THIS MODERN WORLD
BY TOM TOMORROW
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[Shmark Schmuckerberg] You can call me -- uh -- Shmark Schmuckerberg! I'm here to tell you -- privacy is OVER! For you, I mean. Disruptive tech billionaires such as myself can't get ENOUGH of it! That's why I spent $100 million on extra land surrounding my place in Hawaii -- and why I bought four houses AROUND my house in Palo Alto! You see, the more my social media site -- um, let's call it Schmacebook -- knows about YOU, the richer I get! And the richer I get -- the more important it is to guard MY privacy! Have you BEEN online? There are some REAL nutjobs out there! Privacy is a zero sum game -- we're just TRANSFERRING it from YOU to ME! HEY! Turn that out!
[Lost House Guest] Hello? Is somebody in here? SORRY! CLICK! CLICK!
[Schmark Schmuckerberg] And I do NOT want to see any screengrabs of that on Facebook, I mean SCHMACEBOOK.