by Matthew Inman of The Oatmeal
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What are your chances of surviving an intense lovemaking session with Bigfoot?
F5 = The rape victim
[Rapist] The Internet is not behaving as expected. I MUST NOW VIOLATE YOU OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
It's your birthday! May a meteorite strike your worst enemy right in the balls today.
It's your birthday. I hope a glorious rainbow makes its way across the universe and hits you right in the junk.
It's your birthday! I hope an angry badger mauls your worst enemy right in the privates today.
Heyyyyyy kids, who wants a big ol' dildo?!