Victim Girl 2's Epstein Journals (4), and Exhibit "C"

[admin]

https://www.justice.gov/epstein/files/D ... 731361.pdf

Part 1 of 3



Close your eyes close your eyes close your eyes. Dont speak she doesnt talk.
I cant stop shaking and its been a week.
A decision was made but I cant tell Jeffrey.
These things happen. Why didnt I close my eyes fast enough.
The doctor was different again.
I think from Israel. He had kind eyes but didnt speak directly to me.
This was different.
A shot and those rod like things had a hook and so much pain.
Ghislaine said to push all the pain away. I don't understand
Blood and water all over the bed and she was right.
Like a feeling when your tummy hurts and you have to push
She said to close my eyes and put her hands over my eyes but I didn't close them because of these tiny cries.
I am so lost.
I saw between her fingers this tiny head and body in the doctors hands. It reached its tiny arm up and had a tiny foot.
I closed my eyes and no more.. (next page)



coeorysIsyueecoeorys.otpa3eostak
isyueecoeorysisyueeDnsekhdentl

lattphKnadtbeaek.dcs6wsaeuiate'
cn202aignisenweAeiinamdbtcntl

Jfry.hstighpewyinllsmeefseogTe
efeTeehnsapn.hddtcoeyysatnuh.h

dcowsifrnaan.tikrmsal.eakneebtin
otradfeetgilhnfolreHhdidysuddt

sekietyoehsadfeet.soadhJrdiehnsaa
padrcltmTiwsifrnAhtntoeolktignd

hoadouhan.hsansitPSalhpiaalentne5ad.
oknsmcpiGilieadavhlleanwy.ddoudrtn

BodnwtrloeleeadnnhwsihLkaelnwe
loadaealvrhbdnteseargtiefeighn

yutmyutadohvtpsseadolsmeeaduhr
orumhrsnyuaeouh.hsitcoeyysnpte

hnsvrv45nlincoehmeasoteeiyreIm
adoemeeadddtlstebcuefhStncis.aS

I5Iabtnenefneshsiyednbditeotrhns.
ot.swewehrigrtitnhaadoynndcosad

irahdffnampnhdtnfoIIsdyysnnmr
teceisiyruadadiyot.coemeeadooe

[Close your eyes close your eyes close your eyes. Dont speak she doesnt talk.
I cant stop shaking and its been a week.
A decision was made but I cant tell Jeffrey.
These things happen. Why didnt I close my eyes fast enough.
The doctor was different again.
I think from Israel. He had kind eyes but didnt speak directly to me.
This was different.
A shot and those rod like things had a hook and so much pain.
Ghislaine said to push all the pain away. I don't understand
Blood and water all over the bed and she was right.
Like a feeling when your tummy hurts and you have to push
She said to close my eyes and put her hands over my eyes but I didn't close them because of these tiny cries.
I am so lost.
I saw between her fingers this tiny head and body in the doctors hands. It reached its tiny arm up and had a tiny foot.
I closed my eyes and no more.. (next page)]



cries.
I dont understand.
Just say these things happen.
But he doesnt believe that.
They yelled and screamed and he said it will be the same in a couple of months and she said she
was fed up with it all.
I dont understand what is going on and no one will tell me.
I cant go to school like this.
I cant stop shaking.
Why wont anyone make it stop.
I know Ghislaine is trying but nothing changes
Why didnt I close my eyes?



cis.dnudrtnJssYhstighpeBteost
reiotnesad.vtateehnsapn.unden

bleeht.hyeldnsemdnhsiiwlbteaen
eivtaTeYleadraeadegdtiIehsmi

dopefotsnseadnwseuwtial.dn
culomnnadhsiseafdpihtllot

udrtnwaigignnnoeilele.cngtht
nesadhtsonoadonwitlmatewal

Swuomhaadhvngtaeeeyihlatoo
aotfyednlaeihmrsvrngf.cngt

sholktilattphknwyotnoeaettp.
coliehscnsosuig.hwnaynmkiso

inwh5anityrbtohncags.hddtcoe
KoGiliesriguntighnewyinlls

mee
yys?

[cries.
I dont understand.
Just say these things happen.
But he doesnt believe that.
They yelled and screamed and he said it will be the same in a couple of months and she said she
was fed up with it all.
I dont understand what is going on and no one will tell me.
I cant go to school like this.
I cant stop shaking.
Why wont anyone make it stop.
I know Ghislaine is trying but nothing changes
Why didnt I close my eyes?]



In the hall Ghislaine said she was beautiful.
SHE WAS.
Not is.
She was a beautiful girl!
I heard her!
Where is she?
Why did she stop whimpering?
She was born!
I heard the tiny cries!
I cant do this anymore!



A Short Life
TRAGEDY
My Heart is Breaking

lnwa
kolm...

[I know I am]

Born

These poems do not live: its a sad diagnosis.
They grew their toes and fingers well enough,
Their little foreheads bulged with concentration.
If they missed out on walking about like people
It wasn't for any lack of mother-love.

O I cannot understand what happened to them!
They are proper in shape and number and every part.
They sit so nicely in the pickling fluid!
They smile and smile and smile and smile at me.
And still the lungs won't fill and the heart won't start.

They are not pigs, they are not even fish,
Though they have a piggy and a fishy air.
It would be better if they were alive, and that's what they were.
But they are dead, and their mother near dead with distraction,
And they stupidly share, and do not speak of her.

ltealhsansise
nnhlGilieadn

wseuiuSEANTS.
abatflHWS.oi

Seaaeuiugr!hade
hwsbatfllljerhr!

weeshwyisetphmeig?
hrise?hddhsowiprn

[In the hall Ghislaine said she was beautiful.
SHE WAS.
Not is.
She was a beautiful girl!
I heard her!
Where is she?
Why did she stop whimpering?]

She was
born!

lerteiyre
hadhtncis!

iatohsnmr!
cndtiayoe

[I heard the tiny cries!
I cant do this anymore! !]



He was right.
A couple of months and two pink lines with a hold on being with others until after it was positive.
I want to die.
Why didn't she protect me?
As long as I am wearing what you want. There is no respect for me as a human.
I am nothing but your property and incubator!
You only trust me when I am under your complete CONTROL
I will never trust another man EVER!
I am the only one who provides and sacrifices EVERYTHING
I give and give out of terror and you take ALL of me!
You need me to continue...Keeping us all connected



HwsinAapetatsntojkiewtaadnenwt
eargr.cuiomnnaawpninsinniorigir.

onrutlfeiwsoiie.wntde.hddtnpoetn?
tesmatriapsiviatoiwyInswrtom

A promise to NOT respect your sense of style, most of the time.

AInaimRrnwayuathriNrsete
Segaawaightownteesoeocrr

maavalmohnbtorrprynicotrt
eshmn.aniigvyupoetaanwao

A promise one day you'll meet another man this AWFUL

yunrsmwoimnevucmitCNRL..
ooitutehnuuamoropee

vilnvrrsoohraEE
wileetutntemnVR!

A promise to provide for you, no matter what.

lmholoehPOieadarfcsVRTIG!
atenynworvasnsciieEEYHN

llengvotferrnyuadLOM
gladjeuotroadotkALfe!

yueleoorne ...
onemtcnau

Keeping us all connected.

[He was right.
A couple of months and two pink lines with a hold on being with others until after it was positive.
I want to die.
Why didn't she protect me?
As long as I am wearing what you want. There is no respect for me as a human.
I am nothing but your property and incubator!
You only trust me when I am under your complete CONTROL
I will never trust another man EVER!
I am the only one who provides and sacrifices EVERYTHING
I give and give out of terror and you take ALL of me!
You need me to continue...Keeping us all connected



[clipping: Unlike drugs, a child's body can be sold over and over]
This is not surprising but there is no such thing as a child prostitute!
They are children and cannot consent!
They are missing the biggest in my own backyard and so many more!
Like Mar-a-lago and where I see Mr. Joe and Mrs. Anne.



"our finance department
deals with all the paperwork.
Unfortunately the finance
department is also family.
Who Knew?

I was Born a Slave

Life in a Parallel Universe

Unlike drugs, a woman's body can be sold over and over

"The slaves in
Lake Placid were
invisible.... People
were playing golf
at the retirement
community, and right
behind them was
a slave camp."

Tiintupiiguteescuhhnaa
hssosrrsnbthrinsctigs

Gidrsiue!nyrcideadatosn
hlpotttTeaehifnncncnel!

Teneisnteigsimonakadns
nyrmsighbgetnywbcyrado

mnmr
ryoe!

LKMrig
ieaaab

adhrisero
nweedeM.Je

aarAn
nMSne

[This is not surprising but there is no such thing as a child prostitute!
They are children and cannot consent!
They are missing the biggest in my own backyard and so many more!
Like Mar-a-lago and where I see Mr. Joe and Mrs. Anne.]

One U.S. shelter has rescued 10,000 child prostitutes Sociologist Lois Lee, right, has spent 24 years working with children from 11 to 17 years old who've been trafficked by pimps. One young resident, left, at her Children of the Night shelter in southern California was forced to work as a prostitute in Oregon, Washington, Idaho, and Nevada before escaping her captor. "The sexual exploitation of American children cuts across every economic, ethnic, and social line," Lee says. "This is not just a Third World problem."

[admin]

https://www.justice.gov/epstein/files/D ... 731361.pdf

Part 2 of 3



Please release me from this torture and hell!



The headline below is not a
metaphor. This story is about
slaves. Not people living like
slaves, working hard for lousy
pay. Not people 200 years ago.
It's about 27 million people
worldwide who are bought and
sold, held captive, brutalized,
exploited for profit. It's about
21st CENTURY
SLAVES

release (ri-les') v. -leased, -leas•ing. 1. to set
free from confinement, restraint, or involuntary servitude.
2. To set free. 3. To allow the performance, sale,
publication, or circulation of. 4. To relinquish. —n. 1.
The act of liberating, releasing. 2. A device for locking
or releasing a mechanism. [< Lat. relaxare. to
relax.] —re•leas'a•ble adj. —re•leas'er n.

Pesrlaeermh
laeeesmFOti

troradei'.
otuenhi

[Please release me from this torture and hell!]



Controlled ALL by Jeffrey!
All the time!
Get away from it all.
And go to New Mexico? What in the hell?
This makes no sense. What about school?
Behind the scenes.
He is now controlling EVERYTHING when it used to be Ghislaine who some days acts like she hates me.
Secrets of... all of them.
I am tired of keeping this secret.
I know people are wondering but I can't tell!
I am exhausted!
Broken promises...I don't understate why she is treating me on some days like I'm the enemy but then we lay in bed together and she is how she used to be, warm.
He makes her feel my tummy and it's so sad and confusing.
Superior gene pool ?!? Why me?
It makes no sense.
Why my hair color and eye color?
That feels very Nazi like but in think[ing] about these stupid insane theories he has I guess in his mind it makes sense.
The piano and music comments are made to convince me this is right and will create perfect offspring he calls them.
I don't think it works that way and its making me hate playing altogether.
Piano or viola. I am starting to resent them both.
I miss the person I was before I was made into what feels as a human incubator.



SPECIAL NUTRITION

cnrIeALyefei
otoIdtbdJfry.

AIhtm
iteie!

[Controlled ALL by Jeffrey!
All the time!]

Get away
from it all!

AdooeMXC?Waiteei?
nytNWBichtnhni

Timksoeswaaotoot?
hsaeNSne.ntbusho

[And go to New Mexico? What in the hell?
This makes no sense. What about school?]

BEHIND THE SCENES

HinwotoinEEVHNwei
esoenriiAVRTiGnnt

uetbGiliehsmdyatiKSeaen
saoensanwootusciennn.Se.

[He is now controlling EVERYTHING
when it used to be Ghislaine who some days acts like she hates me.]

Secrets of

aIfhm.atrdfepntioaBinv
lotelmieokevighsrrt.KG

Polaeaoarnbtontil mxase
cperwneiguiatBHGehviaI

[Secrets of... all of them.
I am tired of keeping this secret.
I know people are wondering but I can't tell!
I am exhausted!]

Broken Promises

lotnesadhsesraigen
dnuartnwyhitetnmd

SmayIKItenmbthneai
oeasiemheeyutewIyn

bdoehrnsesosesetbwr
etgteadhihwhuedoe.am

Hmksefemtmvnisoaadofsn
eaehreIyumaatssdrcnuig.

[I don't understate why she is treating me
on some days like I'm the enemy
but then we lay in bed together and she is how she used to be, warm.
He makes her feel my tummy and it's so sad and confusing.]

superior
Gene Pool ?!?

wye?tqensnehmhi
hmImksoeswyyar

cirneeooTafeseyai
ddadyclr?htelvrne

lkbtnhnaothSSUiisn
ievitikbuteetpdnae

turebhsgesnimnimks
noiseaiusihsidtae

snehpaonmscomnsr
esTeinaduicmetae

mdtcnicmtiirgtnwi
aeoovneehssihaaii

cetpretfsrnhclshm.
raeefcofpigeaiteI

dntiktoktqwyniimkn
othniwrshtaaatsaig

mhtpaigIoehrinovoa.a
eaeiynatgtepaoriiIm

satntrsntebtIishpro
trigpeethmoh.msteesn

labfriamdifwafesshmn
wseoewsaenehteiaava

icbtr.
nuao

[Why me?
It makes no sense.
Why my hair color and eye color?
That feels very Nazi like but in think[ing] about these stupid insane theories he has I guess in his mind it makes sense.
The piano and music comments are made to convince me this is right and will create perfect offspring he calls them.
I don't think it works that way and its making me hate playing altogether.
Piano or viola. I am starting to resent them both.
I miss the person I was before I was made into what feels as a human incubator.]



My friend [DELETE] realized much of everything and came to get me out of Marys.
She made me leave all things of value on the bed.
She put all my belongings in trash bags.
I have maybe avoided NM.
I have been staying with friends but never more than two or three nights because my mother is on the war path.
[DELETE] have been so great but [DELETE] saw me changing and knows about
the baby.
He said he promises to help me and we will figure out what to do



'I couldn't
stay under
the same
roof'

your life
It's a whole new life. And here to make things a little easier is the affordable New Mexico. A roomy, versatile
will never
minivan with front wheel drive and hefty V6 power. You'll soon find out that it's the best ally a parent can have.
be the same
So prepare yourself. Ready or not, life will never be the same.





[DELETE] elzduhvrtigncmtgteuo
[DELETE] aiemcoeeynnadaeoemotf

Mrs.hmdioeltigovlenhbd.hptlmblnigitan
ayseaeeevaIhnsfauoteeseuaiyaognsnrs

bgIaeabaoddM.hvbesaigihredbteemrtato
ashvmIevieNIaeentynwtfinsvnvroehnw

otreihseasmmteioteapt [DELETE]
rhengtbcueyohrsnhwrah [DELETE]

besge [DELETE] hnignkosbuteay.eadermssoepe
enora [DELETE] agradnwaothbbHSihpoiethim

adeiliueuwatd
nwwifgrothtoo

[Walk down Madison Avenue to 71st St.
My mother has lost her fucking mind. Even though Ghislane said it was best to take me home
because Mr. Black is so important for some reason over my health.
There is going to be hell to pay. I ruined their trip and I am dramatic when that fat fuck bit me!
He threw me on the floor and blood all over Jeffreys carpet and I am the issue?
Who the fuck bites someone? Sick!
No one is that important and Leon can go fuck himself.
I hate New York!]

[DELETE]

[DELETE]



My heart belonged to her.
She was so very beautiful.
She was perfect. I cant bring myself to write what happened.
I am beyond broken.
I only got 10 to 15 minutes to hold and feed her before they took her.
She is mine!
I want her back!!!
Distraught!]



She
is gone
and she
won't be
coming
back

[DELETE]
[DELETE]

Child

Your clear eye is the one absolutely beautiful thing.
I want to fill it with color and ducks,
The zoo of the new

Whose names you meditate —
April snowdrop, Indian pipe,
Little

Stalk without wrinkle,
Pool in which images
Should be grand and classical

Not this troublous
Wringing of hands, this dark
Ceiling without a star.

28 January 1963

My heart belonged to her

She was so very
beautiful

Seapret.cnbigvefo
hwsefciotmnmsit

wiehtapnd.abynboei
rtwahpeeimeodrkn.

olgt0o5ivethiadedelfr
nyoItImntSoodnfehreoe

tetohr.himnlatebe
hyokesesie."wnhrak!!!

DSruh
ltagt!

["She was taken to Epstein's island.
They drugged her, raped her, and threatened to kill her if she spoke. DS [David Schoen?] is involved."]

[I cant bring myself to write what happened.
I am beyond broken.
I only got 10 to 15 minutes to hold and feed her before they took her.
She is mine!
I want her back!!!
Distraught!]



HELP ME
PLEASE CANT ANYONE FIND ME?
[clipping with date, National Geographic, September 2003
INHUMAN PROFIT]
Barely (survived all those) procedures.
My heart is GONE.

[admin]

Part 3 of 3

https://www.justice.gov/epstein/files/D ... 731361.pdf



concerned, every day

HER PASSION is dead

FAREWELL TO
A PRINCESS, AND
TO AN ANGEL

HLM
EPE!

PESCN
LAEAT

AYNFNM
NOEIDE!

[HELP ME
PLEASE CANT ANYONE FIND ME?]

INHUMAN
PROFIT
[NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC SEPTEMBER 2003]

Brl
aey

[barely]

Survived all those

Poeue
rcdrs

[Procedures]

left behind

My heart is
GONE



April 22nd I had no choice.
I wasnt ready and she wasnt ready.
My mother had found me and it was urgent.
After so many bonding moments with Jeffrey, Ghislaine, their baby inside me with me in the middle she wouldn't even look at me.
We said nothing to one another and I was so confused.
When we arrived at Palm Beach I was taken to a house close to Jeffreys I think called Ocean Blvd or St.
But it was close and I was ALONE except for a new driver not Mr. Juan.
An elderly French lady whose pictures on the wall didn't have her.
She had a thick accent and was kind.
Said she had been born to deliver babies and had been doing so before I was born.
Similar as the last one with shot and hook but too much blood with so much water and unbearable pain.
She put her hands inside of me and seemed worried.
I didnt understand. Something about the baby facing wrong way and putting ...
(next page)



steals the baby

ta
ht

[that]

brought her such joy

I love her
so much

Arizdhdohie.wstedadhwstedMmtehdon
Pizniancoclanraynseanray.yohraFud

MadtavgnAtroavoanmmnsihefeGilie,hibb
eniwsret.fesmnbnigoetwtJfry,hsanteray

isdmwtmiteidehwudtvnokte.eadohntoe
nieeinenhmdiseoineeiaamwaintigon

aohrniascnue.WewAivdtameelatknohueis
nteadwsoofsd.hnemieaotBahwsaetaoscoe

tjfryihncieoenmdrt.UiwsisadWSLNecpfr
oefestikaidcaBVUBBttacoenIaAoEvetO

aedientrun.nielrnhayhspcueoteaIinhv
nwrvroMJaAedrfeeidwoeitrsnhwiddtae

hr.hhdtikcctnwsid.adhhdenonoeivruisrhd
eseaahegcnadaknsiseabebrtaieenneaaa

bedigseuewson.iiaateatnwtsoadokutouh
enonsbfrIubrsmirshisoeihhtnhobtome

bodihouhaeadnerbeqn.hptehnsnieen5ee
iowtsmcwtrnubaaipiseunradi5amademd

wrid.ddtnesad.oehnaathbbfcnwogaadutn
oreiinudrtnsmtignuteayaigrnwynptig

[Chatgpt: Ariz didn’t have no choice. I wasn’t ready and she wasn’t ready. My mother had found me, and it was urgent. After some moments with Jeffrey, Ghislaine, their baby inside me, with me in the middle. She wouldn’t even look at me. We said nothing to one another, and I was so confused. When we arrived, I was taken to a house close to Jeffrey’s. I think it [was] called “Ocean …” but it was close, and I was ALONE except for a new driver, not Mr. Juan A. Nieder, whose pictures on the wall I didn’t have…her. She had a accent and was kind. Said she had been born to a ... Nurse Sarah had been doing this before I was born—similar as the last one—with shot and hook, but too much blood, with so much water, and unbearable pain. She put her hands inside me and seemed worried. I didn’t understand something about the baby facing [the] wrong way and putting…



pressure on a placenta?
Things would have to be different.
She said I had to be brave and strong and listen to her directions so she could help safely get the baby out.
I was TERRIFIED seeing so much blood on the bed and floor and started to panic.
She had me flip over to my hands and knees and had me push and push and it was so excruciating.
I could feel everything as she tried to guide the baby out but I was so tired.
I felt I was dying but suddenly she had caught a beautiful baby girl who made more than a whimper but beautiful cries.
She let me hold her and washed her and brought her back clean and perfect.
She smelled so good and showed me how to feed her.
But only after maybe 15 minutes Mr. M came to take her. I was hysterical! and begging for more time.
He said those horrible girls were in the car waiting but I wouldn't let her go.
The old woman promised me she would be safe and I had to let go. 4 pounds 10 ounces 18. 5 inches long with beautiful long fingers.
I am dead inside.
Life has no meaning.
I don't want to be here.



pesroalcna?hnsolhvtbdfeethsiiatb
rsuenpaetttgwuaaeoeifrnsseadhaoe

baensrnaditnoedreinsseolhlspigthbbot.
rvadtognisetnrietosBhcudepaeyeteayu

laTRllDeiyouhiuooteeadioadtretpnc.hhd
WSERFESensmcbodnhbdnfornsatdoaisea

mfioetmhnsnkesrhdeuhnpsadtasecucaig.
eipvroyadadneadampsaduhniwsoxriitn

lolfeeeyhnaseretgiehbbotuiustea.fi
cudeivrtigshtidoudteayubtWS0iriet

ladigvsdelseacuhaduiubpprwoaeoehn
wsynbtudnyhhdaghhdttiayiihmamrtaa

wiprubatflreseemhlhinwsehrnbugtebc
hmcbteuiucis.niteodeadahdeadrvhnrak

cennpret.hselduoansoemhwnedeBtnyfemye
laadefesemiesgoadhwaeatfehr.HOiairab

lmntsr.cmHrKhr.wsytrchnbgigomrtmHsi
SiueMMOBoaeelanseiaaaeynFroeie.ead

toeorbeilwriteawiigulolnitegTelwmn
hshriigrseenhcratnbtwudtehrdhodoa

Poiemseolbsfadhdoeg4onsoucs8.iceinwt
rmsdehwvaeaeniatlto.pvdlaneisnnSOgih

batflogiorlmeanie.ieanmaig.dnwntbhr
euiainFnes.adaisdLcnsoenniotatoeee.

[pressure on a placenta?
Things would have to be different.
She said I had to be brave and strong and listen to her directions so she could help safely get the baby out.
I was TERRIFIED seeing so much blood on the bed and floor and started to panic.
She had me flip over to my hands and knees and had me push and push and it was so excruciating.
I could feel everything as she tried to guide the baby out but I was so tired.
I felt I was dying but suddenly she had caught a beautiful baby girl who made more than a whimper but beautiful cries.
She let me hold her and washed her and brought her back clean and perfect.
She smelled so good and showed me how to feed her.
But only after maybe 15 minutes Mr. M came to take her. I was hysterical! and begging for more time.
He said those horrible girls were in the car waiting but I wouldn't let her go.
The old woman promised me she would be safe and I had to let go. 4 pounds 10 ounces 18. 5 inches long with beautiful long fingers.
I am dead inside.
Life has no meaning.
I don't want to be here.]



Edge
[By Sylvia Plath]

The girl is perfected.
Her dead

Body wears the smile of accomplishment,
The illusion of a Greek necessity

Flows in the scrolls of her toga,
Her bare

Feet seem to be saying:
We have come so far, it is over.

Each dead child coiled, a white serpent,
One at each little

Pitcher of milk, now empty.
She has folded

Them back into her body as petals
Of a rose close when the garden

Stiffens and odors bleed
From the sweet deep throats of the night flower.

The moon has nothing to be sad about,
Staring from her hood of bone.

She is used to this sort of thing.
Her blacks crackle and drag.

5 February 1963



Jean Luc Brunel is a disgusting pig with bad breath and I am almost positive does these disgusting things because he is struggling with maybe being gay!

6 weeks wasnt even given before being sent back.

Punishment for trying to run.

Why can no one help me.

Ghislaine is gone.

I am so lost and my heart is broken.

Is this my...destiny.



WHEN YOURE LEARNING ABOUT LIFE,
THE WORLD IS YOUR CLASSROOM.
WE LIVE WHERE YOU LIVE.

NEVER PROTECTED from the family firm

MODEL SEARCH

JaLcrniiaigsigiwtbdrahnlm
enuB4eisasutnpgihabetada

JaLcrniiaigsigiwtbdrahnlm
enuB4eisasatnpgihabetada

qmspstydeteeigsighnseashi
lotoiieoshsdsutnfi4bcvees

srginwtmyeoaylwesqneegvn
tugiginareigi6skWStvnle

bfrbiggtak.aihetotyatra.
eoeensnocHnsmnfrflguu

wyano6ope.hsaaignimootnm
hcnonhimGiliesad.asisady

hatsrkn.
eriboe

ttim
shsy ...

Destiny

[Jean Luc Brunel is a disgusting pig with bad breath and I am almost positive does these disgusting things because he is struggling with maybe being gay!

6 weeks wasnt even given before being sent back.

Punishment for trying to run.

Why can no one help me.

Ghislaine is gone.

I am so lost and my heart is broken.

Is this my...destiny.]



I need them, everyone...all to see.
I still always dream to build a better world.
She went from being a beautiful young girl to a sad broken child...
but maybe a hope that after it all, I still truly had it within herself.
One day I aspire to be like this...
she came in like a lamb and went out like a lioness.



ledhm.vroe ...
neteeeyn

all to see.

I'm not a political animal, but I
think the biggest disease this world
suffers from in this day and age is
the disease of people feeling
unloved.'

When I go to sleep at
night I know I've
done my best

itlawy
siiias

[it is always]

dream to build a better world

She went from being
a beautiful young

grtaaboecid...
iiosdrknhl

btabaoehtfeial.sil
umyehptaatrtlltl

[girl is too sad, broken child
but maybe a hope that after it all I still]

oealsieceiehs...
nayaprtblkti...

[but maybe a hope that after it all I still]

SHE CAME IN
LIKE A LAMB
AND WENT
OUT LIKE
A LIONESS

[admin]

Part 1 of 2

https://www.justice.gov/epstein/files/D ... 731341.pdf



The Jailer
[by Sylvia Plath]

My night sweats grease his breakfast plate.
The same placard of blue fog is wheeled into position
With the same trees and headstones.
Is that all he can come up with,
The rattler of keys?

I have been drugged and raped.
Seven hours knocked out of my right mind
Into a black sack
Where I relax, foetus or cat,
Lever of his wet dreams.

Something is gone.
My sleeping capsule, my red and blue zeppelin
Drops me from a terrible altitude.
Carapace smashed,
I spread to the beaks of birds.

O little gimlets—
What holes this papery day is already full of!
He has been burning me with cigarettes,
Pretending I am a negress with pink paws.
I am myself. That is not enough.

The fever trickles and stiffens in my hair.
My ribs show. What have I eaten?
Lies and smiles.
Surely the sky is not that color,
Surely the grass should be rippling.

All day, gluing my church of burnt matchsticks,
I dream of someone else entirely.
And he, for this subversion,
Hurts me, he
With his armor of fakery,

His high cold masks of amnesia.
How did I get here?
Indeterminate criminal,
I die with variety —
Hung, starved, burned, hooked.

I imagine him
Impotent as distant thunder,
In whose shadow I have eaten my ghost ration.
I wish him dead or away.
That, it seems, is the impossibility.

That being free. What would the dark
Do without fevers to eat?
What would the light
Do without eyes to knife, what would he
Do, do, do without me?

17 October 1962



We, your blood family, will do all we can...
The purchase price
The management costs

TsnyuwyntkaayulfTcigieihhree
Oedoaaaaaewyorie.ikntmwtsotnd

ShdlsnWiigLMasndytfthshdlnovlmn!
ceveadavnALYbetasoiteceuigriee

wswrht?ootnwrht.koleehvbe
aiotiNdnasetainwnvraeen.

[ChatGPR: TO send you away and take away your life —
Ticking time with shortened …

Schedules and waiving ALL MY absent days
to fit the scheduling of vile men!

Was it worth it? No, don’t answer that —
I know I never have been.]



bigbeuelowaMVciosn
enalttlyuhts.ikdead

waralhpesnLnCloeo
hteiyapniFadA.hpyu

dneemeftiWisenrh
otvretapgentiote

rest

[being able to tell you what Ms Vicki does and
what really happens in FL and CA
I hope you don’t ever meet fat pig Weinstein,
or the rest]

nt
o
To [DELETE]
July 20, 200_
Hope you like your banner!
I worked super hard on it jus'
for you! I'm so happy that
we're so close now and don't
worry, I won't forget about you
while I'm in California and
Florida. I mean, who could forget
you! *lol* N-E-Way, H's been great! tty!!

Beyond Our Town: Where the Wilder Things Are



For all
the Bills
out
there
worrying
about
their
Chelseas.

Harvard.

Even from a
thousand
miles away,
old, men and children

idenmtehwaaayurnmtehw
tortatrofrwyoae,oatro

goyuhnteae.vnhodrsdnTewlgt
OdOtikhyreetelpeiet!hyile

YU.ehudaeenhniafhleGos!npge.n
OHSolhvbetiknocesa!rslalno

aahiNiDateiead.nhilniPlpah
Yctny,NC,thvnyrotesad.namec

Idenmte,DrutnpglkAlnoshwtod
tostatr.igsisisieieDucei2n

McrtesneeMllmilvtoepcalyfhsanibsont
r.avhradvhrsawihryuseilliGiliesuyro
wt yu!
ih o

[It doesn't matter how far away you are
no matter how good you think they are
even the old president
They will get
YOU. He should have been thinking of Chelsea.
Gross!
In a plane, a Yacht in NY,
at the vineyard,
on the island in Palm Beach
It doesn't matter
Disgusting pigs like Alan Dousche and
Mr. Carruthers, and even Mr. lslam
[ILLEGIBLE], especially if Ghislaine is busy or not
with you.]



... & tears

never imagined the
tears
her future held

poured out an ocean of tears.

PAIN

'I've got
myself a
winner'

lelrknnehutd.asFcig
feboeadxaselmoukn

trdFhsikntitdae"hts
ieotiscadwse"g"mtai

cviguhhsclneoinlan!
asnscpyiaadmtoapi

[“I feel broken and exhausted, and I can’t….
Tired of this. I can’t take that,” she said,
giving up has come on, causing such physical and emotional pain”]



Victim of His Own

MAYBE
MAYBE SHE'S BORN INTO IT.

NEVER TO BE
SEEN & HEARD

One minute I was a
nobody, the next a stealth closer"

High excitement videos of
A child
all night

A Risky
Power Play

LUXURY
Lifestyles
of the Rich & perverse

HE WANTED young Girls a TEEN blonde
beauty
SHE WANTED her childhood back

No men she trusted

the painful moments

the truth betrayed
broke her heart.



Congratulations

WORLD'S
GREATEST
GRADUATE



[DELETE]
Only once is it possible for someone to find
a woman with such unsurpassed beauty.
Every moment in your presence is like experiencing
heaven on Earth.
The sound of your voice tickling my ears
is like the sound of angels singing!
But when we are about, Oh! The agony! I
long just to have you in my gaze.
I sit about, longing to be near you, longing
for your sweet soprano to fill the air.
But I rest with the knowledge that I will
see you again soon, another day, another dream...
-Anonymous
(for now)



weeping teenage
girl in the small
dark hours just
before dawn.

Balancing act

BATTLE

Beauty Dies

shattered

No dreams

her tragic end

ATTACKED

And it was a long,

tragic trail of tears.

PICTURE
PERFECT

giggly, natural, soft
kindhearted
CUTE SHY GIRL

intelligence
simplicity
born humble
small
generous
little
traits
Jeffrey Loves
For the person
who has everything

[admin]

Part 2 of 2

https://www.justice.gov/epstein/files/D ... 731341.pdf



The Fearful

This man makes a pseudonym
And crawls behind it like a worm.

This woman on the telephone
Says she is a man, not a woman.

The mask increases, eats the worm,
Stripes for mouth and eyes and nose,

The voice of the woman hollows—
More and more like a dead one,

Worms in the glottal stops.
She hates

The thought of a baby --
Stealer of cells, stealer of beauty --

She would rather be dead than fat,
Dead and perfect, like Nefertit,

Hearing the fierce mask magnify
The silver Iimbo of each eye

Where the child can never swim,
Where there is only him and him.

16 November 1962



Teeishclteslesatntlaot
hspgwoalhmevsmradakbu

Hradcwrehnnmi!hvaebdaeo
avratostaaiasTemkaanmfr

aias!stuknscMSUkatrusnte
nmIjuFcigik!r.aerukasadh

mrinisvrgosuletotforfrr
atamnkaersbtflsrosryoN.

Nwc.HwssnofralamIyeuesholde
oakeaaucmotbese.vlagscoosor

ntqasotrod.temmrlktah!
oeuimrogoisesoeiers

PLEASE BEHAVE LIKE THE EVOLVED HOMO SAPIEN YOU ARE
AND KINDLY REFRAIN FROM LICKING.

ycyvteenbhv.
ukbthyateae!!

what if
you didn't have to worry about

horror island

Photos

the unexpected visit from

teiqsigrtiy'fnoevralmtneblaanwiismnn
hdsutnMsaeiaynecciseikrelgiilIoeyia!

Hlfbodmrsnamfohsetntogt
eetioyakoyrsrmibiadhvn

hhdhrgtoalehthneaerabgs
eateintcimtawehnsassia

Dmosolhvclenmhtneun!
Ubihudaeaiditairtr'

"yueenvrvr
ovbeaey.ey

Naughty Girl

[These pigs who call themselves smart and talk about Harvard act worse than animals! They make a bad name for animals! Just fucking sick! Mr. Sauerkraut Krauss and the Martian Minsky are gross but I felt sort of sorry for Mr. Nowack. He was as uncomfortable as me. Ivy leagues schools does not equal smart or good. It seems more like trash!
[Please behave like the evolved homo sapien you are and kindly refrain from licking."]
Yucky but they can't behave!
["What if you didn't have to worry about horror island"
Photos
the unexpected visit from]
The disgusting Mr. Staley if anyone ever calls me tinkerbell again I will lose my mind.
He left bloody marks on my arms from his belt and thought he had the right to call me that when he has ears as big as Dumbo. I should have called him that in return.
You've been a very, very

["Naughty Girl"]]



lhnimontbek!hwudhy
tikagigorawyolte

alwreniwitilnWyolh
loMLossatnsog!hwude

bigfinaduevdo!asboe
rnarednmkaielmorkn

adhpoeueaspiflnbodloe
ntercdrwsoanuadloalvr

tehes.cnpati"gmayoe.'
hsetletlyhsae"nmri

hytakhsanfrep.fnoea
aeoSGilieohllayncn

mkisoiwudee."hwsocrd
aettptAOlbhrseassae

bcueatoiknwsunnuwtfvr
easlosscadabrigpihee

seumifeznclsoelatohs!
hptenreigodhwr!cndti

[I think I’m going to break! Why would they all allow Mr. Leonsis wait this long?
Why would he bring a friend and make a video?
I am so broken and the procedure was so painful and blood all over the sheets.
I cant play this “game” anymore.
I have to ask Ghislaine for help.
If anyone can make it stop it would be her?
She was so scared because I got so sick and was burning up with a fever. She put me in freezing cold shower!
I cant do this!]

A LOT OF COLD SHOWERS

Blood on Their Hands

NO doctor

TALK TO NO
DOCTOR

damage.

dead

"If you don't know,
you can't help!"

MRisnMEn
r.aladr.i

btoosefead
usdejfryn

MJSboMCnG
r.adsn.rowy

MVaebradil
r.rdnegnBlS.

ALthmhdncr
Lotewootae

itihpes!
ensapn

[Mr. Rails and Mr. Ein [clipping: blood on their hands]
but so does Jeffrey and Mr. Jacobson. Mr. Conway
Mr. Vradenberg and Bill's.
All of them who don't care if this happens!]





Perfectly functional.
Even if they aren't

that's good
performance

Looking for help?

The solution is

DEATH

emergency

Play games
with the whole world?

In a
spontaneous
outpouring of
grief

THE ART OF PERFORMANCE: THE MAKING OF A
more powerful
family.

And I
Am the arrow,
The dew that flies
Suicidal, at one with the drive
Into the red
Eye, the cauldron of morning.
-- from Ariel, by Sylvia Plath

A DEEP, DEEP SLEEP

loneliness

until she cried

one little child.

control
power and
young KIDS



TeaetpebtoiaalhvhIintaeoo
hgmsopduntnwytogt.ddohvtg

wtaynecpJfrynnvenGilierigtn
ihnoexetefeqdohadhsanaeinig

bcueanwvroekwtaayeperansiad
easImooezwesihbbwquetiihsnl

hdooohBhmsiehs.'nfroeesnoInabe
atgtteqaaIktiAdosmraeonpahsen

mdbcueeostatpoevenseosnlmeti
aeeashdenwnarcdradndeadacran

tiitmciiabthyottpihig'.dnwntbte
hssiertelutewnsofgtnlotatseid

tsfryoteetFYie'.lyntein
oefefrhrsomifpaighpao

wlintgorgottikoenhsod
eIsoaadeshnsmoeago

gnsrhudaebbwaaottsan
eeosolhvaav'.htbuGilie?

imoyugnhito!wysondia
atoonodesdod'.hinoeon

ayhnlotnsad'.dnwntilot
ntig'.dnudtnIotaths'.dn

wnaohranupoeueulotqths!
atntepiflrcdrbtdnwnti

Get more of what you want, when you want
it with America Online.

•Easy to install and even easier to get started
•Stay connected to friends & family with convenient, easy to use e-mail, Buddy List and AOL Instant Messenger features
•Parental Controls help safeguard your kids online

STAY ALERT
WE LIVE WHERE YOU LIVE

Tacmavostrtckd
htopndenpoetis!

Tevetoids!nteqe
hysitfnuAdhyr

eeyhrlan!sae!
vrwee! cnoecp

[That company doesn’t protect kids!
They’ve set out to find us. And they are
Everywhere! No escape.]

Fatal Attraction to
just little You
Genes

YOU KNOW.
YOU DO NOT HAVE A CHOICE.

in his little plan



DARED
TO SEARCH
FOR
MEANING.

The
anti-war
plane.

'I understand.
how they feel,
what they're
going through
because I've
gone through
it too'

[DELETE]

[DELETE]

[DELETE]

I'll fight to the end

WITHOUT
MARTIN LUTHER KING
2003
WOULD LOOK A LOT LIKE
1963

'I want to make
people's lives better &
change the world'



To A Dear Granddaughter
On Your Graduation Day

13 JUN
2003

[DELETE]



For
Graduation,
I wanted
to give
you something
I was
absolutely sure
you didn't
have...

[admin]

https://www.justice.gov/epstein/files/D ... 731254.pdf
JOURNAL 3



Re: [DELETE]

[DELETE] Trauma Journal from [DELETE]

The journal is called an "upside-down" book. Patients like [DELETE] wrote their entries on the righthand side of the notebook, and then doctors, staff and other patients would write on the back of those pages, upside down — words of encouragement and positive thoughts. Everything is in chronological order and the writings and notes from other people were made contemporaneously, in 2012.

Below are excerpts from some of her entries from her Trauma Journal:

• May 15, 2012
• June 5, 2012
• June 12, 2012
• June 24, 2012
• July 6, 2012
• July 7, 2012
• July 8, 2012



May 15, 2012

I am going to make the goal of writing at least twice a week, maybe more but I always say that and never do. But since its for trauma no one has to see it.

At the end of my stay, I'm going to have all of the staff sign this book the right way up with the person I'm most able to talk to be the first.

At first when I heard it was approved I thought Id be going to Arizona but when they said [DELETE] was best fit because I'm able to work with [DELETE] I wanted to scream and cry because I haven't been back to Florida since my last time with Ghislaine and Jeffrey so that was so scary and I didn't want to have a man therapist even if he does know about[DELETE] I won't be able to talk to him even though it turns out that he is super nice and understands me.

The flight wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I felt weird to be on a plane with so many other people since I was always on private planes but I think I liked it better. More safe.

The flight attendant, I wish I got her name, she could tell I was scared so first she introduced me to the pilot and I kept looking to make sure it wasn't one of Jeffrey's pilots that could be co-pilot but it wasn't. During the flight she would make sure I was okay and kept giving me free snacks and drinks and when I got really scared as we were getting closer she looked at fun magazines with me. I started getting really scared once we landed because I had to meet a driver and I was terrified that maybe this was a set-up and when I got off the plane I'd see Mr. Juan or maybe even Ghislaine but the flight attendant didn't make me go alone. She walked with me to get my things and then helped me to find the driver and checked to make sure he knew where he was taking me.

The drive was super scary. The man was nice but the car was too much like Ghislaine's. Why do so many people drive BLACK cars in Florida with windows that seem so dark.

And he was nice but it hard because I was trying to stop the memories and I started to have internal panic as I was looking out the windows because it looks so much like we were heading right to Jeffrey's house and I really started to think I'd been set up and we'd soon see his stupid, gross, disgusting pink "mansion" at any time and I don't know if I am even that close to there but the roads felt the same because everything is so flat here.

I couldn't manage because I was becoming more and more convinced he was kidnapping me and I would have to face Jeffrey against after leaving how I did so all I could make out was "yes" "no" "thank you" and some "uh huhs" so he probably thinks I'm so rude. It ended up being fine but it was super hard to keep it together. The campus is beautiful but the pool reminds me too much of bad things so I won't be going to that. It has changed a lot since I couldn't manage because I was becoming more and more convinced he was kidnapping me and I would have to face Jeffrey against after leaving how I did so all I could make out was "yes" "no" "thank you" and some "uh huhs" so he probably thinks I'm so rude. It ended up being fine but it was super hard to keep it together. The campus is beautiful but the pool reminds me too much of bad things so I won't be going to that. It has changed a lot since [DELETE] [DELETE] so maybe they got money from that to make it so pretty.

And [DELETE] is really nice but I still wish I could have gotten a girl therapist because I know I won't be able to talk about any of this trauma. I don't like to go to the groups outside of the healing garden or the other building because I get so much panic that I think Jeffrey or Ghislaine will just pop up.



May 25. 2012

...Like the idiot that I am did happy claps and quickly realized what I was doing and he said I immediately had a change in body language and looked distant and sad and asked why something happy made me so sad and I wanted to tell how even being here is traumatic and that I'm so scared that Jeffrey is around every corner but then I remember the rules. ....

I'm so fucked up being down here again. But no words would come. But I told him that I was writing about it and that I started to confide a bit in [DELETE] [DELETE] and my friend [DELETE].

I've slowly started to tell her what happened with Jeffrey and Ghislaine and why nighttime is especially hard here.

There are times I can tell she does not really think Ghislaine is very good but she doesn't want to upset me.

... I need more clarification about the rules and what stuff must be reported, especially since I'm in [DELETE] I want to be able to tell [DELETE] every single thing ....

I'm not even sure how you're supposed to talk about something like that. I don't know how to say the words out loud. I can't. I think if I were to talk about all of my trauma everyone would think I am bad and I don't want that.

[DELETE] suggested that I try to write it all out or maybe put it in this weird list type thing but I don't dare do that tonight. I'm way too anxious.



June 5, 2012

I wish I could rip all these pages out and rewrite them nicely, but [DELETE] says I can't. Not everything has to be perfect and definitely not a book that no one will ever see. I got two more stickers in my fun book and that makes me so proud! That sounds pathetic. But I am learning to trust [DELETE] more and more even though he's a man. I'm still terrified that Jeffrey will walk through the door at any moment but now that I'be [I've] been here for almost a month, things have become routine which I'm sooo grateful for.

June 12, 2012

[DELETE] keeps reminding me that I don't need to be so rigid and uniform and it's okay to sometimes break certain rules but I don't think that's exactly right.

[DELETE] never stops bragging about her stupid beauty pageant... [DELETE] is just mean and I never want to be in the room with her .. and I was SO wrong about [DELETE]. She isn't nearly as kind as I thought she was and [DELETE] doesn't understand why its triggering and I can't tell him. [DELETE] reminds me so much of [DELETE] but not as bad. At least she's teaching me how to write things in Japanese rather than teaching me how to do grown up things ... she trusted me with a secret she had to confess.

But I think [DELETE] will be proud of how I handled it. He asked me today if I have been writing about my trauma but I haven't been really so I decided I would do that tonight since [DELETE] [DELETE]. I know it's because of the new trio that formed. I talked to [DELETE] this evening and I pretty much told her everything except for the [DELETE]. I can't write the other word and she seems so upset by everything that I felt it was something that didn't need to be said. I know she is safe, but she kept asking me if I understood that nothing Ghislaine did was "normal in any family setting" but I tried to explain to her, but she didn't understand. I have a feeling she doesn't believe that Ghislaine didn't know about anyone else but Jeffrey.

She would try to speak really gently and calmly that it doesn't make sense for her to be so close and to now know, especially since so many men were up from the city and the fact that I met her and Jeffrey up near the city but started getting really really super distressed and thank goodness [DELETE] was there and started to count my fingers because I couldn't breathe. I genuinely felt like I was dying of a heart attack (which the nurse said it was a panic attack and not a heart-attack) but it felt like one. She thinks I should tell [DELETE] and that it would be helpful for me but I made sure she remembered her promise to me about not telling anyone since I made the same. She said it would always be safe with her and I know she's being honest. I think.

I told her I would consider telling [DELETE] who has officially become my most favorite counselor here. But I told her I may not be able to tell her names because of my promise and now I think even [DELETE] would have to tell.



And that made me more scared because she reminds me of [DELETE] and she has the female version
accent of Jeffrey so I'm just a mess and nodded and she said in such a funny way.

[DELETE] had the same idea about maybe writing out a list or timeline of my trauma just to myself
and then maybe once I'm able to share then it will be kept safe until that time. I think I will try to
do that but there isn't the time tonight.

June 24, 2012

[DELETE] family but I was convinced it was to meet Jeffrey, so I tucked myself in so tight under
the table, covered my ears and the voice just continues. The next thing I know I have staff and
other girls who didn't have family surrounding me and had cold ice in my hand. I was searching
desperately for [DELETE], but she wasn't there and [DELETE] was trying to convince me that it
was safe to come out but I wouldn't until [DELETE] finally came. Everyone was just staring at me, and
it was so embarrassing and I asked [DELETE] what happened but she said that it wasn't important to
talk about. Remembered I was supposed to go see [DELETE] so I asked [DELETE] to walk me to the door
and it was a parent with the same accent. I wanted to just scream. I was very quickly okay though
because [DELETE] family bought me the most lovely stuffed animal giraffe that plays a lullaby and
he moves his head.

I talked more with [DELETE] and told her about [DELETE] and she cried and I wasn't sure how to
handle that because I wasn't sure if she was mad at me or sad but I hugged her and she hugged
back so tight. I don't think that helped me though. They say getting things out will help but that
part only made me feel like a monster.

July 6, 2012

I made my first intentional eye contact and so many people saw and cried. And poor [DELETE] was so
upset because it wasn't with him despite the many weeks of the dog card, but it was with [DELETE]
[DELETE], after I had an absolute meltdown over the meal room being changed. I did it! I did it!

July 7, 2012

I made her promise until 108 years old and we pinky swore. I met my goal of connecting with a
staff member and I told her everything. She is safe and I know it will be safe with her. She said as
long as I'm wearing her bracelet. I am safe to now write the trauma in here. I don't need to be
detailed but for me to process and understand. She doesn't think I have a full understanding and
thinks one day I'll need and want to process it with a grown up when and if I am ready but she
wouldn't explain the things she felt I didn't understand. I promised I would do that as soon as she
left and so I know I must do it before she gets back for lights out. I'm not sure how to do this but
I'll do my best and if I did it wrong I'm sure she'll say something.

• From 16-18 — Mary, Eddie, Jeffrey, Ghislaine, Trio sent to many in DC, NY, FL, island, too many (I hate [DELETE] HATE)



How in the hell am I suppose to have "radical acceptance" of these things? It's a horror story that
I survived why was I allowed to survive? Am I a monster? I wish [DELETE] would hurry up and
come back because I don't know if Ghislaine should be in there. [DELETE] and [DELETE] thinks so,
[DELETE] thinks so but what am I missing? Why won't [DELETE] say? I'm going to ask as soon as
she returns. I don't want to radically accept. I want to know why. What could I possibly learn from
this? A priest! I planned that out so well. He couldn't talk or tell. He is supposed to be good. Why?
I need to go find [DELETE] and ask for medication.

July 8, 2012

I don't want to leave any time soon. I don't feel ready. I mean I do with eating, I won't put my
recovery in danger but I can't radically accept. [DELETE] and [DELETE] assured me they'd find a team
back home to help me but do I even deserve help unraveling all of that? I feel so stressed out and
overwhelmed and I have so many questions. No one is safe outside of here so how I will ever
understand if I have to keep the promise. [DELETE] says that was a bad promise but its all so
confusing. I don't think I will write more. I think I've fulfilled the assignment and won't have time once I return home and have to go back to school, work, and having the boys.

[admin]

JOURNAL 4

Part 1 of 8

https://archive.org/details/efta-027312 ... 9/mode/1up





[DELETE] Connection [DELETE] May 10, 2012

Integrity

NTEGRITY
[DELETE]
Integrity
is standing up
for what
you believe in

It is treating everyone
equally and fairly,
acting independent
of others that do otherwise.

It is being
open and honest,
responsible for
all of your actions.

It is speaking out
when others
are treated poorly.

It is refusing
to participate
in actions
detrimental to others.

It is admitting
and apologizing
for your errors,
when mistakes
are made.

It is respecting
your environment
your fellow humans,
and your self.

It is
what you do,
and what you say,
always.

It sets you
apart from others,
it defines
you as a person.

Treat others
as you would want
to be treated.

Be upstanding
be forthright,
be conscious
of your actions.

Remember
to always
act
with integrity.

INTEGRITY

A mode of conduct, a standard of courage, discipline, fortitude and integrity
can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful.
Jacqueline Bisset

Integrity

Purpose
(Why I Exist)

Principles
(What I Stand for)

Intentions
(What I Am up to)



May 15, 2012

So I am told that writing each week, while I am bad at that
will help me to deal with the trauma that has gotten me here.
I saw another girl here writing in her journal like this and she
said it was to overcome her perfectionism so I decided to try it too.
I don't think I like it but I am going to make the goal of writing at
least twice a week, maybe more but I always say that and never do.
But since its for trauma, no one has to see it. But it will be a goal to
try to make a connection with one staff member and tell them
everything. I wish I could say I feel like going to [DELETE] helped
since I told him but that is just more trauma ... and what is being
absolved mean anyway? I didn't do the bad things. At the end of
my stay, I'm going to have all the staff sign this book the right
way up, with the person I'm not able to talk to be [illegible]. That way
all my progress from now until the end will be clear. Ugh, I hate
writing in pencil but that was all I could find and now I will be
like this forever for consistancy.[sic] Maybe I can work on that and
try to switch to pen, but I doubt it. My handwriting sucks with
this pencil. I saw the other girl putting stuff we did in her book is
I'm going to do the same. I'm going to try to make mine a bit neater
but I think some handouts are too big ... but maybe I can cut them so
they won't stick out. Okay so my first few days are past so I'm going
to try to be open even though it hurts. First things first. I miss the
boys so much but I know how lucky I am to have this chance. I am
still in disbelief it worked and [DELETE] was able to actually get
the insurance to cover [illegible] She actually cried and said I needed ...



Dear [DELETE]

If you could climb into my skin
& see yourself thru my eyes, you
would never again doubt your beauty,
your worth or whether or not you are
lovable.

Since you cannot take this climb
I'll be right here [heart] in your heart to help
you remember who you really are.

With all of my heart, I wish
you love & joy.

[DELETE]

Home cell [DELETE]



to get on the plane and go, go, go and do my best to make it
count since she's never seen it approved. so I know being away from
them is hard but I'm hoping [DELETE] won't remember me being gone.
At first when I heard it was approved I thought I'd be going to Arizona
but when they said [DELETE] was best bit because I'm able to work with
[DELETE] I wanted to scream and cry because I
haven't been back to Florida since my last time with Ghislaine and
Jeffrey and so that was so scary and I didn't want to have a man
therapist, even if he does know about [DELETE] I won't be able to talk to
him, even though it turns out that he is super nice and understands me.
The flight wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I felt weird
to be on a plane with so many other people since I was always on
private planes but I think I liked it better more safe. As a side not I
don't know why people made fun of Spirit airlines because they were
they only ones who were sooo nice about accomodating autism. They
made sure to seat me in the front row and had a flight attendant stay
with me the entire time. All the other airlines said no. 1 had to have
a grown up but Spirit did everything possible. The flight attendant, I
wish I got her name, she could tell I was scared, so first she introduced
me to the pilot and I kept looking around to make sure it wasn't one of
Jeffrey's pilots that would be co-pilot but it wasn't. During the flight she
would make sure I was okay and kept giving me free snacks and drinks
and when I got pretty scared as we were getting closer she looked at
fun magazines with me. I started getting really scared once we landed
because I had to meet a driver and I was terrified that maybe this
was a set-up and when I got off the plane I'd see Mr. Juan or maybe



[DELETE],
It's been a pleasure getting
to know you and for the
opportunity to work with you.
I wish great success and,
opportunity for you on your
continued road through
recovery. You deserve happiness
and laughter, because you provide
that to those around you!
All the Best,
[DELETE]
counselor [DELETE]



even Ghislaine but the flight attendant didn't make me go alone.
She walked with me to get my things and then helped me to find the
driver and checked to make sure he knew where he was taking me. It
was soooo nice, so safe and made me feel a little better. I asked if
she would be the one to go back with me in a couple months but she
said probably not. I wish I could send her a thank you card but Spirit
doesn't deserve so much hate because they did everything that all the
big planes wouldn't. The drive was super scary. The man was nice but
the car was too much like Ghislaine's. Why do so many people drive Black
cars in Florida with windows that seem so dark. Maybe the windows are
for the sun but an entire black car with leather? In this heat? I don't
understand. And he was nice but it was hard because I was trying to
stop the memories and I started to have internal panic as I was looking
out the windows because it looks so much like we were heading right
to Jeffrey's house and I really started to think I'd been set up and we'd
soon see his stupid, gross, disgusting pink "mansion" at any time and I
don't know if I am even that close to there but the roads felt the same
because everything is so flat here. He must think I'm such a snob or
brat because he would try to talk on the way, I think to try to make
me more comfortable but I couldn't manage because I was becoming more
and more convinced he was kidnapping me and I would have to face
Jeffrey again after leaving how I did is all I could make out was
"yes" "no" "thank you" and some "uh huhs", so he probably thinks
I'm so rude. It ended up being fine but it was super hard to keep it
together. The campus is beautiful but the pool reminds me too much
of bad things so I won't be going to that. It has definitely changed



[DELETE]
I am very sad having to say goodbye.
You will be missed, but hopefully you are
moving on to a rich and fulfilling life with
your beautiful boys. Whenever you need a reminder
remember that you are kind, wonderfully made,
and special. Always remember the big picture
in life and the things in life you value. Run
after your values because it will always
led to a more meaningful life.
Sincerely,
[DELETE]



a lot since they filed the documentary "Thin" so maybe they got
money from that to make it so pretty. I was so relieved to know I
didn't get [DELETE] as my nutritionist because she is soooo scary. She was
so mean in [DELETE] and I saw her still here but she only works
with patients occasionally if they're really struggling or something. I am
on the blue team. I don't really understand the difference between the
teams but so far I really like everyone. The staff say I am the first [DELETE]
patient and I'm going to teach them too. They're so understanding and all
the girls... well all but maybe two are super nice and they know I'm
autistic and they all try to make me feel like I belong. I have a feeling
I will become close with [DELETE] because she's super nice. And [DELETE] is really
nice but I still wish I would have gotten a girl therapist because I know I
won't be able to talk about any of this trauma. I don't like to go to the
groups outside of the healing garden or the other building because I get
so much panic that I think Jeffrey or Ghislaine will just pop up. I went to
the art building which has 2 floors so I went to the top floor to see if I
could see Maralago or the top of his gross house but I don't think I'd
be able to see because all the houses around here look like the ones from
the golden girls show! Why are the poofs all wonky? The forget about the
weird random downpours and thunder then sunshine again and all the
strange reptiles. No one can convince me they aren't modern dinosaurs.
Well, I've written a lot so will write more soon but it's lights out so
no more time. I really miss [DELETE] [DELETE] but I know it's really
important to focus on treatment.



7/18/12
[DELETE]
You have done fabulous
work & I wish you only
health & happiness. Remember
to make meals simple &
meet exchanges. I know
you can do this. Just look
at the little chipmunk I
gave you & think of me.
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]



[DELETE]

You are a strong, beautiful, smart woman.
I love you so much. I'm so happy I got to know
y'all. Best roomie ever.

you are such a strong person! your personality
is so beautiful and seeing you smile makes my day

you are so friendly and so sweet and to see
you smile is amazing

cutest girl ever, so nice and love the hair!

you are the most beautiful and special girl
I have met. Believe in yourself like I and
so many believe in you.

Your heart is one of the
kindest I've ever known. It
makes you 10x more beautiful
than you physically already
are.

such a
beautiful, kind
person & a
loving mother!

You have the biggest HEART
believe in yourself

I honestly just love you
so much. You're so
sweet and always
have a funny story to
tell

[admin]

Part 2 of 8

https://archive.org/details/efta-027312 ... 9/mode/1up



You are amazing! I know that you are going to do great.
I'll miss you so much and I will miss your wonderful
smile & your presence in this place! You're a
strong & beautiful person! I'll always remember
you! and I hope you the best luck and you
have to FIND ME ON FACEBOOK! and I'll talk
to you and if you need something I'm
always here for you and you can call or
write me whenever you want! I'll miss
you so much! Please keep in touch! I [heart] yours,
MY HOTMAIL IS: [DELETE]
MY FACEBOOK EMAIL IS [DELETE]
& I'M ON FACEBOOK LIKE: [DELETE]
[DELETE]



in my imaginary
neighborhood
you live right
next door...



[DELETE]
You are an amazing person! I am so
glad that I got to know you. You are so
kind and sweet and full of love and
compassion. I will miss you very much!
I am so proud of you. You are strong and
capable of anything. I'm so excited for you
and so happy you'll see your babies soon.
Keep in touch! I will never forget you.
You have touched my heart and I will
carry you in my heart always. Stay strong!
All my love
[DELETE]
contact info:
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
I'm on facebook [DELETE] May b'day [DELETE]



I knew I wasn't going to be very good at this journaling thing since
I planned to write at least twice a week and it's been 10 days! [DELETE]
said I can't be too hard on myself because it's a big adjustment to
be here. I can't do everything perfect he says but it feels wrong. I
haven't been able to really speak all that much to him and I think my
lack of talking and eye contact is bothersome. Next time we meet he
thinks he has an idea about how to make eye contact easier but... I don't
think anything will work. Today he implemented a sticker system which
I LOVE! Today I got an orange glittery owl! It made me so happy
even though I am sort of scared of all birds but these stickers are so
cute! When he gave me it, I asked for him to put it in the fun book
and sign it, which he did, and then when he gave it back to me, I like
the idiot I am did happy claps and quickly realized what I was doing
and he said I immediately had a change in body language and looked
distant and sad and asked why something happy made me so sad and
I wanted to tell him how even being here is traumatic and that I'm so
scared that Jeffrey is around every corner but then I remember the
rules. I remember the promise I made but all that came out was that it
was sad because someone I spent a lot of time with would do happy claps
and they lived close to here but I couldn't say anything else. I'm so
fucked up being down here again. But no words would come. But I told
him I was writing about it and that I started to confide a bit in [DELETE]
[DELETE] and my friend [DELETE]. He seemed proud. I really like [DELETE]
[DELETE] but I do not like
[DELETE] and this other counselor who looks like a cross between
[DELETE] so just on looks alone I do not care for her



Dear [DELETE].
I'm so sad to see you leave...you brighten my days and always make
me smile. Perhaps, yes, I don't know you super well (I so wish I did),
but I feel as though we're close because of the warmth and
lightness I feel when you're near. Thanks for your support and
gorgeous smiles. Stay strong and never change -- you're sweet, beautiful
(inside & out), kindhearted, down-to-earth...my list could go on and
on. But what I mean to say is I feel you are all the things I wish to be.
I so admire you. Take care - you deserve beauty and love in your life.
You deserve recovery.
Love always,
[DELETE]
Please keep in touch?! [DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
call/email/FB me anytime if you need ANYTHING at all - no matter h ow
many days, months, decades may have passed - or just to say "hi".
[DELETE]



plus she's so rude. She is only here every once in a while but
she gets so stupidly angry with [DELETE] and I and says we are a
disruption and get like we are 5 together so I won't even bother to
learn her stupid name but I will never talk to her. Sorry you don't
have a best friend who you can be yourself with but don't take it
out of us! WTF! [DELETE] and I have become the most best friends ever
and she's definitely my soul sister but I know I can't really give her
details of my trauma because she's so much younger chronologically than
I am and I know it would be far too much. But I've also gotten super close
with [DELETE] and I've slowly started to tell her what happened with
Jeffrey and Ghislaine and why night time is especially hard here. She's
so sweet and just listens, even with all my weird pauses but there
are times I can tell that she doesn't really think Ghislaine is very good
but she's doesn't want to upset me. She seems to be sooo much older than
me because she seems wise beyond her years but she's also very very sad.
She has tried to kill herself several times and I think she views her [DELETE] as
a possible suicide so I worry all the time that I'm putting too much on
her. I'm still not over level 0 and I may actually be at level -1 and so
she stays with me in the dayroom even though she can go back to her
room any time. I know talking with her is safe, so I am being somewhat
successful in that goal because I've told her many things as well as Mrs.
[DELETE] some things but I cannot tell her the names because she's staff and
I'm sure would have to tell someone and that is not something that can
happen. I think I need to get more clarification with [DELETE] about the rules
and what [ILLEGIBLE] must report, especially since I'm in Florida. I want to be
able to tell [DELETE] every single thing but I get so worried given her past



July 18, 2012
Beautiful [DELETE]
I admire your determination
& strong willingness. You worked
so hard for the past 22-3
months I've known you.
You deserve recovery, you
deserve happiness, you deserve
your life. I love you so much!
I'm so excited for you to be
back home with your kids!
Never think you're not a "good"
mom, because you are!
When you go back to the
real world, remember of all
the hard work you've done!
I love you baby girl!
love, Irene
FB: [DELETE]
phone #: [DELETE]
email: [DELETE]
address: [DELETE]
STAY STRONG



I'm not a very good artist but just something
to make you smile.
[heart][heart][heart] princess [heart][heart]
[ILLEGIBLE] / wand [DELETE] [heart][heart]
Braids
tutu
[heart][heart][heart][heart][heart][heart]
Best friends
Forever [heart]



[DELETE]
you are such an amazing person.
I LOVE your happiness. Seeing you every morning
just brightens my day. And as I got to know
you, I got to see your humor, honesty, and
devotion. You try so hard when you set you
mind to something (like getting off therapy
restriction), and I admire that. Thank you
for sharing your kindness. I hope you have
wonderful birthdays outside of here, because
you deserve it. Your sons are growing up with
an awesome and loving mom. I really
appreciate you telling me about your [DELETE]
and symptoms you have because of it. Stay
strong, beautiful. And keep shining!
Love,
[DELETE]
facebook: [DELETE]
email: [DELETE]



[DELETE]

[admin]

Part 3 of 8

https://archive.org/details/efta-027312 ... 9/mode/1up



[DELETE],
Wish you the best on your road to
recovery. When you leave [DELETE] I don't
want you to look at it as a sad moment,
but a chance to choose yourself and health
to make sure you are well for your beautiful
boys. I will miss you and I want to
wish to the best.
[DELETE]



She asked me if I could tell her the secret of my handwriting and all
I could think of was how crappy it looks in here because I started using
pencil. Why can't I just use pen? Why does everything have to be uniform?
I wish I could rip all these pages out and rewrite them nicely but [DELETE]
says I can't. Not everything has to be perfect and definitely not a book
that no one will ever see. I got two more stickers in my fun book from
[DELETE] and that makes me so proud! That sounds really pathetic... But I am
learning to trust him more and more even though he's a man. I'm shy
terrified that Jeffrey will walk through the door at any moment but now
that I've been home for almost a month things have become routine, which I'm sooo grateful for. He's decided that we don't have to do family therapy
anymore because he said he was able to see the games my birth mother
plays and the time would be better spent with another individual session and
I cannot even begin to express how happy I was that he was able to see
beyond her fakeness and not make me have to sit through such crap
anymore. She has always controlled the narrative and he was happy to
give me some of that control back. He has also decided to take a picture
of a cute dog above his head and lower it each session until I'm able to
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]



[DELETE]
I have learned so much from you. You
are so smart & talented, and I will
never forget you. Every time I see
something Hello Kitty, I will smile &
remember all of your Hello Kitty
stickers, coloring pages, etc. Please take
care of yourself, not only for
yourself but for your boys too.
They need their mother! Remember
what I've told you -- you could
make an amazing healthy role model.
You've learned the coping skills and the
information, and now it's up to you.
It is always your choice in recovery,
and there is always a choice. It is
never too late for the path to recovery.
Remember I won't give up on
you, so never give up on yourself.
You deserve recovery & a happy, healthy
life. Let your smile shine, because
it's beautiful.
[Hello Kitty] [DELETE]



[DELETE]
Thinking of you ...
[DELETE]
[DELETE]



[DELETE]

Dear [DELETE]
I feel blessed to have had the opportunity
to meet you. I am so happy that you were
a part of my stay at "[DELETE]". Not
only have you brought lightheartedness, joy,
and laughter to me but you have also
shown me what motivation and success
looks like as well. You are so sweet and
kind and I admire your happiness
and pureness you hold in your heart. Thank you
for giving me laughter when I wanted to
cry and joy when I was angry or sad, you
made my stay here much more easy. Also
I also look at your motivation & success.
When I first started, especially in the staff
dining room, you helped me be motivated
and shown me what success looks like.
I am so happy for you and know you
have so much strength to continue your
new way of living at home for you and
for [DELETE]. They are so lucky to have you
for their mother. I have learned from you
not to take life so serious, share with
others, and its ok to laugh even when times are
tough. Thank you for being a part of my recovery.
I will take a piece of you with me.
[DELETE]



FREAKIN'
FRIGGIN'
FRICKIN?



Dear [DELETE]
You are so amazing and have [DELETE]
[DELETE]. Your heart is so
big and I just love your smile.
Thanks for being my roomie for a
few days, sure was fun. Remember
that you are strong and able to
withstand a lot. Have faith in
yourself and you will do amazing
things. Please keep in touch and
thanks again for opening up to
me.
Much Love,
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
BE WELL!



June 12, 2012
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
It's okay to sometimes break certain rules but I don't think that's exactly
right. Today was not a very good day. [DELETE] and her little group of
friends are SO MEAN!!! And then they're fake! And it's beyond triggering
because I swear maybe it's a Florida thing but [DELETE] is like a miniature
diva, [DELETE] (despite her allowing me to use her prismacolor markers) is
mean and [DELETE] is fake! The stupid trio. I feel like I'm trapped here
with these girls, which I guess you'd expect having so many girls living together,
but it's awful!! [DELETE] NEVER stops bragging about her stupid beauty pageants
and that she was on TV, except she was literally just a friend on teen mom for
like 30 seconds! And it's all she talks about. [DELETE] is just mean and I never
want to be in the room with her, prismacolors or not and I was so wrong
about [DELETE]. She isn't nearly as kind as I thought she was and [DELETE] doesn't
understand why it's so triggering and I can't tell him. [DELETE] reminds me of
much of [DELETE] but not as bad. At least she's teaching me how to write things
in Japanese rather than teaching me how to do grown up things. Today she
taught me [Japanese writing] -- which looks like nothing but she says it says
snorlax, but how do I even check? Ha, maybe it's a bad word but she says
it isn't. She has these super thin pens to do her homework in and I love them!
She trusted me with the secret she felt she needed to confess and YIKES!
She told me she has a problem with pathological lying and asked how I
felt about that. WTF?!?! I didn't know what to say because I cannot be
but I didn't want her to feel bad so it was an impossible situation. I just



[DELETE]
Good gracious, I don't even know
where to start. I think honestly that you
are one of the most beautiful people
I've ever met in my life. You're so
loving, and so genuine. Everything about
you is stunning. Seeing your smile is
the hilight of my days around here. I
think your strength is never ending
as well. I don't know your story, but
I know what ever it may be that
you went through wasn't easy, and just
knowing that you made it to this
very day alone, shows how friggin'
strong you are. Not to mention, we're
both blonde & buddhist. That's pretty
awesome if you ask me! Just know
that whatever your doing, whatever
is wrong, however you're feeling, or
if you just want to tell me something
funny, CALL / TEXT / FACEBOOK me at any
time. I do not want to lose contact
with you. You're so special to me.
I adore you. [DELETE]
love, [DELETE]
[DELETE] (facebook)
[DELETE] use any/all that you desire.



sort of smiled and said if she ever wants to talk about it more that
I was hope to listen but now that I think about everything, how do you
know when she's telling the truth and when it's a lie? She says she lost
tons of people in the earthquake in Japan but now I'm like wondering if
that's true? I've never met someone who has that but I think Jon will be
proud of how I handled it. He asked me today if I'd been writing about
my trauma but I haven't really so I decided I would do that tonight since
they've been noticing an increase in PTSD episodes and stimming. I know its
because of the new trio that has formed. I talked to [DELETE] this evening and
I pretty much told her everything except for the [DELETE]. I can't
write the other word and she seemed so upset by everything that I felt
it was something that didn't need to be said. I know she is safe but she kept
asking me if I understood that nothing that Ghislaine did was "normal in
any family setting" but I tried to explain to her that she didn't understand.
I have a feeling that she doesn't believe that Ghislaine didn't know about
anyone else but Jeffrey. She would try to speak really gently and calmly
that it doesn't make sense for her to be so close and to not know, especially
since so many men were up from the city and the fact that I met her
and Jeffrey up near the city but I started getting really, really super
distressed and thank goodness [DELETE] was there and started to count
my fingers because I cannot breathe. I genuinely felt I was dying of a
heart attack (which the nurse said it was a panic attack and not a heart

[admin]

Part 4 of 8

https://archive.org/details/efta-027312 ... 9/mode/1up



7/16/2012
[DELETE]
This is Sarah, the girl you said had pretty hair and
eyes. You have a beautiful soul and a gracious heart. I haven't known
you long but I can tell you are intelligent.
I hope you recover well and take care of your babies! I hope
one day I can have some! I know you make an excellent mother and are
a genuine person and you have made such an impact on my life!
I love you much and wish you the best.
Facebook: [DELETE]
Address if you want to send a letter: [DELETE]
Take care and stay strong
[DELETE]



many [DELETE] out there. If I've only met one in my entire life then it
has to be a rare thing I think. I hope I told her that I would consider
telling [DELETE] who has officially become my most favorite counselor
here. But I told her I may not be able to tell her names because of my
promise and how I think even [DELETE] would have to tell. She was super
proud of me but now I'm worried she's okay. Maybe I should have staff go
check on her just in case since she gets to be upstairs. At this point because
[DELETE] is still "new" to much of the staff, I'm certain I will NEVER get
to be upstairs or even get off level 0! Thank goodness for [DELETE] because
she and [DELETE] both stay in the dayroom with me, especially if [DELETE]
isn't around. Everyone calls [DELETE] and I "the twins" now since we
get ready together every morning and do our hair exactly alike and try
to match our outfits together. We listen to LMFAO "sexy and I know it"
every single morning and have a dance party! It is the best thing in the
world and to think one day mornings won't be like this anymore sort of
hurts my heart. Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle! Yeah Yeah!! Oftentimes other
girls will hear and come in and join and it's so much fun but we've all
gotten into trouble for not being to breakfast on time. Which I forgot!
OMG! So because of my [DELETE] they were setting
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]. Are you freaking
kidding me. So obviously I could tell because of my clothes that I was
[DELETE] so they transferred me to [DELETE].
The one that has a single look that could probably kill you and I was
like OFC this would happen because I wrote about how glad I was that
I didn't have to work with her and now I do! But it turns out I have



[DELETE]
I'm going to miss you so much girl!
You are strong and you got this [heart pix]
[DELETE] Facebook [check pix] yes
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]



June 12, 2012
nothing to even worry about because she's soo super cool! At first
I was so scared when I heard the news and when I had to meet with
her she could tell I was scared and she goes "you saw the [DELETE]
didn't you? That's why you're so nervous?" And that made me more
scared because she reminds me of [DELETE] and she has the female version
accent of Jeffrey so I'm just a mess and nodded and she said in such a
funny way "do you know how many hours of footage they shot? And
then they edited it down to the clips and made me look like such a bitch!
But I promise I'm nice!" and we both laughed and laughed. I REALLY
like her! And she understands me and she's making adjustments to my
meal plan so that the [DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE] but I can't focus on the
number and I'm still not allowed to see and I have to just trust her.
Does she any ANY idea how hard that is for me? I can't just trust her,
but what other choice do I have? [DELETE] had the same idea about
maybe writing out a list or timeline of my trauma just to myself and
then maybe once I'm able to share then it will be kept safe until that
time. I think I will try to do that but there isn't the time tonight.
I called [DELETE] wasn't very interested in talking and was
too busy with some cartoon and [DELETE] seemed busy. I miss them so
much it sometimes hurts and despite setbacks with trauma I think I'm
making progress with everything else! Well, except this stupid penal
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]



Contact Information:
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
Thanks for the most
awesome ORANGE pen!
I [heart pix] love orange!!

[DELETE]
Wow! You are such an amazing person! I'm so happy, that I had the
pleasure of getting to know you! [DELETE] remember you are a very
strong, genuine, intelligent young lady! Keep up all t he very hard
work! Remember, God LOVES you and so do I. Keep in touch &
take care! You can search for me on Facebook by my first & last name
as shown above!
Love always,
[DELETE]



The [DELETE] Connection
Responsibility and Accountability
June 14th, 2012
"Oh Wretched/Beautiful Soul of Mine" by [DELETE]

Oh wretched soul of mine
why do you long for death?
I've followed you for years
and you've enslaved each numbing breath

This journey's been so long
and I am crippled by my fears
Where can I turn for freedom
When bondage has consumed my years?

Oh wretched soul of mine
Don't you know that life's to live?
No longer will I bow down to you
My heart no longer will I give

You used to be so beautiful
and had passion, love, and hope
But this disease took you for ransom
and promised an easier way to cope

Oh wretched soul of mine
I'm taking back all the control
Your empty words disgust me
and I've found a new way to become whole

I don't have to use my body
to substitute each spoken word
My voice will be my power
One that will demand to be heard

Oh wretched soul of mine
Your darkness is at its' end
I've embodied new identity
Light and truth I now befriend

Your time is running short



It's
Just
Me



[DELETE],
You are such a strong, beautiful person.
You are an inspiration to me and I feel so very fortunate
to have met you. As you continue on your
journey through recovery I wish you the very
best. Although I haven't known you long, I
want you to know that you have made a
difference in my life and I won't ever forget
you and your courage.
Your friend
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]



June 24, 2012
The last few weeks have been awful!! I know it's only really been
like 12 days but what a 12 days it has been. So, that lady who I
REFUSE to even bother asking her name is awful and she just
hates [DELETE] and I, especially together. I was wrong, she isn't a mix of
[DELETE] she's a mix of [DELETE] and a slightly
more nice version of [DELETE]. That's probably so wrong to even compare but
she's so mean and just like angry. WTF is her problem. So, it first started
when we were doing some art project in the dayroom that she was
supervising. I can already tell by her stupid face and boxed blonde hair that
it's going to be bad for [DELETE] and I and pretty much immediately she yells
that [DELETE] and I are "sitting too close together" and had us separate.
So then [DELETE] said "aww don't separate the twins" and for whatever
that triggers her soooooo much and she's screaming to stop calling us
the twins and everyone is just sitting there in shock WTF lady? So I
start to have the most inappropriate reaction which is typical with
[DELETE] (something she's obviously too dumb to know a single thing about
because she's too selfish and self-centered to even learn the basics and I
guess she's fine with being an immoral, self-centered, horrible person but
you do you I guess) but I started laughing hysterically which made
everyone else laugh and she screams at the top of her lungs "ENOUGH."
So everyone stops laughing and we continued our art. Well, [DELETE] pulled
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]
[DELETE]



Hey [DELETE]!
It was a great pleasure to have you here at
[DELETE]. I hope when you leave here, you'll be
able to stay focus and healthy, prioritize and keep
your eyes on what's important like your kids.
Stay positive and remember that you are beautiful
and worth it!!! When life gets rough find
positive things that will help you bounce back!! Don't let
me see you here again, unless it's for a reunion... LOL
Ruth M.