Part 1 of 3
Walpurgis Night, or "Steps Commander"by Venedikt Erofeev [Verofeyev]
[Google translated fro=m Russian]
Publishing House "Kh. G. S.", Moscow, 1997
IN THE TRAGEDY PARTICIPATE:
FIRST ACT
A CURTAIN
SECOND ACT
A CURTAIN
THIRD ACT
A CURTAIN
THE FOURTH ACT
A CURTAIN
FIFTH ACT
THE SWIMMING EPILOGUE
The tragedy in five acts
Publishing House "Kh. G. S.", Moscow, 1997
IN THE TRAGEDY PARTICIPATE: The doctor of the receiving rest of the psychiatric hospital
Two of his assistant consultants. One - in glasses, frying and breaking. And more secretary than an assistant. Other - 3 and n a and d and H and a La Gana, purple and immense
Senior doctor And g of p s A s a of a and b R and n and n c o n
n p o xo r s - elder third Chamber and the dictator of 2nd
G from p e in and h
alex and named dissidents squire Prokhorov
in a in a - a melancholy old man from the village of
C e r e f a k l e m and n d e n s x - Tikhonov and schemer
B and t I
C t a c and k - reciter grower and
K o l i
Komsomol organizer 3rd chamber p and e and w to p e m and n
Rear Admiral M and x and l s h
Nurse A w c and
Nurse H and m and n and
Nurse orderly T and m and p of hours to and
Nurse B of p e n s to a, for mordovorotov stud
X of x I'm a sexual mystic and a satanist. Thick hospital attendants with a stretcher, in the last act carrying away corpses.
Everything happens on April 30, then at night, then at the time of May Day dawn.
FIRST ACT He's Prologue. Emergency room. To the left of the viewer is the jury: the senior doctor of the receiving quarters, which looks like a composer Georgy Sviridov, with almost square physique and in perfectly square points. On either side of it are two ladies in white coats: half-way upfront Zinaida Nicholas and a stooped, all-missing, with glasses and papers, Valentina. Behind them, the paramedic and the nurse, Medrat Boryenka, walk about the room, he is Mordovorot, and he's talking about it.
On the other side of the table - LI Gurevich Doktor, just delivered by the "chumfovoz" (ambulance)
Your name, sick?
Gurevichi Gurevich.
DOCTOR. Hence, Gurevich. And than you can confirm that you are Gurevich, not ... Do you have any documents with you?
GUREVICH: No documents, I do not like them.
Rene Descartes said that ...
Docotor (correcting his glasses ). Name Patronymic name?
GUREVICH: Whom? Descartes? ..
DOCTOR. No, neg, patient, your name's patronymic!
GUREVICH, Lev Isakovich. Doktor
(from under the glasses, towards the bespectacled valentine ). Note.
Valentyna. What to note, forgive?
DOCTOR. All! All Parents are alive? .. And why should you lie, Gurevich? .. if you are not Gurevich ... So, I repeat: are your parents alive? .. Gurevich
Both are alive, and they both call ...
Doktor. I wonder how their name is.
Gurevich I. Isaak Gurevich. And my mother - Rosalia Pavlovna ...
Doktor. Is she also Gurevich?
GUREVICH Yes. But it is Russian.
DOCTOR. Well, what about your mother?
GUREVICH: You are tactless, doctor. What does it mean "how is the matter with the mother?" And with yours, if you are not an orphan, how is it?
DOCTOR. Pay attention, patient, I'm not annoyed. The same I ask from you ... And who do you love more, Mom or Dad? This is not unimportant for medicine.
GUREVICH. It's all the same to the pope. When we crossed the Hellespont with him ... Doktor
(bespectacled Volentyne). Mark at yourself.
He loves the Jewish pope more than the Russian mother ... And why did you incur the Hellespont? After all, if I do not change my knowledge of geography, it's not our territory ...
GUREVICH. Well, that's how to say it. The whole territory is ours. Rather, it will be ours. But we are not allowed to take a walk there - apparently from peacekeeping considerations: that we are content with the sixth part of the inhabited land.
DOCTOR. And ... very wide, this Hellespont? ..
Gurevich. Several Bosphorus.
DOCTOR. Are you the same - do you measure distance in bosforors? You are lucky, sick, your neighbor in the ward is a man, he measures time by bedside tables and stools. You will have a swim with him. So what is the Bosphorus?
GUREVICH: There is nothing simpler. Even you will understand. When I go out in the mornings and go out for a chat, then my way to the store takes exactly 670 of my steps - and according to Brockhaus, this is the exact width of the Bosphorus.
DOCTOR. While all is clear. And do you often walk like this?
GUREVICH. When, how. Others - more often ... But I - unlike them - without any force and zabubennosti. I - only when I'm sad ...
DOCTOR. N-well, sadness is sad. And on what means did you ... cross this Bosporus every day? This is very important ...
GUREVICH. So after all, I do not care what kind of work, I'm ready for anything - the mass sowing of buckwheat and millet ... or vice versa ... Now I'm in the hosemagazine, in the position of a Tatar.
Zinadiya NIKOLAYEVANA. And how much do you get?
GUREVICH. I am paid exactly as much as my Motherland deems necessary. And if it seemed to me a little, well, I would have been puffed up, for example, and the Motherland would have overtaken me and asked: "Lyova, is this enough for you? Maybe you should add a little." -
I would say: "It's all right, Motherland, get off, you do not even have a fucking cock." Doktor
(for reasons of adventure). I realized that you are a free navigator, and not a Tatar from the household. Stand up. Shift your legs. Close your eyes. Stretch your arms forward.
GUREVICH (does what is prescribed). Can I sit down?
DOCTOR. You can, you can. That's enough. We are already essentially all clear. Here is one more detail: whether you are married or not, I do not ask: but do you have a woman to whom your heart is located, the one that accompanies you in life?
GUREVICH: Of course there is. Rather, of course, was. When we sailed the Hindu Kush with her ... she smashed her beautiful head ... on the rocks of British Samoa. At this moment (Gurevich almost cries) ... and at this very moment - fate knocked the wand out of the hands of the maestro. I drowned, but swam out - are you glad that I swam out?
DOCTOR. From the Hindu Kush?
GUREVICH. From the Hindu Kush. And what is it worth to swim out of the Hindu Kush, if the Dardanelles were conquered before?
DOCTOR. Exactly. For us, such a patient is a rarity, I'm glad that you did not drown. But when you swam, did you take a bottle with you?
GUREVICH. Of course! And what armor-piercing! Ammonium acetate - sharks cannot stand it. As soon as the shark appears - you pour out a little bit of ammonium acetate on your head and to your friend - and all the sharks are kuchcheryazhatsya, completely lose their empty heads, well ... in the farewell lick my friend's caviar ... but it would be ridiculous in such a situation be jealous ... And when it came to the Karakoram ...
Doktor. And what number is today in the yard? year? month?
GUREVICH. What is the difference? .. And all this for Russia is shallow - days, millennia ...
Doktor. Clear. Tell me, patient: do you have any delusions, illusions, chimeras, otherworldly voices ..?
GUREVICH. Here I cannot please you, it did not happen. But ...
Oh, that's it. What does "but" ..?
Gurevich. Yes, here I am about chimeras ... Well, for the sake of what, for example,
I traveled all the world, crossed all Kuenluni, climbed to the tops of Kon-Tiki, - and learned from all this only one thing - that in the city of Arkhangelsk, the best wine list is best to rent on the street Rosa Luxemburg! DOCTOR. And what strange things?
GUREVICH: Very much. Let's say that the desire is for the sky to be in one Boots. To no other constellations. And that me - under these Boots - would be deprived of anything: something significant, but not the most expensive.
Doctors and nurses are nervous. Behind their backs, Mordovorot Boreanka walks serenely.
GUREVICH (continues). But what about me before Volopasov and Pleiades, when I began to notice in myself this strange thing: I found that raising my left leg, I cannot raise the right one at the same time. It has knocked me down. I shared my bewilderment with Prince Golitsyn ...
Doktor gives a sign with his left eye - so that Valtenin writes down. She lazily inclines her caulked head.
GUREVICH ... and here we with him drank, drank, drank ... to bring thoughts into clarity ... And I asked him in a whisper - not to disturb anyone, - and who, in fact, was disturbing, we were alone - except us, no one ... so, so I, in order not to disturb anyone, I asked him in a whisper: why do my hours go in the opposite direction? And he peered at me, at the clock, and then said: "Yes, you and unnoticed, and drank, like, a little ... but only I went to the opposite."
DOCTOR. Drinking is bad for you, Lev Isakitch ...
GUREVICH. As if I do not understand this. Telling me this now - anyway, let's say that to say to the Venetian Moor, just shocked by the deed, - to say that compression of the respiratory throat and trachea can cause paralysis of the respiratory center due to asphyxiation. DOCTOR. Enough, in my opinion ... So, with Prince Golitsyn ... And with viscounts, counts, marquises - did not you have to sip vodka? ..
Gurevich
Even as it was. For example, Count Tolstoy calls me ...
Doktor. A lion?
GUREVICH. Why, of course, the Lion! If the earl is surely a Leo! I, too, am a Leo, and not a count at all. I get a call from the great-grandson of Leo - and says that he has two gingerbread on the table, and there is nothing to eat for snacks, except for two anecdotes about Chapa ... Doktor
And far away, this Count Tolstoy?
GUREVICH. Very close. Metro "Novokuznetskaya", and there very near. If you have not drunk ginger for a long time ...
Doct. And how do you like Joseph de Maistre? Viscount de Bragelonne? You would invite them to the fence, slap from the throat ... this ... as you call it ... mutterings ..?
Gurevich. Willingly. But that under this fence there were thickets of spindle ... And - it would be nice - anemones ... But, there are rumors, they have all emigrated ...
Doktor. Anemones?
GUREVICH. Kindly only anemones. And then, after all, and brazil, and joséphas, and crocuses.
Everyone is running. And why are they running? And where are they running? I, for one, like it very much. If you do not like it, it's a ban on wandering. And ... disrespect for the Word. And in everything else ...
DOCTOR (his authorized tone goes into emergency ).
Well, what if there is trouble with our homeland? After all, it's not a secret for anyone that our enemies live only one thought: to destabilize us, and only then finally ... Do you understand me? We are not talking about trifles. (Referring to Zinaida Nikolayeva.) How many nationalities, languages, tribes do we have in Russia ..?
Zinadiya NIKOLAYEVANA. And the devil knows ... There is a piece of land, for sure. DOCTOR. You see: poltyschi. And do you think the patient, in case of circumstances -
in the face of the enemy - which tribe will be the most reliable? You are a competent person, you know a lot about spindles and anemones - and you know that they are fleeing from us for some reason ... And now the storm broke out - in what you are building, Lev Isaakovich?
GUREVICH: Actually, I am opposed to any war. War spoils the soldiers, destroys the line and blurs the uniforms. Grand Prince Konstantin Pavlovich. But it does not mean anything. As soon as my Fatherland is on the verge of a catastrophe ...
Doktor (in the direction of Volentyny). Write it down, too.
GUREVICH: As soon as my Fatherland is on the verge of disaster, when She says: "Leva, quit drinking, get up and get out of nothing" - then ... Revival in the hall. Knocking heels on the right - and into the receiving rest swiftly, but without fuss, Nurse Natalla comes in. Eyes occupy almost half of a smiling face. Dimple on the cheek. The hair on the back of the head, completely black, is fastened with an unthinkable barrette. Everything gives Slavic calm, meekness, but Andalusia - too.
DOCTOR. You are very welcome, Natalia Alekseevna (The usual exchange of greetings between the ladies, and all that.) Natalya settles down beside Zinaida).
Nathalie. Newbie ... Gurevich ?! How many years, how many ...
DOCTOR. We already, in essence, finish the conversation with the patient. Do not distract attention, Natalia Alekseevna, and no separations ... It remains to find out only a few circumstances - and in the ward ...
GUREVICH (animated by the presence of NATALA, continues).
We talked about the Motherland and the catastrophe. So, I love Russia, it takes the sixth part of my soul. Now, probably, a little more ... (laughter in the hall). Every normal citizen should be a brave warrior, just like any normal urine should be light amber. (Inspiration quoted from Kheraskova).
We are ready to defend the fatherland graciously,
We are happy to fight with the whole universe. But only here is what kind of consideration holds me back: for such a homeland, I, a morally floppy hmyr, are simply not worthy to fight.
DOCTOR. Well, why? We'll treat you here ... and ...
GUREVICH. Well, well, what's the cure? .. I still cannot figure out what kind of tank and where it goes. I am ready, of course, to rush under any tank, with a bunch of grenades or even without a bundle ... Zinada Nikolayeva
Yes, without a bundle, why?
GUREVICH. The enemy takes off in the air, if even under him they throw at all without anything. My advice to you: read more ... Well, if there is not a single slipper nearby - then the embrasure will be exactly. Whose - it does not matter. I, not hesitating, fall on her breast - and lie on it, I lie, until our scarlet banner will rise above the Capitol.
DOCTOR. Clinker, in my opinion, is already enough. At us, you will be convinced today, them, buffoons, at us a pond-pond. How do you assess your overall condition? Or do you think - seriously - your brain is intact?
GUREVICH (as long as the doctor is cynical and deductively clicks his fingers on the table). And you - your own?
DOCTOR
(bilious). I asked you, patient, to answer only my questions, I will answer your questions when you are completely cured. So what about your general condition, in your opinion?
GUREVICH. ... It's hard for me to say ... Such a strange feeling ... No-what-not-immersive, ... no-what-not-emotion, ... no-to-whom-not-disposition ... And as if you are engaged to someone ... but with whom, when and why -
the mind is incomprehensible ... As if you were occupied, and occupied something on the case, in accordance with a treaty of mutual assistance and close friendship, but still occupied ... and such ... nothing-like-would-not-disturbance, but also no-on-something-crucifixion ... none-of-anything, undeflected. In short, you feel yourself inside of grace - and yet not at all there ... well ... as in the womb of a stepmother ... (applause).
DOCTOR. It seems to you, sick, that you express yourself unclear. You are mistaken. And this gaerstvo with you poshibut. I hope that, with all your inclinations to cynicism and fanfaronstvo, you respect our medicine and you will not become rampant in the chambers.
GUREVICH (glancing at Natale, adjusting his white robe ).
My dad used to say: "Lion,
You will grow up - and you will become a bon vivant!"
I did not become it. From my youth
I have the knack of mastering: to obey everyone,
Who of course, is worth it. Yes,
I was born in a straitjacket. - And as for ...
Doktor
(frowning, interrupting him). I, in my opinion, have already repeatedly asked you not to clown. You are not on the stage, but in the waiting room ... You can after all talk in human language, without these ... these ...
Zinaida NIKOLAYEVANA (prompts). Shakespeare's iambs ... Doktor
That's right, without iambic, we already have a lot of trouble ...
GUREVICH. Well, I will not do it again ... did you talk about our medicine, do I respect it? Wh-the word is too boring, in truth, and ... flat-footed ...
But I - but I'm in love with her - and this
Without any hypocrisy and grimaces. -
In all its ups and downs,
In all her attempts to heal
and infirm bodily, and spiritual,
In her firste consistency of the Universe in Mind
Unfading and - therefore - and in the eyes,
and her tail and mane, and the mouth
and in the ... In the course of this tirade of B p e n s to a mordovorotov quietly, behind, goes to the declamator, waiting for the sign, when to take the scruff and drag.
DOCTOR. Well, well, well, well, enough, patient. In the madhouse do not be clever ... Can you accurately answer when you were brought here last time?
GUREVICH: Of course. But only - you see? -
I measure time a little differently. Of course, not Fahrenheitami, not bedside tables, not Reamyurami. But still a little different ... For me it is important, for example, what distance separated this day from the autumnal equinox or ... there ... a summer solstice ... or some other muck. Wind direction, for example. We are - most of them - do not even know if the wind is north-west, where it actually blows: from the northeast or to the northeast, we do not care about everything ... And the Mycenaean king Agamemnon - he put it under the sacrificial knife of his beloved, younger daughter, Iphigenia -
and only then, so that the wind was south-west, and not some other ... Doktor (noticing the patient's agitation, gives a sign to everyone else). Yes ... but you strayed from the question asked, you were blown away by the northeast. (Everyone laughs except Nathal.) - so when was the last time you brought it here?
GUREVICH. I do not remember ... I do not remember exactly ... And even the winds ...
I just remember that that day the Sheikh Kuwait Abdullah-as-Salem-as-Sabah approved a new government headed by the Crown Prince Prince Sabah-as-Salem-as-Sabah ... 84 days from the summer solstice ... Yes, yes, to be absolutely accurate: that day an event occurred that crashed into the memory of millions for five whole years: empty wine ware, which previously cost 12 or 17 kopecks - depending on what capacity - and so, on this day, it all began to cost 20.
Doktor (humbling the look of sprinkling ladies). So you think that in the history of Soviet Russia over the past five years there has been no more significant event?
GUREVICH: No, I suppose ... I do not remember ... It was not.
DOCTOR. So the memory begins to change, and not only memory. Last time your diagnosis was: bordering with polyneuritis, acute alcohol intoxication ... Now it will be more complicated. From half a year you'll have to lie down ... GUREVICH (jumping up, and everyone else jumps up ). From six months?!
Borean and with trained hands omit Gurevich in the armchair.
DOCTOR. And why are you surprised, sick? You have a wonderful cash syndrome. To tell you a secret, we have recently started to hospitalize even those who, at a superficial glance, do not have a single symptom of a mental disorder. But we should not forget about the abilities of these patients to involuntary or well-considered dissimulation. These people, as a rule, do not commit an antisocial act, no criminal deed, or even the slightest hint of nervous imbalance until the end of their life. But that's it, they are both dangerous and should be treated. At least because of their inner unwillingness to social adaptation ... GUREVICH ( enthusiastically ). Well, that's great! ..
No, I'm still in love.
And in the gait of medicine, and in the triumphs of
Her wide step - spittle
In the eyes of all the astonished continents.
In its self-sufficiency and in the impudence
And in the tail of it, again, and in ... Doktor (titled voice goes to a nobleman ). About these ... iambs, we, it seems, have already agreed with you for a long time, the patient. I'm quite an experienced person, I promise you: all this will come down after the first week of our procedures. And along with all the sarcasms. And in two weeks you will speak normal language in human language. Are you a bit of a poet?
GUREVICH. Are they treating you from this?
DOCTOR. Well, why so? ..
And under whom do you write? Who is your favorite?
GUREVICH Martynov, of course ...
Zinadiya Nikolayeva. Leonid Martynov?
GUREVICH Yes, no, Nikolai Martynov ... Nikolai Solomonovich Martynov (Russian: Николай Соломонович Мартынов) (1815–1875) was the Russian army officer
who fatally shot the poet Mikhail Lermontov in a cliff-edge duel on July 27, 1841, despite Lermontov's supposedly having made it known that he was going to shoot into the air.
-- Nikolai Martynov, by Wikipedia
And
Georges d'Anthes.
Nathalie (taking advantage of the general revival ). So you, Lyova, are now scratching at
Dantes?
GUREVICH: No, no, I used to write in my style, but it was exhausted. A month ago I scribbled a dozen poems a day - and, as a rule, nine of them were unforgettable, five or six epochal pieces, and two or three - immortal ... And now - no. Now I decided to improvise under
Nicholas Nekrasov.[/b]
Nikolai Alekseyevich Nekrasov died on 8 January 1878. Four thousand people came to the funeral and the procession leading to the Novodevichy Cemetery turned into a political rally.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky delivered a keynote eulogy, calling Nekrasov the greatest Russian poet since Alexander Pushkin and Mikhail Lermontov. One section of the crowd, the followers of Chernyshevsky (with Georgy Plekhanov as one of their leaders), chanted "No, he was greater!"...
According to one school of thought (formulated among others by Vasily Rosanov in his 1916 essay), Nekrasov in the context of the Russian history of literature was an "alien... who came from nowhere" and grew into a destructive 'anti-Pushkin' force to crash with his powerful, yet artless verse the tradition of "shining harmonies" set by the classic. Decades earlier Afanasy Fet described Nekrasov's verse as a 'tin-plate prose' next to Pushkin's 'golden poetry'.-- Nikolay Nekrasov, by Wikipedia
Do you want to talk about social competition? ..
DOCTOR. Well, why not? Social competition - it's ...
GUREVICH. I'm very short. Seven peasants converge and argue: how many eggs can be squeezed out from each laying hen. People from the district center and roosters, of course, do not suspect anything. All around the green mass of silage, sows, pennants - and the men argued:
Roman said: one hundred and seventy,
Demyan said: one hundred and eighty,
Luke said: five hundred.
Two thousand one hundred and seventy, -
said the brothers Gubina,
Ivan and Mitrodor.
The old man groaned Pakhom
And said, looking at the ground:
One hundred and thirty-one thousand four hundred and fourteen,
And Proov said: Mulen.
Maybe continue? DOCTOR
( brushing away ). No, no, do not ... Boris Anatolyevich, Natalia Alekseevna, please, take the patient to the 4th ward. And immediately to the bathroom. ( Gurevich and Chu ). Before ... rabies, I hope you have not got it yet?
GUREVICH: I did not notice. Except that I have a lot of bloody associations with the bathroom. Here is the same Mycenaean king Agamemnon, which I mentioned to you, and so, on his return from Pergamum, they cut his sword in the bathroom. And the great rostrum of the revolution of Mar ...
Zinadiya Nikolayeva ( not listening to him, turning to Doktor ). And why all the same in the 4th? There are some stinking okhlomony ... There he withers, and he will have suicidal thoughts. In my opinion, it's better in the 3rd. There Prokhorov, Eremin, they'll pin him ... Doktor
. "Suicidal thoughts," you say ... (to Gurevich). And you, the last question. Someday, even in the deepest secrecy, was it not for you to destroy yourself ... or any of your neighbors? ... Because the 4th Chamber is not the 3rd, and we sometimes have to keep an ear ...
GUREVICH. Hand on my heart, I already sent one person there - I was then ... I do not remember how many years, very few, but it all happened three days before the new moon ... so to me was then most hostile to my bald uncle, a fan of Lazar Kaganovich, sebaceous anecdotes and chicken broth. And my blond friend Edik brought me poison, he said that the poison is flawless and delayed exposure. I poured it all into my uncle's chicken broth - and what do you think? - exactly 26 years later he died in a terrible torture ... Doktor
Mm-dda ... Fool with him, with your uncle ... And for himself - never had a desire to put his hands in his life? ..
GUREVICH. It happened, and only the day before yesterday, during the Flood ...
DOCTOR. World? ..
GUREVICH. Not at all world-wide. It all began with torrential rains in Orekhovo-Zuevo ... We recently began a series of strange, local disasters in Russia: under Kostroma, in broad daylight, baby boys, bulldozers, and all that soar. And nobody is surprised by these fox-blinkers. Approximately the same situation was in Orekhovo-Zuevo: the rains lashed seven days and seven nights, without waiting and without mercy, the earthly earth disappeared together with the heavenly heavens ... Doktor
And what devils brought you to Orekhovo-Zuevo? A Tatar from the Moscow hozma ..?
GUREVICH:
Oh, it's sad to be a Tatar to the grave!
I had to earn money in the wilderness:
And the conformist, and the non-conformist,
And the usurper. Anthropophagous,
On the position of a Japanese spy
at the Institute of Eternal Permafrost ...
In short, when the city collapsed, I had a canoe and twelve oarsmen. In addition to us, there was nothing and nothing above the surface of the waves ... And now - I do not remember on what day of sailing and for how many nights before the sun - the water began to subside, and the spire of the city committee of the Komsomol appeared from the water ... We moored ... But then - what a spectacle it seemed to us: the devastation of the hearts, the shrieks from the inside of the crushed buildings ... I decided to commit suicide by throwing myself at the Gorcomovian spire ... When I
covered my head, Borys and N and so on, so that the patient is quickly taken to the ward.
GUREVICH. Another moment, guys! .. And when my throat was already above Gorkomov's point, and Gorkomov's spearhead was under my throat, this is where my friend-rower came to amuse me and distract me from he asked a riddle: "Two pigs run for an hour eight miles How many pigs will run an hour a mile?" Here I realized that I was losing my mind. And here I am with you. ( Pantsuits from the chair he pointed politely helps mordovorotov .) And from that day - jumble in my head ... Nacht und nebel ... all confused, calf, pig, Mamayev Kurgan Malakhov Kurgan ...
n a t a l and. You do not feel dizzy, Leo? Go quietly, quietly. ( Nathal leads him to his left hand, Borean to the right.) Everything will pass now, you will be put in bed.
GUREVICH ( submissively goes ). But for some reason, everything gets mixed up, confused, pigs, mounds ... Henry Ford and Ernst Rutherford ... Rembrandt and Willy Brandt.
Doc ( after them ). In the 3rd chamber. Glucose, pyracetam.
GUREVICH ( leaves with his escorts, and his voice is all muffled ). Epton Sinclair and Sinclair Lewis, Sinclair Lewis and Lewis Carroll ... Vera Maretskaya and Maya Plisetskaya ... Jacques Offenbach and Ludwig Feuerbach ... ( already barely audible ) ... Victor Bokov and Vladimir Nabokov ... Enrico Caruso and Robinson Crusoe ...
A CURTAIN
SECOND ACT He is preceded before the curtain is raised - five minutes of heavy and bad music. With the opening of the curtain, the viewer sees the 3rd chamber, with barred windows, and an arched entrance to the adjacent, 2nd chamber. To avoid inter-chamber diffusion, exchange of information, etc. - the arched passage is occupied by a cot, on it lies Vet, with an unbearable belly, which, licking something, does not cease to stroke, with a terrifying and shy smile. Strictly diagonally, curving the neck from the bottom to the left up and to the right, the enlightened Stasysk rushes through the ward. Sometimes he recites something, sometimes freezes in an unexpected pose - with a hand, for example, giving a pioneer salute - and then the recitation stops. But no one knows how long.
S ergezhka Kleinmikhle, still quite young, sits on his bunk almost immovable, sometimes slipping down, constantly holding his heart. In the hair and in the lichen, with a strange curvature of the lips. On the next cot, K'ol I and the meek little old Vova hold each other by the hands and while they are silent. K I'm now and then lets out a saliva, In about and he wipes it. He is still lying, covered with a sheet, waiting for the tribunal, the Komsomol of the Chamber Pashka Eremin. On the cot to the right is X oh hula, not raising the eyelids, the sexual mystic and the satanist.
But the most important thing is, of course, in the center: the indefatigable headman of the 3rd ward, the autocratic and pimply Prikhorov and his squire, Alekha, nicknamed the Dissident, - they are executing (or rather they are already completing) the judicial process in the case of Rear Admiral Mikhailchy.
P r ochorov. If you, Mihalych, were just a snake - then nothing, well, the snake is like a snake. But you are a black mamba, there is such a South African snake - a black mamba! - From her bite, a person is breathing 30 seconds before her bite! The
fat squire Alyeh towels his hands behind his back to the Rear Admiral. The one who is on his knees does not count on any mercy.
P r ochorov. How lucky you are, asshole, to attain such an unheard-of rank: Rear Admiral of the KGB? Maybe you're still a boatswain of the KGB, not a Rear Admiral?
A l e x a. He's a midshipman, midshipman, I can see by sight that the midshipman! ..
P r ochorov. So, midshipman, we here with Alekho counted all your actions. It would be enough and one ... The first of September last year, you were sitting at the steering wheel of a South Korean liner? .. The result is obvious - Chersonese and Coventry are in ruins ... What surprises is the sophistication of this action: only old men, women and children suffered from all its attacks! And all the rest ... - and all the rest - as if this kuy over them and did not fly! So, the boatswain: to you the gray hair of all these ci-ars, the tears of all the orphans, the guts of all widows, cry to you! Aleh!
A l e x a. Yes, I am here.
P r ochorov. So tell me and all the Russian people: when this murderer was caught red-handed for selling in the Preobrazhensky market of our Kuriles?
A l e x a. Day before yesterday.
MIHALYCH ( mooch ). It's not true, the day before yesterday I was here, I did not go out of the ward, all the witnesses, and the nurse Lusya fed me millet porridge with gravy ...
P r oh oh ov. This means nothing. And you, you asshole, the day before, without leaving the chamber, to carry out electronic espionage over the Arctic Ocean basin. Materials of the preliminary investigation can not lie. Suck yourself, you little bitch, imagine that you are not an admiral, but the page one hundred and seven materials of the preliminary investigation, - could you lie?
MIHALYAH: Neither ... ever.
P r ochorov. So, we are in the club of experts: what? Where? How much? So how much are the Kurile Islands today? Etorofu - for a bottle of andropovka and in installments? Kunashir - almost entirely for nothing ... And maybe these businessmen from politics - they just threw pussies for all of this? .. Misha Khy is
trying in vain to moo something in her defense.
P r ochorov. Moreover, this boatswain had the intention to ask the CIA for a map of the drinking shops of the Soviet Union. And incidentally - our blue-eyed sister Belorussia - dismember and surrender to the dictator of Cameroon Misha Sokolov ... Stasik
( flanking past, as usual ). Yes. For such things on such heads are not smooth. I propose to take off his pants and shoot him out of mortar ...
P r ochorov. Stop. I have not said everything yet. This dog-midshipman still had this intention, since he had nothing to sell-he managed to drench his mind and honor, and the conscience of our era in one week-he had the intention of bidding two unique national pearls that remained to us across the ocean: our ballet and our underground. Everything was already prepared for the deal, but only this one our double-dealer was a little mistaken in his clients from Manhattan. When he went down to the metro with one of them to put the right price on, the stupid Yankee merchant decided that he had ballet before him. And when he brought him to the ballet ... (The general hum of condemnation .) Grisha! Comsorg! ( Komsomg Pashka Eremin responds only when he is called Grisha.) Take off the sheet, do not be afraid, today they judge not you. Say your word, comrade! ..
Paschke Eremin. Yes, it's very simple: why should our Power have to treat this boa constrictor for free? You have to kill him with your head! ..
C ool. Yes, this was the way Eastern despots acted with all the Hagarins: they threw their heads back and gulped their molten lead ... or a cold vermouth.
Stasik: No, it's better to shoot him at all from a crossbow ...
Kolya. From the arquebus ... from a distance of two and a half fields ... Stasis
Yes, where do we get the arquebus from here? .. And mortar can be made of something to weave. At the nurses' soap you can get a business and some aiguilbons ...
A l e x a. Haha, you still have to ask for her chances ... In my opinion, to give this monster to Vitenka for eating! ..
Exclamations of approval. Everyone turns in the direction of B and t. However, B & T, without stopping smiling and stroking the belly, makes a rejection movement pink with its head.
P r ochorov. Pray, Mikhalych! Pray for the last time, Admiral! MIHALYCH
( dropping his head to the limits, begins to murmur something quickly, something like this ). For Moscow, the mother is not afraid to die, Moscow - all capitals head, in the Kremlin to visit - to get mad, from Lenin's science mind and hands get stronger, the USSR - the whole world example, Moscow - homeland decoration, enemies intimidation ...
PR oh oh r ov. So-so-so-so ...
MIHALYCH ( shaking, continues, and still inappropriately ). Who has not been to Moscow-you have not seen beauty, you'll go to the Communists-you will find a way in life, any feat in the hunt for the Soviet patriot, the ideological quenching of fighters gives rise to good fellows in battle ... PROXOROV
Enough, midshipman! .. brilliant prayer ... In my opinion, no crossbows are needed, but simply dissolve it in some chemical reagent, so that it by evening consisted of one protoplasm ... Only - why in our department is the extra protoplasm, you can not breathe from it already. Better - under the tribunal! .. Kolya, wipe your drooling. How do you think, Kolya, is there much in our department of protoplasm?
Kolya. A lot ... I can not ...
P r ochorov. Clear. The tribunal. Of course, now he is pitiful, this anti-Party leader, this anti-state figure, the antinational actor , the veteran of the three counter-revolutions, he is helpless and Sire, of course, the modest allocations of the FBI can not last long ... But all his murmurs and prayers are the habitual antipathy of our eternal enemies. This is the eternal grimacing of our habitual enemies. This is the unfriendly eternity of our crooks. ( Prokhorov paces his breath.) Such anti-Kremlin dreamers are counting on our condescension. But we live in such harsh times, when words like "leniency" are wiser to use less often. It's only in time of war that you can joke with death, and in peacetime you do not joke with death. The tribunal. In the name of the people, Boatswain Michalich, a vigorous maniac in Budyonovka and a Pentagon guard dog, is sentenced to life-long hanging. And to conditional imprisonment in all the fortresses of Russia - at once! ( Almost universal applause. ) In the meantime, if there is no inventory, tighten it to the bed. Let him think his last word.
Alekh and Pashka overturn the admiral into bed and - with sheets and towels - are screwed so that he can not stir any of his joint and member.
Lew s and ( rushes into the room, attracted by the groaning of the executioners and the deafening growl of the victim ). What is going on here with the boys? .. Leave him alone ... No matter what day you have, then the court and the massacre. Where is the extra bed? (He opens the cupboard and takes out a set of clean linen, flings him briskly on the empty mattress .) Soon - a detour. Ti-shi-na! ..
ALEX ( quietly takes a tiny Lys si by the shoulders, thrusting out the pooch and furuncles at the same time, makes languid, dance movements around her, and then sings her crown, pre-striking herself in the belly and shaking his head ).
For a long time I will dream
My cheerful hospital,
And more will dream
Your crazy little loin.
P r ochorov. Aleh! Chorus!
A l e x a.
Alya frying on the guitar, I
'm sure to marry at red-haired!
Al-leh-ha fries on the guitar,
Be sure to marry at red-haired!
Pum! pum! pum! pum! ( Belly )
sure,
sure
I'm on the red-haired marry!
Pum! pum! pum! pum!
Unfastened all the fasteners,
Open all the clothes,
And hardly the breath of life
From the nostrils did not fly away.
In prison, the midshipman pissed about, the
boatswain's gnawing at the deck!
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
P r ochorov. Chorus, Aleh!
A l e x a.
Al-lehha fries on the guitar,
But he will not do anything!
Pum! pum! pum! pum!
Yes, and let him fry on the guitar -
After all, still will not do anything!
And I ... ( grinning ) And I ... -
Necessarily,
Necessarily ...
Suddenly snorting, Lew and escapes to the door. And he encounters Gurevich, who enters the ward, wearing a yellow robe, like everyone else, and in wet hair. On the face there are no traces of beatings - but the general bruising is very noticeable, and everyone understands: Borean, sanproportion ...
Lew and s. Oh, new one ... Your bunk is the first on the left ... lay your bed, I can help you, if anything goes wrong ...
GUREVICH ( furiously ). Himself! Himself! Come on, girl! .. Lew
and disappears. Singing for a while is interrupted. Gurevich hammers all the linen and throws it into the corner of the bed, then looks to the right: pink In and t I look at him with an appetite, strokes my belly ever more lovingly and licking, sometimes turning away into a pillow to suppress a chuckle, he is only a wingman. Gurevich looks at him for a half-minute, he does not quite get tired. He looks at his neighbor on the left: braided from all sides, the rear admiral of her often whispers something, with a face that is scant and cursed. Over it is inclined Stasys.
Stasys. Now all the grave-diggers of socialism all over the world are all confessing and receiving Communion ... Why do not you, grandfather, want to? ..
Pr oohorov ( approaching. e x a-Dissident, like Elisha for Elijah.) To Stasiku ). Tsyts, my joy! Let's talk to a man ... Stasik
. No, no, he needs a minute of self-absorption ... You are new to the East ... You are immersed in the water, well ... or you are immersed, but you feel: sank into eternity those times when you did not exist - you are washed, therefore you are ... When the concubine of the Chinese emperor bathes in the Pool of Weaving Orchids - he is so called: the pool of interwoven orchids - so in pego add 12 essences and 17 fragrances ...
C ool ( approaching from behind ). ... But who then puts on a yellow blanket, not knowing the truth and self-restraint, is not worthy of a yellow blanket. Can you explain to me this dharma ?!
P r ochorov. You would go to fuck with your dharmas! .. Man just pissed in the bathroom pizdyuley! and here dharmas? Continue, Stas ... Stas and K.
And here. I pass from the bathroom with the orchids, bypassing the dharm halls (a look in the direction of the scab of K'ol and) - I pass from the pool to the hall of Incense, and from the Hall of Incense to the Hall of Songs. Those who meet me on the way tell me: "Blessed one, do not go into the mango grove." And I'm going, I'm told three girls, one is moon-lunar, and the other is a pastoral one, in a crown of dandelions, of course, and I'm not looking at the third one. I break all the bonds, comprehend all dharmas and do not aspire to any of the delights, I step over the third, pathetic, lady - and I leave the Hall of Songs - into the mango grove. 80 thousand Himalayan elephants follow me, they tell me about the futility of sadness ...
P r o h o r o v. You know what, Stas, you even for a few minutes - you can drop into your mango groves, let them talk to a Jew ... What is your business and how to call?
Gurevichi Gurevich.
P r ochorov. I thought that Gurevich ... A - by accident - not for this ..? ( He makes a well-known click on his throat .)
GUREVICH: Well ... including ...
P r ochorov. I thought so. Jews sometimes very much like to drink ... especially behind the backs of the Arab peoples. But that's not the point. As soon as a Jew appears, there is no peace, and a disastrous plot begins. My deceased grandfather told me: they had deer in the forest, apparently invisible. How are they there? roe deer is not a big deal. And the pond was all in white swans, and on the shores of the pond blossomed a geno-den-drone. And here in this village came the doctor, named Gustav ... Well, I do not know how he was Gustav, but the Jew - that's for sure. And what happened? - I'm not telling, says grandfather. Before the appearance of this Gustav - the hare there were so many in the district that you literally stumble over them, you slip and fall on them ... So all the rabbits disappeared, then the roe deer did not, they did not shoot, they disappeared by themselves.A l e x e ): Call Vova old man.
Va in a is suitable. Glancing first at B and T, then on the Rear Admiral, trembling, waiting for a dirty trick ...
P r o h o r o v. Vova, you are from the village. You can imagine that you are on the shore of a pond ... grow ... your name is Rhododendron. And on the other side of the pond - a Jew, sits and looks at you ..?
In the a. No, I can not ... that here I grow up and ...
P r oh oh rov. Well, fuck the dog radodendron. So, imagine yourself, Vova: you are a white swan and sit on the shore of a pond - and opposite you there is a Jew and very carefully at you ...
In o a. No, I can not do a white swan either, it's hard for me. I can ... I can imagine that I'm a flock of white swans ...
P r ochorov. Great, Vova, you are a flock of white swans, on the shore of the pond - and on the contrary ...
In the a. Well, I, of course, fly apart ... who's where ... it's scary ...
P r o h o r o v. Aleh, take Vovochka away ... Do you see, Gurevich?
GUREVICH ( with a hard smile ). Okay. ( He glances anxiously towards B and T, and then watches as the Admiral the neighbor makes a foolish attempt to break out of the bonds .) And what for?
P r ochorov. Delirium tremens. I changed my motherland and thought and intention. In short, does not drink or smoke. Everything would be okay, but we were standing there somehow in the toilet, talked about alcohol, about its terrible caloric content, - so this govnod blurted out something like this: alcohol, with all its high caloric content, is a very primitive chemical structure and very poor structural information. He even then paid for his boorish erudition: I opened the ventilator, squeezed it in there and hung it down his leg - and the floor was still the fourth - and kept it until he renounced his heretical doctrines ... Today, by the decision of God and the People, sentenced to the tower ... I do not really believe that in the beginning there was the Word, but at least some sort of hinny - it should be in the end, so let this pussyball lie and reflect ..
GUREVICH: And tell me, Prokhorov, you have been entrusted with authority ... um ... in this chamber alone or ..?
P r ochorov. Yes, of course not! Everything on the other side of Viti ( both look there, Gurievich turns away ) - these are all my mandated territories, but you were lucky: tomorrow's process will be in-house, and even criminal, besides. Grisha !!! Take off the sheet! This is Pashka Eremin, a komsorg, so it's like nothing, a scumbag like a scumbag, but serious business is self-mutilation in the Kleinmichel family!
C e p f g and K l C d m n, and x e n v (zaslysha his name, rises and creeps in the direction of x n p p o of a well). Write: my mother had only one leg left in place ... all the others were untwisted, and their arms too, all lay on the sideboard ... And the godmother at that time left behind the bagels ...
GUREVICH MDAA ... in fact ... Godmother went for bagels - what's the point of shouting?
Stas and K ( as always passing by ). At all of us, the godfathers behind the bagels were amazed: screaming-shouting - no one can shout to you ...
S erze . Yes, no ... And then bagels? .. Well, how do you not understand? After all, he first tore off her head, and only then ...
P r ochorov. Until tomorrow, until tomorrow all this. Until tomorrow, Seryozha, crawl away. Now, listen to me, Gurevich; as you can see, we have small everyday incongruities. And so - we can live. Two or three weeks you will be pounded, then pills, then a kick under the ass - and roll. We even have a color TV. Kenor with a canary. They only keep quiet today - because tomorrow is May Day. And so - they sing. Vitya decided not to touch them and taste them, - is not this the highest attestation for the vocalist, but Gurevich? And there, above, from the very top - a parrot, come from, say, from Hindustan ..... And maybe, indeed, from Hindustan, probably from there, because it is silent the whole day. Silent, silent. But as soon as it breaks through at six thirty in the morning, you'll see, he starts, not nasally, not metallic, but somehow even a thousand times more parrot: "Vladi-Mir Sergeyitch! ... Vladi-Mir Sergeyitch! to work - to work - to work - on the dick - on the dick - on the dick - on the dick." And then - then a bit silently, for courage, and again: "Vladimir Sergeyevich Sergey Vladimirovich! To work, to work, (more and more quickly ) to work, to work, to fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, dick ... "And it's all at 6.30, you can not even cope with the chimes and ruby stars ... But from the checkers and Domino had nothing left - everything was dumped by Vitya, one after another, miraculously survived six or six, Hohuly hid it under the pillow and played with himself at six or six, and always won. And three days later - an unprecedented one: from under the pillow six or six disappeared, Hohulya does not know where to go from sobbing, Vitya smiles, everything ends with Hohulya falling into some kind of prostration, stooping and becoming a cousin mystic ... And Vitya, meanwhile, takes up chess ...
GUREVICH examines, on the nightstand in the center of the chamber is an empty chessboard, and on it - a white queen. Stasik
( jumping). And in fact all has crushed! why only regret till now the white queen? He's really so poor; and time out ate, and the queenside gambit, and the Sicilian defense ...
P r o h o r o v. Here's what, Victor ( sits down to B and te on the bed ), Victor. You've eaten all the board games. Tell me, did you just eat them out of moral considerations, huh? Did they seem too gambling to you? Here is a doctor from the center with me ( points to Gurevich ). ABOUT! This is such a doctor! ( thumb up ). He is curious: why do you eat so much? You do not have enough forage-provisions? ..
In and I ( I can not stand the starosta's eye, stops stroking the belly, shyly covers herself with a sleeve ). Delicious...
P r ochorov. Why did the white queen regret it? a?
In and t. I. It's a pity ... He's so lonely ...
P r o h o r o v. I understand ... Tell me, Vitenka, do you dream of nothing but a snack? ..
I and I. No, no ... The princess ...
Prorohorov. The princess? ... The dead?
In and t. I. No, the living princess ... And all of this is with a blue bow. As a Cinderella ... and around her, all the prince walks ... and everything hits her head with a crystal shoe ...
P r o h o r o v. Would you eat ... this crystal slipper? ( shows ). Av-Av!
Stasyuk. He does not have to be called Vitya. He should be called Nina. Chav-chav-adze ...
In and t. I. And he would have eaten his shoe ... so that he would not beat her.
GUREVICH: Well, if the princess is dead, well, that is, he finished it off? To death. Would you eat a dead princess?
In and t I ( smiles ). Yes ...
GUREVICH. And if seven heroes with her - then how?
In and t. I. And seven heroes too ...
GUREVICH. Well, thirty-three heroes ..?
In and t. I. Yes ... if the nurse did not hurry ... of course ...
GUREVICH. Ah ... listen ... And twenty-eight heroes-panfilovtsev?
B and T I ( with the same carefree and terrible smile ). Yes ... ( dreams ).
Gurevich (persistently ). And ... Twenty-six Baku commissars - is it really the same? ..
PROKHOROV ( breaks into a conversation ). Well, everything: tomorrow we are you and the comrade Pashka. Do you really care? You refused the admiral, I understand you. Admiral - they crunch on their teeth, but the real Komsomol - never crunch ... Seryozha! Kleinmichel! Come here ... tell ... Did you notice on the face of the perpetrator a trace of at least a small remorse?
S erzezh a. No, I did not notice ... And my dead mother that day blinked at me: watch, they say, for Pashka - whether he will be at least a little ashamed that he treated me like that - no, he was not ashamed, he was all night after that vodka was drunk and discipline was a hooligan... And he forbade me to ventilate the ventilator so that there was no smell in the house of his mother ... Stasis
( passing by, as always ). It's nice to live in the era of universal disintegration. Only one is not good. It was not necessary to deprive a man of lymph glands. The fact that he was deprived of bagels and pickled cucumbers - that's all right. And the fact that they deprived melons - nonsense, you can live without melons. And plebiscides we do not need. But leave us at least our lymphatic glands ...
As long as Sistani was acting, both doors of the 3rd ward were dissolved, and on the doorstep - Medbrat Borenka and nurse Tammar to a. Both of them do not look at the patients, but they spit in them with their eyes. Both understand that by their appearance they cause in all the chambers instant torpor and sorrow-which is a lot already.
P r ochorov. Stand up! Everyone get up! Bypass!
All slowly rise, except for X oughlu, the old man Vovy and Gurevich. Borya - Mordovorovt
(he has a well-groomed chocolate suit and, on top of a tight shirt, a tie on his thick neck, in the guise of which he was rarely seen: he is just a duty guard today The nurse on May Day night, jokingly approaches Stasys, who froze in a pose "with a hand under the visor" ). So to you, blyadina, means, there are not any glands there? .. Tammar
. Not vzdjumo, the guy, now at you all glands will be on a place.
B yor, playing, lightly strikes Stasik in the snake, he crouches down on the floor.
TAMARA ( pointing his finger at B ov v ). And this fucking morel - why not get up, contrary to the order ?
BORA. And this we ask him himself ... Vovochka, are there any complaints?
In the a. No ... I have no complaints about my health ... Only I really want to go home ... There are now blooms in bloom ... the end of April ... There I have, as you get off the threshold, a whole meadow of medinits, from end to end, and The bees are already above them ...
B o r r ( adjusting his tie ). Nnu ... I'm a city dweller, I saw all your lungworts in the coffin. And what color are they, Vovochka?
In the a. Well, how to say? .. they are blue, azure ... well, as in the end of April, the sky after sunset ...
B o r I laughed Tammar toch - nails into the tip of Vova's nose and does several rotational movements. Vovin's nose becomes the color of the April lungwort. She's crying.