Altruistic World Online Library

Part 1 of 4
JOURNAL 1

https://www.justice.gov/epstein/files/D ... 731433.pdf



16 *



Old enough
to drive ...
too young
to go anywhere fun!

Happy sweet 16. I love you! Happy Birthday, J____
Happy Birthday [DELETE] Tonya



FUNERAL FUNERAL FUNERAL
FUNERAL FUNERAL
watches and weeps
lays to rest
THERE'S A REASON...
[DELETE]

TammmidbuMGikaALhtm
ht40leaotrlcmnLteie

SeidbuwrtisbuMciaadbueerae
hleaotokrPAotihgnnaotlawfr

Nwesednlmensntlvwthrred!
ohidaadabigetoieiheFln

BeadotFroln
aknfrh? ohwog?

[That my mom lied about Mr. Glickman all the time.
She lied about work trips about Michigan and about Clearwater.
Now he is dead and I am being sent to live with her friend.
Back and forth?
For how long?]





Happy Valentine's Day! How have you been lately? Did you enjoy your weekend? I didn't. I didn't do anything all weekend. My weekend sucked NEwayz, I think I know what I'm going to be doing for my birthday. I might go to the Olive Garden. I'm in Geometry right now I'm so bored. Well, that's all I have to say. Oh yeah, one more thing. Will you be my valentine?
Love alwayz,
[DELETE]



[DELETE]
Hey! How are you? I was going to talk to you about this befor but you still had a boyfriend & then I was going to talk to you this morning & you said to write a letter, so I am writing a letter.
I wanted to ask you if you would like to go out w/me. I already have your phone #. Mine is [DELETE]
Bu-Buy
Joshua A. Kelly



Well, How are you? [DELETE] there is something I have to tell you!!! well [DELETE]. To tell you the truth I liked you since the 1st day you walked into my class. & [DELETE]. I was wondering if you would do me an honor & be my girlfriend? well I'll let you Think about it!!! ok.......
Sincerely,
Myke
P.S. Write Back



"I always felt very detached from everyone else. I knew I was going somewhere different, that I was in the wrong shell"
fueled by a father's love.
Computer technology
THE SISTER MAGELLAN
Why Vienna?
She's ALWAYS IN CHARGE
NO UNDERSTANDING
STEALER of SOULS[/i]

Part 2 of 4



A Thousand Concerts Ago,
NOT Very relaxed
STRICTLY
CONFIDENTIAL



You're kidding!!!

Wntaatatihghveoethsanmdr.
etoprythsueostmetimnaeM

RbradipetwfJlTeaexcBiihaY
oetnhsrtyieil. hsmeatrtsld

foGeraewshr Seakdoelngt
rmlawtratee! htletmalih

seatmtcmthresiFoia6cnernw
hwnseooeoehuenlrdslalane

tig
hns.'

Tgtwyrmay?
oeaafomr

CAN SHE HELP?

[Went to a party at this huge house to meet this man named Robert and his pretty wife Jill. The same exact British lady from Clearwater was there! She talked to me all night. She wants me to come to her house in Florida so I can learn new things. “To get away from Mary?”]



QUIET
Red Light
There are a lot of things to think about.
Open your eyes
[GIRL IN BIKINI IS BEING PLAYED LIKE A "GAME BOY"]
Even if you can fill out the sexiest poka-dot bikini, you'll turn more heads with Warioland 3TM and your Game Boy Color. Guys did Wario, and if you hang with him, they'll dig you.

GET INTO IT. ME? US?

why are there so many questions?

Teeee...
hrwr

lhnlabs
tikmyer

moments
of humor,
compassion
and warmth

LOST

itjnra
shsoml?

[THERE WERE ... ]
[clipping: moments of humor, compassion, and warmth],
but now ....
I think I may be
[clipping: LOST]
Is this normal?



THE WAY SHE WAS
!
Does it matter?
Try it. Feel it.

MEMORY

Wartasuft.
htshttf

waitafeig?
htshteln

[What's that stuff?
What is that feeling?]



ON HER OWN
An Old Lady and a Young Lady
THE LITTLE GIRL LOST
"You always think you're prepared for everything, and you think you have the knowledge of what's coming ahead," Diana (at Prince Charles's Highgrove estate in 1986) told the BBC's Panorama in 1995.

Noeapeaeofrhsht. asfcigot. hddr.
oncnrpryuotisilmouknlswyiM

aciaareohs! efetotmlkimpcapoetad
ogngettijfryrasoiea "scil" ryyyn

Weledhlnsesoknadaysutsasicays
hnneGiaehiwrignmrijsabthtrza

mmm. oGbsssieuDnndrspg! rdknoet
YojeibisncbtasyeiaiAesiHgte!

Tetegrseloerncbtrad!
hohrijwlsmaeieu3ht

Aienuknwneln
icifcigddrad?

"Suddenly the insignificant ugly duckling was obviously going to be a swan"

FLY HER ANYWHERE YOU LIKE
DROWSY SIDE EFFECTS.

[ No one can prepare you for this shit.
I am so fucking lost.
Why did Mr. Colgan agree to this!
Jeffrey treats me like I'm "special" property, and when I need Ghislaine she is working and Mary
is just as bat shit crazy as my mom.
Joe Gibbs is so nice but Dan Snyder is a pig! A red skin hoggett(sp?)!
The other girls well some are nice, but 3 I hate!
Alice in fucking Wonderland?
For them ..... ]



HARVARD
NEW YORK

Takomprnsikd
hnGdyaetpce

Mu Frenaaokfleta Paeraa
eP. obig RceelrhtlnMDn

hdenasay'. ohen Lryu Mrae
aMowscrBthadarsmesr

fcigigsig! HpnrototTay!
ukndsutn oeoeainore

"What a very jolly and amusing and attractive 16-year-old she was ... great fun and bouncy."

[Thank god my parents picked me up. For being a Rockefeller, that plane Mr. Dana had me on was scary. Both he and Larry Summers are fucking disgusting. Hope no relationship to Tracy!]

Charles, 32, courts his teen queen

lusisrylhn Gos! nrwsieibohr
gestaoatig. rsA deilkhsrte

itiwy! [DELETE] solntrgeastawsuk
nhsa [DELETE] hudobabcvehtaycy!

[I guess this was a royal thing. Gross! Andrew is like his brother in this way! [DELETE] shouldn’t brag because that was yucky!]

Detildkoyuataendgiyf
oshsaynwocnhvayinti

yueenihi lnwhvnnolsite
ovbewthm? kolaeoe. nyktls.

[Thank God, my parents picked me up.
For being a Rockefeller that plane Mr. Dana had me on was scary!
Both he and Larry Summers are fucking disgusting!
Hope no relation to Tracy!
I guess it is a royal thing. Gross!
Andrew is like his brother in this way!
should not brag because that was yucky!
Does this lady know you can't have any dignity if you've been with him?
I know I have none. Only skittles.]

Ivana Trump
Entrepreneur: She once asked me how I handled the press during my divorce. She said, "You came out of your divorce with dignity and pride, and that's how I would like to come out of mine."



IT'S BAD TO BE LITTLE.
one more.
you can't tell

WHO
KNEW?

A story
of a
different
America

A Weekly Indulgence
day and night
NO PROTECTION
ONLY COMFORT FROM G
ALL CONVENIENCE

AMBASSADOR

People come to your party for two reasons.
One because they like you.
The other because they like to
Touch one child !!!



concerned, every day
problem
NAUSEA

lmoey
asvr

srgite
orizl

oe.
n

[“I am so very sorry …”]

a sea of
grief ...

THIS IS
birth control

Remember
you know our names
Bet

[DELETE]

Waaehsbtudhdl
htrteeesnwyo

hvttkpoo lmls M. Md
aeoaehts!asot.roy.

MRbrMSnMLdiMcchMMpMGolte,r.tisr
r.oet,r.at,r.uwg.r.eci.r.oar.odatMAKnae
nthtesy!URnv

[I am very sorry little one.
What are these bets and why do I have to take photos?
I am lost. Mr. Mody. Mr. Robert. Mr. Sant. Mr. Ludwig. Mr. Cecchi. Mr. Mora.
Mr. Goodlatte. Mr. Atkins are not who they say!
Run run run!]



Wishing you all the joy and peace
of the Christmas Season

Love You
Jeff[?]

But it doesn't
stop there.

IT NEVER STOPS!

IS THERE A
WAY TO
BREAK FREE

THERE IS

Take your
TABLETS

that's
how I survived

smile.
It was an
Incredible
Exceptional
Outstanding
Performance.
for a
CHILD.
nothing gets remembered
got it?

Why didn't anyone
STOP IT FROM THE START.

A PERSONAL
violent
heartbreaking
tragic
nightmare

You had to either sink or swim, and you had to learn
that very fast...I swam.



Travel to another state.
NEW YORK

walk down MADISON AVENUE to 71st

MMtehsotefcigid.vnhuhhsansiiwset
vohralshrvknmnEetogGilieadtabs

ttkmhmbcvericisipratosmraooe
oaeeoeeasM.Baksomotnfroeesnvr

mhqtteesontbhltpy.rleterrPnlm
Yelhhrigigoeoloalundhitiada

daaiwetaftukimhtrwenhfornatloal
rmtchnhtafcbte'ehemoteloadobodl

oolfrycreadatesuwohfcbtsoensc
vrefesaptnlmhise'.htevkiesmoe.'lk!

NoeshtnotnadenaaFChmefHTNwok.'
onitaipratnLocnovkisllAEeyr

'I was
crying
out for
help...

EVIL AND
pain, hate

HELPLESS!

Raging

really sick.
you should
call 911.

TEARS OF RAGE

[Walk down Madison Avenue to 71st St.
My mother has lost her fucking mind. Even though Ghislane said it was best to take me home
because Mr. Black is so important for some reason over my health.
There is going to be hell to pay. I ruined their trip and I am dramatic when that fat fuck bit me!
He threw me on the floor and blood all over Jeffreys carpet and I am the issue?
Who the fuck bites someone? Sick!
No one is that important and Leon can go fuck himself.
I hate New York ! ]

Part 3 of 4





Stopped Dead

heartbreak
[DELETE]

[Lo Bak
en lc

Leon Black]

A squeal of brakes.
Or is it a birth cry?
And here we are, hung out over the dead drop
Uncle, pants factory Fatso, millionaire
And you out cold beside me in your chair.

The wheels, two rubber grubs, bite their sweet tails.
Is that Spain down there?
Red and yellow, two passionate hot metals
Writhing and sighing, what sort of a scenery is it?
It isn't England, it isn't France, it isn't Ireland.

It's violent. We're here on a visit,
With a goddam baby screaming off somewhere.
There's always a bloody baby in the air.
I'd call it a sunset but
Whoever heard a sunset yowl like that?

You are sunk in your seven chins, still as a ham.
Who do you think I am,
Uncle, uncle?
Sad Hamlet, with a knife?
Where do you stash your life?

Is it a penny, a pearl
Your soul, your soul?
I'll carry it off like a rich pretty girl,
Simply open the door and step out of the car
And live in Gibraltar on air, on air.

19 October 1962

Leon Black.
birth,
cry,
fatso millionaire,
it's violent,
goddamn baby screaming,
there's always a bloody baby,
your seven chins,
still as a ham

GOODBYE

protected from
THE LITTLE GIRL LOST...me

lmooor lepain
asssry kefiig

[I am so so sorry I keep failing]



LADY'S MAN
terrible GUY. with a
A GIFT FOR GIVING
GIRLS

IN A WORLD
OF WEALTH
AND
PRIVILEGE,

This is
about
power and
control

the
SPECIAL
roles
to fulfill

Your voice has no power
tragic
childhood

And no matter where you are
nothing gives you
the power to be heard

NO
Voice.

TRACKER



You only get 365 of these each year.

Imagine making the most of every single one

loograe__qeoe.tosoNOE4Mada
ninehv3S,hvnnigetAYNbtenlm

trd.epeotikrgoaealkteoshpeed.'
iepolyuhnaeodrbdiehcewontn

ETERNITY

[I no longer have 365, I have none.
It goes to anyone but me and I am tired.
People you think are good are bad like the CEOs who pretend!]



ANXIETY IS NOT FINDING
Gm
Please,
Please explain
They know and
won't talk about it.

HER MAGIC

How much do you need to see
to know she's beautiful?

NO ONE
picks up more
dirt than
"his girls"
so
what's
the difference between us
& who else is
actually like
me?

No one
will ever be able to fill them.

could still
make her
laugh

Maxwell Shoe Company Inc.



I'll fight to survive with sensitivity and grace
YOU HAVE EVERYTHING TO LOSE
EVERYTHING
never forget where real beauty comes from
Beauty is inside



[DELETE]

lerteerbaeewe
hadhhatetvnhn

sevhradoemerAet
hptehnsvryas.rn

pcueeogfrhm?otr
itrsnuhoteTrue!

theorie:
For every problem
there's a
soul-shattering solution

[DELETE]

BEST MEDICINE??

Sol l...
hud

deeply miss

te
hm?

TEARS OF RAGE
HEART-WRENCHING

Hvteelbe
aehsalen...

Murders?

Detimkma
oshsaee

KILLER?



[Next to sonogram photo]
I heard the heart beat even when she put her hands over my ears.
Arent pictures enough for them?
Torture!
Should I
deeply miss them?
Have these all been .... [MURDERS]?
Does this make me a [KILLER]?



Flights & yachts of horror

The more you pay, the more you get.
Is this: A) False B) Untrue C) Crazy?

who knows how many times ...
... more times than I can count .

Teaelwyfihsfsrrhteisihete.MLoss.
hyraasigtahrowehrtwtJfryr.eni

MCsMSyetergrsr.ognrnbigorwdy
r.aer.ndrhGeoY.MClaooeenbroeba

seigyod"eeawreadvnetd,tsLhroAd
emni"gofdrlokrneerneiiALorr.n

ntigsstemlmooFsdYvrtignpoiyu
ohniaises.ascnuebeeyhnadepeo

epctbgolkeeodeaosieereicelhyuhn
xefoeodievnisntrlkGogMthlwootik

wlblkarnpaea,MKmeidrneTenwrsCay!tli
ileiegadarbd.r.isyseagdhaseic.rzials!

[They are always flights & yachts of horror.
Whether its with Jeffrey, Mr. Leonsis, Mr. Case, Mr. Snyder, the Gregorys, Mr. Colgan or one
being borrowed by a seemingly "good" federal worker and even rented,
it is all horror.
And nothing is as it seems.
I am so confused by everything and people you expect to be good like even old senators like
George Mitchell who you think would be good like a grandpa are bad.
Mr. Kimsey is deranged.
The answer is c. crazy!
It all is!]





[DELETE]
[DELETE]

Part 4 of 4



we understand that
It takes more than days or weeks or months. It takes years and even decades. To grow and nurture and
to grow up big and strong
develop into something that stands proud and magnificent. Pay tribute to the determination required
and stable takes a really,
to produce such heart roots. And let us all live by its simple creed: grow, blossom and flourish.
really, really long time.

Colonial Williamsburg
"THAT THE FUTURE MAY
LEARN FROM THE PAST"



GOOD TASTE
Tea time with "Coco", "Ringo", "Hamlet", and "Ribbity"

Part 1 of 2

https://www.justice.gov/epstein/files/D ... 731393.pdf







So sorry Jeffrey these things happen when your body had never been given time to properly heal!
So it came out in the toilet and I didnt know what to do so I just flushed the tiny little fetus.
You have made me numb and I hate you for this!
I hope I never have to see you again!
I am not your personal incubator!
where is the baby!
where is Ghislaine!!!



SSRYEFETEEHNSAPNHNOR
00RJFRYHSTIGHPEWEYU

BDHSEEBEGVNIEORPRYEI
OYANVRENIETMTPOELHA

SICHOTNHTIEADDDTNWHT
OTAEUITEOLTNIINKOWA

TDSIUTLSETEIIIITLFTSO
OOOJSFUHDITNLTTEEVYU

HVMDMNMADHTYUOTIIOE
AEAEEVBNIAEOFRHS.HPI

NVRAEOEYUGIIMOYUPROA
EEHVTSEOAAN'.ANTORESNL

ICBTR.'HRITEAY!HRIGILIE!!!
NUAOWEESHBBWEESHSAN

DEATH

[so sorry Jeffrey these things happen when your body had never been given time to properly heal!
So it came out in the toilet and I didn't know what to do so I just flushed the tiny little fetus.
You have made me numb and I hate you for this!
I hope I never have to see you again!
I am not your personal incubator!
where is the baby!
where is Ghislaine!!!]



BLEND IN!

HATE THIS CITY!



On Misery's Trail
The toll of reporting on human anguish

BLEND IN!

HATE THIS CITY!



1961

I blamed her for everything, but she didn't answer.
I couldn't understand her stupid behavior!
When I hit her she held still, like a true pacifist.
Then I realized what she wanted was for me to love her:
She began to warm up, and I saw her advantages.

Without me, she wouldn't exist, so of course she was grateful.
I gave her a soul, I bloomed out of her as a rose
Blooms out of a vase of not very valuable porcelain,
And it was I who attracted everybody's attention,
Not her whiteness and beauty, as I had at first supposed.
I patronized her a little, and she lapped it up —
You could tell almost at once she had a slave mentality.

I didn't mind her waiting on me, and she adored it.
In the morning she woke me early, reflecting the sun
From her amazingly white torso, and I couldn't help but notice
Her tidiness and her calmness and her patience.
She humored my weakness like the best of nurses,
Holding my bones in place so they would mend properly.
In time our relationship grew more intense.

She stopped fitting me so closely and seemed offish.
I felt her criticizing me in spite of herself,
As if my habits offended her in some way.
She let in the drafts and became more and more absent-minded.
And my skin itched and flaked away in soft pieces
Simply because she looked after me so badly.
Then I saw what the trouble was: she thought she was immortal.

She wanted to leave me, she thought she was superior,
And I'd been keeping her in the dark, and she was resentful—
Wasting her days waiting on a half-corpse!
And secretly she began to hope I'd die.
Then she could cover my mouth and eyes, cover me entirely,
And wear my painted face the way a mummy-case
Wears the face of a pharaoh, though it's made of mud and water.

I wasn't in any position to get rid of her.
She'd supported me for so long I was quite limp —
I had even forgotten how to walk or sit,



Background photo of a courtroom with words (and you should never be here alone"
HE SHOULD!



OUR STAND

YOU SHOULD NEVER BE HERE ALONE



Through a Child's Eyes

PROTECT THE VANISHING CHILDREN

"What I wanted was ...
a place where dreams
did not stop at dawn."

Flashbacks

I won't let
pain keep me from surviving

In the Danger Zone

Part 2 of 2

https://www.justice.gov/epstein/files/D ... 731393.pdf



Background photos of New York City and quote "Who could have predicted this?"
I should have!
So sad this city could be beautiful if it werent filled with monsters.
The blood from Leon is no longer there.
[clipping: National Geographic June 2004]



Ssdhsiyolbbatflfteet
oatictcudeeuiuiiwrn

flewtmntrTelofoLoinine
ildlhoseshbodrmensoogrteenr

"WHO COULD HAVE
PREDICTED THIS?"

This is where Central Park halts the northward match of architectural giants. Setting his camera at 67th Street and Central Park West, the photographer made this
view (above) looking to the southeast. In the same scene photographed at night (below), the park's night lights dance and tremble like balls of St. Elmo's Fire. Beyond the park, etched In fire against nocturnal skies, rises the great city, illuminated like a sultan's palace on a gala night.



Tomorrow is the halfway ultrasound for Jeffrey.
This one stuck.
After they took the first baby who survived and the early miscarriage I think it was called I no longer feel like a person but a vessel.
Will they take this one too?
Who has the first one?
Where did Ghislaine go.
She is never around.
I cant let myself get attached.
I am not old or mature enough or even in the place to have a baby that I would be responsible for.
I am not even able to focus on anything other than hiding this again.
I had to go to eating disorder treatment prior to being in this situation again and missed the entire fall semester of school.
I am so very exhausted.
My body feels so tired
Will I ever be free?



TmroiteafautaonfrefeTioetcAtrhy
oorwshhlwylrsudojfry,hsnsuk.fete

toteisbbwouvvdntealmsaraetiktaclelo
okhfrtayhsrieadheryicrigihniwsaldn

inefelkaesnuaesl.ilhyaehsnto?hhshfrt
ogrelieprobtvsewitetktioeowoateis

oe?hrddhsangSeeseeaonlatemslgttahd
nweeiGilieo.hinvrrud.cnltyefeatce

lmoodrauenuhrvnnnpaeoaeoaebbtaiolb
antlomtreogoeeiteicthvaayhtwude

rsosbeolmoeeolttcsnntigtetahdn
epnilfr.antlnbeoovoayhnohrhniig

tiaan.hdoooaigiodrramnpiroeniti
hsgiiatgtetndsretetetrotbignhs

staingiadisdhetrflsmseoshol.asvr
iutoaaahnmseteniealeetrfcoolmoey

rhutd,yoyelstrd.Wllvrere?
xasembdfesoieiieebfre

[Tomorrow is the halfway ultrasound for Jeffrey.
This one stuck.
After they took the first baby who survived and the early miscarriage I think it was called I no longer feel like a person but a vessel.
Will they take this one too?
Who has the first one?
Where did Ghislaine go.
She is never around.
I cant let myself get attached.
I am not old or mature enough or even in the place to have a baby that I would be responsible for.
I am not even able to focus on anything other than hiding this again.
I had to go to eating disorder treatment prior to being in this situation again and missed the entire fall semester of school.
I am so very exhausted.
My body feels so tired
Will I ever be free?]



I am such a... monster.
I DIDNT CONSOLE HER!
I CANT UNHEAR HER SCREAMS!
THEY HAUNT ME!
I couldnt even bring myself to look at her.
I am a monster.
I deserve to be haunted by her screams.
I AM SO SORRY
I AM SO BROKEN.



Imuh
asca...

Monster

IINCNOEEIATNERESRAS!HYANM
DDTOSLHR!CNUHAHRCEMTEHUTE!

IoIneebigyefooktelmmntrdsreoe
cudtvnrnmsItIoahr.aaoseieevtb

hutdyesras.
anebnrcem

IMOORIMBOE
ASSYRASRKN.



I AM SO SORRY
I AM BROKEN.