by Indigogo / Matt Inman
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[LIBRARIAN'S COMMENT: The truth that is revealed in this post is that the Tesla Museum Fundraising was in fact a seven figure swindle of the gullible Tesla-loving tech "community." Congratulations, suckers: you've been had by the pterodactyl!
A "Tesla Exhibit" is not a "Tesla Museum," and a "Science Museum" is not a "Tesla Museum" -- and that's the crux of the whole thing. If I said "Let's Build a Goddamn Thomas Paine Museum," you wouldn't expect the plan to be a museum to revolutionaries of the world, which would "also" contain a permanent Thomas Paine exhibit. No, you'd expect the entire thing to be devoted to Thomas Paine.
And why would you put it on a toxic waste dump? That's just asking for bad luck.
Of course, it is relevant that, once again, Matt Inman has jumped into eager violation of the law, this time the charitable donation laws of the State of New York, by raising money for an entity that was not registered as a charitable entity under New York law. While he was guilty of this during the Bear Love campaign, which is why Charles Carreon sued him, and why the Judge ordered Matt Inman to deposit copies of his checks paying the money to the charities into court, Matt Inman didn't really get in any trouble. Of course, it was frustrating for Inman that he wasn't able to misdirect any of the money to his best friends in the charity fraud business, so he saved up his energy to pull the "Tesla Museum" job. And word is that Eric Schneiderman, New York Attorney General, kicks a lot more financial ass than Tamara Harris, the California AG.
So the Tesla Museum Fraud is just one click away from being exposed to the New York Attorney General Charities Bureau, that "has jurisdiction to investigate complaints that concern the public interest and involve 1) charitable corporations, foundations, trusts, or organizations; 2) solicitation of money for charitable purposes; and 3) failing to pay monies bequeathed to charity."
Feeling public spirited? Feeling ripped off and bullshitted? Stand up and tell Eric Schneiderman!]
Let's Build a Goddamn Tesla Museum
by Indiegogo and Matt Inman
We're trying to raise money to buy back Nikola Tesla's old laboratory, known as the Wardenclyffe Tower, and eventually turn it into a museum.
RAISED OF $850,000 GOAL
161% 0 time left
This campaign ended on September 29, 2012
Nikola Tesla was the father of the electric age. Despite having drop-kicked humanity into a second industrial revolution, up until recently he's been an unsung hero in history books. If you don't know who Tesla is, go read this.
Why Nikola Tesla was the greatest geek who ever lived
The Oatmeal http://theoatmeal.com
Geeks stay up all night disassembling the world so that they can put it back together with new features.
They tinker and fix things that aren't broken.
Geeks abandon the world around them because they're busy soldering together a new one.
They obsess and, in many cases, they suffer.
Over one hundred years ago, a Serbian-American inventor by the name of Nikola Tesla started fixing things that weren't broken.
In a time when the majority of the world was still lit by candle power, an electrical system known as alternating current was invented and to this day is what powers every home on the planet.
Who do we have to thank for this invention that ushered humanity into a second industrial revolution?
"But I thought Thomas Edison was the father of the electric age!" -- everyone
Nope. It was Tesla.
When most people think of Thomas Edison, they think of the man who invented the light bulb.
Edison did not invent the light bulb, he improved upon the ideas of 22 other men who pioneered the light bulb before him.
Edison simply figured out how to sell the light bulb.
Tesla actually worked for Edison early in his career.
Edison offered to pay him the modern equivalent of a million dollars to fix the problems he was having with his DC generators and motors.
Tesla fixed Edison's machines and when he asked for the money he was promised, Edison laughed him off and had this to say:
"Tesla, you don't understand our American humor."
Edison is a good example of a non-geek who operated in a geeck space.
He believed the value of his inventions could be gauged by how much money they made. He was neither a mathematician nor a scientist -- he believed he could just hire people to do that for him.
Edison was not a geek; he was a CEO.
Tesla was known for discovering amazing things and then forgetting to write them down.
Edison was known for rushing to the patent office as soon as one of his employees had something.
After his falling out with Edison, Tesla went to work on his alternating current electrical system.
This ignited a feud with Edison, who at the time was trying to sell the world his direct current system.
Edison's DC system required a power plant every square mile and couldn't transmit electricity very far. AC used thinner wires, had higher voltages, and could transmit electricity over long distances.
So what did Edison do?
Families living in the neighborhood near Edison's laboratory began to notice that their pets were disappearing. This was because Edison had been paying schoolboys twenty-five cents a head for live dogs and cats.
He then put these dogs and cats on display and publicly electrocuted them using Tesla's alternating current.
His goal was to publicly smear Tesla's AC and convince the public that it was too dangerous for home use.
In short: the only thing Edison truly pioneered was douchebaggery.
Ever heard of a man by the name of Marconi? He won a Nobel Prize in Physics for inventing Radio.
Did you know that everything he did was based on work previously done by Tesla? After Marconi became world-famous for sending the first transatlantic message, this was Tesla's response:
"Marconi is a good fellow. Let him continue. He is using seventeen of my patents."
Basically, Tesla = Nicest. Inventor. EVER.
Ever heard of RADAR?
AKA. That awesome technology that lets us detect objects like cruise missiles and latte-sipping SUV-driving imbeciles who do 85 in a 45.
An English scientist by the name of Robert A. Watson-Watt was credited with the invention of radar in 1935.
Can you guess who came up with the idea in 1917? 18 years before Watson-Watt.
He pitched it to the U.S. Navy at the beginning of World War I when the world was getting its butthole forcibly imploded by German U-boats.
Unfortunately, Thomas Edison was the head of R*D for the U.S. Navy at the time and he managed to convince them that it had no practical application in war.
NICE JOB, EDISON! YOU BLOATED, MISGUIDED ASS.
I HOPE A NAZI TORPEDO HIT YOUR GRANDCHILDREN RIGHT IN THE MOUTH.
Wilhelm Rontgen is typically credited as the discoverer of X-rays.
Can you guess the mustache-donning inventor who beat him to it and got basically ZERO credit?
Nikola Goddamn Tesla.
Also, when X-rays were initially discovered it was believed that they could cure blindness and other ailments. Tesla warned that X-rays could be dangerous and he refused to conduct medical experiments with them.
Edison, not skipping a beat when the opportunity to be awful presented itself, got to work right away on human trials in X-ray experimentation. One of his employees, Clarence Dally, was exposed to so much radiation that his arms had to be amputated to save his life. It didn't work though, and he eventually died from mediastinal cancer.
Dally is considered to be the first American to die from experimentation with radiation -- FINALLY Edison invents something original!
In addition to killing his assistant, Edison nearly blinded himself by repeatedly firing X-rays at his own eyes. When asked about X-rays later on, this was Edison's reply:
"Don't talk to me about X-rays, I am afraid of them -- Thomas Edison, 1903"
Ever wonder who built the first hydroelectric plant at Niagara Falls and proved to the world that this type of power was a practical energy source?
Who was experiementing with cryogenic engineering nearly a half century before its invention?
Who held patents over a hundred years ago that were later used in development of the transistor?
The transistor is the device which makes the information age possible so you can refresh your Facebook page and download donkey porn and whatnot.
Who was the first person to record radio waves from outer space? (inadvertently making himself the father of radio astronomy}
Who discovered the resonant frequency of the earth?
This is something scientists couldn't confirm until 50 years later when technology had caught up to what Tesla's amazeballs brain figured out in the 1890s.
Who built an earthquake machine that nearly demolished an entire neighborhood in New York City when it was turned on?
Ever heard of ball lightning?
It's lightning that appears in the form of a sphere and travels slowly while hovering a few feet above the ground.
It's an extremely rare phenomenon and even today no scientists have ever successfully produced it in a laboratory.
Oh, except Tesla did it back in the 1890s.
Ever wonder who invented remote control?
The modern electric motor?
You know how when you need electricity for your home it simply rains down from the earth's ionosphere and charges everything wirelessly?
Oh right, that was something Tesla invented but didn't share with the world probably because he was afraid of uninspired jackasses stealing his patents.
Without question, Tesla was a genius.
He spoke eight languages: Serbian, English, Czech, German, French, Hungarian, Italian, and Latin.
Most of us only speak one language (and poorly at that).
He could memorize entire books and recite them at will.
Most of us can't even remember our passwords.
He could visualize devices entirely in his head and then build them without ever writing anything down.
Most of us only spend time visualizing things like naked women and greasy sandwiches.
And even more impressive, the man lived to be 86 and was celibate his entire life.
Despite being 6'6" (200cm) tall in the 1890s and mega popular with the ladies, Tesla refused to date because he believed it would interfere with his work.
Tesla: a handsome dude who turned down sex for 86 years because he was too busy creating artificial lightning storms in his apartment.
P.S. Thomas Edison married a sixteen year old girl.
P.P.S. That's the last time I'll bitch about Edison in this comic, I swear.
How to tell if someone is a geek.
[Girl] Hey, let's smoosh our privates together!
[Geek] I can't. I'm busy callibrating this thing.
Not a Real Geek:
[Girl] Hey, let's smoosh our privates together?
[Not a Real Geek] Well, okay.
So with this incredible mind and all these inventions behind him, Tesla should have been rich and famous, right?
Tesla lived in a time when the world demanded results that were practical and profitable. We didn't want radio astronomy; we wanted light bulbs and toaster ovens.
Tesla's contributions were not incremental; they were revolutionary.
One of Tesla's final gifts to the world was a tower near New York City that would have provided free wireless energy to the entire planet. The man who financed the construction of the tower shut it down when he learned that there would be no way to regulate the energy and therefore it wouldn't make money.
This acquisitiveness and greed plagued most of Tesla's career, and he spent the majority of it being broke. In addition, Tesla also suffered from a disorder we now commonly refer to as "being batshit insane."
Tesla hallucinated and often had a hard time differentiating between reality and his imagination, which is why he spent years alone in his laboratory working day and night.
He often said that the only time he was truly happy was when he was cooped up in his lab.
Tesla died broke and alone in a NYC hotel room. He'd been living on milk and Nabisco crackers, and in one of his final interviews he revealed something of a very personal nature:"I have been feeding pigeons, thousands of them, for years. But there was one pigeon, a beautiful bird, pure white with light gray tips on its wings; that one was different. It was a female. I would know that pigeon anywhere. No matter where I was that pigeon would find me, when I wanted her I had only to wish and call her she would come flying to me. She understood me and I understood her.
I loved that pigeon.
Yes, I loved her as a man loves a woman, and she loved me.
As I looked at her I knew she wanted to tell me -- she was dying. And then, as I got her message, there came a light from her eyes -- powerful beams of light."
LIVING ON CRACKERS AND TALKING TO AN IMAGINARY LASER PIGEON?!
THAT was Tesla's reward for all the things he gave to humanity?!
Dear Nikola Tesla,
I'm so very very sorry.
You were a man displaced in time; on Archimedes, Steve Wozniak, Tony Stark of the 19th century
You were the greatest geek who ever lived in a time when the human race was crappier than usual.
And there are not enough nouns in the English language to append to the word "douche" when describing Thomas Edison, but I will try anyway:
Douchebucket, Douchebagel, DoucheBuffalo, DoucheMouth, DoucheSplosion, DoucheThunder, DoucheFace, DoucheMc.DoucherDouche, Quarter pounder with douche, DoucheCopter, DoucheBalloon, DouchePickle, Mixed greens with a douche Vinaigrette, RaisinBallsDoucheSkull
July 10th is Nikola Tesla day, and I will be editing Wikipedia in your honor.
On behalf of those who obsess, tinker, and fix things that aren't broken consider it my way of saying
Thank you, Nikola Tesla.
-- The Oatmeal
8/15/2012: IMPORTANT UPDATE! I need your help! I am trying to raise money to buy back Tesla's old laboratory and turn it into a museum.
Nevermind! We got it! As of May 2nd, 2013, the former laboratory of Nikola Tesla has been SAVED!
Tesla's final laboratory is located in the sleepy town of Shoreham, New York. It's known as Wardenclyffe and it's where Tesla attempted to build a tower that would provide free wireless energy to the entire earth. Unfortunately, Tesla lost his funding before the project was completed and in 1917 the Wardenclyffe tower was demolished. Subsequently, the land was sold to a film and paper manufacturer.
However, the land, laboratory, and foundation beneath the tower are still there and very recently went up for sale. And right now a non-profit is trying to buy the property and turn it into a Nikola Tesla Museum. The property is listed at $1.6 million, and this non-profit has received a matching grant from New York State of up to $850k. This means that if we can raise $850k, New York State will match us for that same amount -- putting the total raised at $1.7 million.
There is currently another offer on the table from someone who wants to purchase the property potentially tear it down or turn it into a retail establishment. There is no Tesla museum in the United States, despite Tesla's extraordinary accomplishments. If we can outbid this other person and buy the land it will permanently be protected as a historic site and eventually converted into a Nikola Tesla Science Center.
The folks behind this project are a 501(c) non-profit organization and they've spent the past 15 years trying to find a way to save this property. This IndieGoGo account is linked directly to their bank and all the funds will go directly to them.
Even if we raise the full amount and end up with $1.7 million, this isn't enough to build an actual museum / science center. But it will effectively put the property into the right hands so it can eventually be renovated into something fitting for one of the greatest inventors of our time.
Internet, this is where you come in: HELP ME BUILD A GODDAMN TESLA MUSEUM.
More details about the campaign can be found over here.
The Indiegogo campaign is linked directly to the bank account of Tesla Science Center at Wardenclyffe, formerly known as Friends of Science East, Inc. It is a 501(c)3 not-for-profit organization registered with the State of New York.
*Wardenclyffe photo via DamnInteresting.com