Randy Sogyal Rinpoche, Best-Selling Lecher

The impulse to believe the absurd when presented with the unknowable is called religion. Whether this is wise or unwise is the domain of doctrine. Once you understand someone's doctrine, you understand their rationale for believing the absurd. At that point, it may no longer seem absurd. You can get to both sides of this conondrum from here.

Randy Sogyal Rinpoche, Best-Selling Lecher

Postby admin » Sat May 21, 2016 7:21 am

Randy Sogyal Rinpoche, Best-Selling Lecher
The Writings of Am Learning
January, 2004




The Writings of AmLearning
Table of Contents

• January 3, 2004
• January 5, 2004
• January 8, 2004
• January 9, 2004, No. 1
• January 9, 2004, No. 2
• January 9, 2004, No. 3
• January 10, 2004
• January 12, 2004, No. 1
• January 12, 2004, No. 2
• January 12, 2004, No. 3
• January 13, 2004
• January 14, 2004
• January 19, 2004

"The CIA started Tibet House, using the Dalai Lama and his first ordained Western monk, [Robert] Thurman, now president of Tibet House in NYC, to do the job. Leila Luce is on the board of trustees of Tibet House, she is the wife of Henry Luce lll, whose father founded Time and was an early supporter of the CIA, using Time magazine journalists as operatives. Mrs. Luce is also on the board of Tricycle. 'In 1992, she joined the board of Tricycle: The Buddhist Review, for which she is also a consulting editor.' She has just been sued by her daughter and granddaughter for committing sexual abuses on her daughter and granddaughter."

-- Am Learning, aka Elsa Cloud (Victoria Barlow, Leila Luce's daughter)
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Re: Randy Sogyal Rinpoche, Best-Selling Lecher

Postby admin » Sat May 21, 2016 7:21 am

January 3, 2004


I was the person who helped file the lawsuit against Sogyal in 1993/4. Mary Finnigan interviewed me for the BBC in which I spoke up about Sogyal's sexual exploitation of me.

I never really got to fully speak my mind about how rotten a person I thought Sogyal was at the time I got to know him, how grossly narcissistic, deceitful, slothful, sadistic, immoral and basically stupid I think he really was. I'd like to say that now.

A number of women contacted me around the time of the lawsuit by phone and letter, who had also been abused by Sogyal but who were afraid or ashamed to speak out openly, including a woman who had been a head of his organisation, saying how staggeringly corrupt his sick relationship with his devotees truly is, with them basically creating some kind of pimping service for him, called Lama Care. He was conning people and really hurting them! Not just some little dalliances but really USING and ABUSING women, some violently, especially those who had just lost a loved one, for example whose father had just died. He used people who were bereft and grieving for his sexual gratification! How SICK is that!!!

And he did NOT write his book on death and dying, Andrew Harvey did. I learned that Sogyal couldn't even answer the questions about his book on radio interviews and Andrew had to script them for him.

When I was 21, I went to India for about half a year, returned to America for 6 months in 1976, and then went back to India that year and stayed there for a decade, studying Buddhism with various lamas for 6 of those years.

It was during my 6 months back in America that I had the misfortune to meet Sogyal. After sexually assaulting me, which I convinced myself was, as other lamas had told me, some kind of "blessing", he conned me into using my mother's telephone credit card, which I said he could use in case of an emergency because he plead poverty, and he raked up a huge bill, basically stealing. He asked me to stay at Marilee and Joel Shefflin's house in Berkeley. I assumed I would be in a separate bedroom but he insisted I stay in his bedroom, telling me later that he had a girlfriend in London.

When I went for 3 days to visit my father, who was dying of cancer, I came back to the Shefflins hearing that Sogyal had slept with 2 other women. Between feeling disgusted by my having been duped by this bastard con artist, I was also sickened by his focus on getting weight loss drugs, speed for himself and Shenphen Dawa.

He told me that he wanted the sex, like a rock star, that Trungpa had out in Boulder, with girls lining up outside the hallway. When he saw Trungpa's set up, he was determined to be just like that and he told me that, called me from Boulder to New York City, bragging about the girls he was going to get.

In Berkeley at the gathering for Dudjom Rinpoche's teaching there in the summer 1976, the big joke at the dining room table was that in Tibet monks wore robes on the outside, were compassionate inside, but secretly practiced tantra. In the West, the lamas said, people were sexually wild on the outside, compassionate inside, but secretly wanted to be monks and nuns. However witty that seemed at the time, I felt it was a denigration of any Westerner wanting to practice morality or discipline of any kind.

In 1984, an old dharma friend of mine had committed suicide in a meditation retreat, making herself into a living butter lamp. This was shortly after it was exposed that the Geshe at the Tibetan Library, our refuge guru, had been having sexual relations with a south American woman he had ordained as a nun.

By then I had heard, seen and experienced so many sexual abuses of Western women by Tibetan lamas, my heart was basically broken and my faith was shattered.

And it was NOT to be discussed openly. It was 'shameful' and to be kept secret, hushed up, and this was the cover-up that kept it all going for decades.

Just as one example of how this exploitation didn't just damage a person's faith but had long-lasting repercussions, one very dear friend, who I had just advised to remove her intrauterine contraceptive device, because they caused infertility, went to visit Khamtrul Rinpoche in Tashijong. En route, she stopped to visit one of the renowned Tibetan ngakpas there, whose wife she also knew. The Ngakpa requested my friend for yab yum with him and promised he would retain his tigle. When my friend got pregnant, he made her promise not to tell his wife or anybody in his circle.

Unlike the ngakpa, my friend kept HER promise to keep the breach of trust secret, and she went back to her family in Australia where she was reviled for having a bastard half-breed, whose father she wouldn't publicly reveal. The son grew up with this shame on his head in the merciless Tibetan gossip-community in India, and he's now a heroin addict after a childhood spent growing up in a monastery.

Another old dharma friend was the Danish wife of Lama Topgyal, who had not only no compunctions about cheating on his wife with every woman who could be conned into his bed under the delusion that he was giving "jinlab" (blessing), but he convinced his Danish wife that it was part of her damstig (sacred spiritual bond with him as her teacher) to work as a prostitute in Old Delhi, to make enough money to buy him arak, hard alcohol. When I last saw her in 1984, she was in the middle of a nervous breakdown, destitute, sick and emotionally crushed.

I was asked by Lama Topgyal to help be the midwife to his Danish wife's first child, even though I had no knowledge about this. I was staying with them for a few weeks before she gave birth to their son, and for a few days when their son was several months old. Not only did lama Togyal hit and yell at his infant child, he bullied his wife into letting the cold, wet child scream itself to sleep, because to nurture the baby was, according to lama Topgyal, to spoil him.

When I met his wife years later, after she had worked as a prostitute, she said she had to send their child away as early as possible because lama Topgyal beat the child so badly and wouldn't buy food but only wanted liquor for himself.

For about half a year in 1980, I went to live in Rajpur, across the street from Sakya Trinzin. I asked him for teachings on my meditation practice and he convinced me he had a vision of him and me yab yum and that it was important for him to act on it with me. Not only was it the most pathetic sex act of my entire life, it was such a total farce. It was about as enlightening as a mosquito bite, less even, if that's possible. And when it seemed impossible that he could get beyond his Ganesh sized belly to have sex, I offered him oral gratification. He was worried that would get me pregnant.

From that time on, Sakya Trinzin had no interest in teaching me anything, and any conversation I tried to have with him was focused on his adolescent-style lasciviousness, jokes, and obsessing about doing it next, and how wherever I went in the world I had to let him know where I was so he could have sexual access to me.

He also knew that his main Western student was cheating with a married woman and did nothing to stop this breach of ethics, which went on openly for many years.

I wrote the Dalai Lama directly, gave my name and address, said in no uncertain terms did I think that Tibetan lamas were abusing Western women sexually and doing them harm by tricking them into thinking it was part of some tantric or spiritual practice when it wasn't at all.

By then I'd told a number of lamas about Sogyal's exploiting women, and they thought it was just a joke. They ALL knew that Sogyal used his disciples for sex and did nothing. They all knew what lamas were exploiting what women and laughed about it.

Thinley Norbu was infamous for mocking any sense of female virtue, and I sat in a room where he bullied a Tibetan nun into saying the Tibetan words for penis and vulva because, according to him, it would cure her of her attachment to any virtue.

In 1999, when I first learned how to log onto the Internet, my computer was too old to be able to access the forum in which Mary Finnigan was talking about the sexual abuses of Western women by Tibetan lamas. So she posted my posts for me, and Evelyn Ruut, with whom I spoke over the phone a number of times, supported me in my speaking out about these abuses.

The responses I received were a number of emailed death threats, to which I responded that I would contact the FBI if they continued. That is also a warning to anybody else who reads this and thinks they can either harass me or send a death threat. I will take legal action. I am not afraid of any lawsuit, because what I am saying here is the truth.

On the Buddhist discussion board I was ridiculed and slammed for telling the truth, and it hurt not to be able to respond to all the mudslinging, but I realised that with many of the viciously misogynistic fanatics there it would have been exhausting, and it was painful enough to talk about how my deepest faith, most profound trust, had been so callously defiled by the very Tibetan lamas I had been told by other lamas were reincarnate, very holy, living Buddhas, teachers of the truth and compassion.

I didn't feel psychologically strong enough before to talk about this subject openly. I do now and I'm angry at the cowardice of the other people who have been abused and not come forward. I know there are THOUSANDS out there. I've personally met dozens and heard about many more.

When the Karmapa was in Delhi, dying of cancer, he had a married translator, Achi, who had a conveyor belt of sex partners and all the other lamas knew it and did nothing. Women would arrive in a state of abject reverence and were simply easy pickings for this translator, who was notorious for having had an affair with Thartang Tulku's wife.

The depth of sordidness in the Tibetan lama scene was pretty revolting.

Once, when I went to meet Dodrubchen Rinpoche, and held up my mala to show him that he and I had similar beads, he took my hand, with the mala in it, and rubbed it in his crotch to masturbate. I mean YUCK!!!!

It hurts very deeply to be spiritually defiled, to have one's truth path trashed by a so-called teacher of the truth. To have been used, manipulated, scorned. The very word for female in Tibetan is "inferior birth" - kyi-min.

I don't even know where to go with my first-hand experience of how the Tibetan people think Westerners are just to be milked as sponsors. Even Tibetans who are rich want "jindaks" for their kids, as a status symbol.

Having spoken at length with June Campbell, I was disappointed that she no longer thinks of herself as a Buddhist, but I can fully understand why. I do still deeply appreciate many aspects of the Buddhist path, and want to tell my experience about how Tibetan lamas are using some grotesque and cultic version to exploit and parasite off of gullible Westerners. And worse, this exploitation is really hurting a lot of people!
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Re: Randy Sogyal Rinpoche, Best-Selling Lecher

Postby admin » Sat May 21, 2016 7:22 am

January 5, 2004

The last few days, (since having discovered your site quite by accident - I was looking up Buddhist links for a person who is interested in the combination of Buddhism and psychoanalytical thought) have been profoundly healing for me. I had long given up the hope, that I could work on healing these old and painful wounds of spiritual betrayal by discussing it with anybody who had experience in the Tibetan Buddhist scene.

What a deep relief it is to relate what happened to me to somebody who knows what I'm talking about.

So much unresolved pain surfaced from my memory these last few days. I read with increasing interest your posts about how Tibetan Buddhism made you feel, the PTSD that you experienced. The images of torture, of pain, affected me deeply. Yes, I really related to that PTSD you described and had felt that myself. How courageous of you to express your feelings here! It was comforting to me, validating and reassuring that I wasn't alone in this.

What has been a tremendous help to me in understanding the Tibetan lama cult has been the discovery of the term pathological narcissist. I'd heard the word narcissist before and thought it basically meant self-centered in a vain, conceitedly self-loving way. Now, after 4 years of studying about personality disorders, I am confident in saying that I think a number of Tibetan lamas suffer from this disorder of pathological narcissism. It's no wonder, in my opinion, since they were yanked away from their families at a very young age and literally put on thrones. I think this did severe harm to them psychologically. Though their intellects may be intact, and they may mimic a silkily 'compassionate' demeanor on the surface, I think almost all of the so-called rinpoches who survived this bizarre child abuse are deeply damaged emotionally and act out their pain on Western women, expressing covert rage for the abandonment they endured as children.

I think those Westerners, who survived narcissistic parents, would be more likely to enter into a long term enmeshment with a Tibetan lama and be used as Secondary Narcissistic Supply, while new devotees would be culled as Primary Narcissistic Supply. I'm sorry that this jargon may sound academic, the info on pathological narcissism is freely available on the web if you put it into Google.

The mumbo jumbo surrounding the Tibetan lamas, the rituals, the chanting, the obsession with feeling important about secrets, lineages, entitlement, initiations, Bon wierdness, lengthy visualisations ... all are bedazzling, obscuring the basic tenets and views of Buddhism, putting them into some kind of wood-chipper of medieval pagan belief systems. It's, in my opinion, utterly crazy-making, and I have not met a Tibetan Buddhist, Western or Tibetan, who I thought had any basic integrity or was, in fact altogether sane believing this bizarro malarcky. The belief that mumbling so-called tantric practices at high speed while doing dishes had any 'merit', or paying lip service to 'virtue' while ROUTINELY lying, being racist, bigoted, contemptuous, aiding petty or not so petty criminal or immoral behavior, twisting reality in labrynthine distortions is insanity producing. It's brainwashing and it's sickening. It sickens people, and I don't think it is spiritually awake or even Buddhist.

This is not to say that I think ANY Buddhist 'scene' is especially healthy either, not the Zen scene, not the Theravada scene. I think the whole devotee-guru dynamic has been and is a sick one.

Almost no lama I ever met and asked about how to meditate knew how to meditate or taught meditation. Not that I think meditation is so important now, but I did think at one time that meditation was the core practice of Buddhism. Lamas did, however, teach elaborate cultic visualisations with bizarre rituals. But basic Buddhist meditation, no way. In my experience that was extremely rare and I only learned to meditate by going to a non-rinpoche, unpretentious monk, called Gegen Khentse in Manali. Frankly, he was the only teacher I met who didn't sit on a throne, and was not sexually abusive to my knowledge. But he was surrounded by people who were sexual predators, in particular an "amche", a so-called doctor from Lahaul, who put the make on every female student who came to Gegen for instruction. And Gegen did nothing to get rid of this scum, who negatively influenced the young rinpoches at the gompa there with his misogyny. Gegen endorsed abuse by doing nothing about it in his presence.

Shandor and Gaea to me sound like they have Anti-Social Personality Disorder and they were/are used by various lamas to bully others, as part of an abuse support system to manipulate and exploit Westerners, to intimidate, coerce and FORCE students into being obedient.

Shandor's and Gaea's bully tactics may be camouflaged by being called protective but what exactly are the lamas being protected FROM? The Westerners who visit the lamas are basically PROSTRATING themselves, handing over their money, their houses, airfare, hundreds of acres of prime real estate all over the world. I was told by a friend that Tibetans received 5 times more money as refugees than any other group in official contemporary charity. Tibetans get so much when the Indians, who have suffered so much for so long, gave Tibetans thousands of acres of the best land in India.

I think Shandor and Gaea are an expression of the lamas' own aggression and covert bullying-by-proxy through these puppets. What's pathetic, in my opinion, is that the Westerners who are being bullied by these creeps are PAYING to be bullied. It's being put up with and defended by the people who are being bullied. Like with the whole corrupt, sexaholic insanity of the Kalapa Court. Without the Westerners, these people would have to GET A JOB and earn their living, like any sane, ordinary adult in society. Or they would have to go back to India or Tibet and pull their bullying sadism on defenseless little Tibetan boys, who have been sacrificed to the monasteries by their ignorant, brainwashed parents.

So Shandor and Gaea invited Sogyal Rinpoche. That makes sense. It takes a sociopath to want another sociopath around to manipulate and abuse the devotees.

It's no wonder to me that Sogyal Rinpoche told the same joke twice. He has a routine patter, the same ole same ole con he grinds out. He's stupid in my opinion, incapable of introspection, a classic malignant narcissist exploiter.

I've seen him in a vicious rage about how inferior all the other Tibetan sects are, how inferior everybody is who isn't giving him adulation or his main drug of choice, whether negative or positive, attention. He has to have attention of some kind all the time and will do anything to get it.

You said Sogyal Rinpoche went to Eugene and seduced Tsering Everest, Chakdud Tulku's translator. No surprise there. Anybody who would be Chagdug's servant, would be an easy target. I agree with your speculation that Chakdud Tulku slept with many of his students, since I heard about this literally decades ago from women who had slept with him and men who knew that Western women students slept with him. I think that sleeping with the disciples is a routine with cult leaders of any kind or any gender. There may well be people who will talk about this in the years to come, as the disillusionment with Tibetans and their cult scene starts to percolate to the surface.

Sexual exploitation by priests of their emotionally/spiritually vulnerable devotees is corrupt and causes psychological damage in the devotees. This is true in the Catholic Church, in a therapist's or lawyer's office, and it's true when the abuse/exploitation is done by a Tibetan lama.

I don't know a single Western student of Tibetan Buddhism who isn't in some way a mess after surviving their long term cultic involvement with Tibetan lamas.

Marilee was living with Joel in a nice house in Berkeley in summer 1976, when they housed Sogyal as translator for Dudjom Rinpoche. Lena Shefflin, who I thought was pleasant, visited often. She was a raw-foodtarian at that time if I remember. I thought Marilee was nice and flaky in a way I thought was just part of being an American at that time. She was, I think I remember, teaching natural birth control methods then, the rhythm method by testing one's temperature etc. I met her a year later in Boudha at the initiations given for 6 weeks by Dudjom there. When I fell in a drainage ditch badly injuring my kneecap, Marilee did what I thought was pure hocus pocus, polarity therapy. But it fixed my knee almost instantly. That was unexpected and much appreciated. I think she was a loving person who was looking for answers, as I think all of us were.

I hope she is well these days. I was so thankful for her kind hospitality in Berkeley but looking back, I see how she tolerated all of Sogyal's arrogance, his raging about everybody, his being a lousy person, by being very passive. As I also was passive for a while. Nobody stood up for what they knew was right. It was abject passivity, letting Sogyal and the whole corrupt, materialistic, ugly Tibetan scene unfurl without a peep, kowtowing to the bullshit all the way.

I think there was a lot of focus in the West on food issues when people needed to look at their emotional and deeper psychological issues. But there wasn't really a language that was readily available then in the seventies, and what was available was being conscripted by psychological cults, like EST and is still used in other cults today, like The Forum.

I left Sogyal after staying with Marilee and Joel, utterly disgusted, and returned to India wiser for the abuse I survived, but still deluded into thinking it would be so much better with monks as teachers. Not.

No, I don't think I know Linda Wellings, Neal King or Lisbeth Duncan. I may have met them at the Dudjom scene in Berkeley in summer 1976 and just don't remember. I felt like an outsider there because my first Tibetan teacher was a Gelug geshe and the Nyingma scene was grossly judgmental about any other (read inferior) lama who wasn't in THEIR (read superior) lineage. Looking back, it was all so kindergarten petty, tedious and pathetic.

Oh, it's so sad Linda Wellings had sex with a monk at Khamtrul Rinpoche's monastery at Tashijong and ended up with her son Jigmae, while being accused of corrupting a monk just like Dechen was at Jetsunma's.

Having been overtly groped by monks in the company of other monks who ALSO groped me, and survived an attempted rape by a monk behind the Chinese gompa in Bodhgaya, I have serious doubts that any Westerner ever "corrupted" a Tibetan monk. If anything, I think it was the other way around. How could most Tibetan monks actually be monks of their own volition anyway? They were packed into filthy, frightening brainwashing factories as little boys, dressed in a skirt, told to memorise thousands of pages of paicha that meant NOTHING to them, that they didn't understand and never understood. They raped each other in the monasteries, often hearing other little boys like them being raped. How could these men, who survived this child torture, actually be monks???!!! They were forced into this insanity involuntarily, socially, ashamed to opt out of this role that was forced on them as little boys, when they had no voice or way of saying what they wanted. The role of monk was idealised as THE right thing for a Tibetan family to do.

Then after these brainwashed psuedo-monk men arrived in India, along came Western women and men, not feeling the same "ngotsa" (shame) of the Tibetans, but who were/are seeking spiritual awakening, a truth path that they thought was an authentic, Buddhist one, and it must have been staggeringly confusing/distressing for these pseudo-monks. Does that mean they had a RIGHT to sexually harass or molest Western women? No way. It's understandable, in the way criminal or immoral behavior is understandable when committed by those who've lived lives of terrible deprivation. But it is not acceptable and the abuse needs, in my opinion, to stop.

The whole Tibetan scene is sick, wall to wall. And the Dalai lama and others who are highly educated ALL know this! Nothing is being done to change this insanity, this MASS ABUSE of little Tibetan boys by forcing them into monasteries at 4/5/6/7 years of age. It's making a lot of sick parasites who then act out their illness.

You said "Jigmae has always had trouble with his peers because he's so dark skinned. Everyone thinks half-Tibetan kids are black". That's so sad because Tibetans have so many shame, "ngotsa" issues. So much to them is about appearances. There is obsession in the East, as everywhere, about skin color and being as white as possible. But Tibetans themselves foster such prejudice routinely. Most Tibetans do not know words for any other colors except white, black and red. Tolerance, in my opinion, is absolutely NOT a national Tibetan characteristic.

You said "My favorite waiter at the Stupa View Restaurant in Kathmandu told me he'd seen many a Western girl crying her eyes out to her mother in the restaurant, because her Tibetan lama-lover treated her like shit and slept with other women." Yup, that sounds par for the course. Get any bunch of Western Tibetan Buddhist women in a room and out will come the sexual abuse stories. But almost always no feelings come up with these stories except gossip-giggling. It's like their reasoning and recognition have disappeared and they don't see what's actually happened, how they have been so used/abused. There is all this excusing the sexual abuse, it's so unhealthy, and because of the shame attached to the negative feelings, the ANGER about it isn't shared. So the abuse has gone on and on and on and on.

You said "When Sangye Khandro left Gyatrul Rinpoche she told me, "Tara, you have no idea how badly Tibetan men treat women." She ought to know -- she slept with enough of them." Wow, that was news to me. When I knew Sangye at Gangchen Kyishong, she told me she had taken some sort of lay vows. But now I read that as vows to lay. I always assumed she slept with Gyaltrul but that it was never actually thought of as sex. How I compartmentalised that insanity in my thinking is typical of cultic brainwashing.

Sangye was, in my opinion, deeply enmeshed with Gyaltrul Rinpoche. Her beauty was something I was somewhat in awe of and envied a bit. I also envied somewhat her calm exterior, her living in Hawaii, and even when she said she had been, if I remember correctly, something of a biker chick before she became a cult devotee of Gyaltrul's. In Clement Town at Dilgo Khentse's Rinchen Terdzo intitiations in 1980, she said that she was actually quite plump (she wasn't) for her size because her bones were tiny.

Thinking about her enmeshment with Gyaltrul and what she said to you, while having for many years put on this deceitful front of euphoric composure, I feel really badly for her, how much she must have suffered and been a party to get other women to be used by the lamas who also used her. I wonder if she wasn't an adult who had been badly abused as a child and locked into some reenacting her past with these older men, who drained her dry while proclaiming their holiness, receiving prostrations.

Do you know what happened to her after all those years of cultic devotion? Is she in therapy?

You said "Lama Sonam thought he might come on to me once until I asked him how his wife was doing". Good for you!!! I regret not saying that to Sakya Trinzin. But since he endorsed adultery by not saying anything about the adultery around him in his disciples, I think he, like most other Tibetan men, think that adultery or sexual immorality of all kinds, including sexually abusing little novice monks, is something that is fine as long as one isn't caught.

A Western student, who wanted very much to reconcile the lack of morality among the Tibetan teachers told me there was "lower morality" and HIGHER morality". She thought that committing adultery, lying, conniving, manipulating, exploiting, when it was done by a Tibetan lama or disciple of a Tibetan lama, was of the HIGHER kind of morality. It astonishes me the levels of reality warping that was done around Tibetan lamas and is STILL being done.

Millions of dollars are being pumped into this insanity-making machine all over the world. This insanity needs to exposed and talked about.

Thank you very much for talking honestly and courageously about what you experienced Tara. I deeply appreciate sharing here what I experienced myself and get it out into the open with the intention to heal and offer it as a reality to any others who may be coming out of the cultic fog or thinking of getting enmeshed with any Tibetan lama for any reason.
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Re: Randy Sogyal Rinpoche, Best-Selling Lecher

Postby admin » Sat May 21, 2016 7:22 am

January 8, 2004

Hello again,

Gee, it's hard to know where to start. So many deep and painful feelings are surfacing since talking about this here. If I'm repeating myself by saying that, it's because each day there seem to be different painful feelings coming up. It is a tremendous relief to release them here.

It's like going to the dentist with an abscess and bursting it so the infection can be exposed to fresh air, be cleaned out. I know this may be somewhat revolting or repellently ugly to anybody who is still in denial, or who has not fully come into their feelings about surviving such deep betrayal, but I would like to assure anybody else reading these posts that to talk about these issues OPENLY, to come clean with one's inner self about the abuses one experiences, is a tremendous relief. It certainly is for me, and for anybody else who openly talked about the abuses they witnessed or were subjected to.

To all those who want to share their experiences, please come forward and make a difference. Come and share THE TRUTH. It helps give the person who shares their truth a way to heal the damage done, and is also a comfort and inspiration to others, who may have been too ashamed to come forward. It HELPS to protect others who are now or will be victimized. I know a woman who killed herself because others didn't speak up soon enough. Being abused caused me many YEARS of pain, depression, grieving, loss, terrible deep pain. Please come forward and DO something about this! Please!

How to begin talking about this all? I'd like to say that over the last 17 years, I have spent a lot of time in therapy, in meetings for survivors of abuse, and I am not ashamed to discuss what for most people may be a source of shame, deep feelings of anger, or outrage, of profound grief, bitterness, disgust. Those feelings are not much allowed to be discussed in society anywhere, particularly in the East, and most definitely not expressed without being shamed for it by Tibetans.

Anger is not a comfortable feeling to observe in others or to feel in oneself. But it is there for a reason, and it can be the healthiest response to abuse of all kinds. When anger surfaces in the face of abuse, lies, hypocrisy, conniving, exploitation, sadism, violence, perversion, corruption, it is a setting of a boundary, saying finally, "NO!" NO MORE ABUSE!"

Especially for those who have chosen spiritual paths, anger is not perceived as an acceptable emotion to express, particularly for WOMEN to express. I'd like to say to the men out there who have seen Sogyal's, or abuses by other lamas, that if a female priest had committed the same abuse I think it would be quite conceivable that the male victim would be calling this woman all the names that men say about women when they are angry, expressing in angry, clear, and possibly violent terms what they might like to do with her. I don't think for a moment that a male victim who had been spiritually betrayed by a female priest would necessarily ACT on that, possibly scary looking, outrage, but I can imagine he would release his anger verbally in ways that as a woman I would not be comfortable to hear. I have seen in meetings for abuse survivors that men who have been violated by women, who had power over them as children, say ugly, angry things in healing their pain.

In either gender, the expression of deep anger may appear scary.

Psychologically it is okay in the arena of recovering to verbally express feelings of deep anger, in visceral ways, because it is seen as an expression of anger that is not acted on. The anger comes up and out in a catharsis.

Then adult action can be taken to put in place healthy boundaries of self protection, take legal or other sane adult action.

The abusers get away with all kinds of violations, being violent or perverse, but whoa, if the victim gets angry, that's not nice? No, it may not appear nice, but it is most definitely a part of the healing process, like dealing with the contents of an abscess. An abscess needs to burst to heal. In abuse cases, the anger of the victim needs to surface to heal. In the recovery process, hidden anger just festers.

Is feeling one's feelings or telling the truth a hunting license? No. There are legal ways to deal with criminal abusers like Sogyal and other Tibetan lamas, who think they are not legally responsible for their criminal actions, not least of which is avoiding paying taxes in the USA because they are under the umbrella of religion. But is it appropriate to feel the anger in an appropriate healing arena like this? In my opinion, definitely yes.

One such case of a man being abused by a sadistic female, so-called Buddhist teacher, is the cult buster, Josh, who helped Jane Doe and me in filing the case against Sogyal. He had been a disciple of a malignant narcissist Zen priestess/master, whose name I can no longer remember, but it was, I think, in California. This Zen priestess connived Josh to be her lover and, like most pathological narcissists, after he gave in to her advances, was devalued in cruel ways. When Josh broke free of his enmeshment with this teacher, she gave him 3 dimes. She said the dimes could be used by Josh to call her from any of the three places he was destined to go after he left her:

From an insane asylum
From jail
Or from a homeless shelter

Amazing how 3 coins could contain such venom in such a compact and psychologically lethal form. It was a death script of sorts, a curse upon his head.

I believe that Josh had been her disciple for a number of years, and that's what he got for his spiritual trust in his teacher.

He has since become a very successful business man who is also renowned for being a cult buster, helping people to deal with malevolent gurus/lamas/so-called teachers of all kinds in legally assertive ways, and has ample, experienced legal connections to do so.

He was finally, after years of deep anger, able to channel that anger into helping others.

But expressing the anger came first. That was the beginning of his coming back into his sense of integrity.

So I want to honor anger as an appropriate emotion in this process. It's not an emotion that comes out in particularly tasteful ways ... like "Ahem, excuse me, pass the Grey Poupon, and by the way I'm feeling rather angry right now".

Authentic anger about real abuse usually comes out like: "FUCK THAT SHIT!!! I want to tear that motherfucker a new asshole, damnit!!!!! I'd like to take my psychic chainsaw and make puree of that shithead fucker!!! WHO do they THINK they are???!!!! GRRRRRR!!!!"

Raw anger may not be expressed like that for a while. Often the anger is first just stuffed down, with depression, feeling frozen, physical illness, nervous breakdown, crying jags, or just bewilderment. But when the anger surfaces about real abuse, it's harsh at first for everybody, including the person feeling it, and everybody who loves that person doesn't want them to feel or be angry.

People immediately want to put a damper on that anger, just sweep it out of the way, placate or call the angry person nuts or psycho, or say ridiculing things. But there is honesty in that anger, truth, and connecting with one’s integrity. I think that anger, when it surfaces about having been abused, is to be respected.

It is hard to feel the anger and get it out when people around are saying, "Stay cool. Just let it go. Forgive." Wait a second -- something needs to be DONE first about the abuse! The abuser needs to be stopped! And why be cool in the face of abuse? It's WRONG!

It's RIGHT to feel angry about abuse! It's HEALTHY to feel angry about abuse being perpetrated!

Anger is not something one usually would be especially proud to have any of one's friends see. There is a lot of discomfort about feeling or SHOWING any anger. Tibetans really shame anybody expressing any anger, and it's said that even a nanosecond of anger results in eons of loss of merit, which presumably was accumulated saying Vajrakilaya practices while doing the dishes over tens of thousands of lifetimes, when one wasn't in the lower realms where they don't have dishes.

But there is, in my opinion, a beauty in anger honestly expressed. When one has been thinking for a while, "This doesn't really feel that alright to me but maybe it will all change into something alright later," gradually losing one's integrity and watching other dharma friends lose their integrity, a good burst of anger can snap one out of the cultic mindset into awakening and realizing, "What AM I doing putting up with this insane shit! This is AWFUL! I'm getting OUT of this mess!"

Breaking free of the malignant optimism of the abused into expressed anger can literally save one's life.

The terrible and painful aftermath of popping out of the cultic mindset has been quite an ordeal for me as I slowly healed. After the initial anger, I sort of went numb. Who was there to express the anger to? I just went on with my life feeling a terrible sadness that my spiritual connection and feelings had been so violated by Tibetan lamas ... and for what? So they could get laid? It's such a grotesque thing to imagine that what was so deeply precious to me was so violated. But looking back on these betrayals, especially studying how narcissists work, the effect the enmeshment has on the victims who head into this hell unwittingly and get stuck there, I see now that I still have some deep anger to release, and I am happy to have a place to let go of this anger. It wasn't just them getting laid; it was an abuse of power. It was and is very sick and very wrong and I AM REALLY ANGRY ABOUT IT.
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Re: Randy Sogyal Rinpoche, Best-Selling Lecher

Postby admin » Sat May 21, 2016 7:23 am

January 9, 2004, No. 1


Yes, your kind and brave efforts to express your anger here got me here.

I want to say that I think you made the right decision to come forward with the secrets of those who wrote to you privately, which has been and is protecting the abuses, many of them criminal, being perpetrated by various Tibetan lamas. In life there are situations in which discretion and honoring privacy is the right, moral, and honorable thing to do, and also circumstances where keeping the secrets is enabling the abuse to go on.

Legally, enabling a crime, such as hiding it or keeping it secret from others who could otherwise prevent themselves from being victimised, is called aiding and abetting. It has been over two decades since I removed myself from the Tibetan scene in India. In that time, I tried to expose the truth of what was going on, but all the victims I spoke to were afraid to come forward. And all those who saw the victims being abused and exploited did nothing, said nothing directly to the abusers. When I helped Jane Doe file her suit against Sogyal, it took me two years of my life to help her organise and support her case. I got $300 for all that help, not enough to remotely pay for all the telephone calls I made, speaking to Sogyals' victims.

At the same time, I understand they were shamed into not telling, or feared Vajra Hell ... ooooh. They were and are cultically paralysed into silence. Maybe this conversation can inspire others to not be afraid of telling the truth openly. I'm alright after all this time! You will be alright too!

Last night I ruminated about what had happened to me, the old memories and the news about the Tibetan Buddhist scene with Gyaltrul and Sangye.

The overriding thought was about how many sad sides to this ugly, messy betrayal there are.

There is an excellent book I'd like to recommend to anybody who has or is feeling betrayed by their involvement with Tibetan Buddhism. It's by Patrick Carnes called, "The Betrayal Bond - Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships."

When the lamas' lack of integrity started creeping into my consciousness, I made so many excuses for it. Like my old friend, Chloe, who said that lamas' and disciples' immoral and corrupt behavior was HIGHER morality. Yeah, right, the lamas' grandiosity, their feeling entitled to be above the law, and sexually abuse their students at will, their racist and sexist comments, including their contempt for Indian people and Indian culture, in spite of the Indians offering the Tibetans generous refuge, that was such excellent morality. There were routine little experiences of Tibetan ill-will via the lamas that I tolerated for so many years, excusing it, glossing it over because I WANTED to believe that I was connected with something Meaningful - a Higher Good.

For example, I lived for a while near Hardwar, a holy city for many Hindus, on the bank of the Ganges. Tibetans would arrogantly carry bloody slabs of water buffalo beef onto a bus packed with strictly vegetarian Indian pilgrims. When the blood got on a pilgrim's clothing or dripped onto the floor and a pilgrim complained, the Tibetans would be so arrogant about it. A lama hearing this also was so arrogant about it. Indians were grossly ridiculed by Tibetans as a matter of course.

One lama, a head of Mindroling Monastery, Zona Rinpoche I think his name was, said he could not take tea in his community for fear he would be poisoned. I wonder why? Smuggling gold was a routine that lamas did to get money, and they got Western students involved in this as well. I took it for granted that when lamas did criminal activities that it was skillful activity!!!

When Geshe Ngawang Dargye asked me to lift my shirt up to look at my breasts, he said it was to blow on my heart to help me feel less agitated. I trusted him as a teacher more than anyone I’d ever trusted in my life, and in many ways as if he were a parent. If he punched me hard in the face I would have felt less pain than I did by his 'trivial' betrayal. When I told another student what Geshela had asked me to do, she said I must be a dakini, special. I wanted to buy into this malarkey because I wanted to believe, to trust my refuge guru, that he had my best intentions at heart, that he was a Superior Being.

Not only did Geshela betray me, my dharma sister also betrayed me by helping me lie to myself about the truth.

And she covered for the abuser too.

She betrayed herself.

I betrayed her too by not snapping out of the cultic mindset and saying, Elizabeth, this monk who we all prostrate to and take refuge in as the example of Truth and Enlightenment, just asked to look at my breasts! That is TOTALLY unacceptable, and I want to discuss this with the proper authorities, like the Dalai Lama, who put Geshela in charge of teaching foreigners only to sexually act out on them over the years. AND so did his dufus of a side kick assistant, Khedrup, who regularly felt me up, especially if by bad luck I was doing korwa around the library, and he came up behind me to grab my ass.

The betrayal was 3-dimensional. It was a full-circle lie. We were bound to each other in our betrayal bond, a mandala of deception and betrayal.

Variations on this theme occurred over the years in all the Tibetan communities I stayed in. I feel partly responsible for the death of my old friend who committed suicide because I was part of the lies that went on at the Library for the 1-1/2 years I was there. If I had only spoken up maybe she would not have bought into such insanity and taken her life.

Oh, and the games the old timers, like Alex Berzin and Priya, used to play with their not openly giving advice about the teachings. The secrecy-power games they and other old timers played were truly crazy-making. And that shit came down from the lamas too, who also got off on secrecy power trips.

My own morality began to crumble over the years too.. There were a couple of sexaholic men there at the Library, Glenn Mullin and Brian Beresford, who died recently of a heroin overdose I believe, or complications from his drug addiction. Geshela, a monk who was extremely strict about his impeccable following of the rules and regulations when in public, KNEW these men were sexual predators, cruising the new women students who arrived doe-eyed to study with a ‘genuine’ lama at the Library. He did nothing, and numerous children were adulterously and recklessly sired by these men who thought they were sooo cool with their Tibetan rigamarole and substance/alcohol addiction.

This all may sound like just so much Peyton Place bullshit but in real life, actual kids came into the world because of these rogue creeps, and their mothers really suffered not having a father who behaved like an adult to these kids but instead had some cheating dog who was goofing on the pseudo-yogi role. God knows how the dozen or so kids are doing! I can't imagine their LIVES have been comfortable being basically fatherless ... and all this under the guise of being Buddhist? What a crock!!!

I slept with one of these dogs, Brian. When, getting off the train in Old Delhi, he asked if he could share the hotel room Jenny and I were staying in. He was married, I knew his wife, and didn’t think anything of it. He took the middle bed in the room and in the middle of the night came into my bed. I deeply regret sleeping with him. I felt badly. Jenny scolded me badly, but then went off and married a Tibetan monk herself. Although I eased my guilt by saying I wasn't the only one who’d cheated with Brian, because over the years I met a few other Western women who had slept with him. I betrayed Brian's wife, who I did apologize to 4 years ago. I betrayed myself, my own principles about not liking to commit adultery. I betrayed Brian's daughter by doing that with her father.

The lack of morality was seeping slowly into my own life and I didn't like who I was becoming as a person, using Buddhism as part of some camouflage, and not being well connected with my true self. I saw what this betrayal cover-up was doing to ALL my Western Buddhist friends. It took me six long years to break away and decide to keep a complete distance from the entire Western Buddhist scene, in India and America. By the time one of Trungpa's Kalapa Court Mafiosi came to New Delhi due to the fact that Karmapa was dying of stomach cancer, I had seen so much Tibetan corruption, lama corruption, vicious gossip, kids being born out of adultery, Western Buddhist corruption, everybody screwing everybody, lying, smuggling, the assassination of the head of Clement Town, monks molesting little boys, monks having a prostitution camp outside Rumtek, the various Kargyu heads of the various sects all in political war with each other, death threats ...

The whole, ugly mess was so rotten!!!

Then came the news about Osel Tenzin and his thinking he was above AIDS, that his penis was magic, so magic it killed people. Then news of Trungpa's death, his obesity, the drunken stripping of people in public, violating them publicly, then Kalu Rinpoche's using June for all those years with his nephew in on this insanity, all while pretending to be His Holiness monk, who looked like a male Mother Theresa, and actually being scum.

Yes, it's a whole, ugly, rotten mess, and the betrayal by the lamas was just the beginning. The lack of principles, clarity, honesty, morality trickled down. Ugh.

I remember now that Sangye also told me in 1980 that Gyaltrul saved her from an abusive marriage. It sounds like her ex, this Hawaiian DJ was/is a psychopath. It sounds like Sangye may also have a personality disorder if she is a pathological liar, cold and socially exploitative. She may be a Narcissist or an Inverted Narcissist and need some kind of celebrity or 'unusual' person to subjugate herself to? It certainly sounds like she is unhealed from the abuse she survived with the psychopath DJ. It would be logical from that alone and the fact she went into this bizarre and unhealthy servile relationship with Gyaltrul, that she had been sexually abused as a child.

Holding her arms out and making kissy faces to Gyaltrul Rinpoche would be as culturally acceptable a display of affection to a Tibetan male as if she did a striptease act. Traditional Tibetans NEVER hold hands, and public display of affection is unthinkable to them. Saliva is considered to be a greater contaminant than urine, and less attractive. Kissing is done to babies and on cheeks, dry and privately. Sex is something that takes place in about 5 seconds. I sincerely doubt that many Tibetan women have any idea of what an orgasm is or would know what it feels like, nor would a Tibetan man have any idea that a woman could have one! Sakya Trinzin, for all his education, being married, father of two children and world traveling, thought oral sex could get a woman pregnant. Almost all Tibetans I met knew almost nothing about the birds and the bees or the most basic science, and still think the world is actually flat.

I seem to remember the sexaholic, adulterous Achi, (Karmapa’s translator) saying that Tarthang Tulku had coerced a number of Tibetan people into near slavery, and had tried to do that to his American wife too, the one Achi had the affair with. I cannot imagine that dozens of Tibetans have been in this bonded labor situation without other Westerners or Tibetans knowing about it. This is an example to me of an abuse support network that happens in the presence of a malignant Narcissist. It is a strange collusion of the victims in their own abuse and of the abuse of other victims. This has happened throughout history, for example, in Germany, under Hitler. It is a crazy-making enmeshment that is common in cults. It can be common also in corporate Narcissism, like at Enron.

I am ashamed of my own bad behavior in all this mess and corruption. I regret that it took me six years to get out of the cultic enmeshment. I was deeply invested in the Tibetan Buddhist scene. I convinced myself I was part of something that was a Higher Good, while not allowing myself to be fully conscious of the bad I saw around me. I would like to publicly apologize to all those I have hurt with my own lack of morality on the occasions I did not follow my better judgment, and in not having taken clear-thinking action to stop the abuses I saw or knew about, and also because I also participated in the cover-up with my silence. Previously, I justified my passivity by saying I was a victim. Yes, I was, but I also helped in the secrecy. I said and did nothing for 6 years to speak up against what I knew in my heart was wrong. I deeply regret that.

I hope my sharing of my tale of betrayal will help others who are or have been traumatized into secrecy or into not honoring what feels right, to get out of their betrayal bondage and to share their story here.
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Re: Randy Sogyal Rinpoche, Best-Selling Lecher

Postby admin » Sat May 21, 2016 7:23 am

January 9, 2004, No. 2

I just wanted to thank you for your concise and, in my opinion, brilliant summation:

"As I get older, I appreciate more and more how what happens to us as children affects our whole lives. Just like girls who don't have daddies look for daddy for ever after to worship, boys who don't have mommies look for mommy ever after to torture. Everyone acts according to their power, women submissively, and men aggressively."

This has been practically true in my assessment of myself and others in abusive relationships.

When enough serious damage is done to a child during the formative first 6 years, that child may develop a rigid, all-pervasive personality disorder. These disorders, which are briefly (and rather badly in my opinion) described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM IV for short) (an insurance, legal and medical reference guide to diagnosing mental and emotional illness) can range from the relatively benign, like Dependent Personality Disorder to the truly evil, like Anti-Social Personality Disorder, often called Psychopathic Personality Disorder.

These disorders afflict either gender. More often than not, pathological Narcissism (NPD) is diagnosed in men. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is usually diagnosed in women.

I'd say for example that I think Thinley Norbu, Sogyal and Trungpa could be diagnosed as NPD and Jetsunma as BPD.

The heavier duty personality disorders, the dangerous ones, are called Axis II (personality disorders), Cluster B (pathology). They are: antisocial, borderline, histrionic, narcissistic personality disorders.

These all become worse with the co-morbidity of alcohol consumption, which is fashionable among the lamas who put themselves on the ngakpa or 'crazy-wisdom' pedestal, and encourage their male disciples to keep them company in this addiction.

It has been estimated that 18% of the population has Axis II disorders:

The people who were not loved well enough by parents who were healthily emotionally available (most of society), but had just enough love to be able to have an integrated but weak true self, are often codependent, which means emotionally shut down, enable abusers, and fit a typical family ecological niche of:

Hero (compulsive caretaker),
Scapegoat (Rebel-Addict),
Lost Child (Invisible Space Cadet), and
Mascot (Performer-Keep 'Em Laughing)

have all tendencies to attach themselves to emotionally abusive people, either male or female, or both, in either love, friendship, career or spiritual relationships.

In the case of spiritual seekers, who attach themselves to a Narcissist guru/lama as their devotee, I'd call that Narcissist-Codependent, or NCo, for short.

Narcissist Codependents, I'd speculate, are the children of narcissistic parents, adult children of alcoholics, or parents who were abusive in one way or another, either engulfingly controlling, or using their child to get their own wounded needs met. Often the adult children were their mother's confidante, caretaker, a surrogate spouse emotionally, and their mother's 'friend', instead of having a genuinely parental mother. Or else they are commonly the blamed, devalued child. Their father might be a beeraholic, workaholic, rageaholic, or just not there. Or an Army whip-cracker. Or an incest perpetrator. Emotional and physical abuse can take many different forms.

Alice Miller's excellent (although written in somewhat antiquated English) book called, "The Drama Of The Gifted Child," can be really helpful in seeing these issues more clearly.

There are a lot of typical dysfunctional family scenarios that leave deep scars on the children who grow up in these environments. Adult children of dysfunctional families are more likely to become cult devotees, with girls who don't have daddies looking a for daddy for ever after to worship and boys who don't have mommies looking for mommy ever after to torture. As you said so poignantly, "Everyone acting according to their power, women submissively, and men aggressively."

Although I have to say that in Tibetan Buddhist cult environments, I've seen the passivity in male devotees as well as in women; the devotees often expressing their unresolved issues in passive aggression.
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Re: Randy Sogyal Rinpoche, Best-Selling Lecher

Postby admin » Sat May 21, 2016 7:24 am

January 9, 2004, No. 3

Dear Charles,

Your posts are so delightfully forthright, emotionally awake and honest. I really appreciate your self disclosure in brave, unpretentious, friendly and direct ways.

You said:

"Don't get too impatient waiting for the next honest, angry woman. People are completely dickless, and I don't mean that in a sexist way Tara stands out there on the road saying, "Fuck the goddamn lying religious fraudsters!" You pull over and join us. It's a miracle."

You build it and they will come. You made the effort to be honest, create a forum for sharing your painful experiences and awakening. I came. Others have contacted me privately with their stories. I am waiting, trying to be patient for them to share here what they shared with me privately. This is a warning to those people, I give you both 2 days to publicly share or I will post your posts to me here.


I SO agree with Tara! Fuck the goddamn lying religious fraudsters!

Thank you Tara!!! Thank you for your brave, direct, not quivering in hiding ANGER!!!

You said:

"You note the amazing, appalling ignorance of people believing that the earth is flat. I may be picky, but that always bugged the heck out of me. Finally, I rolled it up into an aphorism. "If they're wrong about things we can see, why should they be right about things we can't see?""

Their general ignorance about anything more sophisticated than some crayon coloring book version of primitive reality was/is incredible. The focus of the majority of Tibetan Buddhism seems to be an obsessive-compulsive need for repetition of lengthy rituals and, like the old Christian idea of feeling defiled, stained, dirty, bad, and needing cleansing. Or some sort of magical sounding rituals on top of being emotionally undeveloped.

Like Milarepa's enslaved/enmeshed/abusive relationship with sadistic Marpa while thinking about flying? Say wha?! And THAT relationship became the national template for lama devotion. Talk about SICK!!! It's a classic story of an abused kid growing up in a toxic, abusive relationship with a pathological Narcissist and idealising it as devotion when it was what in modern parlance could easily be called S&M. Milarepa, who was a creative thinker in so many ways, touchingly and deeply poetic, self-abused with anorexia, spent an entire lifetime of deprivation addiction, as if that were spiritually healthy or helpful.

I once asked a Tibetan translator what the Tibetan word for imagination was, and there isn't a word for that in Tibetan that he knew of in either colloquial or academic vocabularies. Maybe a fancy shmancy scholar like Guenther could come up with one, but in over 30 years I never heard a word for imagination in Tibetan. I think the imaginary is considered real in primitive magical thinking. The Tibetan feudal political mindset suited this insanity.

What was intellectually advanced in Tibetan Buddhism came in very limited, compartmentalised snippets from India/Nalanda, in the yoga practices and viewpoint for example, or from China in medical science. There are a tiny handful of Tibetan scholars who seem to have a grasp on the philosophical meanings conveyed in the Abidharma, like Longchenpa, but although the meaning of the Madhyamika Avatara is discussed obliquely in Dzogchen teachings, or academically by various geshes, there is no walking it like they talk it! The actions do NOT match the views.

It seems grossly bogus to me to mouth fancy words but be emotionally, socially, sexually, politically, psychologically, spiritually, financially, criminally abusive. Any corrupt idiot can do that, without the pretense or sheer insanity of thinking they are a reincarnate lama or holy.

You said:

"What I intuit about your Peyton Place stories is that all the body fluids got exchanged at fairly high levels. Plebes, floor sweepers, chauffers, those people, didn't really get cut in."

No, Charles, you are, in my opinion, wrong there. That is to me the mindset of somebody who thinks there IS royalty and plebes in a cult. All the people, ALL the devotees, are part of the abuse support network which faces, like spokes in a bicycle wheel, the hub, the Narcissist. Without the spokes, the hub could not exist. Without the hub, the spokes could not exist. It is, oops a Buddhist term, an interdependent arising. LOL!

There are a number of ways to get screwed in a cult, not just, in the case of Tibetan lamas, a mini squirt from their side in a 5 second genital 'occurrence' that is almost imperceptible. Lamas pick on anybody they can. Whoever happens to be closest. If a newbie is the closest, it will be a newbie. If it's the translator, it will be the translator. It is the devotees who allow people to come close to the lama. That is the game of the cult devotees with each other, to put themselves in an idealised position, near the Narcissist, and keeping others in what they think is a one-down position. The leader plays into this to keep all the attention riveted on them. It's codependent and counterdependent. Everybody is sickly dependent on everybody else.

In a cult there is no healthy, mutually acknowledged vulnerability in a healthy intimacy of peers based on earned trust.

Financially, all those who donate to a cult are screwed. The money goes into creating the cult, expanding the cult. The people who are involved with cult devotees are screwed too because they lose their loved ones to the cult. The newcomers think they have to put in time and dedication to work their way up the ladder to the position nearest the Narcissist leader. But the Narcissist NEEDS these newcomers as fresh supply of attention, to create tension/jealousy/mind-games with the old timers. Everybody is using everybody. Nobody is 'better off'. It's just games.

Eric Berne wrote an excellent book about the games played in a cult and how all the roles are part of a sick spiderweb in, "The Structure and Dynamics of Organizations and Groups." NY: Grove, 1975.

This and any of the books I've mentioned can be bought second-hand and very cheaply on AbeBooks.com

I highly recommend Eric Bernes' books, "Games People Play," and "Beyond Games and Scripts."

You said:

"I was kind of that way, at the periphery. Lamas, aside from Gyatrul Rinpoche, didn't like me so much. They got a suspicious look. I think it must be my Chinese profile."

I think you were not desperate to betray your true self 'enough', to get into the grossly servile position of the so-called inner circle. I commend you on your integrity and clarity NOT to have debased yourself to that level.

There may be something healthy enough in you that the lamas intuited they couldn't get at. You were not available to be conscripted as a bully they could manipulate, a sock puppet, a gofer, a sneak, an orifice, a doormat, a total sucker.

No, you would not have allowed a string to be tied to your big toe so when the lama felt like it he could publicly humiliate you, and idealise it as Good For You. No puppet degradation for you.

That kind of abuse is written about very well in 2 books, both, oddly enough, with the word soul in the title. The first one is: "Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity," by Marie-France Hirigoyen. The author is a professional victimologist, part of the criminal bureau of investigation in France. And the other book is one of my all time favories, called, "Soul Murder : The Effects of Childhood Abuse and Deprivation," by Leonard Shengold.

By the way did you or Tara know a psycho ex-monk bully addict who worshipped Chagdud, called Mike The Monk? Or Mad Monk?

Thank you for this conversation Charles.
Much appreciated,
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Re: Randy Sogyal Rinpoche, Best-Selling Lecher

Postby admin » Sat May 21, 2016 7:24 am

January 10, 2004

To the people who wrote me privately:

To you both,

Although you deleted your emails to me, I copied them and have them ready to post tomorrow, unless you come to this forum and speak up for yourselves, find the words to speak your mind. How much more abuse is going to go on?

When will the perfect moment be for the truth to be spoken? It has been DECADES of abuse going on!!! HOW MUCH MORE ABUSE HAS TO GO ON BEFORE YOU SPEAK UP?????

Miranda Shaw and I sat next to each other on a plane ride from Germany to America in 1990. I told her about Sogyal's abuses 3 YEARS before she took any action. Hundreds more women were abused in that time. One woman was institutionalised that I know about as a direct result of Sogyal's abuse of her. Miranda was the one who referred Jane Doe to me, so that I could comfort this poor woman who had been sexually connived and beaten by Sogyal JUST AFTER HER FATHER HAD DIED. It was a miracle Jane Doe's husband didn't divorce her for sleeping with Sogyal, that her entire life didn't shatter and fall apart in a total mental/emotional breakdown.

What kind of a man seduces women who have just lost a loved one, who are GRIEVING and lost, in need of spiritual comfort? This is some kind of emotional necrophilia to be such a predator! This is monstrous! When are you, who posted me, who know what has been going on, going to speak up????!!!!

Miranda was VERY focused on her success. She wanted to write about women and sex practices in Buddhist history. It's an exciting subject, one that the author and a publisher COULD MAKE MONEY ON. I don't think the practices she wrote about have EVER happened with Tibetan lamas, or maybe anybody. I'm not convinced that she thought that either. She did technical, scholarly research based on religious texts. People write about dragons and Loch Ness monsters, but do those things really EXIST? Religious texts can say ANYTHING, and they often do. Are cult texts to be believed? I don't think so!

Anybody can write about or publish anything. I've published a couple of books myself. One was written when I was 19, it was commissioned. I wrote the book in a single month, researching it while taking school exams. I did the best I could at the time, but I was instructed by my editor to write information to fit the images they had bought for the book. Words to match the pictures. It was a comparative history book on religion. A commissioned coffee-table book. It was intended to make money, that was all. It was published on 2 continents, and by a reputable, internationally renowned publisher. I made a considerable sum of money for a 19 year old's first effort at writing. The contents of the book were never questioned for a second. I was commissioned, I wrote, it was published as fact.

I wrote all kinds of errors in that book, some I knew about because my writing had to fit the pictures, as I was hired and paid to do, and some by accident. That book is now quoted all the time on the web, as correct, as fact. None of what I wrote was checked up on as being fact. So I KNOW that editors don't find out whether something is true before they publish something. The publishing industry is just that, an industry, they sell PRODUCTS, books, not truth.

My writing for that book was based on other books that were published with the wrong information. Just because something is published doesn't mean in any way that it is true. Just because a person has a degree does not mean that person knows what they are talking about, or that they are necessarily a person of integrity, telling the truth they know, or that they even know the truth about anything.

What I'm trying to say is that I think that the tantric sex thing is not true. I don't think that women or men get enlightened doing tantric sex, or that it gives anybody anything, except the simple sex act. I don't think it cuts through any dualistic tendencies AT ALL!!! Ever. I think that is some kind of way to jazz up the plain old sex act into being something it's not.

June Campbell was used by Kalu Rinpoche for sex. He told her she would be going to Vajra Hell if she didn't do what he wanted, and by the way she had to screw his sleazy nephew too, or else. Some enlightened being there. Not. What an ugly, cruel power game, with a nun, who devoted herself diligently to learning Tibetan, to being his translator, taking vows to live her life chastely, to helping others.

She never spoke about her feelings of anger, or the terrible betrayal she felt, because Tibetan Buddhists, all, are ASHAMED AND HORRIFIED by expression of anger, as if THAT, expressing anger, were immoral, and not the abuses committed! So she wrote her book with calm, not bringing her emotions into the picture at all, but she was reviled anyway by the Tibetan Buddhist community, not for telling the truth, but because people didn't want to be disillusioned from their fairy tale malarky!

She was betrayed, used for sexual purposes in ugly, hurtful ways. It had NOTHING to do with anybody's being enlightened! That is just some Western or Tibetan fantasy that was rigged so lamas could use women sexually and cover it up as something fancy.

The word in Tibetan for female IS INFERIOR BIRTH. For a thousand years nuns were not called nuns, they were called Auntie. Women did not get respect in Tibet, ever. It was a male theocracy. Women were not taught to read or do anything. It was polyandrous, forcing one woman to sleep with a handful of brothers, to keep the land from being legally parceled out to the different brothers. If all the brothers married one woman, they could keep their pitiful piece of land in one piece and not have to divide it up among their separate families. They respected a piece of barely arable farmland more than they respected any woman. Women did not and do not have any power or respect in Tibetan culture, period. That is a fabrication of Western women who want to believe that without ever knowing anything about Tibetan society up close, just reading books by Western authors who idealised Tibet as some kind of Shangri-La.

What kind of man, lama or not, goes around saying his wife likes bigger dicks than his, so she should quietly screw other men? Say wha !???! This was the sacred bond between Gyatrul and Sangye? Neither of them seem to be any more enlightened from their experience. And why should they be? It was always and only, just plain old sex.

Sex is for pleasure and making babies, to be done in appropriate ways with partners who have consented as peers, not as disciple or teacher, child and parent, child and trusted elder, parishioner and priest, patient and therapist, client and lawyer. If 2 peers, friends, want to have "tantric sex", I say go for it, have a folie a deux! Go for the mutual delusion. But when it is a power play, a sadistic one of spiritual betrayal, a cruel game of seduction of people who are vulnerable, very vulnerable to what they are being told, that is NOT okay. In the West is is AGAINST THE LAW. It is against the law, not for frivolous reasons, but because the VICTIMS, yes, the person who gets used this way, is seen as a victim of a crime, of abuse, are deeply DAMAGED by this abuse, this appropriation of power. It is like a child getting screwed by a parent. It is an abuse of power.

If a little child flirts with daddy, it doesn't matter how turned on daddy gets, it's a CRIME to use this vulnerable child in a sexual way for the gratification of the adult. That is how a spiritual "disciple" is seen in the eyes of the law, as a person who is very vulnerable, like a child. Psychiatrically, such a violation by a spiritual teacher is treated as if the sexual abuse were a type of incest.

In my experience with Tibetan people in general, they are not remotely romantic at all. Not in ANY way that a Westerner would consider romantic. There is no literature per se, almost no stories at all, and none that I have ever heard about involving "love". In fact, I have never heard the Tibetan word for love before in the 30 years since studying and knowing how to speak the language. There is "compassion" as in compassion, "nyingje", for all sentient beings. There is the Tibetan expression, "Goe gi do" that passes for "I love you", which is "I want you (sexually)". The colloquial word for sex in Tibetan, "layka' is "work".

Maybe the lack of romantic literature in Tibet, or literature that has anything to do with the relationship between men and women as peers, is because Tibetan men did not have romantic love with women. There was almost no literature at all in Tibetan culture. All writing and the use of the intellect was utterly taken over by the male theocracies of the monasteries. Society was almost 90% illiterate; a lot of the religious texts were just memorised, not read to be understood, basically just a form of brainwashing.

Tibetan men generally do have exceptionally small penises, and it is generally known in conversations I've had with Tibetan women over the decades that Tibetan men cannot perform sexually in any way for more than a few seconds, or that Tibetan women get little or no pleasure out of the sex act with a Tibetan man. This is something joked about frequently by Tibetan women themselves, that sex is nothing to them, a disappointment to be endured for the sake of having children. Maybe this is why all the emphasis on what passes for the expression of love in the Tibetan Buddhist texts always refers to love one would have for a mother?

Tibetan marriages are arranged. It's a business arrangement between families for the tribal purpose of creating laborers and landowners. One son, if it could be afforded to hand over a potential farmhand, was traditionally, somewhat routinely, given to the monastery when he was a tiny boy, handed over like a sacrificial lamb to a theocratic city of pseudo-monks; run by men, for men. These pseudo-monks didn't work and were totally supported by the poor laborers, the farmers outside the monastery perimeter. Inside the monastery these pseudo-monks brainwashed themselves, and the outside people were treated like inferiors who had to crawl and scrape for the "blessing" of these pseudo-monks (who were in fact, raping each other, when they weren't brainwashing each other, inside the monastery walls).

A number of educated Tibetan people understand that those chosen to be "rinpoches" were because of their relationship to politically powerful families. Or a child was chosen from an area for politically strategic reasons.

What are you, who posted me privately, waiting for? For there to be nothing to be afraid of? For your reputations to be protected? You both think you are spiritual and moral people, but what kind of integrity do you think you have when you can help put an end to the abuse, NOW, but you are not doing it??!!!

Why would you not come to this forum, where I publicly spoke out about what I suffered, and support me here? Either of you could have chosen anonymous names, unrelated to your actual identity, and offered your support, your experience, written about your thoughts and feelings in any way you like, in such a way that nobody knew who you are, but still validating what I said was true, or that you had experienced similar abuses yourselves.

Why write to me privately, wanting my sympathy, my comforting, or to confess your knowledge about abuses to me, when there are people out there, now, being abused, used, assaulted, pimped, whose inner and in some cases outer lives are being destroyed by these abuses?


Is it because you know that you are still perpetuating this abuse by keeping it secret?

Please, be decent people and come forward and speak up, openly.

As for the person who said they think my intention to post what they said to me in private here is blackmail, the legal definition of blackmail is:
"obtaining or procuring something by illegal means, such as by force or coercion."

You CHOSE to write to me. I did not coerce you. I did not obtain the information you told me illegally, by force or coercion. You didn't know me. There was no trust I earned with you. I posted here publicly to support Tara and Odysseus in their truth telling, by my own truth-telling. My intention in doing that was to HELP END THE ABUSES AND TO TELL THE TRUTH.

When I read your second post to me I felt literally sick for 12 hours. How could you have helped that abuse, so directly to continue and think for a second that you are a therapist! A trained therapist???!!! OMG, I was horrified!

From what you told me you were a co-perpetrator who had been trained to know better! And you had the gall to tell me that it was Tara's ANGER that you feel is sick? Buddy, you are the sick one. Tara has every reason to be angry. That anger she is expressing is sane. NOT expressing anger about these abuses is what is wrong.

So what if she is expressing the anger in ways that are not esthetically pleasing to you? So what if she refers to male genitalia? It was male genitalia that was being used to abuse these female disciples, con them into the sex act. Do I think Tara is going to cut off any male genitalia? No.

I think she has a deep and loving relationship with Odysseus and at the moment is caring for her FATHER, who is dying of cancer. It's not men who are so bad for their having genitalia or sex with men that is bad. It's the ABUSE of power by men who set themselves up to be worshipped as reincarnate lamas, holy teachers of The Truth. It's conning women into sex acts to use them and camouflage it as something that it is not.

Hiding the truth about these ILLEGAL abuses that are going on on a MASS SCALE for DECADES is wrong. Letting it go on by not talking about it is wrong.

Have a look in your heart. Have some cojones to talk about this, openly. Here, now. That is the right thing to do.

Protect your identity if you want to but come here and speak the truth and let it help others. Let this be a place where this sexual abusing of women by Tibetan lamas starts to end.
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Re: Randy Sogyal Rinpoche, Best-Selling Lecher

Postby admin » Sat May 21, 2016 7:25 am

January 12, 2004, No. 1
From: oscar
To: AmLearning
Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2004 1:40 pm
Subject: Sogyal R

Hello " AmLearning",

I have read your account of your horrible experiences with Sogyal Rinpoche and I can confirm many similar events happening during the time (mid 80's to beginning 90's) when I was in a leading position in Rigpa Org in Europe. Because of the obvious abuse of female students, I confronted SR , who called me a friend at that time, several times (he did not even try to justify his behaviour spiritually), then first I resigned from my position and later left Rigpa fellowship. I did not want to give my name anymore as a person of trust to be misused to help to recruit women to Rigpa to eventually be abused by the SR ("lama care").

I am very interested in the information about the lawsuit against SR which I guess took place recently, and which you mention in your comment on the Kazi case.

With best wishes


From: oscar
To: AmLearning
Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2004 1:32 pm
Subject: my story

Dear AmLearning,

Thank you for keeping my privacy and answering in length to my email. I will tell you a bit of my story, and having discovered ambu-bulletin board only one day after you, I will need more time to carefully consider my next steps. I have no interest to join into something which is not yet clear to me what the motivations of some of the people are. I write to you because you appear to me clear, well thought, and responsible. This makes your contributions to me more trustworthy than many of the other posts.

Some are horrible and have very bad energy themselves. I find the papers on narcissism in the bulletins quite correct. But let me say that also: what “Odysseus” and “Ambu” say in many of their posts is very horrible and unacceptable to me. When Ambu wants to get all men fucked and wants to cut their balls, I can’t see her anymore in any moral position to criticize others. If you want to change something for the better, you must try yourself to live up to the values you want to defend or support as good as you can. I am very hesitant about putting something into the American Buddha bulletin because many of the posts there are of very low ethics and using words and expressions which do not represent my values and the way I want to change something for the better. This kind of complaining and judging and talking reminds me of adolescents who yell at their parents and blame them for everything they do without putting the same high standards on themselves. But we are adult. So I must say very clear: I will not become a member of another sect. I see this danger very clear in this forum, and this will take the power away from the justified and necessary actions to stop people like SR abusing their students and abusing religion, and the trust of many good people. Abuse is always soul murder, and sexual abuse in so called spiritual context is for me the worst. It makes me sick. But some of the posts there are as sickening and disgusting. I can see the damage which has been done to these people, and I can feel the pain behind it, but I think one has to consider one's actions very well and one's words as well, not to go on a similar level as the people criticized. In that way they are working for those they try to fight. They put themselves down with gossip, and I get the feeling they put themselves up. As a therapist, I can see the need for expression of strong feelings, and that those feelings are bitter and not very subtle, but going public it needs another stage in the dealing with the trauma. One must be very aware of one's actions, not to be surprised by what kind of response one might get. There is a great danger that you point to somebody with one finger and don’t see that three fingers are pointing towards you.

So here is a bit more of my story:

In the mid 80's, during my seven years with Rigpa and 4 years as founding director of a national Rigpa branch, I had slowly discovered that Sogyal Rinpoche had sex with very many disciples. Even though I was very close to SR, it took me some time to notice the obvious. Even though I am a professional counselor, it took me quite some time to notice it at all, and then it took me even more time to take action. First, at the same time I was shocked and kind of amused, I felt somehow mixed about it, because in the beginning I saw that some women tried to get him. First I thought, they are mature woman, they know what they are doing, and I simply am too inexperienced in the exotic ways of Tibetan Lamas to be able to judge. It was much later that I heard stories and saw things which were not based on consent, and saw that he was cheating all the time on the women. Also I noticed that he had sex with young students who just had come to Rigpa retreats for the fist time.

There was the harem, and the women seemed to be able and ok with their role in the game. At least I wanted to believe this, still trying to see SR as a holy man. On the other side, I found always obstacles to consider SR as my guru. I considered myself at that time more as a Buddhist manager and some kind of assistant of SR than as a disciple of him. I could see Dilgo Khyentse or the Dalai Lama as true masters, but SR appeared to me always more as a teacher who teaches Buddhism, or many times as a salesman who sells Buddhism. When I was in power at my national Rigpa branch, I always extinguished most of the superlatives in the flyers. I said to SR: either you are true and good and people will find out themselves, or if not they will also find out. So don’t tell them what they should think or how good they should think about you. True quality will speak for itself. With me, he accepted such words, but I heard my successors had to put on the praise line again.

Well back to the abuse subject:

I confronted first jokingly, then half-heartedly Sogyal with my concerns about his behaviour, and I said to him that as a therapist I know about transference phenomena: students see the teacher as kind of a father figure, so sex with the student is psychologically seen as incest. Also, that in the West, the relationship between teacher and student, or priest and the parishioner, must be kept pure, and does not allow intimate relationships or involvement with sex in any way. He was not amused, and tried to avoid the subject, but he first tried to justify his sexual behaviour spiritually. First he said that because he is one of the incarnations of Padmasambhava, and that Padmasambhava had had many "spiritual consorts", he would be somehow entitled to do so. Then he played the cultural card: in Tibetan culture women are seen as Dakinis, and they would happily serve the Lamas for enhancing their spiritual power and so on. I am ashamed, but first I wanted to believe all this. Raised in an over-sanctimonious, hypocritical catholic background, I was somehow trained for bending the truth, and trained to idealize and respect people of position even more than supposedly “holy” men. My spiritual and emotional hunger made be blind to my own values and my professional standards - at least where the standards of a Lama are concerned, not in my own work. For some years I was blind with my own position. I was together with other dear friends establishing a very well-working organisation to benefit many people. I was happy. I was in a very special position. I honestly tried to use my possibilities well. I felt I was chosen, and because of karmic connections with Sogyal, I was finally recognized in my full capacity. What the bitter irony is, because other students saw me as a rather independent, seemingly critical, and reasonable person, and because I am a psychotherapist, some people took me as a guarantee for trusting Sogyal. And I guess some people even envied my special access to SR. By that time I could no longer ignore what was happening. Once Sogyal wanted me to lie on the phone to a woman, who wanted to contact him after having had sex with him another day, because he was in bed with another one, but I refused. He became very angry and yelled at me, but I was not impressed. Basically, he treated me always very good. He seemingly respected me, but now I think he was clever enough to not treat me like some of his other main students. He gave me the feeling that he appreciated my views at least as long I helped him to please the audience and the students. But he never was open to criticism concerning his personal behaviour. Also, he never answered any of my personal spiritual questions. I got more and more the impression that he simply could not answer them. Also, when I attended sessions where he should answer questions by his students, he often gave very stupid answers, and showed that he had not much understanding of what people were really asking. Sometimes he ridiculed people.

One of the worst things I experienced was at a winter retreat in Germany. A long term student of his was in emotional distress and asked in obvious pain and vulnerability and confusion for his help, and he forced her to speak louder and then to come forward to the stage where he put her completely down. In my view, he was totally afraid of her, and could not deal with the situation whatsoever. But instead of putting her into safe hands, he tried to save himself in putting her down and ridiculing her, and then played the strong teacher who can deal with everything. In the same night, we had to rush her to the emergency ward of the next psychiatric hospital with a nervous breakdown and a psychotic seizure.

As a therapist and as a student, I was horrified by his behaviour and his complete lack of compassion and skill. Before I left Rigpa, an American woman told me confidentially and in great distress that she had just lost her husband and had come from US to France to SR to get help, and that SR, during a private audience, had tried to violently force her to have sex with him. Fortunately, she managed not to be raped. She left the retreat in even greater despair and completely shocked. This was the worst incident which I heard from firsthand.

SR did not respect any limits: he had sex with most of the wives of the leading students at Rigpa. I tried to keep myself and my private life out of his. I tried not to mix with his affairs. Sogyal had a classical harem, and he knew all the tricks to make the obvious invisible, or if that did not work, to change the context of the students’ values, giving the whole thing a spiritual excuse, and abuse fears and naivety, or the good belief of his students to get what he wanted. It’s 12 years ago that I quit Rigpa, so I have no more first hand information of SR’s doing now, but I must say I have little doubt that everything is the same today, because I consider him an addict. He is hooked on sex and power.

When I have more time I will write more professionally on the psychology of the guru-student relationship and of abuse. What interests me most is why people “agree” to be abused and what hinders them to see the truth. And how to help others to discover their own truth, and how to stop people like SR from going on.

Please again this is confidential, and I will take action, but I will choose my own way according to my values and my autonomy. It is a painful process for me to look after all these years more deeply into my own behaviour and acts. I need my time so that I can be really of use for others who need help. Just acting without having my personal process at a certain point could do more harm than good.

Thank you for listening, and it's very good that you study the psychological background of what happened to you. You are very courageous. I hope that you can heal and learn from it and help others. Of course it would be easy to identify me quickly -- maybe you have already -- but the story is on trusting, so I trust you.

Best regards

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Re: Randy Sogyal Rinpoche, Best-Selling Lecher

Postby admin » Sat May 21, 2016 7:25 am

January 12, 2004, No. 2
From: Pema Zangmo
To: AmLearning
Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2004 9:06 am
Subject: Your experience of Tibetan Lamas

I admired your strength and clarity in expressing yourself.

You certainly told it as it was! Like you, I experienced many similar things, not least the pain of not finding the means to express my thoughts and feelings. I too found this website after much searching and was able to write the article "The Thorn in the Lotus" under my Tibetan name of Pema Zangmo. I'm just dropping a note here to let you know how moved I was to read your experience, and that I intend to join in the discussion when I can find the time. The subject is a very delicate one, and I want to be sure I can find the right words.

I do feel that our minds have been raped and the Tibetan Lamas have a lot to answer for. Yet I continue with my practice as a solitary yogini, (Buddhist, Christian, Sufi). I urge women to continue with their spiritual path, trusting their own intuition and their heart of hearts. I do believe through having had direct experience in dreams and during my normal waking consciousness of a "Secret" Dakini and Sambhogakaya activity. This is stuff I am reluctant to flash out on the Internet! I feel that over many generations the Lamas have claimed this energy for their own and have used women to access it. For me, their greatest crime is not just their stupid sexual immaturity, and the damage they have done to women as a result, but their distortion of the Teachings.
This is the angle where I shall be coming from in ensuing discussions on the website. I look forward to communicating with you and Tara again.

With warm wishes and high regard

Love Pema Zangmo
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