailor and became a spy.

[KROPOTKIN] Really? That's fascinating. When?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] When they arrested your mother.

[KROPOTKIN] That's right.
How did you know that?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] You really love your father, don't you?

[KROPOTKIN] Love? That's hardly the word.
The man is a colossus. He's Peter the Great. He's Ivan the Terrible.
You have to see him to believe him. And you probably will see him.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Sort of a "super dad," huh?

[KROPOTKIN] Yeah.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] You hate him?

[KROPOTKIN] Yeah, I hate him. No, I love him.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] A Freudian slip.
You said aloud for the first time that you hate your father.

[KROPOTKIN] But this is fascinating. What else do you read in my character?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Mr. Kropotkin, we'd better stop.
I can only deal in the truth. And the kind of trust that we have to deal with
can be devastating to a personal facade
as carefully erected as your own.

[KROPOTKIN] Please, I insist. This amuses me. I must insist.
We were talking about my feelings for my father.
We were talking about how I may or might not
love my father as much as I should, or could.

[Vroomfondel] We demand admission!

[Priest 2] Now what?

[Majikthise] You can't keep us out!

[Vroomfondel] We demand you cannot keep us out!

[Priest 2] Who are you? Get out of here!

[Majikthise] I am Majikthise!

[Vroomfondel] And I demand that I am Vroomfondel!

[Majikthise] It's all right, you don't need to demand that!

[Vroomfondel] All right, I am Vroomfondel ...
and that is not a demand, that is a solid fact! What we demand is solid facts!

[Majikthise] No, we don't. That is precisely what we DON'T demand!

[Vroomfondel] We don't demand solid facts! What we demand is a total absence of solid facts!
I demand that I may, or may not, be Vroomfondel!

[Priest 2] Who are you?

[Majikthise] We are philosophers.

[Vroomfondel] Though we may not be!

[Majikthise] Yes, we are! We are definitely here as representatives of the Amalgamated Union of Philosophers, Sages, and Luminaries ...
and we want the machine off now!

[Vroomfondel] We demand that you get rid of it!

[Priest 2] What's the problem?

[Majikthise] The problem is demarcation, mate!

[Vroomfondel] We demand that demarcation may or may not be the problem!

[Majikthise] Let the machines get on with the adding up, and WE'LL take care of the eternal verities!
By law, the quest for ultimate truth is the inalienable prerogative of your working thinkers! Any machine goes and find 'em, we're out of a job. What's the use of our arguing half the night whether there may ...

[Vroomfondel] ... or may not!

[Majikthise] ... be a god if this machine gives you his phone number in the morning!

[Vroomfondel] That's right!
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!

-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, directed and written by Douglas Adams


[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Kropotkin, you call yourself a free man?
You're the least free man I've ever met.
You hate your father so much you couldn't say it.

[KROPOTKIN] Why should I hate my father?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Because you loved your mother, and he killed her, for one reason.
For another, you've lived in abject fear of the man all your life.
He killed her, why shouldn't he kill you?

[KROPOTKIN] But if I hate my father ...
why did I choose to become a spy?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Since you were afraid to rebel, you chose the one thing
that you knew would earn approval from him. You chose to be like him.

[KROPOTKIN] That's true.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] You must be a very unhappy man.

[KROPOTKIN] I do.
I hate my father.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Good.
[KROPOTKIN] I hate him.
I hate my father.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Bravo!

[KROPOTKIN] I, V.I. Feodor Kropotkin, hate my father.
Ay, me.
All my life I've been miserably unhappy.
But I always thought it was my Russian soul.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] No, not your soul, your neuroses.

[KROPOTKIN] I'm sick?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Oh, yes.

[KROPOTKIN] There's a cure?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes.

[KROPOTKIN] You could cure me.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Probably, yes.

[KROPOTKIN] But you won't.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I can't. There's no time.

[KROPOTKIN] How much time?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Three, possibly seven years.

[KROPOTKIN] I gotta think about something.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Of course.

[KROPOTKIN] Dr. Schaefer?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes?

[KROPOTKIN] Will you take me as a patient?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Well, I don't know what'll happen to me when I go to Russia.
I doubt very much whether your father would approve that.

[KROPOTKIN] Russia? What's a man like you doing going to Russia?
It's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.
I know. I've lived there.
Would you care to go for a short drive on the lake?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I'd be delighted.

[KROPOTKIN] Before we can deal with my problem, which is very important,
we have to secure your safety.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] That's true.

[KROPOTKIN] Also very important.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Right.

[KROPOTKIN] Go back to Washington and continue to treat the president.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Are you mad? That's impossible. The FBR's trying to kill me.

[KROPOTKIN] You know the president. Do you think he'd condone that?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] No, no, it's not in his character. But what about them?

[KROPOTKIN] Then obviously it's being done behind his back and without his knowledge.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] But how does that help me?

[KROPOTKIN] I can get you safely to Washington.
Tell the president. You'll be okay, you'll be safe.
I can. I can do it.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] If I can just beat the loneliness of the job.

[KROPOTKIN] You have Nan, don't you?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I even began to think she was a spy.

[KROPOTKIN] She is. CEA. Her clearance is as high as yours.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What? Are you sure?

[KROPOTKIN] Of course, I've worked with her.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I can talk to her?

[KROPOTKIN] Of course.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Why didn't they tell me?

[KROPOTKIN] Bureaucrats.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What?

[KROPOTKIN] Bureaucrats!

[TELEPHONE OPERATOR] Long distance.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Operator, this is Dr. Sidney Schaefer.
I'd like to speak to the president of the United States at the White House.

[TELEPHONE OPERATOR] Do you have the area code?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] No, I don't know the area code.
202, area code 202. Yes. Now, would you please connect me?

[TELEPHONE OPERATOR] What is the area code, please?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] For heaven's sake. Area code 202.

[TELEPHONE OPERATOR] Thank you. What is the calling party's name?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Thank you, operator. It's Dr. Sidney Schaefer.

[TELEPHONE OPERATOR] Will you hold on, please?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes, I'll hold on.

[KROPOTKIN] Frustrating, isn't it?
I had a situation like this once in Bessarabia.
But with the Inter-Arabian Phone Company, you expect it.

[TELEPHONE OPERATOR] Operator.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes, operator?

[TELEPHONE OPERATOR] Are you holding?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes, I'm still holding.

[TELEPHONE OPERATOR] Thank you.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] You know, the one thing that I learned from my patients,
they all hate the phone company.
Even the stockholders of the phone company hate the phone company.

[KROPOTKIN] I know. Bedouins hate the phone company.
I've never been in a country
where everybody didn't hate the phone company.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Isn't that fascinating?

[KROPOTKIN] Uh-huh.

[TELEPHONE OPERATOR] Operator.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes. Yes, operator?

[TELEPHONE OPERATOR] Are you holding?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes, well, I'm still hanging on here.

[TELEPHONE OPERATOR] We're doing our best.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes, operator, I'm sure you're doing your very best.
But this is a very urgent call. It's a matter of life and ...
Hello?
I don't have any more change. Do you have ...?
Beautiful.

[TELEPHONE OPERATOR] The number you have reached has been disconnected.
Please be sure you are dialing the correct number. This is a recording.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Can you ...?

[KROPOTKIN] Look, I'll go back to that store,
and I'll get a pocketful of change. Now, you wait here.
If that foolish coin of yours drops, try again.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes.

[KROPOTKIN] And please, be nice to the operator.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Oh, yes, I will.

[KROPOTKIN] The area code is 202.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] I know.

[KROPOTKIN] Would you repeat that?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] 202.
Yeah, well, hurry back.
Hello? Hello?
Hello?
Let me out of here.

***

[KROPOTKIN] What took you so long?

[DON MASTERS] I had to stop for gas.
Where's the good doctor?

[KROPOTKIN] He's gone.
I thought you took him.

[DON MASTERS] Uh-uh. What do you think?

[KROPOTKIN] Well, you didn't take him, and we certainly didn't ...
... but ...
Looky here.
It wasn't one of those pushy new countries, either
because whoever took him was very sophisticated and dangerous.
They took the whole booth.

[DON MASTERS] Who knew he was here?

[KROPOTKIN] Only you and me.
And you only knew because I called you from town.
And your phone's not tapped.

[DON MASTERS] No, but this booth was.

[KROPOTKIN] Are you trying to tell me that every phone in the country is tapped?

[DON MASTERS] That's what's in my head.

[KROPOTKIN] Don, this is America, not Russia.

[DON MASTERS] What do you want from me?

[KROPOTKIN] But who could ...
Who?

[TELEPHONE: TPC]

***

[Phone rings]

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Hello?

[TELEPHONE COMPANY MAN] Hi there.
Glad to have you aboard, Dr. Schaefer.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Aboard?

[TELEPHONE COMPANY MAN] We're mighty sorry about any trouble we might have caused you,
but I know, once we've explained our problem, you'll understand.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Where is this? I mean, where am I? Who are you?

[TELEPHONE COMPANY MAN] How about that. I forgot to introduce myself.
My name is Arlington Hewes. I'm president of TPC.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] TPC?

[TELEPHONE COMPANY MAN] The Phone Company.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] The Phone Company?

Chapter 6: The Telephone Plot

During the early days of 1942, Karl Lindemann, the Rockefeller-Standard Oil representative in Berlin, held a series of urgent meetings with two directors of the American International Telephone and Telegraph Corporation: Walter Schellenberg, head of the Gestapo's counterintelligence service (SD), and Baron Kurt von Schroder of the BIS and the Stein Bank. The result of these meetings was that Gerhardt Westrick, the crippled boss of ITT in Nazi Germany, got aboard an ITT Focke Wulf bomber and flew to Madrid for a meeting in March with Sosthenes Behn, American ITT chief.

In the sumptuous Royal Suite of Madrid's Ritz Hotel, the tall, sharp-faced Behn and the heavily limping Westrick sat down for lunch to discuss how best they could improve ITT's links with the Gestapo, and its improvement of the whole Nazi system of telephones, teleprinters, aircraft intercoms, submarine and ship phones, electric buoys, alarm systems, radio and radar parts, and fuses for artillery shells, as well as the Focke-Wulf bombers that were taking thousands of American lives.

Sosthenes Behn, whose first name was Greek for "life strength," was born in St. Thomas, the Virgin Islands, on January 30, 1882. His father was Danish and his mother French-Italian. He and his brother Hernand, later his partner, were schooled in Corsica and Paris.

In 1906, Behn and his brother took over a sugar business in Puerto Rico and snapped up a small and primitive local telephone company by closing in on a mortgage. Realizing the potential of the newfangled telephone, Behn began to buy up more companies in the Caribbean. He became a U.S. citizen in 1913. In World War I, Behn served in the Signal Corps as chief of staff for General George Russell. He learned a great deal about military communications systems, and his services to France earned him the Legion d 'Ronneur. Back in the United States, Behn became associated with AT&T, of which Winthrop Aldrich was later a director. In 1920, Behn's work in the field of cables enabled him to set up the ITT with $6 million paid in capital. Gradually, he spun out a web of communications that ran worldwide. He soon became the telephone king of the world, making deals with AT&T and J. P. Morgan that resulted in his running the entire telephone system of Spain by 1923. His Spanish chairman was the Duke of Alba, later a major supporter of Franco and Hitler. In 1930 Behn obtained the Rumanian telephone industry, to which he later added the Hungarian, German, and Swedish corporations. By 1931 his empire was worth over $64 million despite the Wall Street crash. He became a director of -- inevitably -- the National City Bank, which financed him along with the Morgans.

Behn was aided by fascist governments, into which he rapidly interlocked his system by assuring politicians promising places on his boards. He ran his empire from 67 Broad Street, New York.

His office was decorated with Louis XIV antiques, rich carpets, and portraits of Pope Pius XI and various heads of fascist states. He traveled frequently to Germany to confer with his Nazi directors, Kurt von Schroder and Gerhardt Westrick. On August 4, 1933, he and his representative in Germany, Henry Mann of the National City Bank, had a meeting with Hitler that established a political relationship with Germany that continued until the end of World War II. The Fuhrer promised aid and protection always.

Through Mann, Behn was closely connected with Wilhelm Keppler, who formed the Circle of Friends of the Gestapo and introduced him to Schroder and Westrick. Not only did Keppler, Schroder, and Himmler see to it that Behn's German funds and industries were untouched by forfeit or seizure, but Schroder arranged for Emil Puhl at the Reichsbank to payoff ITT's bills.

Behn became an important aid to his friend Hermann Goring. In 1938 he and Schroder obtained 28 percent of the Focke-Wulf company; they greatly improved the deadly bomber squadrons that later attacked London and American ships and troops. When Austria fell in 1938, Behn organized his Austrian company under the management of Schroder and Westrick and aided in the expulsion of Jews. Some Nazis tried to take over the Austrian offices, but Behn again visited Hitler at Berchtesgaden and made sure that ITT would be allowed to continue in business.

In Madrid during the Spanish Civil War, Behn supplied telephones to both sides, gradually shifting over his commitments to Franco when it was obvious that Franco was winning. He spent months in the shell-shattered Madrid headquarters known as the Telefonica, playing both ends against the middle and driving, with immunity given by both sides, to and from the Ritz. He gave lavish parties for both the British and American press, while negotiating through the Bank for International Settlements so that Franco could buy up ITT's Loyalist installations.

When Hitler invaded Poland, Behn and Schroder conferred with the German alien property custodian, H-J Caesar. The result was that the ITT Polish companies were protected from seizure for the duration.

Another protector of Behn's in Germany was ITT's colorful corporation chairman, Gerhardt Westrick. Westrick was a skilled company lawyer, the German counterpart and associate of John Foster Dulles. Westrick's partner until 1938, the equally brilliant Dr. Heinrich Albert, was head of Ford in Germany until 1945. Both were crucially important to The Fraternity....

-- Trading With the Enemy, by Charles Higham


[TELEPHONE COMPANY MAN] Do you have any idea how much your phone company
spends each year just on maintenance?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] No, I've never thought about that.

[TELEPHONE COMPANY MAN] Well, I guess many people don't.
But those billions of miles of wire and all those exchanges ...
Why, just the maintenance on our thousands of offices and buildings ...
Not to mention our rolling stock:
the cars and trucks, the airplanes and satellites ...
And then all those fine people who are on the payroll to take care of all that ...
Now, wouldn't it be just grand
if we could get rid of that old-fashioned hardware.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What's this about?

[TELEPHONE COMPANY MAN] There's another thing
that's gonna come as a surprise to you.
There are quite a few people who actually dislike the phone company.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Why have you kidnapped me?

[TELEPHONE COMPANY MAN] And because of this irrational dislike of their own publicly owned company,
they often don't pay their bills
and sometimes even damage the equipment.
Would you look over here, doctor?
Now, to look at that hand, you'd never dream you're also looking
at a miracle in communications, would you?
Well, let's take a closer look.
Thanks to the science of microelectronics,
you are looking at a telephonic receiver and transmitter.
We call it the Cerebrum Communicator, or the "CC" for short.
This dandy little device can actually perform
every function of the old-fashioned telephone and more.
And it does it without any costly maintenance.
Without telephone poles, without wires, without exchanges,
without anything in fact, except another CC in another location.
And now you're probably wondering why have we made it so small.
Because it will be in and powered by your own brain.
Fantastic? Well, not quite, no.
We merely inject the CC into that part of the bloodstream
which leads to the brain.
Technically speaking for you doctors,
we inject the CC into the internal carotid artery.
The bloodstream carries it directly to the cerebrum
where it lodges comfortably in the anterior central gyrus,
which for us laymen is simply that part of the brain
where intellectual associations take place.
Can you imagine the ease, the fun, with which you can place a call?
Why, all you have to do is think the number of the person
you wish to speak with, and you're in instant communication
anywhere in the world.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Would you like an opinion of a qualified psychiatrist
on all that I've just seen and heard?

[TELEPHONE COMPANY MAN] Yes, sir, I sure would. We're always interested
in the opinions of qualified people.
I mean, after all, it's your phone company, too.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] You're a megalomaniac, and The Phone Company is psychotic.

[TELEPHONE COMPANY MAN] Getting back to our problem: We realize the public has a misguided
resistance to numbers. For example, digit dialing.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] They're resisting depersonalization.

[TELEPHONE COMPANY MAN] And so Congress will have to pass a law substituting personal numbers
for names as the only legal identification



and requiring a prenatal insertion of the Cerebrum Communicator.
Then a tax could be levied and paid directly to The Phone Company.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] It'll never happen.

[TELEPHONE COMPANY MAN] Well, it could happen
if the president of the United States were to use the power of his office
to help us mold public opinion and get that legislation.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] And that's where I come in?

[TELEPHONE COMPANY MAN] Yes, that's where you come in.
Because you are in possession of certain personal information
concerning the president which would be of immeasurable aid to us
in dealing with him.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Well, you will get not one word from me.

[NEGATIVE]

[TELEPHONE COMPANY MAN] Oh, I think we will.

[AFFIRMATIVE]

[NEGATIVE]

***

[DON MASTERS] If they got him, and I believe they got him, that is where they got him.

[KROPOTKIN] Beautiful building.

[DON MASTERS] Well-lit, too.

[KROPOTKIN] Designed in 1963 by Kiriu Matsumoto.

[DON MASTERS] Very good.

[KROPOTKIN] Not so good.
It's in their annual statement. I'm a stockholder.

[DON MASTERS] Isn't gonna be easy to crack.

[KROPOTKIN] Easier than you think.
Just turn the beams back on themselves,
and we can walk right through.

[DON MASTERS] Annual statement?

[KROPOTKIN] No, Moscow briefing.

[DON MASTERS] Very good indeed.
What now?

[KROPOTKIN] We blow the main power supply.

[DON MASTERS] Okay, what kind of time does that give us before the emergency power comes on?

[KROPOTKIN] Ten, maybe 12 minutes. We gotta rush.

[DON MASTERS] If we don't, what?

[KROPOTKIN] We gotta kill our way out, okay?
Shall we rescue our doctor?

[DON MASTERS] Yeah.
If I don't resume my analysis pretty soon, I'm gonna flip out.

[KROPOTKIN] Go ahead.

[DON MASTERS] Remind me to tell you about our explosives in the Pushkin dam.

[KROPOTKIN] Amazing, the Pushkin Dam has our tightest security.

[DON MASTERS] We gotta take a chance.

[KROPOTKIN] Are you mad?
That's our analyst in there. You could kill him with that.

[DON MASTERS] What else are we gonna do?
The power's coming back on in a minute.
We gotta get him out.

[KROPOTKIN] Well, okay. Try it.
But if you kill him, we're both gonna be very unhappy.

[DON MASTERS] Uh-hum.

[KROPOTKIN] [Detonates explosive]

[DON MASTERS] Come on, Sidney, let's travel.

[KROPOTKIN] What? No, no, no, not yet. I've gotta destroy this place.
We've gotta destroy everything in it.

[KROPOTKIN] Can't do that. This is the master control for the telephone company for the entire nation.

[DON MASTERS] If you blow up this building, they won't have phone service for a month. Can't do it!
It'll wreck the economy.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] No. No, we've gotta do something.

[KROPOTKIN] We've gotta get out of here before the lights come on. That's what we gotta do.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] No, no. Now, listen. Listen. I'm your doctor. Trust me.
It's vital that we make the public hate The Phone Company.
I mean, really hate it.

[DON MASTERS] You sure you're all right, Sidney?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Yes. Yes.
Now, I can't explain all the details right now but, not only America,
but the whole world depends on what we do here right now. Believe me.

[KROPOTKIN] I believe you, even if I am a stockholder.

[DON MASTERS] Me, too. Kropotkin, you've been briefed on this place.
What can we do?

[KROPOTKIN] I can implement plan Rasputin.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Rasputin, what's that?

[KROPOTKIN] It's an emergency plan to disrupt
communications in America.
If I can get into the main communicator,
I can make every phone in America go crazy.
It'll take them months to straighten it out. How's that, doctor?

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Perfect.

[DON MASTERS] Great.

[KROPOTKIN] The lights are gonna come on now before we can get out.
You hold them off while I finish.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] No.

[KROPOTKIN] Look, you wanna save the world?
You're the great humanitarian?
Take the gun.

[DON MASTERS] Welcome to the club.

[LIGHTS GO BACK ON]

[TELEPHONE COMPANY MAN] By golly, Dr. Schaefer, we sure wish you hadn't gotten out of that booth.
Oh, and you have company.
Well, I hope you understand that we have
to deal quite harshly with intruders.
Now, it's not the intention or the policy of The Phone Company
to deal harshly with anyone. But there are certain circumstances
when even your phone company finds it must take certain steps.

[DON MASTERS] [Flips his metal head]

[TELEPHONE COMPANY MAN Oh, you have company.

[DON MASTERS] He's a recording.

[KROPOTKIN] He's like a visit with Abe Lincoln in Disneyland.

[TELEPHONE COMPANY MAN] ... deal quite harshly with intruders.
It's not the policy or intention of The Phone Company
to deal harshly with anyone. But there are circumstances in which we have ...

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] [Unplugs Telephone Company Man]

[WARNING ALERT] Warning, extreme emergency.
Warning, extreme emergency.

[DON MASTERS] [Shoots gun]

[WARNING ALERT] Warning, extreme emergency.

[DON MASTERS] Come on, Sidney!
Now, look, just pull this.
[Shoots gun]
Save your ass!

[WARNING ALERT] Warning, extreme emergency.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] [Shoots gun]

[WARNING ALERT] Warning, extreme emergency.

[DON MASTERS] [Shoots gun]

[WARNING ALERT] Warning, extreme emergency.
Warning, extreme emergency.

[Continuous Gunfire]

[WARNING ALERT] Warning, extreme emergency.
Warning, extreme emergency.
Warning, extreme emergency.
Warning, extreme emergency.

[KROPOTKIN] [Turning off main communicator switch]

[WARNING ALERT] Warning, extreme emergency.
Extreme emergency.

[Continuous gunfire]

[WARNING ALERT] Extreme emergency.
Warning, extreme emergency.

[KROPOTKIN] [Throws smoke grenade]

[Continuous gunfire]

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Take that, you hostile son of a ...
[Shooting]

***

[Music: Joy to the world
the Lord is come
Let earth receive her king


[Doorbell Rings]

[Don Masters arrives]

[Singing: Let every heart
Prepare him room
And heaven and nature sing


[DON MASTERS] Merry Christmas!

[NAN BUTLER] Oh, hello.

[Doorbell Rings]

[Singing: Let heaven and nature sing
And heaven and heaven and nature sing.]


[Kropotkin arrives]

[NAN BUTLER] Look.

[DON MASTERS] Hey, Kropotkin!

[KROPOTKIN] Don, how are you?
Oh, look at you.

[NAN BUTLER] Merry Christmas!

[KROPOTKIN] Nanotchka, merry Christmas.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Keep your hands off that woman!

[DON MASTERS] Hi, Sidney

[KROPOTKIN] Hi, Sidney.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Kropotkin, welcome home.

[KROPOTKIN] Thank you.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Give me a little of that.
Hey, listen, listen.
Listen, you'll never guess why I'm so late getting home from the office.

[NAN BUTLER] The president suddenly had to change his hour to a later one.

[DON MASTERS] In order to have a secret meeting with representatives of The Phone Company.

[KROPOTKIN] Who are at this very moment showing him the TPC top-secret plan
for better service and lower rates.

[NAN BUTLER] In an effort to bolster their ever-sagging public image.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Uh-huh, well, you live with spies, you've got no secrets.

[KROPOTKIN] From Russia with love. Here, caviar, beluga.

[ALL] Ahhhh!

[KROPOTKIN] Champagne, Lithuanian.
Well, congratulate me.

[DON MASTERS] Congratulations!

[KROPOTKIN] For what? Ha ha.

[DON MASTERS] It was in my evening report. He's now a major general!

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] Major general ... Oh, that's beautiful.

[ALL] [Clapping]

[KROPOTKIN] But there is one thing that you do not know.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] What's that?

[KROPOTKIN] I caught my father dealing with Red China.
I'm now the head of the foreign section.

[ALL] [Laughing]

[DON MASTERS] Sensational! So how come he's getting healthier than me, huh?

[KROPOTKIN] I'm all right.

[DON MASTERS] Interpersonal relationships are better.

[DR. SIDNEY SCHAEFER] It's time we started considering group therapy.

[DON MASTERS] All right ...

[KROPOTKIN] Let's get drunk.

Two of the Agency’s most valuable personal relationships in the 1960s, according to CIA officials, were with reporters who covered Latin America—Jerry O’Leary of the Washington Star and Hal Hendrix of the Miami News, a Pulitzer Prize winner who became a high official of the International Telephone and Telegraph Corporation. Hendrix was extremely helpful to the Agency in providing information about individuals in Miami’s Cuban exile community. O’Leary was considered a valued asset in Haiti and the Dominican Republic. Agency files contain lengthy reports of both men’s activities on behalf of the CIA....

O’Leary took particular exception to being described in the same context as Hendrix. “Hal was really doing work for them,” said O’Leary. “I’m still with the Star. He ended up at ITT.” Hendrix could not be reached for comment. According to Agency officials, neither Hendrix nor O’Leary was paid by the CIA.

-- The CIA and the Media: How America's Most Powerful News Media Worked Hand in Glove with the Central Intelligence Agency and Why the Church Committee Covered It Up, by Carl Bernstein


[Music: Joy to the world the lord is come
Let earth receive her king
Let every heart prepare him room
And heaven and nature sing
And heaven and nature sing
And heaven and heaven and nature sing.
Joy to the world the lord is come
Joy to the world the lord is come.]


A PANPIPER PRODUCTION

CAST OF CHARACTERS:
Dr. SiCney Schaefer: JAMES COBURN
Don Masters: GODFREY CAMBRIDGE
Kropotkin: SEVERN DARDEN
Nan Butler: JOAN DELANEY
Arlington Hewes: PAT HARRINGON
Old Wrangler: BARRY McGUIRE
Snow White: JILL BANNER
Ethan Allan Cocket: EDUART FRANZ
Henry Lux: WALTER BURKE
Dr. Lee-Evan: WILL GEER
Wynn Quantrill: WILLIAM DANIELS
Jeff Quantrill: JOAN DARLING
Bing Quantrill: SHELDON COLLINS
Sullivan: ARTE JOHNSON
1st Puddlian: MARTIN HORSEY
2nd Puddlian: WILLIAM BECKLEY
White House Tourist: KATHLEEN HUGHES
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