Part 2 of 6
[Joyce] Good morning, Mr. Burns. Good morning, Mr. Fine.
[Murray] Good morning. Come here, you beautiful creature.
[Joyce] Oh, Murray.
[Murray] I'm gonna attack you before the wedding.
[Joyce] Oh, he told you. He told you.
[Murray] Half a cup of black, Joycie.
[Joyce] Alrighty.
[Harold] Are the Rodriguezes here?
[Joyce] They're in the other office.
[Harold] All right.
[Joyce] Could I see you for a minute?
[Harold] Would you prepare the Rodriguez file, please, Joyce.
[Joyce] I've already done that.
Would you just read this for a moment, Mr. Fine?
There you are.
[Harold] "Mr. and Mrs. Bernard Miller request the honor of your presence" --
They've got them already, huh?
[Joyce] But read on, read on.
[Harold] "-- at the marriage of their daughter Joyce to Mr. Harold Fine --"
[Joyce] At the Twin Cantors.
[Harold] They really twins?
[Joyce] Oh, yes.
Harold, they're very expensive ...
... but they perform the most beautiful ceremony.
[Harold] Are they fraternal or identical?
[Joyce] Well, they're not identical.
No, I don't think that they are.
I'm just doing it for my father.
You see, I felt that that's the least that we could do.
I feel that you really don't want them.
If you don't want them, I want you to tell me --
[Harold] The very thought of cantors in stereo ...
... instead of a mono cantor appeals to me.
[Joyce] Oh, Harold.
Oh, I love you.
[Murray] Hey, Joyce, where's my coffee?
[Joyce] I love you.
[Harold] Please, no sex in the office.
[Joyce] Oh, Murray.
Honestly.
[Harold] Would you send in the Rodriguez twins -- Family, please?
[Joyce] Yes, sir, Mr. Fine.
You sure?
[Harold] Yeah, I'm sure.
[Joyce] Mr. Fine will see you now. This way.
[Grandfather Rodriguez] Thank you.
[Joyce] You're welcome.
[Harold] Hello, Mr. Rodriguez.
Well, I'm sorry about the shortage of chairs ...
... but this won't take too long. Perhaps you'd be ...
... able to sit over here.
Good, good.
Right, right. Now, then ...
Mr. Rodriguez, I'm going down to court in a few minutes.
I am going down to court in a few minutes ...
... and before I go, I would like you all to know ...
... to comprendo ...
... the insurance company want to settle out of court.
[Mr. Rodriguez] How much money, Senor Fine?
[Harold] Well ...
I would think it's safe to assume that we'll get ...
... about $500 per person.
Now, there were 11 of you in the car, so that would be around $5,500.
[Mr. Rodriguez] I ain't going to do it. You told me $100,000.
[Harold] I told you we would sue for $100,000.
We're lucky to get that amount.
Remember, there were 11 of you in that car.
If that ever came out in court, we might lose the case.
[Mr. Rodriguez] But he hit us from behind.
[Harold] Yeah, but you had no rearview vision.
You couldn't see out the back.
[Mr. Rodriguez] Of course I couldn't. The chickens were in the back seat.
[Harold] That is also illegal.
It is not permitted in this country to carry poultry in a passenger car.
No gallinas are allowed in this country in a passenger car.
You've gotta have them in --
[Joyce] Harold
[Harold] Ma?
Ma?
What's the matter?
[Mother] Yesterday, a living, breathing man ...
... the picture of health.
[Harold] Oh, Ma, no.
No, no, no.
Mama ...
[Mother] Sixty-one years old and they took him.
[Harold] My father! My poor, sweet old father.
[Mother] What father? No.
Mr. Foley, Ed Foley, the butcher. He had a coronary.
[Harold] What are you trying to do to me?
You tell me a 61-year-old man has just died.
I thought it was Papa.
[Grandfather Rodriguez] [Speaks Spanish]
[Harold] I don't understand what he's talking about.
[Mr. Rodriguez] My father says he mourns the death of your father.
[Harold] It's a mistake, Mr. Rodriguez.
[Mother] I see you want me to leave.
[Harold] I didn't say that. You can stay as long as you like.
[Mother] No, I haven't time.
I have to help Mrs. Foley with the funeral arrangements.
[Harold] Who?
[Mother] Bite your tongue.
He doesn't remember Ed Foley. You hear, Joycie?
He doesn't remember how Ed Foley saved his life.
When you were two years old, we had a candy store in Boyle Heights.
You fell off the stool. You turned blue in the face.
We took you for dead, you don't remember?
And then Ed Foley came and --- God bless his soul. God rest him.
-- and he took you in his hands, and he breathed life into your mouth.
He saved your life and you don't remember.
[Harold] Yeah, I remember now. I remember Ed Foley now.
[Mother] Oh, you see, now he remembers.
[Harold] Leave it there, will you, Mama?
[Mother] All right, I'm going.
You'll come to the funeral tomorrow.
[Harold] Yeah. Yeah, okay.
[Joyce] The wedding is September the 5th at 2:00.
[Mother] Wedding?
What wedding?
[Harold] We're getting married, Ma.
[Mother] I have a daughter. Now I have a daughter.
[Mr. Rodriguez] My father congratulates you on your wedding.
[Harold] Very kind of you.
[Grandfather Rodriguez] [Speaks Spanish]
[Harold] See, I didn't understand that.
[Mr. Rodriguez] My grandfather says it is too bad your father couldn't have lived to see it.
[Harold] The whole thing is a misunderstanding.
[Joyce] You get to invite 100, and we get to invite 100.
[Mother] One hundred?
Harold you heard? Harold? One hundred.
My people in Los Angeles alone, I got more than 100.
and what about my mishpokhe in Philadelphia?
[Grandfather Rodriguez] [Speaking in Spanish: "What is mishpokhe?"]
[Mr. Rodriguez] Quien sabe.
[Mother] Speak to your father. Maybe I could get 20, 30 more.
[Harold] You've got one extra now that Mr. Foley can't come.
[Mother] Mrs. Foley, I forgot she's waiting for me downstairs.
Harold, you'll come to the funeral.
[Harold] Yes, Mother.
[Mother] And bring your brother. Bring Herbie.
[Harold] I don't know where he is. I haven't seen him in three months.
[Mother] Herbie is with the bums in Venice.
***
[Harold] Well, anyway, I'm glad you're coming to the funeral.
It's gonna make Mama very happy.
[Herbie] Hey, I'm going to the funeral because it's making me happy.
A funeral is a happy thing, Harold.
In death, there is always rebirth.
[Harold] Yeah, well ...
What is this, a hippie supermarket?
[Herbie] Yeah. See --
See, these things are for sale. You can buy these things here.
See the clothes?
There, those clothes are free.
[Harold] They're old.
[Herbie] They're new to him.
[Harold] Really what you're trying to say, it's a form of Communism.
[Herbie] No, no, no, it's like love.
[Harold] You think I should buy something?
[Herbie] Only if you need something, Harold.
[Harold] Yeah, well, maybe I'll buy a book.
[Herbie] Hey, Harold, this is a groovy book.
[Harold] "Quotations from Chairman Mao Zedong."
[Herbie] Yeah.
[Harold] How much is that?
[Shopgirl] That'll be a dollar, please.
[Harold] I'll take it.
[Shopgirl] Thank you.
[Harold] It's for you.
[Herbie] Oh, thank you.
[Harold] Incidentally, I almost forgot to tell you ...
... that I'm ...
I'm getting married.
[Herbie] Oh, that's groovy. That's so groovy.
[Harold] To Joyce.
[Herbie] Oh, Harold, that's great.
That's great.
***
[Murray] He's just a kid. It's a stage.
When I was at NYU Law, I lived in Greenwich Village.
Hippies. Used to be beatniks.
I saw those kids. It's an act of rebellion.
[Harold] I hope that's all it is.
[Murray] He's probably got a different girl every night.
I should have it so bad.
Look at that. Look at that one.
Unbelievable.
Oh, my darling, a year's salary for 10 minutes.
[Harold] Murray.
Murray.
[Murray] What?
[Harold] What is your definition of love?
[Murray] What?
[Harold] In relationship to marriage.
[Murray] What love? Love is 10 minutes. Love is before. Marriage is after.
You meet a girl one night, don't know if you'll make it, that's love.
When you wake up in the morning, that's marriage.
[Harold] Now you're talking about sex.
[Murray] Oh, no, Harold.
Marriage offers a man the most beautiful moments in life.
You don't know what a family is like.
Nobody can describe to you the feeling when you see your first kid.
It's like ... it's like nobody ever had one before.
It's -- Oh, my God.
Oh, I'd like to lily your lollies.
Oh, where do they come from? What do they want from me?
[Harold] Can't you stop for a second, Murray?
[Murray] When they stop, I'll stop.
They know you're looking at them, driving you crazy, and they love it.
[Harold] How can you tell me how beautiful marriage is ...
... when you mentally rape every woman who passes by?
[Murray] What has my looking have to do with my marriage?
[Harold] It's dishonest, Murray.
[Murray] No, it's not, Harold. No, it is not.
I love my wife and I love my kids.
And I love you.
[Harold] You're an animal, Murray. You're an animal.
***
[Nancy] Herbie will be right out.
I'm Nancy.
[Harold] How do you do?
[Nancy] Groovy car.
[Harold] Glad somebody likes it.
[Nancy] What a beautiful day for a funeral.
Mars and Neptune are at the 10th angle.
You're lucky. And Mr. Foley's lucky ...
... because by tomorrow Saturn starts ingressing into Aries.
[Harold] Pardon me, did you just say that you knew Mr. Foley?
[Nancy] No. Herbie told me.
And he sounds like a beautiful man.
He picked Herbie up in his arms and he breathed life into him.
It's a beautiful thing to do.
[Harold] What are you talking about?
[Nancy] When Herbie fell off the stool when you had a store in Boyle Heights.
He saved Herbie's life.
[Harold] He saved my life.
[Nancy] You too?
That man was a saint.
[Harold] Where did you get all this from?
[Nancy] You don't know how much this funeral means to him.
Herbie is the most sensitive man I've ever known.
But then, all Scorpios are sensitive.
[Herbie] Hiya, Harold.
[Harold] What--? What--?
What are you trying to do to me, kill your mother?
[Herbie] I'm wearing the traditional burial outfit of the Hopi Indians.
[Nancy] It's beautiful.
[Harold] Foley was a Catholic, not an Indian.
[Herbie] It's all the same. It's all man and God. It's love.
[Harold] Herbie.
Herbie.
Let me buy you a nice new suit.
Just for the funeral.
[Herbie] This is what I'm wearing, Harold.
[Harold] Herbie, look ...
I realize that I'm a square.
[Herbie] I know that, I know that.
[Harold] Yeah.
But you gotta understand that there could be two sides to this.
I mean, you think ...?
How is Mrs. Foley gonna feel --?
I mean, how is she gonna feel when she sees ...
... Tonto at the cemetery?
[Herbie] Hey, Harold, I am not wearing this to bug anybody.
I'm wearing it because it's the right thing to wear.
[Harold] Well, take that fakakta feather out of your hair ...
... and wash that stupid paint off your face!
[Herbie] Really uptight!
[Harold] I am!
Uptight, or whatever that is.
[Herbie] Okay, okay. I'll tell you what.
I'll let you have the feather or the paint.
[Harold] You'll let me have the feather or the paint?
Right.
Take the feather out of your hair.
Okay, put the feather back and cover up the paint with your hands.
What do you think?
I'm asking her.
Okay, get rid of the paint.
Wash it off. Hurry.
[Herbie] I'm doing this because I love you.
[Harold] Yeah, fine. Great.
Where are you going?
[Nancy] To the funeral.
[Harold] But you've never met Mr. Foley.
[Nancy] But I've never been to a funeral.
[Harold] We are not going to the Ice Capades.
A man -- A man, a human being, is being buried under the ground.
[Nancy] But death can be a beautiful experience.
And I want to experience everything that's beautiful.
[Harold] You're going crazy.