by Matt Inman of The Oatmeal
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5 very good reasons to punch a dolphin in the mouth. When a dolphin makes those cute whistles and clicking sounds, they're actually vulgar insults. Their rubbery, soft skin is easy on the knuckles and makes for a great undersea punching bag. Dolphins play their entire lives. Humans only play until we reach adulthood -- this is unfair. Make it fair by landing a roundhouse kick to the face. Dolphins love to think that they're the strongest and the fastest. Ever seen them swim with a boat? To them it's a race. Put them in their place with a solid left hook to the jaw. Anything that smiles that often needs to be reminded that the world is a cruel, dark place.