Johnny Depp, Amber Heard's Totally Uncomfortable Public Apol

Gathered together in one place, for easy access, an agglomeration of writings and images relevant to the Rapeutation phenomenon.

Re: Johnny Depp, Amber Heard's Totally Uncomfortable Public

Postby admin » Sun May 29, 2016 6:37 am

Amber and Johnny are very sorry: A term paper
by Snarly
April 18, 2016

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If a sixth grade non-fiction book report and a proof-of-life hostage video got married and had a baby, it would look like Amber Heard and Johnny Depp’s apology video.

Background: In Australia’s “War on Terrier” (HA HA), Johnny Depp’s actress wife Amber Heard admitted she was wrong for bringing her and Depp’s Yorkies, Pistol and Boo, into Australia without the mandatory permit and 10-day quarantine. The reason for the quarantine laws is that Australia is a continent with its own ecosystem, and when you flout rules because you are a famous rich person whose last good movie was arguably What’s Eating Gilbert Grape (1993), you end up putting the entire continent at risk. Things can occur, from the introduction of new diseases and parasites up to and including Jurassic Park. Heard was accused of sneaking Pistol and Boo onto a private jet so they could hang out with their daddy, who was shooting the fifth Pirates of the Caribbean film, which is sure to be awesome.

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teensy felons

The former Minister of Agriculture, Barnaby Joyce, was not amused; he threatened to have the dogs euthanized. John Oliver found the whole thing amusing. (His reporting initially misidentified two photos of Depp: The first depicted a fedora atop a pile of greasy hair and the second showed a trash bag full of scarves. He needs better fact checkers, because everyone knows what Johnny Depp looks like.) The dogs were flown back to the US just before Joyce’s deadline expired; we know this because the Guardian newspaper maintained an online Depp dog death clock for the duration.)

At first Depp and Heard did not seem to treat their abuse of the law with much respect. Last year, at the Venice Film Festival, when asked if his dogs were going to take a gondola ride, the star of Mortdecai (2015) and The Lone Ranger (2013) answered, “No, I killed my dogs and ate them, under direct orders from some kind of, I don’t know, sweaty, big-gutted man from Australia.” However, when the actual threat of jail time loomed, all parties decided to agree that Heard had been jet-lagged and forgot to register the dogs (though she pleaded guilty to providing a false immigration document) and the couple made the informative video.

“Australia is a wonderful island with a treasure trove of unique plants, animals and people,” Heard sing-songs, sounding like my daughter doing her report on ancient Rome. “It has to be protected,” Depp mutters, looking dead-eyed and sounding slightly like late-stage Marlon Brando.

“Australia is free of many pests and diseases that are commonplace in the world,” Heard continues. “That is why Australia needs to have such strict bio-security laws.”

“And Australians are just as unique, both warm and direct,” Depp says, sounding like he would like to kill a man in Reno just to watch him die.

Concluding as though writing a letter to Grandma from camp after being scolded for not thanking her for the care package of gum, Heard says, “I am truly sorry that Pistol and Boo were not declared. Protecting Australia is important.”

“Declare everything when you enter Australia, thanks,” Depp grunts. And the video ends. And we all go rent The Tourist (2010). Wait, no we don’t.
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Re: Johnny Depp, Amber Heard's Totally Uncomfortable Public

Postby admin » Sun May 29, 2016 6:55 am

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard's 'toxic' marriage 'came to a head over humiliating apology video after months of arguing': The actress filed for divorce earlier this week, a month after the embarrassing incident made them a laughing stock
by Rebecca Merriman
May 27, 2016

NOTICE: THIS WORK MAY BE PROTECTED BY COPYRIGHT

YOU ARE REQUIRED TO READ THE COPYRIGHT NOTICE AT THIS LINK BEFORE YOU READ THE FOLLOWING WORK, THAT IS AVAILABLE SOLELY FOR PRIVATE STUDY, SCHOLARSHIP OR RESEARCH PURSUANT TO 17 U.S.C. SECTION 107 AND 108. IN THE EVENT THAT THE LIBRARY DETERMINES THAT UNLAWFUL COPYING OF THIS WORK HAS OCCURRED, THE LIBRARY HAS THE RIGHT TO BLOCK THE I.P. ADDRESS AT WHICH THE UNLAWFUL COPYING APPEARED TO HAVE OCCURRED. THANK YOU FOR RESPECTING THE RIGHTS OF COPYRIGHT OWNERS.


Johnny Depp and Amber Heard's "toxic" marriage irrevocably broke down weeks ago, following months of "blazing rows" and tension between the couple a new report has claimed.

The Rum Diary actress, 30, filed for divorce from the Hollywood star, 52, on Monday 15 months after they tied the knot, with the official separation date given as the day before.

But, according to The Sun, things came to a head last month shortly after they were forced to appear in an embarrassing apology video, after illegally bringing their dogs into Australia, which made them a global laughing stock.

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Amber and Johnny have split

“Johnny felt humiliated by the whole ordeal and believes Amber made him look like a fool," a source told the paper.

“It just doesn’t fit with his serious image and he hated being mocked. The dogs are Amber’s so she should really have done the thorough checks.”


While Amber was the one who began the legal process to end their union, it was reportedly Johnny who had had "enough" of the marriage.

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The couple make humiliating video apology

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They were accused of providing false documents when bringing their dogs Pistol and Boo into Australia

Amber and Johnny had appeared head-over-heels in love after first going public with their union in 2012, but the 22-year age gap began to take it's toll on their relationship, sources claimed, with the actress frustrated at the former hard-partier's "boring" lifestyle.

A Hollywood source said: “Amber is a party girl and Johnny just isn’t into that scene any more.

“He prefers to stay indoors on his own or with a small group of friends, have a smoke and watch some old movies.

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In 2011 movie The Rum Diary

They continued: “Johnny had absolutely no interest in heading to bars or clubs, despite being so popular around the world. Amber believed she could lead a proper lavish, Hollywood lifestyle with Johnny.

“But she eventually realised she got him at the wrong stage of his life.”

Yesterday Johnny addressed the short split in a statement and referred to the union as "short" and "brief".

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Was the 22-year age gap to blame?

"Given the brevity of this marriage and the most recent and tragic loss of his mother, Johnny will not respond to any of the salacious false stories, gossip, misinformation and lies about his personal life,” his representative said in a statement.

"Hopefully the dissolution of this short marriage will be resolved quickly."
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