, by Christopher Recouvreur, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 3:09 am
The satirical diary about Charles Carreon
by Christopher Recouvreur



Librarian's Comment: This page represents a hate site created by Christopher Recouvreur against attorney Charles Carreon, and Librarian Tara Carreon, where in a case of supposedly legal identity theft, he fraudulently signs his hate posts with Charles and Tara's names. This is what the Free Speech Mafia has given us. We have Paul Levy of Public Citizen to thank for this. The REAL Charles Carreon can be found here. The REAL Tara Carreon can be found here.

Nowadays, there’s a lot of people claiming to be parodists who wouldn’t know how to execute a parody if they were told they would die at sunrise if they failed to do so. The operator of is such a man. I can imagine Popehat, in his cups, at the end of a long, boring night in his glassed-in command post, looking over the smoggy skyline towards San Bernardino, getting his jollies sending Recouvreur a text telling him he’ll hang at dawn if he can’t actually launch a real parody site against Carreon before the first rays of sun tint the sky. Poor Christopher would probably not be shocked to be told that he has fallen far short of executing a real parody.

Christopher Recouvreur is not a parodist. He is a fabulist. He makes things up about me. He imagines me doing things, and imagines my wife doing things, and puts words in the mouth of “Charles Carreon.” These words he puts in my mouth are like nothing I have ever said or would say. There’s no ironic play on my true character. He’s pretending that Charles Carreon is a silly guy, that his brain works in funny ways, and that everyone should make fun of him. There’s no parody there.

I mean, I’ve done a few parodies, so I would recognize it if someone actually parodied me. Like I took the “Hotel California” tune and wrote anti-Bush lyrics for it in “Hotel Babylonia.” I ripped off Elton John and did that “Condoleezza” song about George W. Bush’s love for his Secretary of State. I stole Elvis’ “Blue Suede Shoes” as the music for my late-term craziness opus – “The Old Ve-to,” and clipped the Sex Pistols’ “God Save the Queen” for my tour-de-force reconciliation of the opposites – “Vlad and Me.” I’ve put funny political lyrics in rock tunes lampooning conservative politicians and policies – a harmless enjoyment that is probably sufficient to get you some unwelcome attention. Like from faux parodists like Recouvreur, a Rapeutationist pretending to be an artist. Give you any odds that he did not draw that cartoon of me on the dinosaur. (Can I buy it?)

If you were an artist, and you wanted to parody me, you would have to actually look at what I have done, and start making fun of that, which of course would be possible, because everything can be made fun of, and I make the job easier by engaging in outlier behavior, like leaving the big city law grind, spending years living in yurts in the woods of Southern Oregon, and having a well-known identification with rock and rollers as heroes. C’mon, guys! There’s stuff to work with here. I’m Mexican, and you can always parody Mexicans easily, can’t you? Oh, I don’t fit the stereotype! Damn! I’ve written smart-alecky songs like “Explode on the Border,” with inflammatory lyrics like, “I’ll show you what this burrito’s for!” Don’t be lazy. You can use that.

-- Parody vs. Fabulism, by [The Really Real] Charles Carreon


[Monica Lewinsky] A meta-analysis done out of the Netherlands showed that for the first time, cyberbullying was leading to suicidal ideations more significantly than offline bullying. And you know what shocked me, although it shouldn't have, was other research last year that determined humiliation was a more intensely felt emotion than either happiness or even anger.

-- Monica Lewinsky (TED Talks)


Table of Contents

Today I conquer the internet (6/18/12)
Quick Update! (6/18/12)
The Next Nuclear Holocaust (6/18/12)
This is what I am talking about (6/18/12)
New Client? (6/19/12)
Don't mess with my mom, or I'll go Tucson Jack on you (6/19/12)
My email address is not on the internet (6/19/12)
Barre Cleveland vs The Dawg Dish (6/19/12)
I will subpoena the internet now (6/20/12)
Class Action Suit (6/20/12)
I don't care if you're in Canada. I'll find you. (6/20/12)
Wasn't Me (6/20/12)
Copyright and Digital Libraries (6/21/12)
F the EFF (6/21/12)
I can't sue myself (6/21/12)
A break from character (6/21/12)
You are not the internet (6/22/12)
Branson owes me dinosaurs (6/22/12)
I warned you all (6/23/12)
Get me out of here! (6/23/12)
Finally Some Respect (6/24/12)
My dick works (6/24/12)
Told you so (6/25/12)
A look back in time (6/26/12)
All of your domains are belong to me (6/26/12)
Snakes in the grass (6/26/12)
I find myself at a loss for words (6/27/12)
Oh yes she did (6/27/12)
I don't see any f'ing dinosaurs people (6/27/12)
I am big in Asia (6/28/12)
Carreon Luggage (6/28/12)
What does it take to get in this family? (6/29/12)
Know thy enemy (6/30/12)
It's all in the apostrophe (6/30/12)
I donate because I care (7/1/12)
Clarification (7/1/12)
I write this from an undisclosed location (7/1/12)
It hurts (7/2/12)
A break from character. Part 2 (7/2/12)
Donna Barstow (7/3/12)
Wait a second here ... (7/3/12)
Be Heard Part 1 (7/3/12)
Charles Carreon vs. the Illuminati (7/3/12)
Oops (7/3/12)
Independence Day (7/4/12)
A question. (7/4/12)
From the director's chair (7/5/12)
Donna Barstow interview (7/6/12)
Democracy! (7/7/12)
Rapeutation (7/7/12)
Date Rapeutation (7/8/12)
Oh no, she bought more ammo ... (7/8/12)
Be Heard Part 2 (7/8/12)
Bang? (7/9/12)
A business guide to trademarks on the internet (7/10/12)
How many times do I have to win? (7/10/12)
I have a dream (7/11/12)
Viva La Raza! (7/11/12)
I am an expert because I say so (7/11/12)
Did I ever tell you about the time (7/12/12)
Wikipedia is Mafia (7/12/12)
I am not a hypocrite (7/13/12)
A cave. A man. A cloning machine. (7/14/12)
Captain Obvious is obviously ... (7/15/12)
The clock tolls at midnight (7/16/12)
Get Dave! (7/17/12)
Dave Thomas Writes In (7/17/12)
Be Heard III (7/18/12)
Be Heard IV (7/18/12)
Illuminati Propoganda (7/20/12)
Goodbye (7/21/12)
The conspiracy continues (7/21/12)
WordPress is part of the Nazi conspiracy (7/23/12)
Jack Daniel's needs new representation (7/23/12)
Often imitated never duplicated (7/25/12)
Be Heard V (7/26/12)
SMISH, SMIDS, and Smurfs. (7/27/12)
All charity is scam. AKA Relinquish your money to I. (7/28/12)
Guest Blog! (7/30/12)
The People Rise Up! (8/1/12)
Down Under (8/3/12)
Guest Post II (Reposted) (8/5/12)
Ken the lawyer (8/9/12)
I am running for President (8/18/12)
Travis Tygart and Kickball (8/24/12)
Matthew Inman has raised 1 million dollars. (8/30/12)
Nazi Fighting Dinosaurs (9/4/12)
This is how I thug (9/6/12)
My letter to my new guest post author! (9/12/12)
What if they have a T-Rex? (9/17/12)
Bow Before My Lawness (9/27/12)
Does Anyone Have An Airplane? (10/19/12)
TO: Craig Brittain RE: I hate Ken Popehat too! (11/1/12)
Guest Post "United Against Ken Popehat" (11/3/12)
Ghastly Enemies At The Gate (11/27/12)
I have triumphed! (12/18/12)
A Chance To Feed My Dinosaurs (1/6/13)
Jane Perez has a lot of gall (1/9/13)
Dietz Economics 102B (1/9/13)
I need more time! (1/20/13)
Ascension (3/7/13)
You can't turn shields into swords! (3/21/13)
Litigation Playwriting (3/22/13)
Zounds! I am undone! (4/12/13)
Fluoride (4/12/13)
Amy's Baking Company (5/15/13)
I have more enemies than you have Facebook friends (7/18/13)
Comments (All time)
Ask Charles
Be Heard

It seems anyone can pretend to be a lawyer nowadays.
2. I do not place ads on this domain or request to do commerce on it. I have had multiple offers to monetize this blog within the first 3 days of it’s existence. I have and will reject them all.

3. I think using someone else’s name to promote your goods or services is amoral.

4. I want you to be mean to my character, don’t hold back.
-- Christopher Recouvreur

While dining not long ago with a scientist who probes the workings of the brain, I enjoyed hearing about the intellectual exploits of his three-year-old daughter, clearly the apple of her Daddy's eye. I enjoyed his stories, that is, until we got to dinosaurs.

"She can recognize all the names when she sees them on the computer screen: Tyrannosaurus Rex, Brontosaurus, whatever -- and she matches them right up to the pictures'" he said happily. "The program we got her even teaches about what each one ate, and whether they could fly, and all kinds of stuff. It's amazing!"

I didn't say what was really on my mind at that point . . . something like, "I'm sure that will be really useful for her when she takes her first course in paleontology." Being something of a wimp in the presence of those who spend their days rooting around in other people's brains, I only said,

"And how long did it take her to learn all this?"

"Oh, she loves her computer. She spends a lot of time at it. When my wife and I are busy we would much rather see her there than watching TV. At least we know she's doing something educational."

"Does your little girl ever just play -- by herself, or with other little kids?"

"Oh, sure." He thought for a moment. "But she really loves that computer! Isn't it wonderful how much they can learn at this age?"

"What do you think that computer is doing to her brain?" I asked.

He paused. "You know," he said slowly, "I never thought about it. I really haven't a clue."

-- Endangered Minds: Why Children Don't Think, and What We Can Do About It, by Jane M. Healy, Ph.D.
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Re:, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 3:10 am

Today I conquer the internet.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 18, 2012 ... xclude=180

So word has broken about my lawsuits against Matthew Inman, IndieGoGo, the National Wildlife Foundation and the American Cancer Society. I am really glad I get to share my opinion with you about this all.

Let us first make clear that Matthew Inman is a Killer Klown from Outer Space. He is set out to corrupt you and your ilk with his pterodactyl rage. He will put your brain in a blender and drink it like a smoothie. Matthew Inman is the root of all evil. He’s even the square root of evil. He thinks he can send legions of internet people after to me to take down my blogs, websites, and hack my twitter. He doesn’t know that I have Klown-Be-Gone.

IndieGoGo is the tool of Matthew Inman to promote his unworthy cause of spreading bear violence to our fifty states. They are the hand maiden of the Killer Klown. They accept his minions money so that it may be distributed to his vile companions NWF and ACS.

The National Wildlife Foundation wants to spread bears! Yes, bears, giant bears. These things are like 600 lbs and eat children. They must be stopped. They must be hunted to extinction before the bearocalypse comes upon mankind.

The American Cancer Society is trying to find a cure for cancer… how could this be? Don’t they know if Hitler had childhood leukemia that there would have been no Holocaust? I solely place the blame of the Holocaust upon the ACS for their irresponsible actions.

Do not worry readers, I will surpress Matthew Inmans speech, make slaughter of the bears and spread cancer to all! I will stand up for you, for I litigated the case… and WON!

-Charles Carreon Esq.
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Re:, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 3:11 am

Quick Update!
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 18, 2012 ... gotte-4-2/

Wow I’ve gotten a few great emails from readers. Maybe I should get in touch with Brett Kimberlin. This guy is a god of shutting down insolent bloggers who try to bad mouth us Killer Klown stopping conquistadors. I mean my ancestry that links me to Cortez gives me the right to stop all speech directed against me. I could easily get a peace order against Matthew Inman of and have him put under arrest if he dares draw my mom seducing a bear again. If a convicted serial bomber and perjurer can do it, why can’t a badass buddhist like myself? Rest assured, Brett and I will not rest until we have thrown the last heap of dirt on the First Amendment. That antiquated thing needs a proper burial.

Again, thank you readers.

Charles Carreon Esq.

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Re:, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 3:11 am

The Next Nuclear Holocaust
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 18, 2012 ... holocaust/

Let me tell you friends, that I have been dehumanized repeatedly this last week. Dehumanized like Walt Disney dehumanized the Japanese during World War II, and that can only lead to one thing. What will it lead to you ask? Nuclear Holocaust. I believe by dehumanizing me in the form of pictures of old saggy ladies trying to make man-bear offspring to over throw humanity, that Matthew Inman is trying to get the U.S. Government to use a tactical nuclear weapon on Tucson Arizona.

If we continue to let Inman paint caricatures of myself and others, we could see the entire world lit up like a firefly in the night. I for one cannot and will not let this web cartoonist who uses young people to fulfill his will through fart joke hypnosis, destroy America. Millions of lives are at stake, maybe billions or trillions. Why do you think Inman is raising $200,000?! So he can fund an army of fundamentalist cartoonist to wipe good decent people off this Earth. See man, the atom is a gift from the cosmos, but all Inman sees is the power to destroy. I’ve watched like 70 times now (3 times in reverse) and I can see through it. There’s a hidden message there.

Here is my reply to Matthew Inman and his cohorts: ... dacted.pdf

Your Champion,

Charles Carreon Esq.
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Re:, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 3:12 am

This is what I am talking about.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 18, 2012 ... ing-about/

Here’s is a good link to show you the exact behavior I am suing Matthew Inman for: ... l-is-that/

You can’t just tell people to email and call people to support someone’s cause!!! Also I forgot I left my contact information on and but I still surmise that only Matthew Inman could have given it out to the public.

-Charles Carreon Esq.

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Re:, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 3:12 am

New Client?
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 19, 2012

I really need to represent these people. I mean they get it, you can’t just have people going around the internet slandering you and calling your prices unreasonable. That’s like drawing pictures of the President having sex with cabinet members(NSFW). I bet this girl works with the pterodactyl conspiracy from outer space.

Yours Truly,

Charles Carreon Esq.
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Re:, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 3:13 am

Don’t mess with my mom, or I’ll go Tucson Jack on you.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 19, 2012 ... xclude=152

So people are trying to convince me that this picture drawn by The Oatmeal:


Is not directed at me? I mean seriously? I don’t care if the whole blog post / letter / response he referred the word “you” to the owner of FunnyJunk. I don’t care if his anger was directed at FunnyJunk. I still could care less if he even referred to me as “your lawyer” which implies the letter is directed at FunnyJunk. We all know this is about me. I can simply not allow theoatmeal creator Matthew Inman to change those facts. He drew a lewd picture about MY MOM! With her subtle curves and saggy, wrinkled breasts. The way she beckons the bear with her crazy stare and curly hair.

Some people would want to distance their mother and themselves from such a letter and almost pornographic image. No I am not some people. I am going to throw my mom right in there with the saggy breasts, pink bikini, and kodiak bear. To do any less would be un-Carreon. My sweet mother never once molested a bear and the only way to prove that is to insert her into this dispute, making the bear love picture about me and her, and then proving it all false through the court of law. Matthew Inman and his pterodactyl conspirators will rue the day I mistakingly thought that picture was of my mom.

Thank You Readers,

Charles Carreon Esq.
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Re:, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 3:13 am

My email address is not on the internet.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 19, 2012 ... -internet/

Seriously. Only the pterodactyl killer clown himself, Matthew Inman could have subverted my name on twitter and given out my email address. How else would these idiots be emailing me pictures of their genitalia. I have NOT POSTED MY EMAIL ANYWHERE! I’ve also not removed it from sites after my original lawsuit being filed, there by destroying evidence of my false statements. To repeat my email address was never on my other blog. This is not a capture of the blog before I removed it, I swear. So stop listening to this guy who I’ve explained will try to use logic and facts to sway your opinion. He is not me, and only I with the mighty sword of the law, can tell you the real truth.

Yours Truly,

Charles Carreon Esq.

P.S. I am not a perjurer.

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Re:, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 3:13 am

Barre Cleveland vs The Dawg Dish
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 19, 2012 ... dawg-dish/

I am now wholly convinced that I need to represent Barre Cleveland and Mario Salwan vs The Dawg Dish. I mean this screams Carreonization. Oh yes, I have a word now.

Carreonization – Adjective – To take a side no matter how baseless and turn it into an issue directly related to you.

Not only do we have the poor victim Mr Salwan here, who just tried to have a blogger arrested for claiming she didn’t think his service was worth $25.00. We also have a group of people including that Ken at taking her side. We all know Ken doesn’t know up from down, so this should be an easy case! We know that Ken is just another concubine of The Oatmeal, so it doesn’t surprise me in the least.

Here is what I intend to write:

Mr or Mrs Dawg Dish,

It has come to my attention that you have defamed my client Mario Salwan and Barre Cleveland. The False and Willful accusation that Mr Salwan accused you of a theft that you did not commit is outrageous. This action now covered by social media and has lead to great damages to my client and his business. If you do not make out a check for $200,000 by July 3, 2012 I will be forced to file a federal lawsuit against you.


Charles Carreon Esq.

Since I am now so famous online, I can add an extra 0 to the end of my claim of damages. Amazing!

Share your thoughts,

Charles Carreon Esq.

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Re:, by Christopher Recouvreur

Postby admin » Tue Nov 26, 2013 3:14 am

I will subpoena the internet now.
by Christopher Recouvreur
June 20, 2012 ... xclude=128

So it looks like there are plenty of people who think they can use my name Charles Carreon(TM) and pretend to be me. Like this guy @charles_carron or this blog here. I want all you impostors to know, you will rue the day. As soon as I have pictures of your real faces, Tara is going to photoshop dicks all over them and put them in pornographic scenes with Rush Limbaugh and Condolezza Rice. Imagine being the meat in that sandwich funny boys.

Today I sent subpoenas to both Twitter and ArsTechnica. I will find you, I will sue you for at least $20,000,000 and I will win no matter what. I have never lost a case and I am going to get their names and make them pay me money. I am then going to take the pictures that Tara photoshops and use their own money to buy billboards next to their homes and offices of their faces with penises all over them. I repeat, I will take your money and spend it on giant pictures of dicks all over your faces. Just delete your fake blogs and accounts now. I do not lose.

Okay Tara is wearing her Chewbacca outfit, I have to go and get the vaseline.

-Charles Carreon Esq.

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